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Folks

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You guys ever think about how every
passing second brings us just a little bit

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closer to death?
Yeah, me neither.

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I feel like I say this all the time, but I
just turned 30 and I'll be honest,

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I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and
hearing my dad complain about his

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back pain, and then in my head I was like,
'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's

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never gonna happen to me though!'
But alas! Here I am!

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If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an 
Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster

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and I had a headache for a week.
I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can

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feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?
It's inevitable. We're all aging all the

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time, that's quite literally how the human
body works. But for as long as us humans

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have been around, we have been trying to
fight this natural decay that we all

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experience. And anti-aging content has
been around for a while, but lately I've

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seen an increase in popularity of anti-
aging products and techniques on TikTok

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specifically and I thought it'd be fun if
we took a look at them today.

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I should say I haven't seen a lot
personally because my For You page is

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all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to
a crisp.

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But my wife has seen a lot of these videos
she's actually the one who gave me this

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video idea. So everybody say thank you 
Jenna on three. One two three

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Thank you, Jenna!

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So first off, I think that it's important
that we talk about the history of

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anti-aging products and techniques because
the concept of anti-aging in itself is

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very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.

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Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,
hilarious year by the way.

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In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently
took daily baths in donkey milk in order

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to maintain a youthful look.
Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks

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so young. It's all that donkey milk.

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And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon
risked his life and set off on a journey

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to find the fabled fountain of youth. 
A spring that was said to provide eternal

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life. He never actually found the fountain
of youth, but what he found was even

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better.

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Florida.

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And that is real. He went out to find the
fountain of youth and he found the fucking

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opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of
the fountain of youth. Because most people

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down there look like an old leather couch.
People from Florida, their skin looks like

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a black metal band's logo. And there's
tons of stories like this throughout

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history. Apparently Elizabethan women
placed thin slices of raw meat directly on

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their face. I'm sure their husbands were 
pretty stoked on that.

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But one of the first anti-aging products
ever was released to the public in 1889

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and they were called Frownies. These were
like little adhesive patches that hold

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your skin tight so you don't develop
wrinkles. And the origin story of this

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product is pretty interesting. So the
inventor of Frownies apparently noticed

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some frown lines on her daughter and she
immediately got to work on a product that

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could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up
face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was

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frowning so much in the first place, you 
know? Guess we'll never know.

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And since the release of Frownies in 1889,
the anti-aging world has grown

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exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,
lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,

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procedures, you can pretty much sell 
anything you want to people if you just

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tell them it will make them look younger.
That being said, buying tickets to my

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shows, and also buying my merch will
actually make you look 10 years younger.

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It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that 
like 99% of anti-aging products and

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procedures are marketed directly towards
women. You know, in this patriarchal

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society we live in, 
cause we do live in a society.

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From an early age the pressure and, like,
proposed importance of maintaining a

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youthful image is absolutely drilled into 
girls' brains through various forms of

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media and marketing.
There's this fucked up idea that, like,

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women's most valuable asset is their youth
which is, number one, incorrect and two,

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weird as fuck. It's like when you hear
people talk about an older celebrity and

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they're like, 'wow she looks so nice for
her age!'

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And it's like, yeah I don't know if you
needed those last three words.

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You could just say someone looks good,
you know?

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It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite
for dudes. We've kind of, like, tricked

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the world into thinking that men get more
attractive as they age.

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And don't get me wrong, that is true for 
some dudes, but most old guys?

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Uhhh? Woof.

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If you think dudes get hotter with age,
you take a trip down to the fountain of

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death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what 
most old men look like.

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But I've never personally felt the, like,
societal pressure to hold onto my youth as

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a man.

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"I'm a man."

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But it happens all the time with girls
and it's still happening today.

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"Here's some things that I do to slow down
the aging process as a 14 year old.

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I started doing most of these things at
12. Number one, I take two apple cider

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vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.
Number two, I use a retinol twice a day.

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Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do
two face masks a day."

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Call me crazy but I think a literal child 
having an anti-aging routine

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is a little dystopian. Because it's like
you're already young. Why are you doing an

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anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a
TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,

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'This is how I have fun on a budget.'

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It's like, dude, you don't need to worry
about that, man.

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And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell
you what procedures not to get or what

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products not to use. It's your body, your 
decision. But I just hope with people who

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are doing these anti-aging procedures and
stuff, I just hope they're doing it for

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the right reason. 
And again, I'm not smart.

