WEBVTT

00:00:02.502 --> 00:00:06.502
Folks

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You guys ever think about how every
passing second brings us just a little bit

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
closer to death?
Yeah, me neither.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I feel like I say this all the time, but I
just turned 30 and I'll be honest,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and
hearing my dad complain about his

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
back pain, and then in my head I was like,
'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
never gonna happen to me though!'
But alas! Here I am!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an 
Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I had a headache for a week.
I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?
It's inevitable. We're all aging all the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
time, that's quite literally how the human
body works. But for as long as us humans

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
have been around, we have been trying to
fight this natural decay that we all

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
experience. And anti-aging content has
been around for a while, but lately I've

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
seen an increase in popularity of anti-
aging products and techniques on TikTok

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
specifically and I thought it'd be fun if
we took a look at them today.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I should say I haven't seen a lot
personally because my For You page is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to
a crisp.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But my wife has seen a lot of these videos
she's actually the one who gave me this

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
video idea. So everybody say thank you 
Jenna on three. One two three

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Thank you, Jenna!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So first off, I think that it's important
that we talk about the history of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
anti-aging products and techniques because
the concept of anti-aging in itself is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,
hilarious year by the way.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently
took daily baths in donkey milk in order

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to maintain a youthful look.
Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so young. It's all that donkey milk.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon
risked his life and set off on a journey

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to find the fabled fountain of youth. 
A spring that was said to provide eternal

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
life. He never actually found the fountain
of youth, but what he found was even

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
better.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Florida.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that is real. He went out to find the
fountain of youth and he found the fucking

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of
the fountain of youth. Because most people

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
down there look like an old leather couch.
People from Florida, their skin looks like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
a black metal band's logo. And there's
tons of stories like this throughout

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
history. Apparently Elizabethan women
placed thin slices of raw meat directly on

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
their face. I'm sure their husbands were 
pretty stoked on that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But one of the first anti-aging products
ever was released to the public in 1889

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and they were called Frownies. These were
like little adhesive patches that hold

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
your skin tight so you don't develop
wrinkles. And the origin story of this

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
product is pretty interesting. So the
inventor of Frownies apparently noticed

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
some frown lines on her daughter and she
immediately got to work on a product that

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up
face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
frowning so much in the first place, you 
know? Guess we'll never know.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And since the release of Frownies in 1889,
the anti-aging world has grown

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,
lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
procedures, you can pretty much sell 
anything you want to people if you just

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
tell them it will make them look younger.
That being said, buying tickets to my

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
shows, and also buying my merch will
actually make you look 10 years younger.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that 
like 99% of anti-aging products and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
procedures are marketed directly towards
women. You know, in this patriarchal

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
society we live in, 
cause we do live in a society.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
From an early age the pressure and, like,
proposed importance of maintaining a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
youthful image is absolutely drilled into 
girls' brains through various forms of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
media and marketing.
There's this fucked up idea that, like,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
women's most valuable asset is their youth
which is, number one, incorrect and two,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
weird as fuck. It's like when you hear
people talk about an older celebrity and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they're like, 'wow she looks so nice for
her age!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And it's like, yeah I don't know if you
needed those last three words.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You could just say someone looks good,
you know?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite
for dudes. We've kind of, like, tricked

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the world into thinking that men get more
attractive as they age.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And don't get me wrong, that is true for 
some dudes, but most old guys?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Uhhh? Woof.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you think dudes get hotter with age,
you take a trip down to the fountain of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what 
most old men look like.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I've never personally felt the, like,
societal pressure to hold onto my youth as

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
a man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I'm a man."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But it happens all the time with girls
and it's still happening today.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Here's some things that I do to slow down
the aging process as a 14 year old.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I started doing most of these things at
12. Number one, I take two apple cider

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.
Number two, I use a retinol twice a day.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do
two face masks a day."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Call me crazy but I think a literal child 
having an anti-aging routine

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is a little dystopian. Because it's like
you're already young. Why are you doing an

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a
TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'This is how I have fun on a budget.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's like, dude, you don't need to worry
about that, man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell
you what procedures not to get or what

