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Have you ever talked with a friend
about a problem only to realize

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that he just doesn't seem to grasp
why the issue is so important to you?

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Have you ever presented an idea to
a group and its met with utter confusion?

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Or maybe you've been in an argument


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when the other person suddenly accuses you

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of not listening 
to what their saying at all?

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What's going on here?

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The answer is miscommunication,

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and in some form or another,

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we've all experienced it.

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It can lead to confusion,

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animosity,

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misunderstanding,

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or even crashing a multimillion
dollar probe into the surface of Mars.

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The fact is even when face-to-face
with another person,

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in the very same room,

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and speaking the same language,

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human communication is incredibly complex.

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But the good news is 
that a basic understanding

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of what happens when we communicate

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can help us prevent miscommunication.

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For decades, researchers have asked,
"What happens when we communicate?"

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One interpretation,
called the transmission model,

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views communication as a message that
moves directly from one person to another,

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similar to someone tossing a ball
and walking away.

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But in reality,

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this simplistic model doesn't account
for communication's complexity.

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Enter the transactional model,

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which acknowledges the many 
added challenges of communicating.

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With this model, it's more accurate
to think of communication between people

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as a game of catch.

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As we communicate our message,
we receive feedback from the other party.

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Through the transaction,
we create meaning together.

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But from this exchange,
further complications arise.

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It's not like the Star Trek universe,

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where some characters 
can Vulcan Mind Meld,

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fully sharing thoughts and feelings.

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As humans, we can't help but send
and receive messages

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through our own subjective lenses.

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When communicating, one person expresses
her interpretation of a message,

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and the person she's communicating with

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hears his own interpretation 
of that message.

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Our perceptual filters continually shift
meanings and interpretations.

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Remember that game of catch?

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Imagine it with a lump of clay.

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As each person touches it,

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they shape it to fit 
their own unique perceptions

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based on any number of variables,

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like knowledge or past experience, 
age, race, gender,

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ethnicity, religion, or family background.

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Simultaneously, every person interprets
the message they receive

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based on their relationship 
with the other person,

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and their unique understanding

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of the semantics and connotations 
of the exact words being used.

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They could also be distracted
by other stimuli,

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such as traffic,

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or a growling stomach.

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Even emotion might cloud 
their understanding,

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and by adding more people
into a conversation,

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each with their own subjectivities,

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the complexity of communication
grows exponentially.

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So as the lump of clay goes back and forth
from one person to another,

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reworked, reshaped, and always changing,

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it's no wonder our messages sometimes
turn into a mush of miscommunication.

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But luckily, there are some 
simple practices

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that can help us all navigate our daily
interactions for better communication.

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One:

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recognize that passive hearing
and active listening are not the same.

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Engage actively with the verbal
and nonverbal feedback of others,

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and adjust your message to faciliate
greater understanding.

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Two:

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listen with your eyes and ears,
as well as with your gut.

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Remember that communication 
is more than just words.

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Three:

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take time to understand as you try
to be understood.

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In the rush to express ourselves,

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it's easy to forget that communication
is a two-way street.

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Be open to what 
the other person might say.

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And finally, four:

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Be aware of your personal 
perceptual filters.

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Elements of your experience,

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including your culture, 
community and family,

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influence as you see the world.

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Say, "This is how I see the problem,
but how do you see it?"

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Don't assume that your perception
is the objective truth.

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That'll help you work toward sharing
a dialogue with others

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to reach a common understanding together.