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Folks

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You guys ever think about how every
passing second brings us just a little bit

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closer to death?
Yeah, me neither.

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I feel like I say this all the time, but I
just turned 30 and I'll be honest,

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I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and
hearing my dad complain about his

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back pain, and then in my head I was like,
'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's

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never gonna happen to me though!'
But alas! Here I am!

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If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an 
Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster

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and I had a headache for a week.
I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can

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feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?
It's inevitable. We're all aging all the

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time, that's quite literally how the human
body works. But for as long as us humans

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have been around, we have been trying to
fight this natural decay that we all

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experience. And anti-aging content has
been around for a while, but lately I've

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seen an increase in popularity of anti-
aging products and techniques on TikTok

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specifically and I thought it'd be fun if
we took a look at them today.

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I should say I haven't seen a lot
personally because my For You page is

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all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to
a crisp.

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But my wife has seen a lot of these videos
she's actually the one who gave me this

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video idea. So everybody say thank you 
Jenna on three. One two three

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Thank you, Jenna!

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So first off, I think that it's important
that we talk about the history of

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anti-aging products and techniques because
the concept of anti-aging in itself is

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very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.

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Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,
hilarious year by the way.

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In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently
took daily baths in donkey milk in order

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to maintain a youthful look.
Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks

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so young. It's all that donkey milk.

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And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon
risked his life and set off on a journey

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to find the fabled fountain of youth. 
A spring that was said to provide eternal

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life. He never actually found the fountain
of youth, but what he found was even

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better.

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Florida.

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And that is real. He went out to find the
fountain of youth and he found the fucking

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opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of
the fountain of youth. Because most people

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down there look like an old leather couch.
People from Florida, their skin looks like

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a black metal band's logo. And there's
tons of stories like this throughout

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history. Apparently Elizabethan women
placed thin slices of raw meat directly on

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their face. I'm sure their husbands were 
pretty stoked on that.

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But one of the first anti-aging products
ever was released to the public in 1889

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and they were called Frownies. These were
like little adhesive patches that hold

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your skin tight so you don't develop
wrinkles. And the origin story of this

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product is pretty interesting. So the
inventor of Frownies apparently noticed

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some frown lines on her daughter and she
immediately got to work on a product that

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could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up
face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was

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frowning so much in the first place, you 
know? Guess we'll never know.

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And since the release of Frownies in 1889,
the anti-aging world has grown

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exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,
lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,

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procedures, you can pretty much sell 
anything you want to people if you just

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tell them it will make them look younger.
That being said, buying tickets to my

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shows, and also buying my merch will
actually make you look 10 years younger.

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It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that 
like 99% of anti-aging products and

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procedures are marketed directly towards
women. You know, in this patriarchal

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society we live in, 
cause we do live in a society.

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From an early age the pressure and, like,
proposed importance of maintaining a

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youthful image is absolutely drilled into 
girls' brains through various forms of

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media and marketing.
There's this fucked up idea that, like,

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women's most valuable asset is their youth
which is, number one, incorrect and two,

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weird as fuck. It's like when you hear
people talk about an older celebrity and

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they're like, 'wow she looks so nice for
her age!'

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And it's like, yeah I don't know if you
needed those last three words.

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You could just say someone looks good,
you know?

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It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite
for dudes. We've kind of, like, tricked

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the world into thinking that men get more
attractive as they age.

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And don't get me wrong, that is true for 
some dudes, but most old guys?

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Uhhh? Woof.

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If you think dudes get hotter with age,
you take a trip down to the fountain of

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death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what 
most old men look like.

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But I've never personally felt the, like,
societal pressure to hold onto my youth as

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a man.

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"I'm a man."

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But it happens all the time with girls
and it's still happening today.

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"Here's some things that I do to slow down
the aging process as a 14 year old.

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I started doing most of these things at
12. Number one, I take two apple cider

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vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.
Number two, I use a retinol twice a day.

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Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do
two face masks a day."

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Call me crazy but I think a literal child 
having an anti-aging routine

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is a little dystopian. Because it's like
you're already young. Why are you doing an

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anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a
TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,

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'This is how I have fun on a budget.'

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It's like, dude, you don't need to worry
about that, man.

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And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell
you what procedures not to get or what

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products not to use. It's your body, your 
decision. But I just hope with people who

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are doing these anti-aging procedures and
stuff, I just hope they're doing it for

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the right reason. 
And again, I'm not smart.

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If you want a deep, insightful commentary
on this topic, or fucking any topic,

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you're at the wrong- you're watching the
wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

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But I guess anti-aging, you know,
it's not inherently bad, but with every

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other fucking thing on this planet, some
people are taking it a little too far.

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And I thought it'd be interesting to 
actually try out some of these anti-aging

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techniques / products and see if they have
any actual effect. But first, we have to

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actually find out how to reverse my age. 
So I think we need to go to the most

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reliable place on the internet to find
well-documented, peer-reviewed information

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on this subject.

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Tiktok!

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"You're not ugly or old, but your inner
dialog might be. If you want the ultimate

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glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle, 
but in the power of positive affirmations"

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Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!

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"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts." Okay...

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"Because your thoughts shape your reality"

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Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's
a classic with this type of shit.

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Manifesting was a huge part of the video 
where I did, where I took a vision healing

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masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with
the concept, alright? This ain't my first

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rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,
that's wicked.

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But the thing I'm confused about,
she tells people to 'think and speak

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youthful thoughts'.

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"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts."

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What, what is that? What even is a
youthful thought?

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'Woah, he's so deep in thought
I wonder what he's thinking about.'

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'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in
my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv

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Cocomelon so much.'

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'Oh my god, what's that smell? 
Dude, did you shit yourself?'

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So this creator actually sells the exact
affirmations you need to say on her

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website for $10, but I unfortunately can't
buy those cause I'm just a little baby

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with no money.

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So I found a video on YouTube called 
Age Reversal Affirmations.

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"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the
passion with these reverse aging

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affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at
least 21 days in a row."

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21 days in a row? What the f-
Dude, no sleeping, no eating,

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no exercising, no doing any of the things
that will, like, keep you healthy

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and also maintain a youthful appearance

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Fuck all that.

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You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations
cave for three weeks straight.

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Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days
later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff

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you can see my bones

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'I've never felt so young!'

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Okay, so let's see what these affirmations
are.

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"I have the spirit of a young."
I have the spirit of a young.

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"I am glowing."
I am glowing.

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"My bones and veins are in the best shape"
My bones- my bones and veins are in the

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best shape.
Just my bones and veins though,

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everything else sucks.

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I can't really tell if these worked or not
because I haven't done them for three

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weeks straight, but I don't know, I can
already feel like I have the spirit of a

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young. The comments on this video are 
really interesting too.

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And it's like, cool. Good for these people
right? If that's what they wanna look like

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Like, personally, why would you wanna look
18 forever? That is a nightmare.

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This was me at 18.

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If I still looked like this, I would be a 
Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy

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I'd be so mad all the time.
Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'

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poppin' zits on people and shit,
and I could fly because I'm, like, my-

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all my backne is popping so much
all the pus coming out, the force of all

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my back zits popping just-

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Sorry, moving on from that horrifying 
picture of 18-year-old me

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So we know there's a lot of products and
procedures that exist out there to slow

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the aging process. But
even that's not enough for some people.

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One man in particular is going to extreme
lengths to not just slow the aging process

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but reverse it entirely.
And his name is Bryan Johnson.

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I wish his last name was Griffin.
That'd be so savage.

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So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon 
entrepreneur and venture capitalist from

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Utah.

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I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?
Now I have seen everything.