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If you want a deep, insightful commentary
on this topic, or fucking any topic,

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you're at the wrong- you're watching the
wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

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But I guess anti-aging, you know,
it's not inherently bad, but with every

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other fucking thing on this planet, some
people are taking it a little too far.

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And I thought it'd be interesting to 
actually try out some of these anti-aging

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techniques / products and see if they have
any actual effect. But first, we have to

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actually find out how to reverse my age. 
So I think we need to go to the most

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reliable place on the internet to find
well-documented, peer-reviewed information

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on this subject.

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Tiktok!

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"You're not ugly or old, but your inner
dialog might be. If you want the ultimate

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glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, 
but in the power of positive affirmations"

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Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!

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"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts." Okay...

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"Because your thoughts shape your reality"

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Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's
a classic with this type of shit.

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Manifesting was a huge part of the video 
where I did, where I took a vision healing

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masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with
the concept, alright? This ain't my first

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rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,
that's wicked.

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But the thing I'm confused about,
she tells people to 'think and speak

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youthful thoughts'.

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"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts."

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What, what is that? What even is a
youthful thought?

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'Woah, he's so deep in thought
I wonder what he's thinking about.'

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'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in
my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv

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Cocomelon so much.'

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'Oh my god, what's that smell? 
Dude, did you shit yourself?'

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So this creator actually sells the exact
affirmations you need to say on her

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website for $10, but I unfortunately can't
buy those cause I'm just a little baby

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with no money.

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So I found a video on YouTube called 
Age Reversal Affirmations.

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"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the
passion with these reverse aging

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affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at
least 21 days in a row."

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21 days in a row? What the f-
Dude, no sleeping, no eating,

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no exercising, no doing any of the things
that will, like, keep you healthy

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and also maintain a youthful appearance

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Fuck all that.

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You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations
cave for three weeks straight.

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Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days
later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff

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you can see my bones

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'I've never felt so young!'

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Okay, so let's see what these affirmations
are.

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"I have the spirit of a young."
I have the spirit of a young.

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"I am glowing."
I am glowing.

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"My bones and veins are in the best shape"
My bones- my bones and veins are in the

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best shape.
Just my bones and veins though,

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everything else sucks.

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I can't really tell if these worked or not
because I haven't done them for three

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weeks straight, but I don't know, I can
already feel like I have the spirit of a

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young. The comments on this video are 
really interesting too.

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And it's like, cool. Good for these people
right? If that's what they wanna look like

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Like, personally, why would you wanna look
18 forever? That is a nightmare.

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This was me at 18.

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If I still looked like this, I would be a 
Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy

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I'd be so mad all the time.
Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'

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poppin' zits on people and shit,
and I could fly because I'm, like, my-

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all my backne is popping so much
all the pus coming out, the force of all

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my back zits popping just-

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Sorry, moving on from that horrifying 
picture of 18-year-old me

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So we know there's a lot of products and
procedures that exist out there to slow

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the aging process. But
even that's not enough for some people.

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One man in particular is going to extreme
lengths to not just slow the aging process

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but reverse it entirely.
And his name is Bryan Johnson.

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I wish his last name was Griffin.
That'd be so savage.

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So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon 
entrepreneur and venture capitalist from

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Utah.

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I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?
Now I have seen everything.

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And I'm sure some of you have probably
seen this guy around the internet talking

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about his age reversal endeavours, but the
shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane

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in my personal opinion.

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I watched his full morning routine and it
is wild.

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"I just woke up-"

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I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause
it's pretty lengthy, but I'll do a quick

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run through.

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He stars off his morning by taking his
temperature. He then stands in front of a

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light that imitates sunlight because he 
wakes up before the sun rises of course.

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He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then
weighs himself every morning by the way

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and not just his body weight.

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"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,
water, bone, heart rate and EBA.

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It also gives me the air quality in the 
area."

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Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to
not weigh myself. This guy does it every

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morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,
that is fucking torture, dude.

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Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can
imagine a Saw trap that's like

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"Stand on the scale, or die."

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Bryan then does five minutes of blue light
therapy, he then does a meditation,

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some weird vibrator thing that he never
really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops

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and then he prepares his daily pills.
And this has gotta be the craziest shit I

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have ever seen. Think of how many pills
he's gonna have.

