0:00:15.011,0:00:19.671
So it's June 15th, 2016,[br]a warm summer day.

0:00:19.671,0:00:22.639
I just graduated high school,[br]and I'm riding the euphoria

0:00:22.639,0:00:25.609
of all that comes along[br]with going away to college.

0:00:26.379,0:00:30.431
Now, most stories start off with:[br]"Today was not a normal day."

0:00:31.181,0:00:33.221
But not mine.

0:00:33.791,0:00:38.230
Today was anything from normal,[br]from sunup to sundown.

0:00:39.151,0:00:41.632
I cancel plans with my friends.

0:00:41.632,0:00:45.233
I decide to not go to my favorite[br]museum with my family.

0:00:45.233,0:00:47.229
And I wash my car by hand.

0:00:47.853,0:00:50.813
All of these actions[br]are really out of the norm for me.

0:00:51.853,0:00:54.123
For whatever reason, I was home all day.

0:00:54.698,0:00:56.454
And just after drying up my car,

0:00:56.454,0:00:58.384
I was in my room, not really doing much,

0:00:58.384,0:01:00.223
and my little sister Allison comes in.

0:01:00.223,0:01:03.374
She asks, "Can we go pick up Maddie[br]from Jason's house?"

0:01:03.374,0:01:05.574
I say yes without giving it[br]a second thought,

0:01:05.574,0:01:07.704
and within a couple minutes we're driving.

0:01:07.704,0:01:09.774
A little backstory on Maddie and Jason.

0:01:10.813,0:01:13.476
Jason is a junior, goes to my high school,

0:01:13.476,0:01:15.537
and he's dating Maddie -

0:01:15.537,0:01:18.494
a freshman who's friends with my sister.

0:01:18.494,0:01:21.679
Now, my sister likes to throw parties[br]like any other teenager does.

0:01:21.679,0:01:24.184
So I've gotten to know Jason a little bit.

0:01:24.425,0:01:26.785
And what I've learned from watching him

0:01:26.785,0:01:29.746
is that he is the center[br]of his social group.

0:01:29.746,0:01:33.096
He is the one that everyone looks to,[br]to see what they should be doing,

0:01:33.096,0:01:34.476
and if they like it or not.

0:01:35.046,0:01:36.446
Now, I've also noticed

0:01:36.446,0:01:40.946
that he can get angry sometimes[br]and has a hot temper.

0:01:42.786,0:01:45.657
When my sister first asked[br]if we could go pick up Maddie,

0:01:45.657,0:01:47.880
I said yes pretty quickly.

0:01:47.880,0:01:49.660
And this was for a couple of reasons.

0:01:49.660,0:01:52.401
The first was that it's kind of weird

0:01:52.401,0:01:56.331
for me to pick up a friend[br]from a boyfriend's house.

0:01:56.331,0:01:59.501
Usually, I just chauffeur for my sister[br]from house to house.

0:01:59.501,0:02:02.962
The second was[br]that I had heard in school

0:02:02.962,0:02:06.715
about Maddie and Jason having[br]some relationship problems,

0:02:06.715,0:02:08.872
and that kind of set an alarm bell off.

0:02:09.272,0:02:12.411
The third was that my sister[br]wears her arm on her sleeve,

0:02:12.411,0:02:13.862
so it's really easy to tell

0:02:13.862,0:02:16.489
that she was anxious[br]about the situation also.

0:02:17.573,0:02:19.103
So we arrive at Jason's house,

0:02:19.103,0:02:22.072
and I park my black sedan[br]on the right side of the street,

0:02:22.072,0:02:23.589
opposite from his house.

0:02:24.163,0:02:25.373
I open the car door

0:02:25.373,0:02:29.523
and I step out into the warm,[br]cloudy afternoon Virginia air.

0:02:29.853,0:02:32.153
And I notice that Maddie's[br]sitting on the porch,

0:02:32.153,0:02:33.984
which is out of place.

0:02:33.984,0:02:38.494
Normally, my sister's friends just wait[br]inside for a text or knock at the door.