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And I'm sure some of you have probably
seen this guy around the internet talking

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about his age reversal endeavours, but the
shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane

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in my personal opinion.

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I watched his full morning routine and it
is wild.

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"I just woke up-"

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I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause
it's pretty lengthy, but I'll do a quick

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run through.

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He stars off his morning by taking his
temperature. He then stands in front of a

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light that imitates sunlight because he 
wakes up before the sun rises of course.

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He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then
weighs himself every morning by the way

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and not just his body weight.

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"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,
water, bone, heart rate and EBA.

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It also gives me the air quality in the 
area."

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Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to
not weigh myself. This guy does it every

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morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,
that is fucking torture, dude.

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Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can
imagine a Saw trap that's like

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"Stand on the scale, or die."

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Bryan then does five minutes of blue light
therapy, he then does a meditation,

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some weird vibrator thing that he never
really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops

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and then he prepares his daily pills.
And this has gotta be the craziest shit I

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have ever seen. Think of how many pills
he's gonna have.

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It's more than that.

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I don't know how many pills are in here,
I think last time we recorded it was

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something like over 50, maybe 60.
That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure

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what's going on here."

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50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a
fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude

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That is wild, he's gotta tone it down. 
I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple

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of chill pills in there as well because
Jesus Christ man.

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But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts
red light on his head to prevent hair loss

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and if red light prevents hair loss, looks
like I'm keeping mine forever.

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Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many
red lights.

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Then he preps his food for the day.

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"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work
out. Yeah, overall it's a lot of

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vegetables every month. It's over
50 pounds, I think."

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I hate to break it to you man, but that's
shit from a butt.

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"I know people look at it and they say
it's green goop and they like to make fun

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of it."

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Of course I'm gonna make fun of it, dude. 
That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?

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I found out this guy has a son too. That's
gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.

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'Sorry son, you're grounded.'

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'Eat shit, dad.'

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'I do.'

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He's still not done by the way. He then 
prepares his second meal of the day which

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he calls nutty pudding
"Nutty pudding-"

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which is like a protein powder that he
actually sells on his website.

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Maybe it's called that because you gotta
be a little nutty if you're gonna be

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'pudding' that into your body.

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And would you believe me if I told you
his morning routine still isn't done?

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No it's not!

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We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude
by the time this morning routine is done

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he's gonna have to start his bedtime 
routine. Because Jesus this is taking all

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fuckin' day.

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So after making his poop and sand, he does
a quick workout and then he finally eats

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his breakfast. That honestly seems like so
much work compared to my morning routine.

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My entire morning routine can be summed up
with the first two words of Chop Suey by

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System of a Down.

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"Wake up-"

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That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.
And that's the thing, it's wild seeing

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morning routines like this because, like,
who is this for? I made this point in my

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Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video
but like 99% of people do not have the

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time to do this shit when they wake up.
He says in this video that his morning

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routine can take up to four hours.

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"My morning routine is about three to four
hours, it varies on any given day

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sometimes I go-"
Too long.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is just not realistic to normal 
people. But honestly, I don't know why

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like
who even cares what this guy has to say

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
anyway? He doesn't even have the erection
of an 18-year-old.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist
would say that's the grossest thumbnail

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.
I also found this really interesting video

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some
other fuckin' crazy contraption to make

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himself younger.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Today I'm going to show you the machine I
use that allows me to do the equivalent of

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20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.
I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it's the max level. This is definitely not
something you wanns start with

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what it feels like is, it's pulling your 
entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Strap it on-"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Imagine he starts the machine and it's
just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my
misery, aaaah!'

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>Exercise complete</i>

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, now if you guys want one of these
hit the link in my bio.

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Also, like a part of his face is like
discoloured in this, it's like yellow.

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His face is like yellow in this video. 
I don't know if that's healthy, right?

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Is he going through the new experimental
Simpsons treatment?

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So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like 
the final boss of anti-aging

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but I don't think I'm ready to experience
that just yet, I gotta work my way up

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right? 
And I think I found the perfect person.

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His name is Brandon Miles May, or
@brandonskincare

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and he has been getting pretty popular on
TikTok recently and here's why.

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"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't
smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh
and I do smile. This is how I laugh

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
without using Botox and for preventing 
fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in
this video, but this guy is allegedly 35

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
years old. For someone who looks that
young, I'd assume he would have like a

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head
because his head's gotta be full of

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
youthful thoughts.

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When I first saw this video, I felt like I
was being, like, possessed by a far right

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conservative because all I wanted to
comment was, 'show me your birth

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
certificate.' Because I just couldn't
fucking believe it, honestly still kinda

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
don't believe it, but that is the story
he's sticking with, so that's great.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He takes this shit pretty serious so, you
know what? Sure. He's 35.

252
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This guy is five years older than me.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And Brandon's entire internet persona is
based around anti-aging.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He eats food for the sole purpose of
anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Even his clothing helps him stay young.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Anti-aging outfit of the day! 
Are you ready for this?"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"So today is really warm, so it's pretty
basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on

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right here this is- has the thumb holes
for the backs of the hands, but I can also

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
use this to protect the sides of my face,
I have my big sunglasses on to protect

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like pretty much half of my face,
I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on
my legs."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon
wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
because according to him the sun is the
main contributor to the aging of the skin.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I just practice safe sun protective 
behaviours because the sun contributes

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of
aging."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly
dangerous for your skin if you don't

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
protect yourself. So he wears clothing
that is UPF 50, and that stands for

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Ultraviolet Protection Factor.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98%
of the sun's rays.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This guy would probably still be a fuckin'
baby if it blocked 100%.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I gotta say though, including the
sunscreen in the fit check-

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"And sunscreen on my legs-"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's genuinely one of the funniest
things I've ever seen.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
People gotta start getting like super 
specific like that in those like

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'walk me through your fit' videos.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Alright, walk me through your fit."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Alright well first off I got the toupee
on my head, Gucci t-shirts,

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
swollen nipples from when my older brother
purple nurpled me this morning,

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Dolce & Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my
haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my
ankle monitor from my house arrest."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"House arrest?"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Police! Get your hands up,
get down on the ground!"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Also just copped a taser in the back."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this is all well and good, but I feel
like at a certain point it's like kind of

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
impossible to avoid the sun. And also like
why would you rob yourself of that joy?

286
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
There's like no better feeling than having
the sun on your face.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Like what about when you're driving,
what are you gonna do then?

288
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Maybe like, you know those sun blockers
that people put on their car windows when

289
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they park their car?

290
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I imagine Brandon just has that over his 
windshield at all times, just absolutely

291
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
mowing people down, can't see shit...

292
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sorry, let's get back to Brandon,
let's see what kind of food he's eating so

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
he can keep that youthful glow.

294
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight
for the purposes of anti-aging.

295
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell
peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C

296
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
good for collagen synthesis, it also
contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2

297
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
NRF2 pathway-"
<i>overlapping dialog</i>

298
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This guy's just making up words.
What the fuck was all that shit.

299
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues
dude, he needs to be, he needs to be

300
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
exorcised by a priest. And I can't help
but think about that tweet,

301
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of a person who's meal prepping broccoli,
chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted

302
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it with, 'okay mr fart'.

303
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's all I'm thinking of when I look at
that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could

304
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
probably make you hallucinate bro.
Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF

305
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.

306
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I also just watched a video from Brandon
saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.

307
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I would say about 95% of the time I eat
everything that I show here on TikTok

308
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with
a friend or like my partner or somebody

309
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like
every quarter or so we might have pizza

310
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it's not like a big deal for me."

311
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Which sounds like a brutal existence dude,
a pizza every quarter?

312
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Just one pizza a quarter?

313
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour
if I could, dude.

