0:00:02.502,0:00:06.502
Folks

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You guys ever think about how every[br]passing second brings us just a little bit

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
closer to death?[br]Yeah, me neither.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I feel like I say this all the time, but I[br]just turned 30 and I'll be honest,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and[br]hearing my dad complain about his

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
back pain, and then in my head I was like,[br]'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
never gonna happen to me though!'[br]But alas! Here I am!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an [br]Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I had a headache for a week.[br]I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?[br]It's inevitable. We're all aging all the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time, that's quite literally how the human[br]body works. But for as long as us humans

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have been around, we have been trying to[br]fight this natural decay that we all

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
experience. And anti-aging content has[br]been around for a while, but lately I've

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
seen an increase in popularity of anti-[br]aging products and techniques on TikTok

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
specifically and I thought it'd be fun if[br]we took a look at them today.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I should say I haven't seen a lot[br]personally because my For You page is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to[br]a crisp.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But my wife has seen a lot of these videos[br]she's actually the one who gave me this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
video idea. So everybody say thank you [br]Jenna on three. One two three

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you, Jenna!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So first off, I think that it's important[br]that we talk about the history of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging products and techniques because[br]the concept of anti-aging in itself is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,[br]hilarious year by the way.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently[br]took daily baths in donkey milk in order

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to maintain a youthful look.[br]Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so young. It's all that donkey milk.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon[br]risked his life and set off on a journey

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to find the fabled fountain of youth. [br]A spring that was said to provide eternal

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
life. He never actually found the fountain[br]of youth, but what he found was even

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
better.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Florida.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that is real. He went out to find the[br]fountain of youth and he found the fucking

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of[br]the fountain of youth. Because most people

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
down there look like an old leather couch.[br]People from Florida, their skin looks like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a black metal band's logo. And there's[br]tons of stories like this throughout

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
history. Apparently Elizabethan women[br]placed thin slices of raw meat directly on

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their face. I'm sure their husbands were [br]pretty stoked on that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But one of the first anti-aging products[br]ever was released to the public in 1889

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and they were called Frownies. These were[br]like little adhesive patches that hold

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
your skin tight so you don't develop[br]wrinkles. And the origin story of this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
product is pretty interesting. So the[br]inventor of Frownies apparently noticed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some frown lines on her daughter and she[br]immediately got to work on a product that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up[br]face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
frowning so much in the first place, you [br]know? Guess we'll never know.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And since the release of Frownies in 1889,[br]the anti-aging world has grown

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,[br]lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
procedures, you can pretty much sell [br]anything you want to people if you just

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
tell them it will make them look younger.[br]That being said, buying tickets to my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
shows, and also buying my merch will[br]actually make you look 10 years younger.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that [br]like 99% of anti-aging products and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
procedures are marketed directly towards[br]women. You know, in this patriarchal

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
society we live in, [br]cause we do live in a society.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
From an early age the pressure and, like,[br]proposed importance of maintaining a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful image is absolutely drilled into [br]girls' brains through various forms of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
media and marketing.[br]There's this fucked up idea that, like,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
women's most valuable asset is their youth[br]which is, number one, incorrect and two,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
weird as fuck. It's like when you hear[br]people talk about an older celebrity and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they're like, 'wow she looks so nice for[br]her age!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's like, yeah I don't know if you[br]needed those last three words.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You could just say someone looks good,[br]you know?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite[br]for dudes. We've kind of, like, tricked

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the world into thinking that men get more[br]attractive as they age.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And don't get me wrong, that is true for [br]some dudes, but most old guys?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uhhh? Woof.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you think dudes get hotter with age,[br]you take a trip down to the fountain of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what [br]most old men look like.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I've never personally felt the, like,[br]societal pressure to hold onto my youth as

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a man.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I'm a man."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But it happens all the time with girls[br]and it's still happening today.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Here's some things that I do to slow down[br]the aging process as a 14 year old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I started doing most of these things at[br]12. Number one, I take two apple cider

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.[br]Number two, I use a retinol twice a day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do[br]two face masks a day."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Call me crazy but I think a literal child [br]having an anti-aging routine

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is a little dystopian. Because it's like[br]you're already young. Why are you doing an

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a[br]TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'This is how I have fun on a budget.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's like, dude, you don't need to worry[br]about that, man.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell[br]you what procedures not to get or what

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
products not to use. It's your body, your [br]decision. But I just hope with people who

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are doing these anti-aging procedures and[br]stuff, I just hope they're doing it for

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the right reason. [br]And again, I'm not smart.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you want a deep, insightful commentary[br]on this topic, or fucking any topic,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you're at the wrong- you're watching the[br]wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I guess anti-aging, you know,[br]it's not inherently bad, but with every

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
other fucking thing on this planet, some[br]people are taking it a little too far.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I thought it'd be interesting to [br]actually try out some of these anti-aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
techniques / products and see if they have[br]any actual effect. But first, we have to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually find out how to reverse my age. [br]So I think we need to go to the most

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reliable place on the internet to find[br]well-documented, peer-reviewed information

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on this subject.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Tiktok!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"You're not ugly or old, but your inner[br]dialog might be. If you want the ultimate

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, [br]but in the power of positive affirmations"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Start speaking and thinking youthful[br]thoughts." Okay...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Because your thoughts shape your reality"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's[br]a classic with this type of shit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Manifesting was a huge part of the video [br]where I did, where I took a vision healing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with[br]the concept, alright? This ain't my first

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,[br]that's wicked.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the thing I'm confused about,[br]she tells people to 'think and speak

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful thoughts'.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Start speaking and thinking youthful[br]thoughts."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What, what is that? What even is a[br]youthful thought?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Woah, he's so deep in thought[br]I wonder what he's thinking about.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in[br]my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Cocomelon so much.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Oh my god, what's that smell? [br]Dude, did you shit yourself?'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this creator actually sells the exact[br]affirmations you need to say on her

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
website for $10, but I unfortunately can't[br]buy those cause I'm just a little baby

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with no money.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I found a video on YouTube called [br]Age Reversal Affirmations.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the[br]passion with these reverse aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at[br]least 21 days in a row."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
21 days in a row? What the f-[br]Dude, no sleeping, no eating,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
no exercising, no doing any of the things[br]that will, like, keep you healthy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and also maintain a youthful appearance

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Fuck all that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations[br]cave for three weeks straight.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days[br]later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you can see my bones

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I've never felt so young!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, so let's see what these affirmations[br]are.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I have the spirit of a young."[br]I have the spirit of a young.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I am glowing."[br]I am glowing.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"My bones and veins are in the best shape"[br]My bones- my bones and veins are in the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
best shape.[br]Just my bones and veins though,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
everything else sucks.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can't really tell if these worked or not[br]because I haven't done them for three

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
weeks straight, but I don't know, I can[br]already feel like I have the spirit of a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
young. The comments on this video are [br]really interesting too.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's like, cool. Good for these people[br]right? If that's what they wanna look like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like, personally, why would you wanna look[br]18 forever? That is a nightmare.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This was me at 18.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If I still looked like this, I would be a [br]Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd be so mad all the time.[br]Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
poppin' zits on people and shit,[br]and I could fly because I'm, like, my-

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all my backne is popping so much[br]all the pus coming out, the force of all

