[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's June 15th, 2016,\Na warm summer day.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had just graduated high school
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm riding the euphoria of all that\Ncomes along with going away to college.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, most stories start off with today\Nwas not a normal day but not mine.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today was anything from normal,\Nfrom sunup to sundown.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I cancel plans with my friends.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decide to not go to my\Nfavorite museum with my family.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wash my car by hand.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of these actions are really\Nout of the norm for me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For whatever reason,\NI was home all day.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just after drawing off my car,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in my room,\Nnot really doing much.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my little sister Allison comes in.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She asks, "Can we go pick up Maddie\Nfrom Jason's house?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say yes without really\Ngiving a second thought,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and within a couple minutes
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're driving.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A little backstory on Maddie and Jason.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jason is a junior, goes to my high school,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he's dating Maddie,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a freshman who's friends with my sister.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now my sister likes to throw parties\Nlike any other teenager does.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I've gotten to know Jason a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I've learned\Nfrom watching him is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he is the center of his social group.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He is the one that everyone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looks to, to see what they should be doing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if they like it or not.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I've also noticed
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he can get angry sometimes\Nand has a hot temper.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my sister first asked\Nif we could go pick up Maddie,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said yes pretty quickly.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this was for a couple of reasons.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first was that it's kind of weird for me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to pick up a friend from a boyfriend's house.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually, I just chauffer for my sister\Nfrom house to house.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second was that I had heard\Nin school about Maddie and Jason
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,having some relationship problems,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that kind of set an alarm bell off.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third was that my sister\Nwears her arm on her sleeve,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it's really easy to tell
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she was anxious\Nabout the situation also.\N\NSo we arrived at Jason's house
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I parked my black sedan\Non the right side of the street,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,opposite from his house.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I opened the car door\Nand I stepped out
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the warm cloudy\Nafternoon Virginia air.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I noticed that Maddie's\Nsitting on the porch,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is out of place.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Normally my sister's friends
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just wait inside for a text\Nor knock at the door.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But Maddie walks across the yard.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I open the car door\Nbehind mine and she gets in.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I shut up behind her.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now at this point, I have to admit
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm really relieved\Nthat Jason is nowhere to be seen
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that there had been\Nno incident or altercation.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I head back in the car,\Nbuckle my seatbelt, close the door
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and start a three-point\Nturn to head home.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first turn was the left\Nin Jason's driveway.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the car in reverse to back out
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I look up at the house\Nand noticed a figure in the doorway
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that wasn't there before.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recognized him instantly
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from his red, white\Nand blue American flag tank top.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's Jason, and he's holding\Na broom in his hand,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it looks like,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as I take a closer look,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my heart begins to thump into my chest
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as they recognized the metal\Nin wood as a shotgun.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I begin to think about\Nwhat's about to happen.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first thought is that Jason
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is just trying to show\Nthat he's more manly than I am.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't hurt him.\NAnd the second but scarier
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that he's going to come out\Nand show his anger through the firearm.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what I act on.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the car in reverse\Nand I back out of the driveway.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stop and I'm about to head home\Nand I put the gear shifter
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and drive, and then park.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chunk �� chunk �� chunk ��\Ndrive for getting away safely
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and park for getting out and trying\Nto talk some sense into Jason.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I choose to drive,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,slowly lift my foot off the brake
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and feel the car start\Nto push into my back.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I take one last look at the house\Nto make sure everything's still okay
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't see Jason anymore.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I see red, white and blue\Nat about waist level
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and notice that Jason's bent over like this.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I scan my eyes down, pop.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see what looks like a pink mist\Ncovering the door
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Jason was standing behind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to wrap my brain\Nabout what just happened
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I forced myself\Nto come to the conclusion
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that what I was seeing
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was Jason's brain matter\Nsplattered on the door
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the skylight above.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hear a faint Joey something\Njust happened from the backseat
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I realized that I\Nknow something the girls don't:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jason just shot himself.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first thought is to get the girls away.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the car in drive\Nand begin to speed away
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,across one intersection\Nand maybe even two.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hear rustling from the backseat\Nand next to me the girls
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are starting to panic.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's rustling in seats,\Nslamming on windows,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I locked the car to keep them in.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grab the phone and dial 911.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The operator picks up\Nand I have to utter the words:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I've just witnessed a suicide"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and chaos immediately\Nerupts inside the sedan.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I'm trying to relay\Nthe information to the operator,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the address, my name,\Nand for some reason my birthday.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get a faint look from my sister\Nwith tears in her eyes
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asks if Jason is going to be okay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to keep myself together\NI have to look away.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I pull the car over and get out\Nbecause I cannot keep myself together