314
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Like I said earlier, I wanna see how
effective this anti-aging lifestyle really

315
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live 
my life the exact same way Brandon does.

316
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And we'll see if I end up looking any
younger. But first, we need to lock down a

317
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
daily routine.

318
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of
videos detailing pretty much everything he

319
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
does in a typical day for anti-aging.
Let's start off with what I'm gonna be

320
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
eating this week.

321
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He has a video called
'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.

322
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
To summarise that video, Brandon has a 
dark roast coffee in the morning and then

323
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
an hour or two later, he has breakfast
which sucks for me because the first thing

324
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
on my mind when I wake up is what I'm
gonna eat for breakfast.

325
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
For breakfast he says he makes a green
smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.

326
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much
every day and then one day I'll try to go

327
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fasting and see how that goes.

328
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then a few hours later he makes a
humongous salad for lunch.

329
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100%
cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.

330
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I don't know about you guys but I like
my hot chocolate sweet as hell.

331
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So let's see how he sweetens it.

332
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener 
or sugar, so it is bitter."

333
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Great.

334
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And for dinner, Brandon usually does
salmon or some other kind of fish for

335
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
omega-3. I don't know what those are, it
sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'

336
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Autobots.
'Omega-3, roll out.'

337
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then alongside the salmon Brandon also
has broccoli and

338
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet
potato."

339
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then for dessert he does frozen
blueberries and dark chocolate.

340
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So that's gonna be pretty much my diet
every single day this week.

341
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And there were some other foods in his 
TikTok and stuff, like hard boiled eggs

342
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle
in here and there.

343
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And also, god, real quick. I gotta say,
love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile

344
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
picture is giving off, I love it dude.
It looks like I'm seeing him through a

345
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
peephole.
And obviously another pinnacle of

346
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
anti-aging is exercise. 
Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute

347
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
stretch, and this next part's gonna be
pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit

348
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
20,000 steps a day.

349
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I've been trying to reach for 20,000
steps-"

350
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to
a guy who has mastered the art of parking

351
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it, but Brandon actually uses this little 
treadmill, this like walking pad while he

352
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
works and stuff, so I went ahead and
ordered that same treadmill because

353
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I can't possibly think of another way to
get 20,000 steps in a day.

354
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Especially during the summertime.

355
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon then does some weightlifting with
some 12-pound weights

356
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and that'll be no problem.

357
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And that's his daily workout routine.
Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.

358
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But compared to my usual workout routine
that consists of 20 reps of hanging out

359
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
followed by three sets of chilling,
this is gonna be a big change for me.

360
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up
on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.

361
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I paused my game to be here.

362
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You know I can eat and exercise all I want
but if I don't look the part then

363
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what am I doing? So I'm gonna order 
some UPF 50 clothing as well.

364
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And wow, look at these.
Holy crap, these are ugly.

365
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They're not ugly, sorry. 
They're just not what I would wear.

366
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's like, there's not even one ironic
vintage graphic t-shirt on here

367
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what the fuck?

368
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I guess it's nice that these clothes
protect you from the sun, but it doesn't

369
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
say anything about protecting you from 
insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.

370
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I'm gonna give these a genuine try.
So I'm gonna order some of these.

371
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And last but not least, Brandon made a 
video going through some tips and tricks

372
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
about anti-aging that nobody really talks
about.

373
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"So whenever I am, like, cooking a meal
and I'm baking and I'm using the oven,

374
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I will be very very hesitant to just reach
my hand in there with just a mitten."

375
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Damn, your skin can't even get warm?
What the fuck? That's not real.

376
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"People who bake things for a living have
more aged skin on their dominant hand

377
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the hand that they use for putting things
in the oven and pulling things out."

378
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Also the example he uses...

379
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
He says people who work in kitchens
age poorly?

380
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That might be true, but I can guarantee
you that's not because of the heat.

381
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've worked in restaurants before, ok?
If it's not the cigarettes, booze and

382
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>sniff</i>

383
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that ages them poorly, it's the
unnecessary amount of stress they put

384
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
themselves through.

385
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at
that sells food is selling too much food.

386
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand 
tattoos about this.'

387
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff
out there but I think that's just personal

388
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
work trauma I'm working through that-
nothing on you guys.

389
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Tip number two, flying in airplanes, 
I always choose a window seat so that

390
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I can control when the window is up and
down because when you're in higher

391
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is
strongest at those highest altitudes-"

392
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a
couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna

393
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't
know. It might kill him.

394
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't know.

395
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
As you get on a flight, you're in the
window seat, sitting next to you is

396
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open
the window, sun shines through and then

397
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you look back at Brandon and there's just
a pile of ash there.

398
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Tip number three is wearing white
clothing. The sun comes down and reflects

399
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
UV off of that white significantly more so
than any other colour."

400
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, this is terrible news for me
because I actually really love wearing

401
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing 
to wear because I got this cool thing

402
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
called dandruff. So when I wear black my
shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'

403
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe
all this healthy eating I do this week

404
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
will somehow cure my dandruff.

405
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"When you have bright lights on at night,
like just everywhere in your house and

406
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you're watching TV and you're on your
phone and you're on your devices

407
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
this blue light and this visible light is
stimulating your serotonin levels when

408
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it's not supposed to be stimulated, and 
your circadian rhythm is getting all out

409
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of whack."

410
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Got, this is also gonna be a huge change. 
Like I'm playing video games and working

411
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.

412
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Literally the lonely stoner seems to free
his mind at night, I don't know if he's

413
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
heard that before. 
But now Brandon's saying no bright lights

414
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
at night? That ain't right!

415
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"And also socialising and connecting with 
others is really really important."

416
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends
and my wife this week.

417
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I think I can make that happen.

418
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Maintaining an overall positive attitude
just overall can be connected to these

419
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
things, you know relaxation and reducing
negativity. Negativity is a powerful

420
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
detriment to your anti-aging goals.
A lot of people who are just negative

421
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
overall tend to have a reduced life span 
and just more health issues overall,

422
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
tends to be a correlation there, 
an association."

423
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's dumb. That's stupid.

424
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Fuck dude, being negative shortens your
life? Nice knowing you guys!

425
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Jesus Christ dude.

426
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"And number 10 tip is basically not
drinking alcohol-"

427
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay. Come on, man.

428
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How you gonna tell me to be social but not
have any alcohol?

429
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go 
skydiving but don't wear a parachute!

430
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor,
right?

431
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million
beers, right friend?'

432
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I just don't drink personally because I 
know that there's really no benefit to

433
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
alcohol."

434
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell
that to my hands that I'm not sure what to

435
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
do with at a concert.

436
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, I think we've got a firm
understanding of what my anti-aging week

437
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is gonna look like, but I think before I
dive into the shallow end and break my

438
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
neck, I need one final day of getting all
the fun shit I like doing out of my system

439
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I got a haircut.

440
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I had my quarterly pizza the night
before my week of anti-aging

441
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and with a chest full of heartburn
I stared at my computer screen for the

442
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
rest of the night. I've been really busy 
getting ready for tour and everything

443
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much
time to do it this week, so I had to get

444
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
as much done as I possibly could.

445
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That being said, I also played some video
games.

446
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you're wondering what video game I was 
playing, then you're in luck.

447
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Because it's time to talk about the
sponsor of this week's video

448
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Zenless Zone Zero.

449
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Zenless Zone Zero is a brand new, free to
play, action role-playing game set in a

450
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
stylish urban fantasy world that's
available to plat on PC, PS5 and on mobile

451
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Zenless Zone Zero is also published by
Hoyoverse, the makers of Genshin Impact.

452
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So you already know that this game is a 
certified banger.