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my back zits popping just-

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry, moving on from that horrifying [br]picture of 18-year-old me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So we know there's a lot of products and[br]procedures that exist out there to slow

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the aging process. But[br]even that's not enough for some people.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
One man in particular is going to extreme[br]lengths to not just slow the aging process

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but reverse it entirely.[br]And his name is Bryan Johnson.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wish his last name was Griffin.[br]That'd be so savage.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon [br]entrepreneur and venture capitalist from

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Utah.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?[br]Now I have seen everything.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm sure some of you have probably[br]seen this guy around the internet talking

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about his age reversal endeavours, but the[br]shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in my personal opinion.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I watched his full morning routine and it[br]is wild.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just woke up-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause[br]it's pretty lengthy, but I'll do a quick

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
run through.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He stars off his morning by taking his[br]temperature. He then stands in front of a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
light that imitates sunlight because he [br]wakes up before the sun rises of course.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then[br]weighs himself every morning by the way

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and not just his body weight.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,[br]water, bone, heart rate and EBA.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It also gives me the air quality in the [br]area."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to[br]not weigh myself. This guy does it every

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,[br]that is fucking torture, dude.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can[br]imagine a Saw trap that's like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Stand on the scale, or die."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Bryan then does five minutes of blue light[br]therapy, he then does a meditation,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some weird vibrator thing that he never[br]really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then he prepares his daily pills.[br]And this has gotta be the craziest shit I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have ever seen. Think of how many pills[br]he's gonna have.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's more than that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't know how many pills are in here,[br]I think last time we recorded it was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
something like over 50, maybe 60.[br]That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what's going on here."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a[br]fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. [br]I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of chill pills in there as well because[br]Jesus Christ man.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts[br]red light on his head to prevent hair loss

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and if red light prevents hair loss, looks[br]like I'm keeping mine forever.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many[br]red lights.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Then he preps his food for the day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work[br]out. Yeah, overall it's a lot of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
vegetables every month. It's over[br]50 pounds, I think."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I hate to break it to you man, but that's[br]shit from a butt.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I know people look at it and they say[br]it's green goop and they like to make fun

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of it."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Of course I'm gonna make fun of it, dude. [br]That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I found out this guy has a son too. That's[br]gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Sorry son, you're grounded.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Eat shit, dad.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I do.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He's still not done by the way. He then [br]prepares his second meal of the day which

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he calls nutty pudding[br]"Nutty pudding-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
which is like a protein powder that he[br]actually sells on his website.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe it's called that because you gotta[br]be a little nutty if you're gonna be

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'pudding' that into your body.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And would you believe me if I told you[br]his morning routine still isn't done?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
No it's not!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude[br]by the time this morning routine is done

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he's gonna have to start his bedtime [br]routine. Because Jesus this is taking all

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fuckin' day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So after making his poop and sand, he does[br]a quick workout and then he finally eats

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
his breakfast. That honestly seems like so[br]much work compared to my morning routine.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My entire morning routine can be summed up[br]with the first two words of Chop Suey by

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
System of a Down.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Wake up-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.[br]And that's the thing, it's wild seeing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
morning routines like this because, like,[br]who is this for? I made this point in my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video[br]but like 99% of people do not have the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time to do this shit when they wake up.[br]He says in this video that his morning

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
routine can take up to four hours.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"My morning routine is about three to four[br]hours, it varies on any given day

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sometimes I go-"[br]Too long.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is just not realistic to normal [br]people. But honestly, I don't know why

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like[br]who even cares what this guy has to say

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anyway? He doesn't even have the erection[br]of an 18-year-old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist[br]would say that's the grossest thumbnail

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.[br]I also found this really interesting video

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some[br]other fuckin' crazy contraption to make

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
himself younger.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Today I'm going to show you the machine I[br]use that allows me to do the equivalent of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.[br]I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's the max level. This is definitely not[br]something you wanns start with

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what it feels like is, it's pulling your [br]entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Strap it on-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Imagine he starts the machine and it's[br]just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my[br]misery, aaaah!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>Exercise complete</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, now if you guys want one of these[br]hit the link in my bio.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Also, like a part of his face is like[br]discoloured in this, it's like yellow.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
His face is like yellow in this video. [br]I don't know if that's healthy, right?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Is he going through the new experimental[br]Simpsons treatment?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like [br]the final boss of anti-aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I don't think I'm ready to experience[br]that just yet, I gotta work my way up

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right? [br]And I think I found the perfect person.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
His name is Brandon Miles May, or[br]@brandonskincare

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and he has been getting pretty popular on[br]TikTok recently and here's why.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't[br]smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh[br]and I do smile. This is how I laugh

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
without using Botox and for preventing [br]fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in[br]this video, but this guy is allegedly 35

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
years old. For someone who looks that[br]young, I'd assume he would have like a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head[br]because his head's gotta be full of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
youthful thoughts.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When I first saw this video, I felt like I[br]was being, like, possessed by a far right

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
conservative because all I wanted to[br]comment was, 'show me your birth

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
certificate.' Because I just couldn't[br]fucking believe it, honestly still kinda

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
don't believe it, but that is the story[br]he's sticking with, so that's great.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He takes this shit pretty serious so, you[br]know what? Sure. He's 35.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy is five years older than me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And Brandon's entire internet persona is[br]based around anti-aging.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He eats food for the sole purpose of[br]anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Even his clothing helps him stay young.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Anti-aging outfit of the day! [br]Are you ready for this?"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"So today is really warm, so it's pretty[br]basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right here this is- has the thumb holes[br]for the backs of the hands, but I can also

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
use this to protect the sides of my face,[br]I have my big sunglasses on to protect

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like pretty much half of my face,[br]I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on[br]my legs."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon[br]wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because according to him the sun is the[br]main contributor to the aging of the skin.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just practice safe sun protective [br]behaviours because the sun contributes

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of[br]aging."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly[br]dangerous for your skin if you don't

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
protect yourself. So he wears clothing[br]that is UPF 50, and that stands for

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Ultraviolet Protection Factor.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98%[br]of the sun's rays.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy would probably still be a fuckin'[br]baby if it blocked 100%.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I gotta say though, including the[br]sunscreen in the fit check-

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And sunscreen on my legs-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's genuinely one of the funniest[br]things I've ever seen.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
People gotta start getting like super [br]specific like that in those like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'walk me through your fit' videos.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Alright, walk me through your fit."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Alright well first off I got the toupee[br]on my head, Gucci t-shirts,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
swollen nipples from when my older brother[br]purple nurpled me this morning,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Dolce &amp; Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my[br]haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my[br]ankle monitor from my house arrest."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"House arrest?"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Police! Get your hands up,[br]get down on the ground!"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Also just copped a taser in the back."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this is all well and good, but I feel[br]like at a certain point it's like kind of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
impossible to avoid the sun. And also like[br]why would you rob yourself of that joy?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There's like no better feeling than having[br]the sun on your face.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like what about when you're driving,[br]what are you gonna do then?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe like, you know those sun blockers[br]that people put on their car windows when

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they park their car?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I imagine Brandon just has that over his [br]windshield at all times, just absolutely

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
mowing people down, can't see shit...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry, let's get back to Brandon,[br]let's see what kind of food he's eating so