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
products not to use. It's your body, your 
decision. But I just hope with people who

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
are doing these anti-aging procedures and
stuff, I just hope they're doing it for

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the right reason. 
And again, I'm not smart.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you want a deep, insightful commentary
on this topic, or fucking any topic,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you're at the wrong- you're watching the
wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I guess anti-aging, you know,
it's not inherently bad, but with every

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
other fucking thing on this planet, some
people are taking it a little too far.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I thought it'd be interesting to 
actually try out some of these anti-aging

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
techniques / products and see if they have
any actual effect. But first, we have to

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
actually find out how to reverse my age. 
So I think we need to go to the most

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
reliable place on the internet to find
well-documented, peer-reviewed information

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
on this subject.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Tiktok!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"You're not ugly or old, but your inner
dialog might be. If you want the ultimate

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, 
but in the power of positive affirmations"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts." Okay...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Because your thoughts shape your reality"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's
a classic with this type of shit.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Manifesting was a huge part of the video 
where I did, where I took a vision healing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with
the concept, alright? This ain't my first

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,
that's wicked.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But the thing I'm confused about,
she tells people to 'think and speak

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
youthful thoughts'.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What, what is that? What even is a
youthful thought?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Woah, he's so deep in thought
I wonder what he's thinking about.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in
my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Cocomelon so much.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Oh my god, what's that smell? 
Dude, did you shit yourself?'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So this creator actually sells the exact
affirmations you need to say on her

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
website for $10, but I unfortunately can't
buy those cause I'm just a little baby

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
with no money.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I found a video on YouTube called 
Age Reversal Affirmations.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the
passion with these reverse aging

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at
least 21 days in a row."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
21 days in a row? What the f-
Dude, no sleeping, no eating,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
no exercising, no doing any of the things
that will, like, keep you healthy

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and also maintain a youthful appearance

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Fuck all that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations
cave for three weeks straight.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days
later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you can see my bones

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'I've never felt so young!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay, so let's see what these affirmations
are.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I have the spirit of a young."
I have the spirit of a young.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I am glowing."
I am glowing.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"My bones and veins are in the best shape"
My bones- my bones and veins are in the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
best shape.
Just my bones and veins though,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
everything else sucks.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I can't really tell if these worked or not
because I haven't done them for three

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
weeks straight, but I don't know, I can
already feel like I have the spirit of a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
young. The comments on this video are 
really interesting too.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And it's like, cool. Good for these people
right? If that's what they wanna look like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Like, personally, why would you wanna look
18 forever? That is a nightmare.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This was me at 18.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If I still looked like this, I would be a 
Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'd be so mad all the time.
Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
poppin' zits on people and shit,
and I could fly because I'm, like, my-

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all my backne is popping so much
all the pus coming out, the force of all

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
my back zits popping just-

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sorry, moving on from that horrifying 
picture of 18-year-old me

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So we know there's a lot of products and
procedures that exist out there to slow

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the aging process. But
even that's not enough for some people.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
One man in particular is going to extreme
lengths to not just slow the aging process

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but reverse it entirely.
And his name is Bryan Johnson.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I wish his last name was Griffin.
That'd be so savage.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon 
entrepreneur and venture capitalist from

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Utah.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?
Now I have seen everything.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I'm sure some of you have probably
seen this guy around the internet talking

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
about his age reversal endeavours, but the
shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in my personal opinion.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I watched his full morning routine and it
is wild.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I just woke up-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause
it's pretty lengthy, but I'll do a quick

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
run through.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He stars off his morning by taking his
temperature. He then stands in front of a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
light that imitates sunlight because he 
wakes up before the sun rises of course.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then
weighs himself every morning by the way

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and not just his body weight.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,
water, bone, heart rate and EBA.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It also gives me the air quality in the 
area."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to
not weigh myself. This guy does it every

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,
that is fucking torture, dude.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can
imagine a Saw trap that's like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Stand on the scale, or die."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Bryan then does five minutes of blue light
therapy, he then does a meditation,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
some weird vibrator thing that he never
really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and then he prepares his daily pills.
And this has gotta be the craziest shit I