0:02:39.495,0:02:41.174
But Maddie walks across the yard,

0:02:41.174,0:02:44.744
I open the car door behind mine,[br]she gets in, and I shut it behind her.

0:02:44.744,0:02:47.042
Now, at this point, I have to admit

0:02:47.042,0:02:50.636
that I'm really relieved[br]that Jason is nowhere to be seen

0:02:50.636,0:02:53.198
and that there had been[br]no incident or altercation.

0:02:53.715,0:02:57.457
So I head back in the car,[br]buckle my seat belt, close the door

0:02:57.457,0:02:59.959
and start a three-point turn to head home.

0:03:00.505,0:03:03.091
The first turn was the left[br]into Jason's driveway.

0:03:04.136,0:03:05.986
I put the car in reverse to back out,

0:03:05.986,0:03:07.506
and I look up at the house

0:03:07.506,0:03:10.440
and noticed a figure in the doorway[br]that wasn't there before.

0:03:10.996,0:03:12.666
I recognized him instantly

0:03:12.666,0:03:15.673
from his red, white[br]and blue American flag tank top.

0:03:16.367,0:03:17.568
It's Jason,

0:03:18.433,0:03:21.528
and he's holding a broom[br]in his hand, it looks like,

0:03:22.238,0:03:23.907
but as I take a closer look,

0:03:23.907,0:03:26.797
my heart begins to thump inside my chest

0:03:27.718,0:03:31.989
as I recognize the metal[br]and wood as a shotgun.

0:03:34.358,0:03:37.046
I begin to think about[br]what's about to happen.

0:03:37.557,0:03:40.036
My first thought is that Jason[br]is just trying to show

0:03:40.036,0:03:42.100
that he's more manly than I am.

0:03:42.100,0:03:43.489
I can't hurt him.

0:03:44.059,0:03:47.199
And the second, but more scary,

0:03:47.969,0:03:53.522
is that he's going to come out[br]and show his anger through the firearm.

0:03:54.267,0:03:55.839
And that's what I act on.

0:03:56.368,0:03:59.092
I put the car in reverse[br]and I back out of the driveway.

0:03:59.978,0:04:02.340
I stop, and I'm about to head home,

0:04:02.340,0:04:04.710
and I put the gear shifter in drive,

0:04:04.710,0:04:06.490
and then park.

0:04:06.840,0:04:10.021
Chunk, chunk, chunk.

0:04:11.580,0:04:14.080
Drive for getting away safely,

0:04:14.080,0:04:18.590
and park for getting out[br]and trying to talk some sense into Jason.

0:04:19.930,0:04:21.202
I choose to drive,

0:04:22.500,0:04:24.722
slowly lift my foot off the brake

0:04:25.560,0:04:29.183
and feel the car[br]start to push into my back.

0:04:30.871,0:04:34.201
I take one last look at the house[br]to make sure everything's still okay,

0:04:34.461,0:04:36.754
and I don't see Jason anymore.

0:04:37.794,0:04:42.301
But I see red, white and blue[br]at about waist level

0:04:43.511,0:04:46.376
and notice that Jason's[br]bent over like this.

0:04:47.432,0:04:49.762
As I scan my eyes down,

0:04:59.282,0:05:01.683
I see what looks like a pink mist

0:05:02.083,0:05:04.525
covering the door[br]that Jason was standing behind.

0:05:05.396,0:05:08.604
I'm trying to wrap my brain[br]about what just happened,

0:05:09.253,0:05:11.961
and I force myself[br]to come to the conclusion

0:05:11.961,0:05:14.723
that what I was seeing[br]was Jason's brain matter

0:05:15.583,0:05:18.604
splattered on the door[br]and the skylight above.

0:05:22.004,0:05:24.664
I hear a faint "Joey,

0:05:24.664,0:05:27.314
something just happened,"[br]from the backseat,

0:05:27.314,0:05:31.668
and I realized that I[br]know something the girls don't:

0:05:33.121,0:05:35.075
Jason just shot himself.