453
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've been plating Zenless Zone Zero, or 
ZZZ, for the past few days and I

454
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
absolutely love it. In ZZZ, you take on
the role of Proxy and embark on a

455
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
thrilling adventure with a diverse group
of partners to defeat enemies and unravel

456
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
mysteries in the uniquely designed city of
New Eridu. And I'm completely obsessed

457
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
with the art style, music, voice acting
and animations

458
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but my favourite part of ZZZ is its fluid
combat system that's simple enough for

459
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
newcomers but diverse enough to provide a
challenge for experienced players.

460
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And with so many playable characters
combat is always fresh and exciting.

461
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And speaking of playable characters, I 
gotta tell you about the game's newest

462
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
character coming with the 1.1 update:
Jane Doe.

463
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She's a physical anomaly character who
specialises in rapid attacks to take down

464
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
her enemies and that's pretty much the 
playstyle I use in like every RPG I play

465
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so I'm super excited to add Jane Doe to my
team in Zenless Zone Zero.

466
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So if you've been itching to jump into a 
new game with a vibrant art style

467
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
a compelling story, intriguing characters
and rewarding, impactful combat

468
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
then look no further than 
Zenless Zone Zero.

469
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And like I said earlier it's completely 
free to play and it's available on PC, PS5

470
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and mobile, so what are you waiting for?
Click my link in the description and

471
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
experience the excitement of Zenless Zone
Zero for yourself.

472
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Thank you so much to Zenless Zone Zero for
sponsoring this video, back to me.

473
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I stared at the screen until my eyes
popped out of my skull, freakin' gamer

474
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
style. And oh yeah, I also had a beer
because I wasn't gonna be able to have any

475
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
this week, so I enjoyed the hell out of
this thing. <i>burp</i>

476
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That beer was almost as nice as 
Donkey Kong's ass.

477
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That was epic, now let's get young.

478
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I bought a bunch of shit.

479
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uhh, I forget how much everything was
I think it was like $400 for everything.

480
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Never mind, I was wrong. It was like $470
so pretty much like 500 bucks. Insane.

481
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oh no, sorry, plus the groceries.
We got everything from Whole Foods

482
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
because where Brandon buys everything
and uh, that place is pretty pricey, I'll

483
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
say that. I think they call it Whole Foods
because they put a hole in my wallet.

484
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Let's go through what I purchased.
First up, this big thing right behind me

485
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
right here
<i>clang</i>

486
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's the uh, my walking thing,
my treadmill, my little walking pad.

487
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm gonna set it up down here in my 
recently flooded basement, uh

488
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it's super empty right now.
This will be my walking zone for the next

489
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
week. Just an empty, white...
'a bitch.'

490
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Let's go through what I got.
So this is the, oh, this is like a little

491
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't even fuckin' know what I bought.
But this is like a band and you can wear

492
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it as so many other things.
A wristband, aliceband, blindfuld?

493
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, good idea. Just walk around like
that all day?

494
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Scrunchie, headband, hatliner, cap, durag,
<i>oooooh</i>

495
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Am I gonna get away?

496
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Pirate
'arrr!'

497
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sunguard, face mask, hood, balaclava. 
So I bought like 16 things in one dude.

498
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And it's completely U... UFP... UPF 50.
UPF Chang's.

499
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I should be good to go there.

500
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I was
recording, but everything I saw on here

501
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was on Brandon's like Amazon storefront
a lot of the stuff wasn't available on

502
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Canadian Amazon so I had to like, find 
some alternatives, but most of it was from

503
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon's Amazon page.

504
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'It's a black square!'

505
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay, and then I've got some blue light
blocking glasses, Gy Snail.

506
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>Gy Snail</i>
<i>Ohhhh yeah.</i>

507
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How do I look? Wow.
Everything looks like it's covered in piss

508
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that's pretty cool. Alright next up are my
supplements, I got this probiotic, I also

509
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
got this borage oil? Boraj? Borat?

510
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'I got this Borat oil, my wife.'

511
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Essential fatty acids, this thing just 
called me a fatty.

512
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then I got this uh, Super EFA!
This is something else, this is

513
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Madagascar Centella Ampoule.
Am... am-pool, am-pool.

514
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't know what it does, but I do like
the movie Madagascar, so if it's anything

515
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like that I think I'm fucking set.
I also got these Vital Proteins.

516
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
One single ingredient.
*All the single ingredients, all the

517
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>single ingredients</i>

518
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Last but not least, we got some food.
I got sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds

519
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
chia, cacao nibs, cocoa powder, cannellini
beans, some kelp?

520
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Spongebob Squarepants-ass food.

521
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then I got some 100% Hundo.
Dark chocolate.

522
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Unsweetened almond milk for my smoothies
and my hot chocolate.

523
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I got these red peppers, I got these red
onions, sweet potatoes, broccoli, spinach

524
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
uh and some salad mix for like, the salad.
And that's pretty much it.

525
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
By the end of this video, I am gonna be
a <i>foetus</i>.

526
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I got eight hours of sleep my first day
which was really nice but my dog woke me

527
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
up really early because he had to piss and
shit. <i>awww</i>

528
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I took him piss and shit and then I 
immediately made myself an anti-aging

529
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
coffee. And yes, that's the same as a 
regular coffee but I was just manifesting

530
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that it was gonna make me younger.

531
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, so I wanted to use a glass mug to 
like, prove to you guys that I actually

532
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was drinking black coffee, but the only
see-through mug I have is this Instagram

533
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
one that I stole from my old office job.
And it's probably the cheugiest thing I

534
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
own so, apologies for that.

535
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But first, coffee.

536
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Like I said earlier in the video, the 
first thing I wanna do when I wake up is

537
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
eat food, and usually I'd make like a
breakfast sandwich or a burrito or toast

538
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
or a bagel you know, something with bread.
But today I had to make a Brandon Miles

539
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
May green smoothie.
And now that I'm thinking about it,

540
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
if Brandon Miles May was really all about
that anti-aging lifestyle, you know if he

541
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
really cared about freakin' rewinding the
clock, his name would be

542
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon Miles April.

543
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I put a bunch of spinach, a carrot,
almond milk, water, an avocado,

544
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
oh that looks like what my dog did this 
morning.

545
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I put in some chia seeds, this collagen 
peptides powder that I smelled way too

546
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hard so I got some up my nose,
and then I put in a banana, some black

547
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
sesame seeds and some ice. 
And then I blended it all up.

548
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, if you weren't hungry before 
watching this video, sorry.

549
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You definitely are now.
You're probably drooling like crazy right

550
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
now, it's fucking disgusting.

551
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I was so excited to drink this
smoothie guys, it kind of looks like the

552
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
shit that the plant dad tried to feed his 
kids in that one Goosebumps episode

553
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Stay Out of the Basement.
And I've always wanted to try that, so

554
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
this was pretty cool.
But after all the hard work, breakfast was

555
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
served. I ain't never seen two pretty 
best friends.

556
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And oh yeah, I also prepped some
containers so I can just add milk and

557
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
water and blend them up to save some time
going forward.

558
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, good morning on the first day of 
me becoming a little baby.

559
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I have my smoothie here, I have pretty 
much every single ingredient under the sun

560
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Down the hatch!

561
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>slurping noises</i>

562
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's great.

563
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's just spinach I taste because that's
all I put in there but-

564
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>Emememe</i>

565
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That was me being Popeye. 
I wanna be Popeye.

566
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But hey, if I don't like the flavour, at
least I have this nice black coffee to

567
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
wash it all down with.
I'm just gonna hang out here and...