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inside with those two girls.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that I have to stay,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least, calm and collected\Nto keep them there
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and away from that door.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I finish relaying the information\Nto the operator and they say,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hang on, the police will be there soon."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then click.\NThe phone line goes dead.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the operator hung up.\NAnd I'm all alone.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stand outside in the familiar\Nneighborhood of Vista woods
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knowing that I am the only one\Nthat knows what just happened.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The whole world is oblivious.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A car drives behind me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Someone is mowing their lawn\Noff to my right,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I hear little kids playing to my left.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything is normal
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as far as the rest\Nof the world is concerned.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I am stuck in a different universe\Nthan the rest of the world.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a movie when something\Nlike this happens,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the screen goes dark
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ominous music comes from underneath.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not like that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was scared
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I couldn't do anything about it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I tell you that story
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because today I want to tell you\Nwhat it means to experience trauma.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sorry. So there's no real book\Non parenting as all parents know.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no textbook you can turn to,\Nto know what to do next.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even if there was\Na textbook on parenting,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I seriously doubt\Nthat any of the chapter titles
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would have been "What to do\Nwhen your child misses a shotgun suicide?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my parents did the best thing\Nthey could think of
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and took my sister and me\Nto a talk therapist in town
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the very next day.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we set up more sessions\Nfor that summer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and throughout that summer
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we told her what happened\Nand our feelings and stuff like that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it definitely helped\Nbut it didn't help where I needed it,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was in my psyche\Nif that makes any sense.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm really into knowing\Nwhere people are coming from
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their thoughts, actions, and words.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I subject myself\Nto the same analysis.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over the summer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was doing these intrusive thoughts
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what I was coming up with\Nwas I was milking it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was fine and didn't need\Nany extra attention.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think a lot of people go through that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought to myself:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This event is in the past Joey;\Njust move on and get over it."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I start school here\Nat Behrend in the fall
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and on the surface everything's great.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there were these little things
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were happening that showed me\Nthat everything was not great.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For instance,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would be in my dorm room\Nor in a classroom,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't hear kids down the hall laughing
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and instantly I would think\Nthat they were crying.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's really amazing
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how much hysterical laughter\Nand hysterical crying
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sound the same.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would blank out into this thousand-yard
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stare replaying the event in my head\Nand would be scared
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over something moving\Nor someone touching my shoulder.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, I would cry myself\Nto sleep at night,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not a sad or angry cry,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just there staring at the wall\Nwith tears rolling down my face.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm a bit of a nerd
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I started researching\Nwhat was happening to me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I learned that your brain
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talks through the exchanging\Nof charged particles
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through neural pathways.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when these pathways get used more,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's easier for your brain to follow.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now most people have heard of\N"fight or flight" and what this is,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is it's an instinct that happens\Nwhen your body feels in danger.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your amygdala which is the oldest part\Nof your brain takes control
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tells the rest of your brain\Nwhat to do and your body.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now if there's a tiger in front of you,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're really not going to benefit\Nthat much from thinking:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what am I going to do next?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, what's the tiger going to do next?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot more beneficial\Nfor your longevity
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you fight the tiger\Nor run away really fast.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what the amygdala triggers.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now my brain thought
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the right way to act\Nin a sad or scary situation
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was to do what my amygdala\Nset on June 15th,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which makes sense.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was just trying to protect me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what it was actually resulting in
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a torrent of emotions\Nthat I had never felt before.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now despite all this,\NI was just telling myself:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Joey, you're just a freshman.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're just anxious about this semester
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting to ramp up,\Nand you're homesick."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now you know that part in a movie\Nwhere things start to really get bad,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is that part.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the part where they really\Nstarted to not get okay
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were my dreams.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was struggling to sleep\Nwithout nightmares
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and eventually started sleepwalking.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one night I started sleepwalking,\Nleft my dorm room, left my building,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ended up eight miles\Naway from campus,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in rainbow flip-flops.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was eventually found by the police,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disoriented and confused.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And their first thought was:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dang, this college freshman\Ndefinitely cannot handle his booze."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he took me to the hospital\Nand called my parents
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and eventually, everyone realized\Nthat I wasn't drunk or on drugs
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was having a PTSD\N(posttraumatic stress disorder) breakdown.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now this sleepwalking incident\Nwas a wake-up call
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for me and my parents that I needed help,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I wasn't okay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And since my dad is a retired marine,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're well connected\Nwith the military community.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we're pointed\Nin the direction of EMDR