0:05:39.807,0:05:41.815
My first thought is to get the girls away.

0:05:41.815,0:05:45.025
I put the car in drive[br]and begin to speed away

0:05:45.025,0:05:47.664
across one intersection[br]and maybe even two.

0:05:48.306,0:05:52.286
I hear rustling from[br]the backseat and next to me,

0:05:52.286,0:05:53.926
the girls are starting to panic.

0:05:53.926,0:05:56.626
There's rustling in seats,[br]slamming on windows,

0:05:56.626,0:05:58.774
so I lock the car to keep them in.

0:05:59.257,0:06:01.174
I grab the phone and dial 911.

0:06:02.036,0:06:04.836
The operator picks up[br]and I have to utter the words:

0:06:04.836,0:06:06.982
"I've just witnessed a suicide,"

0:06:07.447,0:06:10.838
and chaos immediately erupts[br]inside the sedan.

0:06:12.137,0:06:14.727
As I'm trying to relay[br]the information to the operator,

0:06:14.727,0:06:18.587
like the address, my name,[br]and for some reason my birthday,

0:06:19.248,0:06:22.478
I get a faint look from my sister[br]with tears in her eyes

0:06:22.478,0:06:25.199
and asks if Jason is going to be okay.

0:06:27.148,0:06:29.906
In order to keep myself together[br]I have to look away.

0:06:31.018,0:06:33.478
I pull the car over and get out

0:06:33.478,0:06:37.278
because I cannot keep myself together[br]inside with those two girls.

0:06:38.290,0:06:42.239
I know that I have to stay[br]at least calm and collected

0:06:42.659,0:06:45.519
to keep them there[br]and away from that door.

0:06:47.310,0:06:51.337
I finish relaying the information[br]to the operator, and they say,

0:06:51.337,0:06:53.582
"Hang on, the police will be there soon."

0:06:54.112,0:06:57.101
And then click.

0:06:58.771,0:07:01.471
The phone line goes dead.[br]And the operator hung up.

0:07:01.941,0:07:03.367
And I'm all alone.

0:07:05.151,0:07:09.411
I stand outside in the familiar[br]neighborhood of Vista woods,

0:07:09.411,0:07:12.376
knowing that I am the only one[br]that knows what just happened.

0:07:13.521,0:07:15.317
The whole world is oblivious.

0:07:16.091,0:07:17.638
A car drives behind me.

0:07:18.631,0:07:20.798
Someone is mowing their lawn[br]off to my right,

0:07:21.555,0:07:23.828
and I hear little kids playing to my left.

0:07:25.268,0:07:29.382
Everything is normal as far as the rest[br]of the world is concerned.

0:07:29.382,0:07:33.194
But I am stuck in a different universe[br]than the rest of the world.

0:07:34.083,0:07:36.153
In a movie when something[br]like this happens,

0:07:36.153,0:07:39.042
the screen goes dark[br]and ominous music comes from underneath.

0:07:39.042,0:07:40.942
But it's not like that.

0:07:43.123,0:07:44.683
I was scared,

0:07:44.683,0:07:46.573
and I couldn't do anything about it.

0:07:50.283,0:07:52.403
Now, I tell you that story

0:07:52.403,0:07:56.994
because today I want to tell you[br]what it means to experience trauma.

0:08:04.224,0:08:05.625
Sorry.

0:08:08.481,0:08:12.805
So, there's no real book on parenting,[br]as all parents know.

0:08:12.805,0:08:16.664
There's no textbook you can turn to,[br]to know what to do next.

0:08:17.773,0:08:20.625
And even if there was[br]a textbook on parenting,

0:08:20.625,0:08:24.225
I seriously doubt that any[br]of the chapter titles would have been

0:08:24.225,0:08:27.390
"What to do when your child[br]witnesses a shotgun suicide?"

0:08:27.665,0:08:30.106
So my parents did the best thing[br]they could think of

0:08:30.106,0:08:32.585
and took my sister and me[br]to a talk therapist in town

0:08:32.585,0:08:33.676
the very next day.

