9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So it's June 15th, 2016,[br]a warm summer day. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had just graduated high school 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I'm riding the euphoria of all that[br]comes along with going away to college. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, most stories start off with today[br]was not a normal day but not mine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Today was anything from normal,[br]from sunup to sundown. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I cancel plans with my friends. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I decide to not go to my[br]favorite museum with my family. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I wash my car by hand. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 All of these actions are really[br]out of the norm for me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For whatever reason,[br]I was home all day. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And just after drawing off my car, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was in my room,[br]not really doing much. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And my little sister Allison comes in. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She asks, "Can we go pick up Maddie[br]from Jason's house?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I say yes without really[br]giving a second thought, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and within a couple minutes 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we're driving. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 A little backstory on Maddie and Jason. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Jason is a junior, goes to my high school, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and he's dating Maddie, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 a freshman who's friends with my sister. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now my sister likes to throw parties[br]like any other teenager does. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I've gotten to know Jason a little bit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what I've learned[br]from watching him is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that he is the center of his social group. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He is the one that everyone 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 looks to, to see what they should be doing, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and if they like it or not. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now I've also noticed 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that he can get angry sometimes[br]and has a hot temper. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When my sister first asked[br]if we could go pick up Maddie, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I said yes pretty quickly. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And this was for a couple of reasons. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first was that it's kind of weird for me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to pick up a friend from a boyfriend's house. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Usually, I just chauffer for my sister[br]from house to house. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The second was that I had heard[br]in school about Maddie and Jason 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 having some relationship problems, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that kind of set an alarm bell off. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The third was that my sister[br]wears her arm on her sleeve, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so it's really easy to tell 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that she was anxious[br]about the situation also.[br][br]So we arrived at Jason's house 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I parked my black sedan[br]on the right side of the street, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 opposite from his house. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I opened the car door[br]and I stepped out 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 into the warm cloudy[br]afternoon Virginia air. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I noticed that Maddie's[br]sitting on the porch, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which is out of place. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Normally my sister's friends 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just wait inside for a text[br]or knock at the door. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But Maddie walks across the yard. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I open the car door[br]behind mine and she gets in. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I shut up behind her. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now at this point, I have to admit 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I'm really relieved[br]that Jason is nowhere to be seen 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that there had been[br]no incident or altercation. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I head back in the car,[br]buckle my seatbelt, close the door 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and start a three-point[br]turn to head home. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first turn was the left[br]in Jason's driveway. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I put the car in reverse to back out 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I look up at the house[br]and noticed a figure in the doorway 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that wasn't there before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I recognized him instantly 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from his red, white[br]and blue American flag tank top. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's Jason, and he's holding[br]a broom in his hand, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it looks like, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but as I take a closer look, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 my heart begins to thump into my chest 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as they recognized the metal[br]in wood as a shotgun. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I begin to think about[br]what's about to happen. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My first thought is that Jason 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is just trying to show[br]that he's more manly than I am. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I can't hurt him.[br]And the second but scarier 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that he's going to come out[br]and show his anger through the firearm. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's what I act on. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I put the car in reverse[br]and I back out of the driveway. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I stop and I'm about to head home[br]and I put the gear shifter 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and drive, and then park. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Chunk �� chunk �� chunk ��[br]drive for getting away safely 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and park for getting out and trying[br]to talk some sense into Jason. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I choose to drive, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 slowly lift my foot off the brake 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and feel the car start[br]to push into my back. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I take one last look at the house[br]to make sure everything's still okay 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I don't see Jason anymore. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I see red, white and blue[br]at about waist level 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and notice that Jason's bent over like this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As I scan my eyes down, pop. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I see what looks like a pink mist[br]covering the door 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that Jason was standing behind. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm trying to wrap my brain[br]about what just happened 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I forced myself[br]to come to the conclusion 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that what I was seeing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was Jason's brain matter[br]splattered on the door 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the skylight above. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I hear a faint Joey something[br]just happened from the backseat 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I realized that I[br]know something the girls don't: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Jason just shot himself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My first thought is to get the girls away. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I put the car in drive[br]and begin to speed away 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 across one intersection[br]and maybe even two. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I hear rustling from the backseat[br]and next to me the girls 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 are starting to panic. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's rustling in seats,[br]slamming on windows, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so I locked the car to keep them in. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I grab the phone and dial 911. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The operator picks up[br]and I have to utter the words: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I've just witnessed a suicide" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and chaos immediately[br]erupts inside the sedan. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As I'm trying to relay[br]the information to the operator, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 like the address, my name,[br]and for some reason my birthday. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I get a faint look from my sister[br]with tears in her eyes 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and asks if Jason is going to be okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In order to keep myself together[br]I have to look away. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I pull the car over and get out[br]because I cannot keep myself together 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 inside with those two girls. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I know that I have to stay, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 at least, calm and collected[br]to keep them there 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and away from that door. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I finish relaying the information[br]to the operator and they say, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Hang on, the police will be there soon." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then click.[br]The phone line goes dead. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the operator hung up.[br]And I'm all alone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I stand outside in the familiar[br]neighborhood of Vista woods 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 knowing that I am the only one[br]that knows what just happened. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The whole world is oblivious. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 A car drives behind me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Someone is mowing their lawn[br]off to my right, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I hear little kids playing to my left. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Everything is normal 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as far as the rest[br]of the world is concerned. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I am stuck in a different universe[br]than the rest of the world. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In a movie when something[br]like this happens, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the screen goes dark 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and ominous music comes from underneath. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it's not like that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was scared 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I couldn't do anything about it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now I tell you that story 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because today I want to tell you[br]what it means to experience trauma. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Sorry. So there's no real book[br]on parenting as all parents know. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's no textbook you can turn to,[br]to know what to do next. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And even if there was[br]a textbook on parenting, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I seriously doubt[br]that any of the chapter titles 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 would have been "What to do[br]when your child misses a shotgun suicide?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So my parents did the best thing[br]they could think of 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and took my sister and me[br]to a talk therapist in town 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the very next day. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we set up more sessions[br]for that summer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and throughout that summer 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we told her what happened[br]and our feelings and stuff like that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it definitely helped[br]but it didn't help where I needed it, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which was in my psyche[br]if that makes any sense. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm really into knowing[br]where people are coming from 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in their thoughts, actions, and words. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I subject myself[br]to the same analysis. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And over the summer, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was doing these intrusive thoughts 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and what I was coming up with[br]was I was milking it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was fine and didn't need[br]any extra attention. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I think a lot of people go through that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I thought to myself: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "This event is in the past Joey;[br]just move on and get over it." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I start school here[br]at Behrend in the fall 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and on the surface everything's great. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But there were these little things 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that were happening that showed me[br]that everything was not great. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For instance, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I would be in my dorm room[br]or in a classroom, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't hear kids down the hall laughing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and instantly I would think[br]that they were crying. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's really amazing 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 how much hysterical laughter[br]and hysterical crying 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 sound the same. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I would blank out into this thousand-yard 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 stare replaying the event in my head[br]and would be scared 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 over something moving[br]or someone touching my shoulder. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And finally, I would cry myself[br]to sleep at night, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 not a sad or angry cry, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just there staring at the wall[br]with tears rolling down my face. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I'm a bit of a nerd 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I started researching[br]what was happening to me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I learned that your brain 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 talks through the exchanging[br]of charged particles 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 through neural pathways. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when these pathways get used more, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it's easier for your brain to follow. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now most people have heard of[br]"fight or flight" and what this is, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is it's an instinct that happens[br]when your body feels in danger. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Your amygdala which is the oldest part[br]of your brain takes control 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and tells the rest of your brain[br]what to do and your body. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now if there's a tiger in front of you, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you're really not going to benefit[br]that much from thinking: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 what am I going to do next? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh, what's the tiger going to do next? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's a lot more beneficial[br]for your longevity 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if you fight the tiger[br]or run away really fast. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And that's what the amygdala triggers. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now my brain thought 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that the right way to act[br]in a sad or scary situation 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was to do what my amygdala[br]set on June 15th, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which makes sense. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It was just trying to protect me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But what it was actually resulting in 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was a torrent of emotions[br]that I had never felt before. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now despite all this,[br]I was just telling myself: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Joey, you're just a freshman. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You're just anxious about this semester 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 starting to ramp up,[br]and you're homesick." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now you know that part in a movie[br]where things start to really get bad, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this is that part. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the part where they really[br]started to not get okay 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were my dreams. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was struggling to sleep[br]without nightmares 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and eventually started sleepwalking. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And one night I started sleepwalking,[br]left my dorm room, left my building, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and ended up eight miles[br]away from campus, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in rainbow flip-flops. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was eventually found by the police, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 disoriented and confused. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And their first thought was: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Dang, this college freshman[br]definitely cannot handle his booze." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So he took me to the hospital[br]and called my parents 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and eventually, everyone realized[br]that I wasn't drunk or on drugs 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I was having a PTSD[br](posttraumatic stress disorder) breakdown. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now this sleepwalking incident[br]was a wake-up call 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 for me and my parents that I needed help, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that I wasn't okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And since my dad is a retired marine, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we're well connected[br]with the military community. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we're pointed[br]in the direction of EMDR 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which stands for eye movement[br]desensitization and reprocessing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it's a way to help[br]our brains deal with trauma. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I took a three-week leave of absence[br]from school to go home to Virginia 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and start EMDR therapy. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first session[br]was about an hour and a half 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the therapist went over[br]all the science of everything, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which again I was into. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She told me that EMDR[br]is based on the research of REM sleep 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 which is rapid eye movement sleep. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what happens during REM sleep[br]or what's theorized at least 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is your eyes are moving[br]back and forth rapidly and randomly 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you're filing away[br]all the information from the day. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So if you had a stressful day at work, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 your dreams might have[br]some relation to that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now REM sleep is almost 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 like the visualization[br]of what's happening 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and those come out as dreams. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What was happening when I was dreaming 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was I was seeing June 15th[br]in a different light. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now your brain during REM sleep 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is moving everything 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from your short-term to your long-term. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it kind of reads what it is, labels it[br]and then sends away for filing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it doesn't always come across[br]exactly in your dreams. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What was happening in my dreams 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was I was replaying the event[br]over and over and over again 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because my brain couldn't file it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It just kept trying to refile and refile. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But it just wasn't able to. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now the way a typical EMDR session[br]would go is the therapist 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 would hold their fingers[br]about six to 12 inches away 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from my face and swipe[br]from my left peripheral 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to my right peripheral, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 back and forth. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And they call this bilateral stimulation, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because it stimulates[br]both hemispheres of your brain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She would tell me to put myself[br]back into June 15th, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 back into the sedan 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and let her know what I was feeling[br]and what was happening. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when I came to a part 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 where I was upset or didn't really[br]understand what was happening or angry, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 she would input a sentence or two,[br]and then we would swipe on that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And now I kind of cement[br]that thinking into my head. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now there were two really big problems[br]that I was having with June 15th. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first was that I felt responsible[br]for what the girls had seen. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now if you remember I turned left, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but there's a way to get home straight. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I thought that because I[br]turned left that that was the reason 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the girls saw what happened 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I was the reason they saw it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If I would have gone straight[br]they would be fine. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The second was that I felt like[br]I could have helped Jason. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I don't know what I could have done 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I just wish I would have done[br]something better for him. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What EMDR helped me do was realize[br]that I could have done nothing better 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that situation went the way[br]it was going to happen. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now with traditional talk therapy,[br]you can say oh I'm fine; 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it wasn't my fault; I'm okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But you can lie; you can lie to the therapist[br]and you can lie to yourself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What EMDR does is it really 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 forces you to believe[br]what you're saying and thinking. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now one way to show this is[br]when I've been researching EMDR, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I found that people[br]would start crying out of nowhere[br]during the swiping. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I thought, no, no,[br]that doesn't happen to me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It happens to me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We would be sitting there[br]swiping back and forth 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I would just start[br]crying uncontrollably. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It was like someone[br]had taken a champagne bottle 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and pop the cork 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and all of that was coming out was everything[br]that I had bottled away on June 15th. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And now it was finally escaping. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Luckily, I only needed two EMDR sessions. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Part of this is due to the fact[br]of the neural pathways 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I mentioned earlier 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and how when one gets used more it[br]gets easier to follow. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now in my brain, the trauma only[br]had time to set up a walking path 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 through the woods[br]that my brain could follow. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But in other trauma victims, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 like someone who's been to war[br]or someone who's in an abusive relationship, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they might have a highway that's been formed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For me all we had to do[br]is take a rake and brush the leaves back over 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and my brain would forget it was there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But for someone else, you may need[br]to take a jackhammer to it 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and plant trees and wait for them[br]to grow and that takes time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, a little statistic on EMDR to show[br]that I'm not just like a poster child. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 After on average[br]of six 50-minute sessions, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 100% of single trauma victims 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and 77% of multi-trauma victims 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 had zero signs of PTSD after. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now EMDR is just one of the ways[br]that we're learning about trauma 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the way our brains process it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And who knows what science[br]is going to bring us 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in five, ten or 20 years. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What I do know is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that before this event happened to me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I thought that trauma was just[br]something you need to get over, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just accept it and move on. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But what I realize now is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that we have to help ourselves[br]if we truly want to get past something. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For months I was wanting to know[br]why this happen? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why did Jason take his life? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why those two girls? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what I've learned is[br]that some events in life 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 just feel like a crappy movie, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 one where the last scene ends[br]with more questions than answers. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And do we want those answers? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But we can find peace 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 even though we know we will[br]never get those answers. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I hope that you think about trauma[br]differently than you did before 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and have a better understanding 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 about how your brain process[br]the world around you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And just remember that sometimes[br]it needs a little help. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Thank you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Applause)