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
have ever seen. Think of how many pills
he's gonna have.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's more than that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't know how many pills are in here,
I think last time we recorded it was

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
something like over 50, maybe 60.
That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what's going on here."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a
fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. 
I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of chill pills in there as well because
Jesus Christ man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts
red light on his head to prevent hair loss

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and if red light prevents hair loss, looks
like I'm keeping mine forever.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many
red lights.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then he preps his food for the day.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work
out. Yeah, overall it's a lot of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
vegetables every month. It's over
50 pounds, I think."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I hate to break it to you man, but that's
shit from a butt.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I know people look at it and they say
it's green goop and they like to make fun

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of it."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Of course I'm gonna make fun of it, dude. 
That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I found out this guy has a son too. That's
gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Sorry son, you're grounded.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Eat shit, dad.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'I do.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He's still not done by the way. He then 
prepares his second meal of the day which

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
he calls nutty pudding
"Nutty pudding-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
which is like a protein powder that he
actually sells on his website.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Maybe it's called that because you gotta
be a little nutty if you're gonna be

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'pudding' that into your body.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And would you believe me if I told you
his morning routine still isn't done?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
No it's not!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude
by the time this morning routine is done

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
he's gonna have to start his bedtime 
routine. Because Jesus this is taking all

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
fuckin' day.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So after making his poop and sand, he does
a quick workout and then he finally eats

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
his breakfast. That honestly seems like so
much work compared to my morning routine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
My entire morning routine can be summed up
with the first two words of Chop Suey by

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
System of a Down.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Wake up-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.
And that's the thing, it's wild seeing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
morning routines like this because, like,
who is this for? I made this point in my

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video
but like 99% of people do not have the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
time to do this shit when they wake up.
He says in this video that his morning

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
routine can take up to four hours.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"My morning routine is about three to four
hours, it varies on any given day

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
sometimes I go-"
Too long.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is just not realistic to normal 
people. But honestly, I don't know why

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like
who even cares what this guy has to say

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
anyway? He doesn't even have the erection
of an 18-year-old.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist
would say that's the grossest thumbnail

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.
I also found this really interesting video

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some
other fuckin' crazy contraption to make

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
himself younger.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Today I'm going to show you the machine I
use that allows me to do the equivalent of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.
I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's the max level. This is definitely not
something you wanns start with

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what it feels like is, it's pulling your 
entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Strap it on-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Imagine he starts the machine and it's
just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my
misery, aaaah!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>Exercise complete</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Alright, now if you guys want one of these
hit the link in my bio.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Also, like a part of his face is like
discoloured in this, it's like yellow.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
His face is like yellow in this video. 
I don't know if that's healthy, right?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Is he going through the new experimental
Simpsons treatment?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like 
the final boss of anti-aging

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but I don't think I'm ready to experience
that just yet, I gotta work my way up

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
right? 
And I think I found the perfect person.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
His name is Brandon Miles May, or
@brandonskincare

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and he has been getting pretty popular on
TikTok recently and here's why.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't
smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh
and I do smile. This is how I laugh

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
without using Botox and for preventing 
fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in
this video, but this guy is allegedly 35

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
years old. For someone who looks that
young, I'd assume he would have like a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head
because his head's gotta be full of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
youthful thoughts.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
When I first saw this video, I felt like I
was being, like, possessed by a far right

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
conservative because all I wanted to
comment was, 'show me your birth

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
certificate.' Because I just couldn't
fucking believe it, honestly still kinda

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
don't believe it, but that is the story
he's sticking with, so that's great.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He takes this shit pretty serious so, you
know what? Sure. He's 35.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This guy is five years older than me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And Brandon's entire internet persona is
based around anti-aging.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He eats food for the sole purpose of
anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Even his clothing helps him stay young.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Anti-aging outfit of the day! 
Are you ready for this?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"So today is really warm, so it's pretty
basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
right here this is- has the thumb holes
for the backs of the hands, but I can also