568
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and drink this.
And real quick, I'm making it seem like

569
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm a really picky eater, but I promise 
you I'm not. I eat a lot of food, I love

570
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
all food pretty much, uh, except for 
cilantro. I have the gene that makes it

571
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
taste like soap to me, so anytime I 
accidentally eat cilantro it tastes like

572
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm being punished for like saying a 
swear word.

573
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But honestly, I think putting a legit bar
of soap into this blunder would've made it

574
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
taste a lot better. Because this fucking
green smoothie, it tasted like cement bro.

575
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It took me so long to fucking drink it.

576
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sorry I'm being negative and that ages you

577
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'The smoothie was so good!'

578
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay I've been filming this about half-
35 minutes. A half hour.

579
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So it's taking me a half hour to drink 
all this. I got one final... slurp.

580
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But after some hard work and determination
I finally finished the smoothie.

581
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Never felt so young in my life

582
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Except uh... that's a half hour I'll never
fucking get back.

583
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon said in his videos that it's
always good to rest after eating your

584
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
breakfast because it helps with digestion.
And I was like 'that's fuckin' stupid, why

585
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
would you need to rest after it?'
But after doing that, I get it.

586
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That was the most mentally strenuous thing
I've had to do, was get through this

587
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fucking thing, so good night!
<i>snore</i>

588
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Instantly fall asleep.

589
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'I finally rest and watch the sun rise on
a grateful universe.'

590
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Also woah, I just realised the walls of my
living room are the exact same colour as

591
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the smoothie I had. Or maybe they aren't,
I'm just hallucinating.

592
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now it's time for my stretches!
<i>Oh yeah</i>

593
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I followed along with Brandon's video and
you know what, I will say these actually

594
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
felt pretty nice. Whether or not doing
these stretches actually makes me look

595
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
younger, I do wanna try to incorporate
this into my everyday life going forward

596
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
because it felt great. You can quote me on
this, there's nothing better than getting

597
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
stretched out.

598
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I especially loved this stretch. I kinda
look like a cat who's about to puke.

599
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I stretched for about 10 minutes and 
oh yeah, one of the stretches reminded me

600
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of my karate lessons I took 20 years ago
so that was also pretty fun.

601
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay so, first morning routine is pretty 
much done.

602
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, I don't know if this is because of
the smoothie or the stretching but

603
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you know what? I do feel a bit more 
energised than I usually do.

604
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Then again that could be like a placebo
effect. But no, this guy doesn't really

605
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
have sugar, so I guess placebo wouldn't 
really exist.

606
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uh, I do have some work that I gotta get
done and then I guess I'm gonna start

607
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
getting my steps in. But yeah, so far 
so good, I think.

608
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How do I look? I feel like I look older
because I haven't shaved yet.

609
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The more hair you have, the older you look

610
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And after I finished some work I went down
to the basement because it was treadmill

611
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
time, brother.

612
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, I'm in the basement again. 
Time to unbox this uh, fucking little

613
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
walking pad as they call it.

614
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How many steps am I at right now? 
It is currently 12:27, I'm at 2,000 steps

615
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so I need 18,000 more so...

616
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, it's a lot.

617
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I started unboxing my walking pad and this
thing was

618
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'fully loaded with tons of cool stuff!'

619
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
An L-key, yes!

620
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It also came with this remote control
and it also came with this.

621
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay so it came with lubri- lubricant oil?
Why'd they give me lube?

622
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How you gonna give me lube, and also put
something that says 'warm tips'?

623
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I really thought this walking pad was 
gonna be a huge game changer for me

624
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
because I can get my steps in without the
sun ever touching my skin and just ruining

625
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
my life. But I forgot that one of the best
parts of walking outside is like, looking

626
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
around at shit. Seeing a bird crap on the 
ground, seeing a squirrel have sex.

627
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'Oh, cool shit!'

628
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So like, after 10 seconds on the walking
pad, I was like immediately bored out of

629
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
my mind. The future is now. You get all
the joy of walking outside without the

630
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
nice warmth from the sun. So... I just 
gotta do this for like an hour.

631
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Ok, I can definitely see why people have
these with like a standing desk because

632
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
this is kind of just like, you're not
really exerting too much energy and you

633
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
can still sort of like do something.
But I'm really bored right now.

634
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Maybe I'll read, maybe I'll read a book
while I do this or something.

635
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That'd be pretty cool. Just all the books 
are over there. And I'm here.

636
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If only there was a way for me to move...

637
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If there was only some sort of way I could
move my legs that would in turn make my

638
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
whole body move to where I want it to go.

639
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
One day.

640
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Backward style, ohhh, oh my god!

641
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So this was my view for the next half hour
and let me tell you I have never felt

642
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
younger in my life. Even though the
youngest people I've ever seen in my life

643
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
are never walking. They can't. They can't 
walk. So if I really wanna start acting

644
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
young I should just throw on a diaper and
throw a tantrum on the ground.

645
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I don't know if it was the leisurely
stroll I took for 30 minutes, or the fact

646
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that I had blended up spinach for
breakfast, but I was starting to get

647
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hungie. So I went upstairs to make my
lunch. Brandon says he usually makes a

648
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
huge salad for lunch every day so I 
followed his tutorial as close as I could.

649
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I put spring mix, a bell pepper, sunflower
seeds, black sesame seeds, olive oil and

650
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
balsamic vinegar. I also fried up some
beans and onions, and I also made a

651
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hard-boiled egg. Because I was fucking
starving and I knew a salad wasn't gonna

652
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fill me up and I've also seen Brandon eat
those things before.

653
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That yellow stuff on top isn't my fucking
dandruff or anything, it is nutritional

654
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
yeast. Pretty good yeast.

655
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this salad actually tasted really
fucking good. I'll admit it.

656
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Brandon Miles May have been cooking with
this recipe, I fear.

657
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Or maybe it was good because I was fucking
starving, but I ate the whole damn thing.

658
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I'm not afraid to say it.

659
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now it's time for my supplements!

660
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's what I say when I see a bunch of 
Altoids. Sup, little mints?

661
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Why'd they make these so fucking big?

662
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And in Brandon's video where he shows what
he eats in a day, he makes his famous hot

663
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
chocolate right after lunch, so that's
what I did as well.

664
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I heated up some unsweetened almond milk,
I put in some cocoa powder and then some

665
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of these cacao nibs because I couldn't
find the wafers that he uses.

666
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Wafer I barely know her.

667
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I cooked them for a while, but this is 
when I realised um, I don't fucking know

668
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what cacao nibs are. What the fuck are
they? Because I was fully under the

669
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
impression that they were just gonna melt
into the milk, but they did not.

670
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They just got wet.

671
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
What the fuck are cocoa nibs? Cacao nibs.
Cacao!

672
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So even though I made it incorrectly, I 
still had a delicious hot chocolate ready

673
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to be consumed. So let's give it a try.

674
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, this thing tasted like fucking shit.

675
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I know sugar bad for you but honestly, I
think drinking literal dirt water is worse

676
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If I ordered a hot chocolate somewhere and
they gave me that, I'm throwing it in

677
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
their face and I am gladly going to jail
for it okay? Because that is fucking evil.

678
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"This coffee smells like shit!"

679
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"It is shit."

680
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
For the next few hours, I was just working
in my office and then around dinnertime

681
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I had some salmon with carrots and
potatoes and this is pretty good because

682
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it was just ,you know, a pretty normal-ass
meal. But then it was time for dessert!

683
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is like if Charlie and the Chocolate 
Factory had zero fun.

684
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And Brandon's dessert of choice is frozen
blueberries and dark chocolate.

685
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I have a feeling it's gonna look the 
exact same coming out.

686
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Compared to the hot chocolate this 
actually wasn't too bad, but you know,

687
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
obviously still not an ideal dessert.