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he can keep that youthful glow.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight[br]for the purposes of anti-aging.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell[br]peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
good for collagen synthesis, it also[br]contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
NRF2 pathway-"[br]<i>overlapping dialog</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This guy's just making up words.[br]What the fuck was all that shit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues[br]dude, he needs to be, he needs to be

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
exorcised by a priest. And I can't help[br]but think about that tweet,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of a person who's meal prepping broccoli,[br]chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it with, 'okay mr fart'.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's all I'm thinking of when I look at[br]that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
probably make you hallucinate bro.[br]Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I also just watched a video from Brandon[br]saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I would say about 95% of the time I eat[br]everything that I show here on TikTok

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with[br]a friend or like my partner or somebody

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like[br]every quarter or so we might have pizza

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not like a big deal for me."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Which sounds like a brutal existence dude,[br]a pizza every quarter?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Just one pizza a quarter?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour[br]if I could, dude.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like I said earlier, I wanna see how[br]effective this anti-aging lifestyle really

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live [br]my life the exact same way Brandon does.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we'll see if I end up looking any[br]younger. But first, we need to lock down a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
daily routine.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of[br]videos detailing pretty much everything he

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
does in a typical day for anti-aging.[br]Let's start off with what I'm gonna be

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
eating this week.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He has a video called[br]'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
To summarise that video, Brandon has a [br]dark roast coffee in the morning and then

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
an hour or two later, he has breakfast[br]which sucks for me because the first thing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on my mind when I wake up is what I'm[br]gonna eat for breakfast.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For breakfast he says he makes a green[br]smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much[br]every day and then one day I'll try to go

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fasting and see how that goes.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then a few hours later he makes a[br]humongous salad for lunch.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100%[br]cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I don't know about you guys but I like[br]my hot chocolate sweet as hell.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So let's see how he sweetens it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener [br]or sugar, so it is bitter."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Great.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And for dinner, Brandon usually does[br]salmon or some other kind of fish for

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
omega-3. I don't know what those are, it[br]sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Autobots.[br]'Omega-3, roll out.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then alongside the salmon Brandon also[br]has broccoli and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet[br]potato."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then for dessert he does frozen[br]blueberries and dark chocolate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So that's gonna be pretty much my diet[br]every single day this week.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And there were some other foods in his [br]TikTok and stuff, like hard boiled eggs

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle[br]in here and there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And also, god, real quick. I gotta say,[br]love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
picture is giving off, I love it dude.[br]It looks like I'm seeing him through a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
peephole.[br]And obviously another pinnacle of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging is exercise. [br]Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stretch, and this next part's gonna be[br]pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
20,000 steps a day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I've been trying to reach for 20,000[br]steps-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to[br]a guy who has mastered the art of parking

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it, but Brandon actually uses this little [br]treadmill, this like walking pad while he

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
works and stuff, so I went ahead and[br]ordered that same treadmill because

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can't possibly think of another way to[br]get 20,000 steps in a day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Especially during the summertime.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon then does some weightlifting with[br]some 12-pound weights

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that'll be no problem.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that's his daily workout routine.[br]Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But compared to my usual workout routine[br]that consists of 20 reps of hanging out

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
followed by three sets of chilling,[br]this is gonna be a big change for me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up[br]on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I paused my game to be here.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You know I can eat and exercise all I want[br]but if I don't look the part then

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what am I doing? So I'm gonna order [br]some UPF 50 clothing as well.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And wow, look at these.[br]Holy crap, these are ugly.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They're not ugly, sorry. [br]They're just not what I would wear.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's like, there's not even one ironic[br]vintage graphic t-shirt on here

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what the fuck?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I guess it's nice that these clothes[br]protect you from the sun, but it doesn't

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
say anything about protecting you from [br]insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I'm gonna give these a genuine try.[br]So I'm gonna order some of these.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And last but not least, Brandon made a [br]video going through some tips and tricks

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
about anti-aging that nobody really talks[br]about.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"So whenever I am, like, cooking a meal[br]and I'm baking and I'm using the oven,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I will be very very hesitant to just reach[br]my hand in there with just a mitten."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Damn, your skin can't even get warm?[br]What the fuck? That's not real.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"People who bake things for a living have[br]more aged skin on their dominant hand

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the hand that they use for putting things[br]in the oven and pulling things out."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Also the example he uses...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He says people who work in kitchens[br]age poorly?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That might be true, but I can guarantee[br]you that's not because of the heat.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've worked in restaurants before, ok?[br]If it's not the cigarettes, booze and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>sniff</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that ages them poorly, it's the[br]unnecessary amount of stress they put

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
themselves through.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at[br]that sells food is selling too much food.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand [br]tattoos about this.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff[br]out there but I think that's just personal

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
work trauma I'm working through that-[br]nothing on you guys.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Tip number two, flying in airplanes, [br]I always choose a window seat so that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can control when the window is up and[br]down because when you're in higher

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is[br]strongest at those highest altitudes-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a[br]couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't[br]know. It might kill him.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't know.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
As you get on a flight, you're in the[br]window seat, sitting next to you is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open[br]the window, sun shines through and then

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you look back at Brandon and there's just[br]a pile of ash there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Tip number three is wearing white[br]clothing. The sun comes down and reflects

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
UV off of that white significantly more so[br]than any other colour."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, this is terrible news for me[br]because I actually really love wearing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing [br]to wear because I got this cool thing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
called dandruff. So when I wear black my[br]shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe[br]all this healthy eating I do this week

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
will somehow cure my dandruff.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"When you have bright lights on at night,[br]like just everywhere in your house and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you're watching TV and you're on your[br]phone and you're on your devices

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this blue light and this visible light is[br]stimulating your serotonin levels when

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not supposed to be stimulated, and [br]your circadian rhythm is getting all out

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of whack."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Got, this is also gonna be a huge change. [br]Like I'm playing video games and working

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Literally the lonely stoner seems to free[br]his mind at night, I don't know if he's

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
heard that before. [br]But now Brandon's saying no bright lights

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
at night? That ain't right!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And also socialising and connecting with [br]others is really really important."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends[br]and my wife this week.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I think I can make that happen.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Maintaining an overall positive attitude[br]just overall can be connected to these

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
things, you know relaxation and reducing[br]negativity. Negativity is a powerful

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
detriment to your anti-aging goals.[br]A lot of people who are just negative

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
overall tend to have a reduced life span [br]and just more health issues overall,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
tends to be a correlation there, [br]an association."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's dumb. That's stupid.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Fuck dude, being negative shortens your[br]life? Nice knowing you guys!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Jesus Christ dude.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"And number 10 tip is basically not[br]drinking alcohol-"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay. Come on, man.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How you gonna tell me to be social but not[br]have any alcohol?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go [br]skydiving but don't wear a parachute!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor,[br]right?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million[br]beers, right friend?'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I just don't drink personally because I [br]know that there's really no benefit to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
alcohol."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell[br]that to my hands that I'm not sure what to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
do with at a concert.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, I think we've got a firm[br]understanding of what my anti-aging week

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is gonna look like, but I think before I[br]dive into the shallow end and break my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
neck, I need one final day of getting all[br]the fun shit I like doing out of my system

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I got a haircut.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I had my quarterly pizza the night[br]before my week of anti-aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and with a chest full of heartburn[br]I stared at my computer screen for the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
rest of the night. I've been really busy [br]getting ready for tour and everything