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
use this to protect the sides of my face,
I have my big sunglasses on to protect

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
like pretty much half of my face,
I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on
my legs."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon
wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because according to him the sun is the
main contributor to the aging of the skin.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I just practice safe sun protective 
behaviours because the sun contributes

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of
aging."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly
dangerous for your skin if you don't

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
protect yourself. So he wears clothing
that is UPF 50, and that stands for

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Ultraviolet Protection Factor.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98%
of the sun's rays.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This guy would probably still be a fuckin'
baby if it blocked 100%.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I gotta say though, including the
sunscreen in the fit check-

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"And sunscreen on my legs-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's genuinely one of the funniest
things I've ever seen.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
People gotta start getting like super 
specific like that in those like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'walk me through your fit' videos.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Alright, walk me through your fit."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Alright well first off I got the toupee
on my head, Gucci t-shirts,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
swollen nipples from when my older brother
purple nurpled me this morning,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Dolce &amp; Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my
haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my
ankle monitor from my house arrest."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"House arrest?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Police! Get your hands up,
get down on the ground!"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Also just copped a taser in the back."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And this is all well and good, but I feel
like at a certain point it's like kind of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
impossible to avoid the sun. And also like
why would you rob yourself of that joy?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
There's like no better feeling than having
the sun on your face.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Like what about when you're driving,
what are you gonna do then?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Maybe like, you know those sun blockers
that people put on their car windows when

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
they park their car?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I imagine Brandon just has that over his 
windshield at all times, just absolutely

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
mowing people down, can't see shit...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sorry, let's get back to Brandon,
let's see what kind of food he's eating so

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
he can keep that youthful glow.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight
for the purposes of anti-aging.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell
peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
good for collagen synthesis, it also
contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
NRF2 pathway-"
<i>overlapping dialog</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
This guy's just making up words.
What the fuck was all that shit.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues
dude, he needs to be, he needs to be

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
exorcised by a priest. And I can't help
but think about that tweet,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of a person who's meal prepping broccoli,
chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it with, 'okay mr fart'.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's all I'm thinking of when I look at
that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
probably make you hallucinate bro.
Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I also just watched a video from Brandon
saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I would say about 95% of the time I eat
everything that I show here on TikTok

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with
a friend or like my partner or somebody

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like
every quarter or so we might have pizza

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's not like a big deal for me."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Which sounds like a brutal existence dude,
a pizza every quarter?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Just one pizza a quarter?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour
if I could, dude.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Like I said earlier, I wanna see how
effective this anti-aging lifestyle really

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live 
my life the exact same way Brandon does.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And we'll see if I end up looking any
younger. But first, we need to lock down a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
daily routine.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of
videos detailing pretty much everything he

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
does in a typical day for anti-aging.
Let's start off with what I'm gonna be

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
eating this week.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He has a video called
'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
To summarise that video, Brandon has a 
dark roast coffee in the morning and then

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
an hour or two later, he has breakfast
which sucks for me because the first thing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
on my mind when I wake up is what I'm
gonna eat for breakfast.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
For breakfast he says he makes a green
smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much
every day and then one day I'll try to go

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
fasting and see how that goes.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then a few hours later he makes a
humongous salad for lunch.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100%
cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I don't know about you guys but I like
my hot chocolate sweet as hell.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So let's see how he sweetens it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener 
or sugar, so it is bitter."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Great.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And for dinner, Brandon usually does
salmon or some other kind of fish for

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
omega-3. I don't know what those are, it
sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Autobots.
'Omega-3, roll out.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then alongside the salmon Brandon also
has broccoli and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet
potato."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then for dessert he does frozen
blueberries and dark chocolate.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So that's gonna be pretty much my diet
every single day this week.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And there were some other foods in his 
TikTok and stuff, like hard boiled eggs