688
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So if you could eat like a rock.
Picture just eating a rock.

689
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I unfortunately did not get 20,000 steps
on my first day because I fuckin', I spent

690
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the whole day cooking. I feel like I had
no fuckin' time to take that many steps.

691
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Unless you count all the steps that it 
took to make that fuckin' smoothie.

692
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Because there's like 20,000 ingredients
in it. So you know what? Sure, how 'bout

693
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that. Yes I did, I got 20,000 steps, okay?
So it was like 9PM at this point and I

694
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
needed to go through the final edit of my
comedy special Python that you can watch

695
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
right now for free on my YouTube channel
if you want.

696
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But using these glasses was a little weird
especially when you're like, reviewing

697
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
footage because it made everything look
like it was at the bottom of a pool that

698
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is uh, filled with piss. So I just looked 
like an idiot when the only feedback I had

699
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was "This too yellow, fix it. Change it."

700
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Thanks a lot, glasses.

701
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But with that my first day of anti-aging
was complete. And it was time for me to go

702
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Tuesday mode.

703
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I woke up and realised my shirt needs to
start having some green smoothis 'cause

704
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that thing is wrinkly, god damn.
Disgusting.

705
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I needed to walk my dog so I put some 
sunscreen on so I could brave the elements

706
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and when I got back I started getting 
really hungry, but this was the day that I

707
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was gonna start fasting in the morning, so
I was only allowed to have a coffee.

708
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But you know what, if I'm being honest, 
eating nothing is actually better than

709
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
eating that "smoothie". So I actually 
wasn't too broken up about it.

710
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I did my morning stretches and this time I
incorporated a quick plank 'cause that's

711
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hilarious, and by the time I was done all
my stretches and everything it was like

712
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
11:30. And that's when I used to have a 
little snack when I was a little boy so I

713
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
figured I was allowed to eat some food
now. And for my snack, I had one

714
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hard-boiled egg. And that hard-boiled egg 
got me thinking about my own anti-aging

715
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
goals.

716
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
A few hours later I went downstairs and 
made the same salad as the day before

717
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but for the next few days I unfortunately
had to make and eat everything in my

718
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
dining room, well I didn't have to eat
everything in the dining room. I didn't

719
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
have to eat like the chairs and the tables
but I had to eat food-

720
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I was getting my kitchen redone, I was
getting my kitchen floors redone

721
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so I couldn't really use my kitchen, so
yeah really shit timing to film a video

722
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that requires a really strict diet when 
your kitchen is getting a makeover.

723
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But then again, so was I.

724
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I also saw a TikTok from Brandon saying 
that cherry tomatoes were a really good

725
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
snack for anti-aging. And one's perfect
because my wife Jenna is growing a bunch

726
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of cherry tomatoes right now.

727
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Cherry tomatoes, organic cherry tomatoes,
you know what these contain? Lycopene."

728
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Pause, bro. Peen?

729
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Lycopene."

730
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Lycopene? I don't like a peen at all! 
I like no peen.

731
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I didn't wanna do it but, you know, for
anti- aging purposes I grinned and beared

732
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it, I ate the cherry tomatoes while 
repeating 'no homo' in my head over and

733
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
over again and thy were awesome. 
Almost as awesome as a guy's penis.

734
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then I took my supplements as I 
prepared for my first journey outside to

735
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
face my number one foe, the sun.

736
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And it's interesting because like, all the
other wellness lifestyles I've tried, like

737
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the billionaire lifestyle, the vision
healing lifestyle, they all praise the sun

738
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and its healing properties, but with this
anti-aging lifestyle, the sun is like this

739
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
evil villain that needs to be avoided at 
all times.

740
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I reapplied sunscreen and sat outside
with my dog, Kiwi.

741
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Not without my UPF 50 hat that looks
really cool, guys.

742
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And it does look good on me, okay? And if
I see one comment that says otherwise,

743
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
then I implore you to reconsider.

744
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I look like Zorro.
See how the audio weirdly cut out in this

745
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
clip for some reason? Off- camera, my wife
she immediately agreed with me.

746
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
She actually said I looked cooler than
Zorro. So that was pretty nice.

747
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We hung out outside for a little longer
and I can't explain how nice it was to be

748
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
outside in the sun. I know it ages you 
like crazy, but after a day of

749
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
purposefully staying inside and hiding
from it, I just felt so good.

750
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, laugh all you want. I'm gonna be
laughing all the way to the bank.

751
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I won't be able to open a bank account
because I'll be... I'll be too young!

752
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm too young, they're gonna say, "you're
too... you must be too young for that,

753
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
for this. You're a little baby boy!"

754
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
A few hours later we ordered some food for
lunch because we couldn't use our kitchen.

755
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I just ordered some salad and some 
steamed broccoli, yum!

756
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And you know, you're probably thinking
eating all these healthy foods would make

757
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
me feel incredible, right? But a pretty
large problem was beginning to become

758
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
apparent.

759
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Okay, so I've been doing this routine for
like, two days, two full days now.

760
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This might be TMI but uh, I haven't, 
I haven't g- gone to the bathroom.

761
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I- I've pissed. I've been pissing, uh I 
stay pissing. But I... I haven't gone

762
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
number two yet. Kinda weird because I'm
usually a pretty regular guy, I don't know

763
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what's going on. My body's like, 'where
is all the bread, man? Where's all...

764
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
where's all the bread, dude? We don't know
what to do with all this shit.

765
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Where's all the bread and cheese, man?'
And just getting all bunged up down there.

766
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So this is, I don't know if that's good 
for my health, but uh, that's where we're

767
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
at right now. Been farting though!
Definitely been farting. And guess if they

768
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
smell insane? I had a pound of greens the
past two days, guess if the farts smell uh

769
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like they're from another planet. I'll let
you know if anything changes.

770
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But luckily, me talking about not being
able to poop must've reminded my

771
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
intestines to actually do their job
because like, 30 minutes after I recorded

772
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
all that, I friggin' crapped.

773
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So it was like 10PM now, and I needed to
sign a bunch of these cards that we're

774
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
gonna be selling on the Goodfellow World 
Tour that has just started!

775
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Come to the shows, please! Buy a signed 
card, okay? I signed them all, they're

776
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
sick. They look really cool. Especially 
when you aren't looking at them through

777
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
piss glasses. And I also forgot to do my
skincare the night before so I did that.

778
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I ordered this cen...tella shit. I don't
know what it's supposed to do, but it was

779
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
on Brandon's Amazon list so it's gotta be
good.

780
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And after that, I went to sleep. And now 
it's time for Wednesday!

781
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I made my coffee and my mug was calling me
handsome and I didn't really know how to

782
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
respond because I'm only ten years old.
No one's ever said that to me before.

783
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Morning. Uh, I thought I would give 
everybody a little, little hump day update

784
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
on how everything's going. It's the third,
third day of this anti-aging lifestyle.

785
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've been trying to just stay out of the 
sun completely to avoid it, and I'm...

786
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
going a little stir-crazy. So I... I think
I'm gonna try to plan some sort of outdoor

787
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
outing tomorrow. It's just to be outside
because I've been uh, just a hermit pretty

788
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
much. But um, I made the smoothie again
but I added some blueberries this time

789
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and it's funny because when I first had it
when it took me like 45 minutes to drink

790
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it tasted like cement. But this one kinda 
just... this one looks like cement, so

791
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
let's see how it tastes when I add a 
little bit of blueberries.

792
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>slurps</i>

793
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's like night and day. 
That's incredible

794
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>slurps</i>
This is... this is great. I could have

795
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that every day. 
This is the same type of hat The Hat Man

796
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
wears. I gotta take a picture, tonight.