0:08:33.676,0:08:36.837
And we set up more sessions[br]for that summer,

0:08:36.837,0:08:38.116
and throughout that summer

0:08:38.116,0:08:41.096
we told her what happened[br]and our feelings and stuff like that.

0:08:41.096,0:08:45.128
And it definitely helped,[br]but it didn't help where I needed it,

0:08:45.128,0:08:48.337
which was in my psyche -[br]if that makes any sense.

0:08:48.986,0:08:50.489
I'm really into knowing

0:08:50.489,0:08:54.377
where people are coming from,[br]in their thoughts, actions, and words.

0:08:54.377,0:08:57.236
And I subject myself to the same analysis.

0:08:57.738,0:09:00.567
And over the summer,[br]I was doing these intrusive thoughts,

0:09:00.937,0:09:05.048
and what I was coming up with was:[br]I was milking it.

0:09:05.929,0:09:08.314
I was fine and didn't need[br]any extra attention.

0:09:08.879,0:09:10.999
And I think a lot of people[br]go through that.

0:09:12.009,0:09:13.208
I thought to myself:

0:09:13.208,0:09:16.748
"This event is in the past Joey;[br]just move on and get over it."

0:09:18.724,0:09:21.889
So I start school here[br]at Behrend, in the fall,

0:09:22.209,0:09:24.479
and on the surface everything's great.

0:09:24.479,0:09:27.239
But there were these little things[br]that were happening

0:09:27.239,0:09:29.710
that showed me[br]that everything was not great.

0:09:30.999,0:09:34.629
For instance, I would[br]be in my dorm room or in a classroom,

0:09:34.629,0:09:36.810
I would hear kids down the hall laughing,

0:09:36.810,0:09:40.000
and instantly, I would think[br]that they were crying.

0:09:40.680,0:09:41.930
It's really amazing

0:09:41.930,0:09:45.859
how much hysterical laughter[br]and hysterical crying sound the same.

0:09:46.796,0:09:49.710
I would blank out[br]into this thousand-yard stare,

0:09:49.710,0:09:51.191
replaying the event in my head,

0:09:51.191,0:09:54.831
and would be scared over something moving[br]or someone touching my shoulder.

0:09:55.761,0:09:57.901
And finally,

0:09:58.431,0:10:04.252
I would cry myself to sleep at night,[br]not a sad or angry cry,

0:10:04.851,0:10:08.935
just there, staring at the wall[br]with tears rolling down my face.

0:10:11.022,0:10:13.632
So I'm a bit of a nerd,

0:10:14.382,0:10:17.530
and I started researching[br]what was happening to me.

0:10:17.530,0:10:19.202
And I learned that your brain talks

0:10:19.202,0:10:21.712
through the exchanging[br]of charged particles

0:10:21.712,0:10:23.233
through neural pathways.

0:10:23.233,0:10:25.813
And when these pathways get used more,

0:10:25.813,0:10:27.956
it's easier for your brain to follow.

0:10:28.773,0:10:31.954
Now, most people have heard[br]of "fight or flight," and what this is,

0:10:31.954,0:10:35.394
it's an instinct that happens[br]when your body feels in danger.

0:10:35.394,0:10:39.025
Your amygdala, which is the oldest part[br]of your brain, takes control

0:10:39.025,0:10:42.334
and tells the rest of your brain[br]what to do, and your body.

0:10:42.334,0:10:44.834
Now, if there's a tiger in front of you,

0:10:44.834,0:10:47.622
you're really not going to benefit[br]that much from thinking:

0:10:47.622,0:10:49.094
"What am I going to do next?

0:10:49.094,0:10:50.964
Oh, what's the tiger going to do next?"

0:10:50.964,0:10:53.875
It's a lot more beneficial[br]for your longevity

0:10:53.875,0:10:56.996
if you fight the tiger[br]or run away really fast.

0:10:57.458,0:10:59.635
And that's what the amygdala triggers.