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle
in here and there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And also, god, real quick. I gotta say,
love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
picture is giving off, I love it dude.
It looks like I'm seeing him through a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
peephole.
And obviously another pinnacle of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
anti-aging is exercise. 
Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
stretch, and this next part's gonna be
pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
20,000 steps a day.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I've been trying to reach for 20,000
steps-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to
a guy who has mastered the art of parking

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it, but Brandon actually uses this little 
treadmill, this like walking pad while he

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
works and stuff, so I went ahead and
ordered that same treadmill because

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I can't possibly think of another way to
get 20,000 steps in a day.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Especially during the summertime.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Brandon then does some weightlifting with
some 12-pound weights

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and that'll be no problem.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And that's his daily workout routine.
Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But compared to my usual workout routine
that consists of 20 reps of hanging out

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
followed by three sets of chilling,
this is gonna be a big change for me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up
on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I paused my game to be here.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You know I can eat and exercise all I want
but if I don't look the part then

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what am I doing? So I'm gonna order 
some UPF 50 clothing as well.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And wow, look at these.
Holy crap, these are ugly.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They're not ugly, sorry. 
They're just not what I would wear.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's like, there's not even one ironic
vintage graphic t-shirt on here

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
what the fuck?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I guess it's nice that these clothes
protect you from the sun, but it doesn't

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
say anything about protecting you from 
insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I'm gonna give these a genuine try.
So I'm gonna order some of these.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And last but not least, Brandon made a 
video going through some tips and tricks

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
about anti-aging that nobody really talks
about.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"So whenever I am, like, cooking a meal
and I'm baking and I'm using the oven,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I will be very very hesitant to just reach
my hand in there with just a mitten."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Damn, your skin can't even get warm?
What the fuck? That's not real.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"People who bake things for a living have
more aged skin on their dominant hand

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the hand that they use for putting things
in the oven and pulling things out."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Also the example he uses...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
He says people who work in kitchens
age poorly?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That might be true, but I can guarantee
you that's not because of the heat.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I've worked in restaurants before, ok?
If it's not the cigarettes, booze and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>sniff</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that ages them poorly, it's the
unnecessary amount of stress they put

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
themselves through.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at
that sells food is selling too much food.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand 
tattoos about this.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff
out there but I think that's just personal

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
work trauma I'm working through that-
nothing on you guys.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Tip number two, flying in airplanes, 
I always choose a window seat so that

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I can control when the window is up and
down because when you're in higher

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is
strongest at those highest altitudes-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a
couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't
know. It might kill him.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't know.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
As you get on a flight, you're in the
window seat, sitting next to you is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open
the window, sun shines through and then

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you look back at Brandon and there's just
a pile of ash there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Tip number three is wearing white
clothing. The sun comes down and reflects

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
UV off of that white significantly more so
than any other colour."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Alright, this is terrible news for me
because I actually really love wearing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing 
to wear because I got this cool thing

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
called dandruff. So when I wear black my
shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe
all this healthy eating I do this week

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
will somehow cure my dandruff.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"When you have bright lights on at night,
like just everywhere in your house and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you're watching TV and you're on your
phone and you're on your devices

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this blue light and this visible light is
stimulating your serotonin levels when

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's not supposed to be stimulated, and 
your circadian rhythm is getting all out

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of whack."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Got, this is also gonna be a huge change. 
Like I'm playing video games and working

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Literally the lonely stoner seems to free
his mind at night, I don't know if he's

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
heard that before. 
But now Brandon's saying no bright lights

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
at night? That ain't right!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"And also socialising and connecting with 
others is really really important."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends
and my wife this week.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I think I can make that happen.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Maintaining an overall positive attitude
just overall can be connected to these

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
things, you know relaxation and reducing
negativity. Negativity is a powerful

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
detriment to your anti-aging goals.
A lot of people who are just negative

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
overall tend to have a reduced life span 
and just more health issues overall,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
tends to be a correlation there, 
an association."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's dumb. That's stupid.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Fuck dude, being negative shortens your
life? Nice knowing you guys!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Jesus Christ dude.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"And number 10 tip is basically not
drinking alcohol-"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay. Come on, man.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
How you gonna tell me to be social but not
have any alcohol?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go 
skydiving but don't wear a parachute!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor,
right?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million
beers, right friend?'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"I just don't drink personally because I 
know that there's really no benefit to

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
alcohol."