797
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That also was another tip on TikTok that I
saw, was to sleep on your back. That's

798
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
supposed to be good for anti-aging.

799
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Back-sleepers do appear to enjoy fewer
fine lines and wrinkles on their face

800
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
compared to other sleep positions."

801
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But again, sleeping on your back is how
you get a visit from The Hat Man, me.

802
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Do you want...

803
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I show up and I go, 'stop laying on your
back.'

804
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But yeah, I'm gonna keep up this routine,
I haven't gotten 20,000 steps yet on any

805
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
of the days, which is frustrating. I got
8,000 on Monday, 13,000 yesterday.

806
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Hopefully I can get 20,000 today. But what
do I know? These numbers are huge.

807
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm just a little baby. I don't know that
num- numbers could even go this big.

808
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
All I know is 1 2 3 and... peekaboo. 
But I'm gonna drink this smoothie.

809
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'll see you on the other side.

810
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And as I drank my smoothie, I decided to
watch stuff on YouTube that I would watch

811
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
as a kid.

812
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm watching a fight scene from uh, the 
movie The One starring Jet Li.

813
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Start speaking and thinking youthful 
thoughts."

814
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And like I said, this smoothie tasted

815
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
incredible because of the added 
blueberries, so it only took me like

816
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
10 minutes to crush it, compared to 
Monday's 35 minutes, so that was great.

817
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Dude, that took me 10 minutes. Who knew 
putting something that tastes good

818
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
makes something taste good. 
Learn new stuff every day. I'm a teenager.

819
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uhh, I'm so young it's crazy.

820
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I then made my way downstairs to my 
glorified hamster wheel so I could get

821
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
some steps in. I was able to walk for a 
longer period of time on this day because

822
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I brought my 3DS down there and I started 
a new save file of Pokemon Silver.

823
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this seems like a good time to give a 
full review on this walking pad.

824
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So obviously this thing is appealing due
to its small, compact design, but that's

825
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
also kind of a detriment to the product
because like, when you're on it, you gotta

826
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
be fuckin' locked in on where you're
walking. Because if you're not walking in

827
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
a perfectly straight line at the right
speed consistently, it is so easy to like

828
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
slip or like your foot to slip off or you
like, you know, step on the side and you

829
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
get all... you trip for a second. And it's
just like, it's really scary. It happened

830
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to me like, several times. Yeah, walking
pad? More like walking bad.

831
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So overall, I'm gonna give this walking 
pad like a 6.5 out of 10.

832
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you're good at walking then get it, 
I guess. But if you're just a little baby

833
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like me who just learned how to walk last
week, I'd probably just skip it.

834
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
After my walk, I did some lifting with

835
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
some 8-pound weights. Brandon usually uses
12-pound weights but I didn't have any of

836
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
those. But halfway through my workout, I 
realised something terrible.

837
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I was wearing white.

838
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I'm doing it now!

839
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I'm recording after, so it's fine. 
Haha!

840
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I put on a black shirt and went right
back to pumping iron.

841
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I didn't really feel like I was burning
that many calories or anything

842
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and the more I thought about it, the more
I realised like, what I was doing wasn't

843
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
very youthful at all. The guys who lift a 
bunch of weights all the time, they always

844
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
look like, 30 years older than they 
actually are, right?

845
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You could see a 6'5 bodybuilder who's like
bald and shit, he's like super ripped

846
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
he's got like a goatee and you're like,
'how old are you?'

847
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And he's like, 'yeah I'm 15!'

848
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Like, if I need to be thinking about
youthful thoughts, I wouldn't think to

849
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
lift weights. You know what I mean?
I'd be doing something way different.

850
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>"Smoke weed every day"</i>

851
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I did some stretches, I planked again
and then Kiwi was stoked that someone else

852
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was finally at his eye level, so he came
and hung out with me for a little bit.

853
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And being under 6 feet, I know exactly
how that feels. When I see another 5'9

854
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
dude at a party or something, I'm like,
'yo, what's up, man? This is nice.'

855
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
For a snack, I made one of my favourite 
foods, a caprese salad.

856
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But Brandon never said anywhere that it's
okay to have mozzarella cheese, so I just

857
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
had tomatoes with basil. It was still 
really good because the tomatoes and basil

858
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
were fresh from my wife's garden. 
But still, cheese would've been awesome.

859
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And like I said earlier, I don't really
have like a solid routine that I stick to

860
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
every day, so one of the biggest
challenges of this, like, routine was

861
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
actually just sticking to an actual 
routine. Like, there was just so much to

862
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
actually do and remember throughout the
day. It was like... it was really hard.

863
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Because obviously, you want your morning 
to feel like you're just starting your day

864
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you're getting into it, you don't wanna be
like, 'okay, I do this, this, I do that-'

865
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like that's a fucking nightmare, dude. 
I was so worried and stressed and anxious

866
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that it was like... it probably aged me
more than if I just lived regularly.

867
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I didn't do much for the rest of the day,
and I also forgot to film my dinner

868
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
so I filmed a little recap after I uh,
after I ate.

869
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Alright, I forgot to film it, but I just
ate some salmon and broccoli. I had some

870
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
broccoli too. But yeah, I uh, I was really
fucking hungry.

871
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That's like the main thing I'm realising 
this challenge. But I guess just the

872
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
lifestyle is like, I'm just hungry all the
time. So I'm finding myself, like eating

873
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
small amounts of things all day. 
Like a bird. I just had a handful of seeds

874
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like a fucking bird, dude.

875
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's alright, having a great time. 
I crapped again too, so...

876
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We're back, we're so back.

877
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So with Wednesday coming to an end, it was
time for the day that AJR wrote that

878
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
shitty song about.

879
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>"Thirsty thirsty Thrursday"</i>

880
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I woke up to one of my moustache hairs 
trying to escape, and I immediately went

881
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
downstairs to make my green smoothie,
or purple smoothie, sorry.

882
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is what I have to look forward to now
and it's pretty awesome.

883
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I drank my smoothie, and when I went to
put my glass in the dishwasher, I realised

884
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I forgot the banana. I forgor.
I was devastated. I've never forgotten a

885
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
banana like this before.
So I ate it in the kitchen and threw the

886
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
banana peel on the floor.

887
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
'That was delicious! Woah!'

888
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I then noticed that my dog was sitting in 
his favourite spot enjoying the sunshine

889
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
without the proper protection. So like a 
good dog owner, I took my UPF 50 hat off

890
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and put it on Kiwi.
Oh my god, he loves it.

891
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I did my daily stretches again, and then
for lunch I had some more steamed broccoli

892
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
another hard-boiled egg, and some roasted
sweet potatoes.

893
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this meal was pretty good, 
I enjoyed it.

894
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And like I said on Wednesday, I decided to
plan a nice outdoor outing on this day.

895
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And some of you may know this already, but
I am unfortunately an avid golfer.

896
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm sorry. But I love it. I've played
since I was a kid, I love golf, I love

897
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
getting outside, playing golf with my 
friends. You know, trying to improve at

898
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
something that is challenging and that I
enojy. It's really nice. It's like, golf

899
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is really therapeutic for me.

900
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Or at least it was, before I found out the
sun is trying to kill me.

901
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I decided to go golfing on Thursday.
And this was the perfect time to debut my

902
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
complete sun-protection outfit.

903
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, I'd like to see the sun try to start
a fight with that guy.

904
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I got to the golf course and put a shit
ton of sunscreen all over my legs because

905
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
those were gonna be exposed to the big
bully in the sky.

906
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And then I was finally ready to go golfing

907
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I was a little nervous because I'll be 
honest, uh... the undershirt I bought is

908
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
made out of like a really, like 
constricting material.