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much[br]time to do it this week, so I had to get

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as much done as I possibly could.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That being said, I also played some video[br]games.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you're wondering what video game I was [br]playing, then you're in luck.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Because it's time to talk about the[br]sponsor of this week's video

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Zenless Zone Zero.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Zenless Zone Zero is a brand new, free to[br]play, action role-playing game set in a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stylish urban fantasy world that's[br]available to plat on PC, PS5 and on mobile

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Zenless Zone Zero is also published by[br]Hoyoverse, the makers of Genshin Impact.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So you already know that this game is a [br]certified banger.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've been plating Zenless Zone Zero, or [br]ZZZ, for the past few days and I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
absolutely love it. In ZZZ, you take on[br]the role of Proxy and embark on a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
thrilling adventure with a diverse group[br]of partners to defeat enemies and unravel

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
mysteries in the uniquely designed city of[br]New Eridu. And I'm completely obsessed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with the art style, music, voice acting[br]and animations

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but my favourite part of ZZZ is its fluid[br]combat system that's simple enough for

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
newcomers but diverse enough to provide a[br]challenge for experienced players.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And with so many playable characters[br]combat is always fresh and exciting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And speaking of playable characters, I [br]gotta tell you about the game's newest

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
character coming with the 1.1 update:[br]Jane Doe.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
She's a physical anomaly character who[br]specialises in rapid attacks to take down

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
her enemies and that's pretty much the [br]playstyle I use in like every RPG I play

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I'm super excited to add Jane Doe to my[br]team in Zenless Zone Zero.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So if you've been itching to jump into a [br]new game with a vibrant art style

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a compelling story, intriguing characters[br]and rewarding, impactful combat

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
then look no further than [br]Zenless Zone Zero.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And like I said earlier it's completely [br]free to play and it's available on PC, PS5

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and mobile, so what are you waiting for?[br]Click my link in the description and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
experience the excitement of Zenless Zone[br]Zero for yourself.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you so much to Zenless Zone Zero for[br]sponsoring this video, back to me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I stared at the screen until my eyes[br]popped out of my skull, freakin' gamer

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
style. And oh yeah, I also had a beer[br]because I wasn't gonna be able to have any

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this week, so I enjoyed the hell out of[br]this thing. <i>burp</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That beer was almost as nice as [br]Donkey Kong's ass.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was epic, now let's get young.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I bought a bunch of shit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uhh, I forget how much everything was[br]I think it was like $400 for everything.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Never mind, I was wrong. It was like $470[br]so pretty much like 500 bucks. Insane.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Oh no, sorry, plus the groceries.[br]We got everything from Whole Foods

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because where Brandon buys everything[br]and uh, that place is pretty pricey, I'll

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
say that. I think they call it Whole Foods[br]because they put a hole in my wallet.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Let's go through what I purchased.[br]First up, this big thing right behind me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right here[br]<i>clang</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's the uh, my walking thing,[br]my treadmill, my little walking pad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm gonna set it up down here in my [br]recently flooded basement, uh

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's super empty right now.[br]This will be my walking zone for the next

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
week. Just an empty, white...[br]'a bitch.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Let's go through what I got.[br]So this is the, oh, this is like a little

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't even fuckin' know what I bought.[br]But this is like a band and you can wear

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it as so many other things.[br]A wristband, aliceband, blindfuld?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, good idea. Just walk around like[br]that all day?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Scrunchie, headband, hatliner, cap, durag,[br]<i>oooooh</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Am I gonna get away?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Pirate[br]'arrr!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sunguard, face mask, hood, balaclava. [br]So I bought like 16 things in one dude.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's completely U... UFP... UPF 50.[br]UPF Chang's.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I should be good to go there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I was[br]recording, but everything I saw on here

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was on Brandon's like Amazon storefront[br]a lot of the stuff wasn't available on

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Canadian Amazon so I had to like, find [br]some alternatives, but most of it was from

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon's Amazon page.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'It's a black square!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, and then I've got some blue light[br]blocking glasses, Gy Snail.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>Gy Snail</i>[br]<i>Ohhhh yeah.</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How do I look? Wow.[br]Everything looks like it's covered in piss

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that's pretty cool. Alright next up are my[br]supplements, I got this probiotic, I also

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
got this borage oil? Boraj? Borat?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I got this Borat oil, my wife.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Essential fatty acids, this thing just [br]called me a fatty.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then I got this uh, Super EFA![br]This is something else, this is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Madagascar Centella Ampoule.[br]Am... am-pool, am-pool.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't know what it does, but I do like[br]the movie Madagascar, so if it's anything

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like that I think I'm fucking set.[br]I also got these Vital Proteins.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
One single ingredient.[br]*All the single ingredients, all the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>single ingredients</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Last but not least, we got some food.[br]I got sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
chia, cacao nibs, cocoa powder, cannellini[br]beans, some kelp?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Spongebob Squarepants-ass food.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then I got some 100% Hundo.[br]Dark chocolate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Unsweetened almond milk for my smoothies[br]and my hot chocolate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I got these red peppers, I got these red[br]onions, sweet potatoes, broccoli, spinach

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
uh and some salad mix for like, the salad.[br]And that's pretty much it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
By the end of this video, I am gonna be[br]a <i>foetus</i>.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I got eight hours of sleep my first day[br]which was really nice but my dog woke me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
up really early because he had to piss and[br]shit. <i>awww</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I took him piss and shit and then I [br]immediately made myself an anti-aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
coffee. And yes, that's the same as a [br]regular coffee but I was just manifesting

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that it was gonna make me younger.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, so I wanted to use a glass mug to [br]like, prove to you guys that I actually

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was drinking black coffee, but the only[br]see-through mug I have is this Instagram

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
one that I stole from my old office job.[br]And it's probably the cheugiest thing I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
own so, apologies for that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But first, coffee.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like I said earlier in the video, the [br]first thing I wanna do when I wake up is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
eat food, and usually I'd make like a[br]breakfast sandwich or a burrito or toast

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or a bagel you know, something with bread.[br]But today I had to make a Brandon Miles

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
May green smoothie.[br]And now that I'm thinking about it,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if Brandon Miles May was really all about[br]that anti-aging lifestyle, you know if he

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
really cared about freakin' rewinding the[br]clock, his name would be

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon Miles April.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I put a bunch of spinach, a carrot,[br]almond milk, water, an avocado,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
oh that looks like what my dog did this [br]morning.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I put in some chia seeds, this collagen [br]peptides powder that I smelled way too

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hard so I got some up my nose,[br]and then I put in a banana, some black

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sesame seeds and some ice. [br]And then I blended it all up.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, if you weren't hungry before [br]watching this video, sorry.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You definitely are now.[br]You're probably drooling like crazy right

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
now, it's fucking disgusting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I was so excited to drink this[br]smoothie guys, it kind of looks like the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
shit that the plant dad tried to feed his [br]kids in that one Goosebumps episode

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Stay Out of the Basement.[br]And I've always wanted to try that, so

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this was pretty cool.[br]But after all the hard work, breakfast was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
served. I ain't never seen two pretty [br]best friends.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And oh yeah, I also prepped some[br]containers so I can just add milk and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
water and blend them up to save some time[br]going forward.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, good morning on the first day of [br]me becoming a little baby.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I have my smoothie here, I have pretty [br]much every single ingredient under the sun