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell
that to my hands that I'm not sure what to

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
do with at a concert.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Alright, I think we've got a firm
understanding of what my anti-aging week

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
is gonna look like, but I think before I
dive into the shallow end and break my

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
neck, I need one final day of getting all
the fun shit I like doing out of my system

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I got a haircut.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I had my quarterly pizza the night
before my week of anti-aging

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and with a chest full of heartburn
I stared at my computer screen for the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
rest of the night. I've been really busy 
getting ready for tour and everything

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much
time to do it this week, so I had to get

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
as much done as I possibly could.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That being said, I also played some video
games.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If you're wondering what video game I was 
playing, then you're in luck.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Because it's time to talk about the
sponsor of this week's video

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Zenless Zone Zero.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Zenless Zone Zero is a brand new, free to
play, action role-playing game set in a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
stylish urban fantasy world that's
available to plat on PC, PS5 and on mobile

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Zenless Zone Zero is also published by
Hoyoverse, the makers of Genshin Impact.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So you already know that this game is a 
certified banger.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I've been plating Zenless Zone Zero, or 
ZZZ, for the past few days and I

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
absolutely love it. In ZZZ, you take on
the role of Proxy and embark on a

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
thrilling adventure with a diverse group
of partners to defeat enemies and unravel

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
mysteries in the uniquely designed city of
New Eridu. And I'm completely obsessed

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
with the art style, music, voice acting
and animations

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but my favourite part of ZZZ is its fluid
combat system that's simple enough for

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
newcomers but diverse enough to provide a
challenge for experienced players.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And with so many playable characters
combat is always fresh and exciting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And speaking of playable characters, I 
gotta tell you about the game's newest

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
character coming with the 1.1 update:
Jane Doe.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
She's a physical anomaly character who
specialises in rapid attacks to take down

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
her enemies and that's pretty much the 
playstyle I use in like every RPG I play

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I'm super excited to add Jane Doe to my
team in Zenless Zone Zero.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So if you've been itching to jump into a 
new game with a vibrant art style

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
a compelling story, intriguing characters
and rewarding, impactful combat

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
then look no further than 
Zenless Zone Zero.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And like I said earlier it's completely 
free to play and it's available on PC, PS5

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and mobile, so what are you waiting for?
Click my link in the description and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
experience the excitement of Zenless Zone
Zero for yourself.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Thank you so much to Zenless Zone Zero for
sponsoring this video, back to me.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I stared at the screen until my eyes
popped out of my skull, freakin' gamer

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
style. And oh yeah, I also had a beer
because I wasn't gonna be able to have any

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this week, so I enjoyed the hell out of
this thing. <i>burp</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That beer was almost as nice as 
Donkey Kong's ass.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That was epic, now let's get young.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I bought a bunch of shit.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Uhh, I forget how much everything was
I think it was like $400 for everything.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Never mind, I was wrong. It was like $470
so pretty much like 500 bucks. Insane.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Oh no, sorry, plus the groceries.
We got everything from Whole Foods

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because where Brandon buys everything
and uh, that place is pretty pricey, I'll

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
say that. I think they call it Whole Foods
because they put a hole in my wallet.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Let's go through what I purchased.
First up, this big thing right behind me

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
right here
<i>clang</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's the uh, my walking thing,
my treadmill, my little walking pad.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm gonna set it up down here in my 
recently flooded basement, uh

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's super empty right now.
This will be my walking zone for the next

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
week. Just an empty, white...
'a bitch.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Let's go through what I got.
So this is the, oh, this is like a little

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't even fuckin' know what I bought.
But this is like a band and you can wear

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it as so many other things.
A wristband, aliceband, blindfuld?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, good idea. Just walk around like
that all day?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Scrunchie, headband, hatliner, cap, durag,
<i>oooooh</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Am I gonna get away?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Pirate
'arrr!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sunguard, face mask, hood, balaclava. 
So I bought like 16 things in one dude.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And it's completely U... UFP... UPF 50.
UPF Chang's.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I should be good to go there.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I was
recording, but everything I saw on here