0:10:59.635,0:11:02.135
Now, my brain thought

0:11:02.135,0:11:06.185
that the right way to act[br]in a sad or scary situation

0:11:06.185,0:11:09.055
was to do what my amygdala[br]said on June 15th -

0:11:09.055,0:11:10.196
which makes sense;

0:11:10.196,0:11:11.886
it was just trying to protect me.

0:11:11.886,0:11:13.916
But what it was actually resulting in

0:11:13.916,0:11:16.776
was a torrent of emotions[br]that I had never felt before.

0:11:18.665,0:11:21.416
Now, despite all this,[br]I was just telling myself:

0:11:21.416,0:11:23.301
"Joey, you're just a freshman.

0:11:23.301,0:11:26.556
You're just anxious about this semester[br]starting to ramp up,

0:11:26.556,0:11:28.197
and you're homesick."

0:11:28.736,0:11:32.657
You know that part in a movie[br]where things start to really get bad,

0:11:32.657,0:11:33.844
this is that part.

0:11:35.097,0:11:37.697
And the part where they really[br]started to not get okay

0:11:37.697,0:11:39.037
were my dreams.

0:11:39.598,0:11:42.207
I was struggling to sleep[br]without nightmares

0:11:42.207,0:11:44.734
and eventually started sleepwalking.

0:11:45.317,0:11:48.248
And one night, I started sleepwalking,

0:11:49.198,0:11:52.768
left my dorm room, left my building,

0:11:53.208,0:11:56.199
and ended up eight miles away from campus,

0:11:57.508,0:11:59.038
in rainbow flip-flops.

0:11:59.038,0:12:01.568
(Laughter)

0:12:01.568,0:12:05.280
I was eventually found by the police,[br]disoriented and confused.

0:12:05.280,0:12:06.859
And their first thought was:

0:12:06.859,0:12:10.919
"Dang, this college freshman[br]definitely cannot handle his booze."

0:12:11.489,0:12:14.029
So they took me to the hospital[br]and called my parents,

0:12:14.029,0:12:17.668
and eventually, everyone realized[br]that I wasn't drunk or on drugs,

0:12:17.668,0:12:20.220
but I was having a PTSD breakdown.

0:12:21.761,0:12:24.590
Now, this sleepwalking incident[br]was a wake-up call

0:12:24.590,0:12:28.180
for me and my parents that I needed help,

0:12:28.180,0:12:29.760
and that I wasn't okay.

0:12:30.280,0:12:32.200
And since my dad is a retired marine,

0:12:32.200,0:12:34.530
we're well connected[br]with the military community.

0:12:34.530,0:12:36.831
And we're pointed[br]in the direction of EMDR,

0:12:36.831,0:12:41.110
which stands for eye movement[br]desensitization and reprocessing.

0:12:41.110,0:12:43.501
And it's a way to help[br]our brains deal with trauma.

0:12:43.501,0:12:47.072
So I took a three-week leave of absence[br]from school to go home to Virginia

0:12:47.072,0:12:48.781
and start EMDR therapy.

0:12:48.781,0:12:50.981
The first session[br]was about an hour and a half,

0:12:50.981,0:12:53.714
and the therapist went over[br]all the science of everything,

0:12:53.714,0:12:55.577
which again I was into.

0:12:56.453,0:13:00.352
She told me that EMDR[br]is based on the research of REM sleep,

0:13:00.352,0:13:02.521
which is rapid eye movement sleep.

0:13:03.280,0:13:06.572
And what happens during REM sleep,[br]or what's theorized at least,

0:13:06.572,0:13:10.593
is your eyes are moving[br]back and forth rapidly and randomly,

0:13:10.593,0:13:15.031
and you're filing away[br]all the information from the day.

0:13:15.442,0:13:17.385
So if you had a stressful day at work,

0:13:17.385,0:13:19.672
your dreams might have[br]some relation to that.

0:13:20.046,0:13:23.263
Now REM sleep is almost like[br]the visualization of what's happening,

0:13:23.263,0:13:25.483
and those come out as dreams.