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Down the hatch!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>slurping noises</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's great.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's just spinach I taste because that's[br]all I put in there but-

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>Emememe</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was me being Popeye. [br]I wanna be Popeye.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But hey, if I don't like the flavour, at[br]least I have this nice black coffee to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wash it all down with.[br]I'm just gonna hang out here and...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and drink this.[br]And real quick, I'm making it seem like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm a really picky eater, but I promise [br]you I'm not. I eat a lot of food, I love

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all food pretty much, uh, except for [br]cilantro. I have the gene that makes it

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
taste like soap to me, so anytime I [br]accidentally eat cilantro it tastes like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm being punished for like saying a [br]swear word.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But honestly, I think putting a legit bar[br]of soap into this blunder would've made it

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
taste a lot better. Because this fucking[br]green smoothie, it tasted like cement bro.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It took me so long to fucking drink it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry I'm being negative and that ages you

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'The smoothie was so good!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay I've been filming this about half-[br]35 minutes. A half hour.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So it's taking me a half hour to drink [br]all this. I got one final... slurp.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But after some hard work and determination[br]I finally finished the smoothie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Never felt so young in my life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Except uh... that's a half hour I'll never[br]fucking get back.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon said in his videos that it's[br]always good to rest after eating your

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
breakfast because it helps with digestion.[br]And I was like 'that's fuckin' stupid, why

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
would you need to rest after it?'[br]But after doing that, I get it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was the most mentally strenuous thing[br]I've had to do, was get through this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fucking thing, so good night![br]<i>snore</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Instantly fall asleep.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'I finally rest and watch the sun rise on[br]a grateful universe.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Also woah, I just realised the walls of my[br]living room are the exact same colour as

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the smoothie I had. Or maybe they aren't,[br]I'm just hallucinating.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now it's time for my stretches![br]<i>Oh yeah</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I followed along with Brandon's video and[br]you know what, I will say these actually

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
felt pretty nice. Whether or not doing[br]these stretches actually makes me look

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
younger, I do wanna try to incorporate[br]this into my everyday life going forward

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because it felt great. You can quote me on[br]this, there's nothing better than getting

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stretched out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I especially loved this stretch. I kinda[br]look like a cat who's about to puke.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I stretched for about 10 minutes and [br]oh yeah, one of the stretches reminded me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of my karate lessons I took 20 years ago[br]so that was also pretty fun.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay so, first morning routine is pretty [br]much done.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, I don't know if this is because of[br]the smoothie or the stretching but

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you know what? I do feel a bit more [br]energised than I usually do.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Then again that could be like a placebo[br]effect. But no, this guy doesn't really

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have sugar, so I guess placebo wouldn't [br]really exist.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, I do have some work that I gotta get[br]done and then I guess I'm gonna start

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
getting my steps in. But yeah, so far [br]so good, I think.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How do I look? I feel like I look older[br]because I haven't shaved yet.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The more hair you have, the older you look

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And after I finished some work I went down[br]to the basement because it was treadmill

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time, brother.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, I'm in the basement again. [br]Time to unbox this uh, fucking little

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
walking pad as they call it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How many steps am I at right now? [br]It is currently 12:27, I'm at 2,000 steps

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I need 18,000 more so...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, it's a lot.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I started unboxing my walking pad and this[br]thing was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'fully loaded with tons of cool stuff!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
An L-key, yes!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It also came with this remote control[br]and it also came with this.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay so it came with lubri- lubricant oil?[br]Why'd they give me lube?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How you gonna give me lube, and also put[br]something that says 'warm tips'?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I really thought this walking pad was [br]gonna be a huge game changer for me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because I can get my steps in without the[br]sun ever touching my skin and just ruining

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my life. But I forgot that one of the best[br]parts of walking outside is like, looking

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
around at shit. Seeing a bird crap on the [br]ground, seeing a squirrel have sex.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'Oh, cool shit!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So like, after 10 seconds on the walking[br]pad, I was like immediately bored out of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my mind. The future is now. You get all[br]the joy of walking outside without the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
nice warmth from the sun. So... I just [br]gotta do this for like an hour.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Ok, I can definitely see why people have[br]these with like a standing desk because

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this is kind of just like, you're not[br]really exerting too much energy and you

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
can still sort of like do something.[br]But I'm really bored right now.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Maybe I'll read, maybe I'll read a book[br]while I do this or something.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That'd be pretty cool. Just all the books [br]are over there. And I'm here.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If only there was a way for me to move...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If there was only some sort of way I could[br]move my legs that would in turn make my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
whole body move to where I want it to go.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
One day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Backward style, ohhh, oh my god!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this was my view for the next half hour[br]and let me tell you I have never felt

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
younger in my life. Even though the[br]youngest people I've ever seen in my life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are never walking. They can't. They can't [br]walk. So if I really wanna start acting

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
young I should just throw on a diaper and[br]throw a tantrum on the ground.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I don't know if it was the leisurely[br]stroll I took for 30 minutes, or the fact

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that I had blended up spinach for[br]breakfast, but I was starting to get

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hungie. So I went upstairs to make my[br]lunch. Brandon says he usually makes a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
huge salad for lunch every day so I [br]followed his tutorial as close as I could.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I put spring mix, a bell pepper, sunflower[br]seeds, black sesame seeds, olive oil and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
balsamic vinegar. I also fried up some[br]beans and onions, and I also made a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hard-boiled egg. Because I was fucking[br]starving and I knew a salad wasn't gonna

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fill me up and I've also seen Brandon eat[br]those things before.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That yellow stuff on top isn't my fucking[br]dandruff or anything, it is nutritional

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
yeast. Pretty good yeast.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this salad actually tasted really[br]fucking good. I'll admit it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Brandon Miles May have been cooking with[br]this recipe, I fear.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Or maybe it was good because I was fucking[br]starving, but I ate the whole damn thing.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm not afraid to say it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now it's time for my supplements!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's what I say when I see a bunch of [br]Altoids. Sup, little mints?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Why'd they make these so fucking big?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And in Brandon's video where he shows what[br]he eats in a day, he makes his famous hot

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
chocolate right after lunch, so that's[br]what I did as well.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I heated up some unsweetened almond milk,[br]I put in some cocoa powder and then some

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of these cacao nibs because I couldn't[br]find the wafers that he uses.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Wafer I barely know her.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I cooked them for a while, but this is [br]when I realised um, I don't fucking know

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what cacao nibs are. What the fuck are[br]they? Because I was fully under the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
impression that they were just gonna melt[br]into the milk, but they did not.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They just got wet.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What the fuck are cocoa nibs? Cacao nibs.[br]Cacao!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So even though I made it incorrectly, I [br]still had a delicious hot chocolate ready

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to be consumed. So let's give it a try.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, this thing tasted like fucking shit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I know sugar bad for you but honestly, I[br]think drinking literal dirt water is worse

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If I ordered a hot chocolate somewhere and[br]they gave me that, I'm throwing it in

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their face and I am gladly going to jail[br]for it okay? Because that is fucking evil.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"This coffee smells like shit!"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"It is shit."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For the next few hours, I was just working[br]in my office and then around dinnertime

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I had some salmon with carrots and[br]potatoes and this is pretty good because