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
was on Brandon's like Amazon storefront
a lot of the stuff wasn't available on

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Canadian Amazon so I had to like, find 
some alternatives, but most of it was from

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Brandon's Amazon page.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'It's a black square!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay, and then I've got some blue light
blocking glasses, Gy Snail.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>Gy Snail</i>
<i>Ohhhh yeah.</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
How do I look? Wow.
Everything looks like it's covered in piss

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that's pretty cool. Alright next up are my
supplements, I got this probiotic, I also

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
got this borage oil? Boraj? Borat?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'I got this Borat oil, my wife.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Essential fatty acids, this thing just 
called me a fatty.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then I got this uh, Super EFA!
This is something else, this is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Madagascar Centella Ampoule.
Am... am-pool, am-pool.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I don't know what it does, but I do like
the movie Madagascar, so if it's anything

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
like that I think I'm fucking set.
I also got these Vital Proteins.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
One single ingredient.
*All the single ingredients, all the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>single ingredients</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Last but not least, we got some food.
I got sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
chia, cacao nibs, cocoa powder, cannellini
beans, some kelp?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Spongebob Squarepants-ass food.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then I got some 100% Hundo.
Dark chocolate.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Unsweetened almond milk for my smoothies
and my hot chocolate.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I got these red peppers, I got these red
onions, sweet potatoes, broccoli, spinach

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
uh and some salad mix for like, the salad.
And that's pretty much it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
By the end of this video, I am gonna be
a <i>foetus</i>.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I got eight hours of sleep my first day
which was really nice but my dog woke me

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
up really early because he had to piss and
shit. <i>awww</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I took him piss and shit and then I 
immediately made myself an anti-aging

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
coffee. And yes, that's the same as a 
regular coffee but I was just manifesting

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that it was gonna make me younger.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, so I wanted to use a glass mug to 
like, prove to you guys that I actually

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
was drinking black coffee, but the only
see-through mug I have is this Instagram

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
one that I stole from my old office job.
And it's probably the cheugiest thing I

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
own so, apologies for that.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But first, coffee.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Like I said earlier in the video, the 
first thing I wanna do when I wake up is

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
eat food, and usually I'd make like a
breakfast sandwich or a burrito or toast

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
or a bagel you know, something with bread.
But today I had to make a Brandon Miles

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
May green smoothie.
And now that I'm thinking about it,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
if Brandon Miles May was really all about
that anti-aging lifestyle, you know if he

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
really cared about freakin' rewinding the
clock, his name would be

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Brandon Miles April.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So I put a bunch of spinach, a carrot,
almond milk, water, an avocado,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
oh that looks like what my dog did this 
morning.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I put in some chia seeds, this collagen 
peptides powder that I smelled way too

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
hard so I got some up my nose,
and then I put in a banana, some black

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
sesame seeds and some ice. 
And then I blended it all up.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, if you weren't hungry before 
watching this video, sorry.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
You definitely are now.
You're probably drooling like crazy right

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
now, it's fucking disgusting.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But I was so excited to drink this
smoothie guys, it kind of looks like the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
shit that the plant dad tried to feed his 
kids in that one Goosebumps episode

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Stay Out of the Basement.
And I've always wanted to try that, so

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this was pretty cool.
But after all the hard work, breakfast was

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
served. I ain't never seen two pretty 
best friends.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And oh yeah, I also prepped some
containers so I can just add milk and

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
water and blend them up to save some time
going forward.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Alright, good morning on the first day of 
me becoming a little baby.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I have my smoothie here, I have pretty 
much every single ingredient under the sun

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Down the hatch!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>slurping noises</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's great.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It's just spinach I taste because that's
all I put in there but-

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
<i>Emememe</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That was me being Popeye. 
I wanna be Popeye.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But hey, if I don't like the flavour, at
least I have this nice black coffee to