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It's more than that.

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I don't know how many pills are in here,
I think last time we recorded it was

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something like over 50, maybe 60.
That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure

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what's going on here."

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50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a
fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude

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That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. 
I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple

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of chill pills in there as well because
Jesus Christ man.

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But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts
red light on his head to prevent hair loss

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and if red light prevents hair loss, looks
like I'm keeping mine forever.

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Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many
red lights.

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Then he preps his food for the day.

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"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work
out. Yeah, overall it's a lot of

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vegetables every month. It's over
50 pounds, I think."

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I hate to break it to you man, but that's
shit from a butt.

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"I know people look at it and they say
it's green goop and they like to make fun

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of it."

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Of course I'm gonna make fun of it, dude. 
That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?

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I found out this guy has a son too. That's
gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.

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'Sorry son, you're grounded.'

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'Eat shit, dad.'

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'I do.'

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He's still not done by the way. He then 
prepares his second meal of the day which

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he calls nutty pudding
"Nutty pudding-"

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which is like a protein powder that he
actually sells on his website.

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Maybe it's called that because you gotta
be a little nutty if you're gonna be

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'pudding' that into your body.

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And would you believe me if I told you
his morning routine still isn't done?

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No it's not!

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We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude
by the time this morning routine is done

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he's gonna have to start his bedtime 
routine. Because Jesus this is taking all

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fuckin' day.

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So after making his poop and sand, he does
a quick workout and then he finally eats

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his breakfast. That honestly seems like so
much work compared to my morning routine.

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My entire morning routine can be summed up
with the first two words of Chop Suey by

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System of a Down.

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"Wake up-"

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That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.
And that's the thing, it's wild seeing

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morning routines like this because, like,
who is this for? I made this point in my

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Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video
but like 99% of people do not have the

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time to do this shit when they wake up.
He says in this video that his morning

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routine can take up to four hours.

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"My morning routine is about three to four
hours, it varies on any given day

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sometimes I go-"
Too long.

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This is just not realistic to normal 
people. But honestly, I don't know why

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I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like
who even cares what this guy has to say

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anyway? He doesn't even have the erection
of an 18-year-old.

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Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist
would say that's the grossest thumbnail

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they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.
I also found this really interesting video

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of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some
other fuckin' crazy contraption to make

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himself younger.

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"Today I'm going to show you the machine I
use that allows me to do the equivalent of

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20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.
I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so

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it's the max level. This is definitely not
something you wanns start with

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what it feels like is, it's pulling your 
entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.

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Strap it on-"

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Imagine he starts the machine and it's
just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!

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Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my
misery, aaaah!'

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<i>Exercise complete</i>

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Alright, now if you guys want one of these
hit the link in my bio.

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Also, like a part of his face is like
discoloured in this, it's like yellow.

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His face is like yellow in this video. 
I don't know if that's healthy, right?

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Is he going through the new experimental
Simpsons treatment?

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So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like 
the final boss of anti-aging

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but I don't think I'm ready to experience
that just yet, I gotta work my way up

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right? 
And I think I found the perfect person.

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His name is Brandon Miles May, or
@brandonskincare

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and he has been getting pretty popular on
TikTok recently and here's why.

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"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't
smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and

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wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh
and I do smile. This is how I laugh

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without using Botox and for preventing 
fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"

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Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in
this video, but this guy is allegedly 35

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years old. For someone who looks that
young, I'd assume he would have like a

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fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head
because his head's gotta be full of

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youthful thoughts.

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When I first saw this video, I felt like I
was being, like, possessed by a far right

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conservative because all I wanted to
comment was, 'show me your birth

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certificate.' Because I just couldn't
fucking believe it, honestly still kinda

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don't believe it, but that is the story
he's sticking with, so that's great.

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He takes this shit pretty serious so, you
know what? Sure. He's 35.

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This guy is five years older than me.

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And Brandon's entire internet persona is
based around anti-aging.

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He eats food for the sole purpose of
anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.

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Even his clothing helps him stay young.

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"Anti-aging outfit of the day! 
Are you ready for this?"

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"So today is really warm, so it's pretty
basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on

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right here this is- has the thumb holes
for the backs of the hands, but I can also

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use this to protect the sides of my face,
I have my big sunglasses on to protect

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like pretty much half of my face