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it was just ,you know, a pretty normal-ass[br]meal. But then it was time for dessert!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is like if Charlie and the Chocolate [br]Factory had zero fun.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And Brandon's dessert of choice is frozen[br]blueberries and dark chocolate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I have a feeling it's gonna look the [br]exact same coming out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Compared to the hot chocolate this [br]actually wasn't too bad, but you know,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
obviously still not an ideal dessert.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So if you could eat like a rock.[br]Picture just eating a rock.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I unfortunately did not get 20,000 steps[br]on my first day because I fuckin', I spent

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the whole day cooking. I feel like I had[br]no fuckin' time to take that many steps.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Unless you count all the steps that it [br]took to make that fuckin' smoothie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Because there's like 20,000 ingredients[br]in it. So you know what? Sure, how 'bout

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that. Yes I did, I got 20,000 steps, okay?[br]So it was like 9PM at this point and I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
needed to go through the final edit of my[br]comedy special Python that you can watch

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
right now for free on my YouTube channel[br]if you want.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But using these glasses was a little weird[br]especially when you're like, reviewing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
footage because it made everything look[br]like it was at the bottom of a pool that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is uh, filled with piss. So I just looked [br]like an idiot when the only feedback I had

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was "This too yellow, fix it. Change it."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thanks a lot, glasses.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But with that my first day of anti-aging[br]was complete. And it was time for me to go

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Tuesday mode.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I woke up and realised my shirt needs to[br]start having some green smoothis 'cause

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that thing is wrinkly, god damn.[br]Disgusting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I needed to walk my dog so I put some [br]sunscreen on so I could brave the elements

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and when I got back I started getting [br]really hungry, but this was the day that I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was gonna start fasting in the morning, so[br]I was only allowed to have a coffee.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But you know what, if I'm being honest, [br]eating nothing is actually better than

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
eating that "smoothie". So I actually [br]wasn't too broken up about it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I did my morning stretches and this time I[br]incorporated a quick plank 'cause that's

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hilarious, and by the time I was done all[br]my stretches and everything it was like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:30. And that's when I used to have a [br]little snack when I was a little boy so I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
figured I was allowed to eat some food[br]now. And for my snack, I had one

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hard-boiled egg. And that hard-boiled egg [br]got me thinking about my own anti-aging

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
goals.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
A few hours later I went downstairs and [br]made the same salad as the day before

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but for the next few days I unfortunately[br]had to make and eat everything in my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
dining room, well I didn't have to eat[br]everything in the dining room. I didn't

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have to eat like the chairs and the tables[br]but I had to eat food-

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was getting my kitchen redone, I was[br]getting my kitchen floors redone

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I couldn't really use my kitchen, so[br]yeah really shit timing to film a video

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that requires a really strict diet when [br]your kitchen is getting a makeover.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But then again, so was I.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I also saw a TikTok from Brandon saying [br]that cherry tomatoes were a really good

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
snack for anti-aging. And one's perfect[br]because my wife Jenna is growing a bunch

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of cherry tomatoes right now.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Cherry tomatoes, organic cherry tomatoes,[br]you know what these contain? Lycopene."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Pause, bro. Peen?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Lycopene."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Lycopene? I don't like a peen at all! [br]I like no peen.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I didn't wanna do it but, you know, for[br]anti- aging purposes I grinned and beared

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it, I ate the cherry tomatoes while [br]repeating 'no homo' in my head over and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
over again and thy were awesome. [br]Almost as awesome as a guy's penis.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then I took my supplements as I [br]prepared for my first journey outside to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
face my number one foe, the sun.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it's interesting because like, all the[br]other wellness lifestyles I've tried, like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the billionaire lifestyle, the vision[br]healing lifestyle, they all praise the sun

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and its healing properties, but with this[br]anti-aging lifestyle, the sun is like this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
evil villain that needs to be avoided at [br]all times.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I reapplied sunscreen and sat outside[br]with my dog, Kiwi.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Not without my UPF 50 hat that looks[br]really cool, guys.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it does look good on me, okay? And if[br]I see one comment that says otherwise,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
then I implore you to reconsider.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I look like Zorro.[br]See how the audio weirdly cut out in this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
clip for some reason? Off- camera, my wife[br]she immediately agreed with me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
She actually said I looked cooler than[br]Zorro. So that was pretty nice.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We hung out outside for a little longer[br]and I can't explain how nice it was to be

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
outside in the sun. I know it ages you [br]like crazy, but after a day of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
purposefully staying inside and hiding[br]from it, I just felt so good.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, laugh all you want. I'm gonna be[br]laughing all the way to the bank.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I won't be able to open a bank account[br]because I'll be... I'll be too young!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm too young, they're gonna say, "you're[br]too... you must be too young for that,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for this. You're a little baby boy!"

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
A few hours later we ordered some food for[br]lunch because we couldn't use our kitchen.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I just ordered some salad and some [br]steamed broccoli, yum!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And you know, you're probably thinking[br]eating all these healthy foods would make

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
me feel incredible, right? But a pretty[br]large problem was beginning to become

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
apparent.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Okay, so I've been doing this routine for[br]like, two days, two full days now.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This might be TMI but uh, I haven't, [br]I haven't g- gone to the bathroom.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I- I've pissed. I've been pissing, uh I [br]stay pissing. But I... I haven't gone

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
number two yet. Kinda weird because I'm[br]usually a pretty regular guy, I don't know

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what's going on. My body's like, 'where[br]is all the bread, man? Where's all...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
where's all the bread, dude? We don't know[br]what to do with all this shit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Where's all the bread and cheese, man?'[br]And just getting all bunged up down there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this is, I don't know if that's good [br]for my health, but uh, that's where we're

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
at right now. Been farting though![br]Definitely been farting. And guess if they

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
smell insane? I had a pound of greens the[br]past two days, guess if the farts smell uh

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like they're from another planet. I'll let[br]you know if anything changes.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But luckily, me talking about not being[br]able to poop must've reminded my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
intestines to actually do their job[br]because like, 30 minutes after I recorded

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all that, I friggin' crapped.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So it was like 10PM now, and I needed to[br]sign a bunch of these cards that we're

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
gonna be selling on the Goodfellow World [br]Tour that has just started!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Come to the shows, please! Buy a signed [br]card, okay? I signed them all, they're

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sick. They look really cool. Especially [br]when you aren't looking at them through

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
piss glasses. And I also forgot to do my[br]skincare the night before so I did that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I ordered this cen...tella shit. I don't[br]know what it's supposed to do, but it was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on Brandon's Amazon list so it's gotta be[br]good.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And after that, I went to sleep. And now [br]it's time for Wednesday!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I made my coffee and my mug was calling me[br]handsome and I didn't really know how to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
respond because I'm only ten years old.[br]No one's ever said that to me before.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Morning. Uh, I thought I would give [br]everybody a little, little hump day update

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on how everything's going. It's the third,[br]third day of this anti-aging lifestyle.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've been trying to just stay out of the [br]sun completely to avoid it, and I'm...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
going a little stir-crazy. So I... I think[br]I'm gonna try to plan some sort of outdoor

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
outing tomorrow. It's just to be outside[br]because I've been uh, just a hermit pretty

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
much. But um, I made the smoothie again[br]but I added some blueberries this time

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and it's funny because when I first had it[br]when it took me like 45 minutes to drink

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it tasted like cement. But this one kinda [br]just... this one looks like cement, so