0:13:27.633,0:13:30.274
What was happening when I was dreaming

0:13:31.325,0:13:35.103
was I was seeing June 15th[br]in a different light.

0:13:35.103,0:13:37.394
Your brain during REM sleep

0:13:38.407,0:13:41.364
is moving everything[br]from your short-term to your long-term.

0:13:41.364,0:13:45.639
And it kind of reads what it is, labels it[br]and then sends it away for filing.

0:13:45.639,0:13:48.426
It isn't always come across[br]exactly in your dreams.

0:13:48.946,0:13:50.835
What was happening in my dreams

0:13:50.835,0:13:53.755
was I was replaying the event[br]over and over and over again

0:13:53.755,0:13:56.186
because my brain couldn't file it.

0:13:56.186,0:13:58.736
It just kept trying to refile and refile.

0:13:58.736,0:14:00.566
But it just wasn't able to.

0:14:01.476,0:14:04.347
Now, the way a typical[br]EMDR session would go

0:14:04.347,0:14:08.686
is the therapist would hold their fingers[br]about six to 12 inches away from my face

0:14:08.686,0:14:12.716
and swipe from my left peripheral[br]to my right peripheral, back and forth.

0:14:12.716,0:14:14.846
And they call this bilateral stimulation

0:14:14.846,0:14:17.749
because it stimulates[br]both hemispheres of your brain.

0:14:18.768,0:14:21.328
She would tell me to put myself[br]back into June 15th,

0:14:21.328,0:14:22.687
back into the sedan,

0:14:22.687,0:14:26.537
and let her know what I was feeling[br]and what was happening.

0:14:26.816,0:14:29.678
And when I came to a part[br]where I was upset

0:14:29.678,0:14:32.858
or didn't really understand[br]what was happening or angry,

0:14:32.858,0:14:37.012
she would input a sentence or two,[br]and then we would swipe on that.

0:14:37.012,0:14:39.542
And now I kind of cement[br]that thinking into my head.

0:14:42.059,0:14:46.213
There were two really big problems[br]that I was having with June 15th.

0:14:47.078,0:14:51.051
The first was that I felt responsible[br]for what the girls had seen.

0:14:51.859,0:14:54.524
If you remember I turned left,

0:14:55.040,0:14:57.540
but there's a way to get home straight.

0:14:58.270,0:15:00.989
And I thought that because I turned left

0:15:00.989,0:15:03.491
that that was the reason[br]the girls saw what happened,

0:15:03.491,0:15:05.920
that I was the reason they saw it.

0:15:06.261,0:15:08.855
If I would have gone straight,[br]they would be fine.

0:15:10.650,0:15:14.730
The second was that I felt like[br]I could have helped Jason.

0:15:15.270,0:15:17.551
I don't know what I could have done,

0:15:17.551,0:15:22.318
but I just wish I would have done[br]something better for him.

0:15:23.511,0:15:27.551
What EMDR helped me do was realize[br]that I could have done nothing better,

0:15:27.551,0:15:30.859
and that situation went the way[br]it was going to happen.

0:15:32.411,0:15:34.232
With traditional talk therapy,

0:15:34.232,0:15:38.452
you can say: "Oh, I'm fine;[br]it wasn't my fault; I'm okay."

0:15:38.822,0:15:40.402
But you can lie;

0:15:40.402,0:15:43.202
you can lie to the therapist,[br]and you can lie to yourself.

0:15:43.472,0:15:44.643
What EMDR does

0:15:44.643,0:15:48.273
is it really forces you to believe[br]what you're saying and thinking.

0:15:49.243,0:15:53.393
Now, one way to show this[br]is when I've been researching EMDR,

0:15:53.963,0:15:59.835
I found that people would start crying[br]out of nowhere, during the swiping.

0:16:00.193,0:16:03.204
And I thought, "No, no,[br]that doesn't happen to me."

0:16:03.684,0:16:04.894
It happens to me.

0:16:04.894,0:16:06.184
(Laughter)

0:16:06.184,0:16:08.754
We would be sitting there[br]swiping back and forth,

0:16:08.754,0:16:12.474
and I would just[br]start crying uncontrollably.