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which stands for eye movement\Ndesensitization and reprocessing.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's a way to help\Nour brains deal with trauma.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I took a three-week leave of absence\Nfrom school to go home to Virginia
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and start EMDR therapy.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first session\Nwas about an hour and a half
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the therapist went over\Nall the science of everything,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which again I was into.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She told me that EMDR\Nis based on the research of REM sleep
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is rapid eye movement sleep.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what happens during REM sleep\Nor what's theorized at least
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is your eyes are moving\Nback and forth rapidly and randomly
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're filing away\Nall the information from the day.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you had a stressful day at work,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your dreams might have\Nsome relation to that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now REM sleep is almost
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the visualization\Nof what's happening
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those come out as dreams.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What was happening when I was dreaming
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was I was seeing June 15th\Nin a different light.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now your brain during REM sleep
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is moving everything
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from your short-term to your long-term.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it kind of reads what it is, labels it\Nand then sends away for filing.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it doesn't always come across\Nexactly in your dreams.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What was happening in my dreams
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was I was replaying the event\Nover and over and over again
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because my brain couldn't file it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It just kept trying to refile and refile.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it just wasn't able to.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now the way a typical EMDR session\Nwould go is the therapist
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would hold their fingers\Nabout six to 12 inches away
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from my face and swipe\Nfrom my left peripheral
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to my right peripheral,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back and forth.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they call this bilateral stimulation,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it stimulates\Nboth hemispheres of your brain.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She would tell me to put myself\Nback into June 15th,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back into the sedan
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let her know what I was feeling\Nand what was happening.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I came to a part
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I was upset or didn't really\Nunderstand what was happening or angry,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she would input a sentence or two,\Nand then we would swipe on that.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I kind of cement\Nthat thinking into my head.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there were two really big problems\Nthat I was having with June 15th.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first was that I felt responsible\Nfor what the girls had seen.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now if you remember I turned left,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there's a way to get home straight.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought that because I\Nturned left that that was the reason
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the girls saw what happened
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was the reason they saw it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I would have gone straight\Nthey would be fine.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second was that I felt like\NI could have helped Jason.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know what I could have done
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I just wish I would have done\Nsomething better for him.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What EMDR helped me do was realize\Nthat I could have done nothing better
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that situation went the way\Nit was going to happen.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now with traditional talk therapy,\Nyou can say oh I'm fine;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it wasn't my fault; I'm okay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can lie; you can lie to the therapist\Nand you can lie to yourself.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What EMDR does is it really
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,forces you to believe\Nwhat you're saying and thinking.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now one way to show this is\Nwhen I've been researching EMDR,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found that people\Nwould start crying out of nowhere\Nduring the swiping.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, no, no,\Nthat doesn't happen to me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It happens to me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would be sitting there\Nswiping back and forth
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would just start\Ncrying uncontrollably.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was like someone\Nhad taken a champagne bottle
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and pop the cork
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of that was coming out was everything\Nthat I had bottled away on June 15th.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now it was finally escaping.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Luckily, I only needed two EMDR sessions.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Part of this is due to the fact\Nof the neural pathways
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I mentioned earlier
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how when one gets used more it\Ngets easier to follow.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now in my brain, the trauma only\Nhad time to set up a walking path
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through the woods\Nthat my brain could follow.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in other trauma victims,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like someone who's been to war\Nor someone who's in an abusive relationship,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they might have a highway that's been formed.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For me all we had to do\Nis take a rake and brush the leaves back over
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my brain would forget it was there.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for someone else, you may need\Nto take a jackhammer to it
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and plant trees and wait for them\Nto grow and that takes time.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, a little statistic on EMDR to show\Nthat I'm not just like a poster child.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After on average\Nof six 50-minute sessions,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,100% of single trauma victims
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 77% of multi-trauma victims
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had zero signs of PTSD after.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now EMDR is just one of the ways\Nthat we're learning about trauma
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the way our brains process it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And who knows what science\Nis going to bring us
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in five, ten or 20 years.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I do know is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that before this event happened to me
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that trauma was just\Nsomething you need to get over,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just accept it and move on.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I realize now is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have to help ourselves\Nif we truly want to get past something.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For months I was wanting to know\Nwhy this happen?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did Jason take his life?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why those two girls?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I've learned is\Nthat some events in life
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just feel like a crappy movie,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one where the last scene ends\Nwith more questions than answers.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And do we want those answers?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we can find peace
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though we know we will\Nnever get those answers.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope that you think about trauma\Ndifferently than you did before
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and have a better understanding
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how your brain process\Nthe world around you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And just remember that sometimes\Nit needs a little help.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)