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
let's see how it tastes when I add a [br]little bit of blueberries.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>slurps</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's like night and day. [br]That's incredible

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>slurps</i>[br]This is... this is great. I could have

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that every day. [br]This is the same type of hat The Hat Man

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wears. I gotta take a picture, tonight.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That also was another tip on TikTok that I[br]saw, was to sleep on your back. That's

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
supposed to be good for anti-aging.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Back-sleepers do appear to enjoy fewer[br]fine lines and wrinkles on their face

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
compared to other sleep positions."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But again, sleeping on your back is how[br]you get a visit from The Hat Man, me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Do you want...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I show up and I go, 'stop laying on your[br]back.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But yeah, I'm gonna keep up this routine,[br]I haven't gotten 20,000 steps yet on any

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of the days, which is frustrating. I got[br]8,000 on Monday, 13,000 yesterday.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Hopefully I can get 20,000 today. But what[br]do I know? These numbers are huge.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm just a little baby. I don't know that[br]num- numbers could even go this big.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
All I know is 1 2 3 and... peekaboo. [br]But I'm gonna drink this smoothie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'll see you on the other side.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And as I drank my smoothie, I decided to[br]watch stuff on YouTube that I would watch

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as a kid.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm watching a fight scene from uh, the [br]movie The One starring Jet Li.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Start speaking and thinking youthful [br]thoughts."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And like I said, this smoothie tasted

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
incredible because of the added [br]blueberries, so it only took me like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10 minutes to crush it, compared to [br]Monday's 35 minutes, so that was great.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Dude, that took me 10 minutes. Who knew [br]putting something that tastes good

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
makes something taste good. [br]Learn new stuff every day. I'm a teenager.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uhh, I'm so young it's crazy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I then made my way downstairs to my [br]glorified hamster wheel so I could get

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some steps in. I was able to walk for a [br]longer period of time on this day because

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I brought my 3DS down there and I started [br]a new save file of Pokemon Silver.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this seems like a good time to give a [br]full review on this walking pad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So obviously this thing is appealing due[br]to its small, compact design, but that's

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
also kind of a detriment to the product[br]because like, when you're on it, you gotta

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
be fuckin' locked in on where you're[br]walking. Because if you're not walking in

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a perfectly straight line at the right[br]speed consistently, it is so easy to like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
slip or like your foot to slip off or you[br]like, you know, step on the side and you

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
get all... you trip for a second. And it's[br]just like, it's really scary. It happened

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to me like, several times. Yeah, walking[br]pad? More like walking bad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So overall, I'm gonna give this walking [br]pad like a 6.5 out of 10.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you're good at walking then get it, [br]I guess. But if you're just a little baby

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like me who just learned how to walk last[br]week, I'd probably just skip it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
After my walk, I did some lifting with

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
some 8-pound weights. Brandon usually uses[br]12-pound weights but I didn't have any of

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those. But halfway through my workout, I [br]realised something terrible.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was wearing white.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm doing it now!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I'm recording after, so it's fine. [br]Haha!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I put on a black shirt and went right[br]back to pumping iron.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I didn't really feel like I was burning[br]that many calories or anything

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and the more I thought about it, the more[br]I realised like, what I was doing wasn't

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
very youthful at all. The guys who lift a [br]bunch of weights all the time, they always

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
look like, 30 years older than they [br]actually are, right?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You could see a 6'5 bodybuilder who's like[br]bald and shit, he's like super ripped

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he's got like a goatee and you're like,[br]'how old are you?'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And he's like, 'yeah I'm 15!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like, if I need to be thinking about[br]youthful thoughts, I wouldn't think to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
lift weights. You know what I mean?[br]I'd be doing something way different.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>"Smoke weed every day"</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I did some stretches, I planked again[br]and then Kiwi was stoked that someone else

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was finally at his eye level, so he came[br]and hung out with me for a little bit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And being under 6 feet, I know exactly[br]how that feels. When I see another 5'9

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
dude at a party or something, I'm like,[br]'yo, what's up, man? This is nice.'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For a snack, I made one of my favourite [br]foods, a caprese salad.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But Brandon never said anywhere that it's[br]okay to have mozzarella cheese, so I just

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
had tomatoes with basil. It was still [br]really good because the tomatoes and basil

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were fresh from my wife's garden. [br]But still, cheese would've been awesome.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And like I said earlier, I don't really[br]have like a solid routine that I stick to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
every day, so one of the biggest[br]challenges of this, like, routine was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually just sticking to an actual [br]routine. Like, there was just so much to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually do and remember throughout the[br]day. It was like... it was really hard.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Because obviously, you want your morning [br]to feel like you're just starting your day

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
you're getting into it, you don't wanna be[br]like, 'okay, I do this, this, I do that-'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like that's a fucking nightmare, dude. [br]I was so worried and stressed and anxious

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that it was like... it probably aged me[br]more than if I just lived regularly.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I didn't do much for the rest of the day,[br]and I also forgot to film my dinner

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I filmed a little recap after I uh,[br]after I ate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Alright, I forgot to film it, but I just[br]ate some salmon and broccoli. I had some

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
broccoli too. But yeah, I uh, I was really[br]fucking hungry.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's like the main thing I'm realising [br]this challenge. But I guess just the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
lifestyle is like, I'm just hungry all the[br]time. So I'm finding myself, like eating

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
small amounts of things all day. [br]Like a bird. I just had a handful of seeds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like a fucking bird, dude.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's alright, having a great time. [br]I crapped again too, so...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're back, we're so back.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So with Wednesday coming to an end, it was[br]time for the day that AJR wrote that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
shitty song about.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>"Thirsty thirsty Thrursday"</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I woke up to one of my moustache hairs [br]trying to escape, and I immediately went

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
downstairs to make my green smoothie,[br]or purple smoothie, sorry.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is what I have to look forward to now[br]and it's pretty awesome.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I drank my smoothie, and when I went to[br]put my glass in the dishwasher, I realised

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I forgot the banana. I forgor.[br]I was devastated. I've never forgotten a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
banana like this before.[br]So I ate it in the kitchen and threw the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
banana peel on the floor.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
'That was delicious! Woah!'

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I then noticed that my dog was sitting in [br]his favourite spot enjoying the sunshine

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
without the proper protection. So like a [br]good dog owner, I took my UPF 50 hat off

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and put it on Kiwi.[br]Oh my god, he loves it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I did my daily stretches again, and then[br]for lunch I had some more steamed broccoli

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
another hard-boiled egg, and some roasted[br]sweet potatoes.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this meal was pretty good, [br]I enjoyed it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And like I said on Wednesday, I decided to[br]plan a nice outdoor outing on this day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And some of you may know this already, but[br]I am unfortunately an avid golfer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm sorry. But I love it. I've played[br]since I was a kid, I love golf, I love

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
getting outside, playing golf with my [br]friends. You know, trying to improve at

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
something that is challenging and that I[br]enojy. It's really nice. It's like, golf

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is really therapeutic for me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Or at least it was, before I found out the[br]sun is trying to kill me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I decided to go golfing on Thursday.[br]And this was the perfect time to debut my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
complete sun-protection outfit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, I'd like to see the sun try to start[br]a fight with that guy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I got to the golf course and put a shit[br]ton of sunscreen all over my legs because