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
wash it all down with.
I'm just gonna hang out here and...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and drink this.
And real quick, I'm making it seem like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm a really picky eater, but I promise 
you I'm not. I eat a lot of food, I love

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
all food pretty much, uh, except for 
cilantro. I have the gene that makes it

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
taste like soap to me, so anytime I 
accidentally eat cilantro it tastes like

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm being punished for like saying a 
swear word.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But honestly, I think putting a legit bar
of soap into this blunder would've made it

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
taste a lot better. Because this fucking
green smoothie, it tasted like cement bro.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It took me so long to fucking drink it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Sorry I'm being negative and that ages you

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'The smoothie was so good!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay I've been filming this about half-
35 minutes. A half hour.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So it's taking me a half hour to drink 
all this. I got one final... slurp.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But after some hard work and determination
I finally finished the smoothie.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Never felt so young in my life

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Except uh... that's a half hour I'll never
fucking get back.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Brandon said in his videos that it's
always good to rest after eating your

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
breakfast because it helps with digestion.
And I was like 'that's fuckin' stupid, why

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
would you need to rest after it?'
But after doing that, I get it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That was the most mentally strenuous thing
I've had to do, was get through this

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
fucking thing, so good night!
<i>snore</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Instantly fall asleep.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'I finally rest and watch the sun rise on
a grateful universe.'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Also woah, I just realised the walls of my
living room are the exact same colour as

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the smoothie I had. Or maybe they aren't,
I'm just hallucinating.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Now it's time for my stretches!
<i>Oh yeah</i>

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I followed along with Brandon's video and
you know what, I will say these actually

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
felt pretty nice. Whether or not doing
these stretches actually makes me look

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
younger, I do wanna try to incorporate
this into my everyday life going forward

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because it felt great. You can quote me on
this, there's nothing better than getting

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
stretched out.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I especially loved this stretch. I kinda
look like a cat who's about to puke.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I stretched for about 10 minutes and 
oh yeah, one of the stretches reminded me

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
of my karate lessons I took 20 years ago
so that was also pretty fun.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay so, first morning routine is pretty 
much done.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, I don't know if this is because of
the smoothie or the stretching but

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
you know what? I do feel a bit more 
energised than I usually do.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Then again that could be like a placebo
effect. But no, this guy doesn't really

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
have sugar, so I guess placebo wouldn't 
really exist.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Uh, I do have some work that I gotta get
done and then I guess I'm gonna start

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
getting my steps in. But yeah, so far 
so good, I think.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
How do I look? I feel like I look older
because I haven't shaved yet.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
The more hair you have, the older you look

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And after I finished some work I went down
to the basement because it was treadmill

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
time, brother.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Alright, I'm in the basement again. 
Time to unbox this uh, fucking little

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
walking pad as they call it.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
How many steps am I at right now? 
It is currently 12:27, I'm at 2,000 steps

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
so I need 18,000 more so...

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Yeah, it's a lot.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I started unboxing my walking pad and this
thing was

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'fully loaded with tons of cool stuff!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
An L-key, yes!

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
It also came with this remote control
and it also came with this.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Okay so it came with lubri- lubricant oil?
Why'd they give me lube?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
How you gonna give me lube, and also put
something that says 'warm tips'?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And I really thought this walking pad was 
gonna be a huge game changer for me

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because I can get my steps in without the
sun ever touching my skin and just ruining

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
my life. But I forgot that one of the best
parts of walking outside is like, looking

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
around at shit. Seeing a bird crap on the 
ground, seeing a squirrel have sex.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
'Oh, cool shit!'

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
So like, after 10 seconds on the walking
pad, I was like immediately bored out of

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
my mind. The future is now. You get all
the joy of walking outside without the

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
nice warmth from the sun. So... I just 
gotta do this for like an hour.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Ok, I can definitely see why people have
these with like a standing desk because

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
this is kind of just like, you're not
really exerting too much energy and you

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
can still sort of like do something.
But I'm really bored right now.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Maybe I'll read, maybe I'll read a book
while I do this or something.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That'd be pretty cool.