909
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And it was really hard to move and... 
and breathe.

910
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I went up to hit my first tee shot of
the day.

911
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"It should be just a nice comfortable
9-iron for him. They're gonna go nuts when

912
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
he hits this thing."
<i>"Yeah!"</i>

913
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I'm glad my buddy wasn't filming where
the ball went because holy shit, it was

914
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
really bad. You know, for a sport that
kind of requires you to be uh, flexible

915
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and comfortable while you play, super warm
and constricting clothing is a terrible

916
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
idea.

917
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is really hot.

918
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But nevertheless, I persisted.

919
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I played an entire 18 holes in this
fucking outfit.

920
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And although I looked and felt a little
silly, I was just happy to be outside in

921
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the sun and getting my 20,000 steps.

922
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm getting some dirty looks from the 
other golfers on the course.

923
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I don't... I can't see why. It's probab-
it's probably jealousy. Probably pure

924
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
jealously. That's okay. I can't breathe
really, which is fun. And I'm really warm.

925
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I feel like I'm... definitely protecting 
myself from the sun, but I... might die

926
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
from a stroke in the process, so I don't
know if this is really... really that

927
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
smart, but... 
Dude, I look so young. Oh nice shot!

928
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, like I said, my drive was terrible,
I ended up in the trees and I'm absolutely

929
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
blaming my clothes for that, okay?

930
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When I'm wearing my usual clothes, I hit 
the ball in the fairway every single time!

931
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this next shot actually wasn't that
bad, I just rolled off the green to the

932
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
left and I... I was a little upset. 
Because I couldn't fucking hit a shot to

933
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
save my life that day.

934
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This fucking outfit. I usually hit that in
every single time.

935
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I'm gonna be honest, wearing these 
clothes for four hours on a hot, sunny day

936
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and walking 20,000 steps was probably the
most uncomfortable I've ever been.

937
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The face mask was like constantly pushing
on my Adam's apple, it felt like someone

938
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was trying to choke me, but they just like
weren't fully committing, you know?

939
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Picture like a little garden gnome, like,
trying to just choke you all day.

940
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Like it's more annoying than anything, 
you know what I mean?

941
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So yeah, I played like shit pretty much
all day and I am 100% blaming the UPF 50

942
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
clothing.

943
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And usually after 9 holes I'll stop at the
halfway and I'll get a hotdog, right?

944
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I'll eat it in like three or four 
bites because I'm so goddamn hungry, but

945
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
obviously this week, hotdogs are a no-go.
But oddly enough, when I was at the

946
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
halfway grabbing a water, they had the...
the grill going and uh, my friend who

947
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I was golfing with, he ordered a hotdog.
And the girl who was working there was

948
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
actually like,

949
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I was blown away by that because one,
probably not the best sales tactic to say

950
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that after someone orders a hotdog.
And two, out of all the times to hear that

951
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
little titbit of information, I hear it 
the one week where I'm trying to extend my

952
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
life, like, what are the odds?

953
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And this is a thing that people say about
hotdogs, I looked it up and obviously that

954
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hasn't been proven, because that's like, 
impossible to prove. There's so many, like

955
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
different things you have to take into
account. But it's like when people say

956
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like having one cigarette takes like, you 
know, whatever amount off your life, right

957
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I actually don't...

958
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
How much do they say for cigarettes?

959
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
11?

960
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"I'm 11 so shut the fuck up."

961
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You're telling me a hotdog takes more off
your life than a fucking cigarette, dude?

962
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This changes everything. We gotta replace
cigarettes with hotdogs.

963
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Imagine you're just engaged with some, you
know, passionate lovemaking with your

964
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
partner. You know, you go over to your 
bedside table and you come back, like...

965
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And if a hotdog shortens your life span,
one can only assume the opposite of a

966
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
hotdog must lengthen your lifespan.

967
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You ever see a shivering kitten around me?
Don't ask any questions.

968
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Sorry, back to my day on the golf course.

969
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Instead of a hotdog, I got a bag of
peanuts!

970
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Uh, so I ate those like a little fucking
baby bird, it sucked, I... I was starving.

971
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I was fucking really hungry.

972
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And on top of my outfit slowly trying to
kill me, and the fact that I looked like I

973
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
was in witness protection, a new issue
arose.

974
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oh, this thing stinks.

975
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Yeah, it turns out walking four miles in
really tight clothing makes you stink like

976
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
shit, so everybody was keeping their 
distance from me, but you know what?

977
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That was okay with me.

978
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
While all the other golfers were
complaining about their golf game and

979
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
beating themselves up about how bad they
were at golf, I was able to blame my

980
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
uncomfortable outfit.

981
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's never my fault.

982
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So when I got home, I made some salmon and
some sweet potatoes, and I also had a

983
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
salad with some cucumbers from my wife's
garden, and it's probably because I

984
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
literally had a few handfuls of nuts for
dinner, but this meal was the best one

985
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've had, like all week so far. Like, it
was incredible. I ate it so fast!

986
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And since I went golfing, I finally had a
day with 20,000 steps.

987
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And I did it all without ever touching my
walking pad, what the fuck?

988
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I should've put the walking pad on two 
hoverboards so I could still use the

989
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
walking pad outside and walk around.
Work harder, not smarter.

990
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Friday started off terribly. I woke up to 
one of the worst canker sores I've ever

991
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
had in my life, which is super frustrating
because I haven't gotten one of those in a

992
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
really long time. But when I'm living like
really healthy for a week, now I get one?

993
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
<i>Huh?</i>
Cool!

994
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I also noticed this bag of blueberries 
I've been eating all week is like, way too

995
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
slutty for no reason. But I was low-key
fucking with it.

996
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I made a black coffee as well for yet
another breakfast of champions.

997
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I have never seen two pretty best friends.

998
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
At this point of the week I was feeling 
really burnt out and just sick of this

999
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
anti-aging lifestyle.

1000
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I'm hungry all the time. 
Stomach is growling.

1001
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I know it's impossible to see the impacts
of the changes you're making like, in real

1002
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
time,

1003
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but I was just so annoyed with everything
at this point and I also had a case of pop

1004
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
in the basement that was fucking talking 
to me like the Green Goblin mask,

1005
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but I had to just stick to my friggin'
diet.

1006
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So I made another pretty, colourful and
healthy salad and ate that for lunch

1007
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and then for a little snack, I had some
blueberries and dark chocolate while I

1008
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
watched some YouTube videos.

1009
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And the rest of the day was filled with me
walking on my walking pad and eating

1010
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
salmon. And I was watching one of 
Brandon's videos and he said that he

1011
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
actually stopped eating salmon every day
because he was scared of mercury poisoning

1012
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Personally, I do consume meat and fish in
very moderate quantities with a focus on

1013
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
fish in moderation just because of the, uh
mercury content."

1014
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But I think that's fucking stupid because
mercury's like really far away.

1015
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But anyways, Friday was done, and now it
was time for the weekend, baby!

1016
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Another day, another fucking smoothie.

1017
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And you probably notice the pizza boxes in
the background but those are not mine, ok?

1018
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Trust me, okay? I'm just holding them for
a friend. Well, not really a f- for my

1019
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
sister, okay? She was visiting and... and
she wanted pizza so, so she got a pizza ok

1020
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but trust me, okay? They weren't mine 
alright, I didn't touch the stuff.

1021
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I already had my quarterly pizza.

1022
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Instead of having an awesome cheesy pizza
for lunch, I had a black coffee, some

1023
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
leftover salad and an avocado with kelp
seasoning, and it was so... just alright.

1024
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And my canker sore was getting worse by
the minute, so that was a lot of fun.

1025
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And at this point, I looked up what