0:16:12.474,0:16:15.214
It was like someone[br]had taken a champagne bottle

0:16:15.214,0:16:16.344
and pop the cork,

0:16:16.344,0:16:18.064
and all of that was coming out[br]

0:16:18.064,0:16:21.317
was everything that I[br]had bottled away on June 15th.

0:16:22.134,0:16:24.107
And now it was finally escaping.

0:16:25.819,0:16:30.608
Luckily, I only needed two EMDR sessions.

0:16:31.465,0:16:35.955
Part of this is due to the fact[br]of the neural pathways

0:16:35.955,0:16:37.355
that I mentioned earlier,

0:16:37.355,0:16:40.257
and how when one gets used more,[br]it gets easier to follow.

0:16:40.696,0:16:42.006
Now, in my brain,

0:16:42.006,0:16:46.436
the trauma only had time[br]to set up a walking path through the woods

0:16:46.436,0:16:48.087
that my brain could follow.

0:16:48.087,0:16:50.276
But in other trauma victims,

0:16:50.276,0:16:52.596
like someone who's been to war[br]

0:16:52.596,0:16:55.478
or someone who's[br]in an abusive relationship,

0:16:55.478,0:16:58.267
they might have a highway[br]that's been formed.

0:16:58.267,0:17:02.137
For me, all we had to do is take a rake[br]and brush the leaves back over,

0:17:02.137,0:17:04.085
and my brain would forget it was there.

0:17:04.085,0:17:05.315
But for someone else,

0:17:05.315,0:17:11.167
you may need to take a jackhammer to it[br]and plant trees and wait for them to grow,

0:17:11.167,0:17:12.348
and that takes time.

0:17:13.358,0:17:17.408
Now a little statistic on EMDR to show[br]that I'm not just, like, a poster child.

0:17:18.478,0:17:22.364
After, on average, six 50-minute sessions,

0:17:22.838,0:17:26.548
100% of single trauma victims

0:17:26.548,0:17:30.160
and 77% of multi-trauma victims

0:17:30.160,0:17:33.795
had zero signs of PTSD after.

0:17:35.928,0:17:40.259
Now, EMDR is just one of the ways[br]that we're learning about trauma

0:17:40.259,0:17:42.009
and the way our brains process it.

0:17:42.009,0:17:44.219
And who knows what science[br]is going to bring us

0:17:44.219,0:17:46.310
in 5, 10 or 20 years.

0:17:46.661,0:17:48.180
What I do know

0:17:48.180,0:17:50.417
is that before this event happened to me,

0:17:50.417,0:17:53.370
I thought that trauma was just[br]something you need to get over,

0:17:53.370,0:17:55.160
just accept it and move on.

0:17:55.869,0:17:57.821
But what I realize now

0:17:58.261,0:18:02.531
is that we have to help ourselves[br]if we truly want to get past something.

0:18:05.452,0:18:08.914
For months, I was wanting to know[br]why this happened.

0:18:10.151,0:18:12.141
Why did Jason take his life?

0:18:14.386,0:18:16.092
Why those two girls?

0:18:20.562,0:18:24.696
And what I've learned[br]is that some events in life

0:18:25.526,0:18:27.540
just feel like a crappy movie,

0:18:28.572,0:18:32.931
one where the last scene ends[br]with more questions than answers.

0:18:34.032,0:18:36.551
And do we want those answers?

0:18:38.383,0:18:40.587
But we can find peace

0:18:41.532,0:18:45.643
even though we know[br]we will never get those answers.

0:18:46.873,0:18:49.963
I hope that you think about trauma[br]differently than you did before

0:18:49.963,0:18:51.454
and have a better understanding

0:18:51.454,0:18:53.884
about how your brain processes[br]the world around you.

0:18:53.884,0:18:57.494
And just remember that sometimes[br]it needs a little help.

0:18:57.494,0:18:58.775
Thank you.

0:18:58.775,0:19:01.804
(Applause)