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those were gonna be exposed to the big[br]bully in the sky.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then I was finally ready to go golfing

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was a little nervous because I'll be [br]honest, uh... the undershirt I bought is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
made out of like a really, like [br]constricting material.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And it was really hard to move and... [br]and breathe.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I went up to hit my first tee shot of[br]the day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"It should be just a nice comfortable[br]9-iron for him. They're gonna go nuts when

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he hits this thing."[br]<i>"Yeah!"</i>

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm glad my buddy wasn't filming where[br]the ball went because holy shit, it was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
really bad. You know, for a sport that[br]kind of requires you to be uh, flexible

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and comfortable while you play, super warm[br]and constricting clothing is a terrible

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
idea.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This is really hot.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But nevertheless, I persisted.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I played an entire 18 holes in this[br]fucking outfit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And although I looked and felt a little[br]silly, I was just happy to be outside in

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the sun and getting my 20,000 steps.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm getting some dirty looks from the [br]other golfers on the course.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't... I can't see why. It's probab-[br]it's probably jealousy. Probably pure

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
jealously. That's okay. I can't breathe[br]really, which is fun. And I'm really warm.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I feel like I'm... definitely protecting [br]myself from the sun, but I... might die

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
from a stroke in the process, so I don't[br]know if this is really... really that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
smart, but... [br]Dude, I look so young. Oh nice shot!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, like I said, my drive was terrible,[br]I ended up in the trees and I'm absolutely

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
blaming my clothes for that, okay?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When I'm wearing my usual clothes, I hit [br]the ball in the fairway every single time!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this next shot actually wasn't that[br]bad, I just rolled off the green to the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
left and I... I was a little upset. [br]Because I couldn't fucking hit a shot to

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
save my life that day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This fucking outfit. I usually hit that in[br]every single time.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm gonna be honest, wearing these [br]clothes for four hours on a hot, sunny day

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and walking 20,000 steps was probably the[br]most uncomfortable I've ever been.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The face mask was like constantly pushing[br]on my Adam's apple, it felt like someone

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was trying to choke me, but they just like[br]weren't fully committing, you know?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Picture like a little garden gnome, like,[br]trying to just choke you all day.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Like it's more annoying than anything, [br]you know what I mean?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So yeah, I played like shit pretty much[br]all day and I am 100% blaming the UPF 50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
clothing.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And usually after 9 holes I'll stop at the[br]halfway and I'll get a hotdog, right?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'll eat it in like three or four [br]bites because I'm so goddamn hungry, but

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
obviously this week, hotdogs are a no-go.[br]But oddly enough, when I was at the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
halfway grabbing a water, they had the...[br]the grill going and uh, my friend who

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was golfing with, he ordered a hotdog.[br]And the girl who was working there was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually like,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I was blown away by that because one,[br]probably not the best sales tactic to say

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that after someone orders a hotdog.[br]And two, out of all the times to hear that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
little titbit of information, I hear it [br]the one week where I'm trying to extend my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
life, like, what are the odds?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And this is a thing that people say about[br]hotdogs, I looked it up and obviously that

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hasn't been proven, because that's like, [br]impossible to prove. There's so many, like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
different things you have to take into[br]account. But it's like when people say

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like having one cigarette takes like, you [br]know, whatever amount off your life, right

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I actually don't...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
How much do they say for cigarettes?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"I'm 11 so shut the fuck up."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You're telling me a hotdog takes more off[br]your life than a fucking cigarette, dude?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
This changes everything. We gotta replace[br]cigarettes with hotdogs.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Imagine you're just engaged with some, you[br]know, passionate lovemaking with your

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
partner. You know, you go over to your [br]bedside table and you come back, like...

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And if a hotdog shortens your life span,[br]one can only assume the opposite of a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
hotdog must lengthen your lifespan.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You ever see a shivering kitten around me?[br]Don't ask any questions.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Sorry, back to my day on the golf course.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Instead of a hotdog, I got a bag of[br]peanuts!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Uh, so I ate those like a little fucking[br]baby bird, it sucked, I... I was starving.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was fucking really hungry.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And on top of my outfit slowly trying to[br]kill me, and the fact that I looked like I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was in witness protection, a new issue[br]arose.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Oh, this thing stinks.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Yeah, it turns out walking four miles in[br]really tight clothing makes you stink like

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
shit, so everybody was keeping their [br]distance from me, but you know what?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was okay with me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
While all the other golfers were[br]complaining about their golf game and

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
beating themselves up about how bad they[br]were at golf, I was able to blame my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
uncomfortable outfit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's never my fault.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So when I got home, I made some salmon and[br]some sweet potatoes, and I also had a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
salad with some cucumbers from my wife's[br]garden, and it's probably because I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
literally had a few handfuls of nuts for[br]dinner, but this meal was the best one

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've had, like all week so far. Like, it[br]was incredible. I ate it so fast!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And since I went golfing, I finally had a[br]day with 20,000 steps.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I did it all without ever touching my[br]walking pad, what the fuck?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I should've put the walking pad on two [br]hoverboards so I could still use the

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
walking pad outside and walk around.[br]Work harder, not smarter.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Friday started off terribly. I woke up to [br]one of the worst canker sores I've ever

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
had in my life, which is super frustrating[br]because I haven't gotten one of those in a

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
really long time. But when I'm living like[br]really healthy for a week, now I get one?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
<i>Huh?</i>[br]Cool!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I also noticed this bag of blueberries [br]I've been eating all week is like, way too

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
slutty for no reason. But I was low-key[br]fucking with it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I made a black coffee as well for yet[br]another breakfast of champions.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I have never seen two pretty best friends.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
At this point of the week I was feeling [br]really burnt out and just sick of this

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
anti-aging lifestyle.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm hungry all the time. [br]Stomach is growling.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I know it's impossible to see the impacts[br]of the changes you're making like, in real

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
time,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I was just so annoyed with everything[br]at this point and I also had a case of pop

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in the basement that was fucking talking [br]to me like the Green Goblin mask,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I had to just stick to my friggin'[br]diet.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I made another pretty, colourful and[br]healthy salad and ate that for lunch

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then for a little snack, I had some[br]blueberries and dark chocolate while I

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
watched some YouTube videos.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the rest of the day was filled with me[br]walking on my walking pad and eating

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
salmon. And I was watching one of [br]Brandon's videos and he said that he

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
actually stopped eating salmon every day[br]because he was scared of mercury poisoning

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Personally, I do consume meat and fish in[br]very moderate quantities with a focus on

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
fish in moderation just because of the, uh[br]mercury content."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I think that's fucking stupid because[br]mercury's like really far away.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But anyways, Friday was done, and now it[br]was time for the weekend, baby!

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Another day, another fucking smoothie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And you probably notice the pizza boxes in[br]the background but those are not mine, ok?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Trust me, okay? I'm just holding them for[br]a friend. Well, not really a f- for my

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
sister, okay? She was visiting and... and[br]she wanted pizza so, so she got a pizza ok

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but trust me, okay? They weren't mine [br]alright, I didn't touch the stuff.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I already had my quarterly pizza.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Instead of having an awesome cheesy pizza[br]for lunch, I had a black coffee, some

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
leftover salad and an avocado with kelp[br]seasoning, and it was so... just alright.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And my canker sore was getting worse by[br]the minute, so that was a lot of fun.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And at this point, I looked up what