[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.02,0:00:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, I have a close,\Ntight-knit circle of friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.52,0:00:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all in different cities\Nand we're all in different areas,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.51,0:00:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from local news to city government
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.50,0:00:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to law, financial services.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.18,0:00:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And despite those different areas,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.28,0:00:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we seem to share similar stories\Nof workplace drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.49,0:00:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I define workplace drama\Nas an annoyance that adds
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.95,0:00:28.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,additional stress to the job.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.43,0:00:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it's when people get on your nerves,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.97,0:00:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not the job itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.57,0:00:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as we're going through these stories,\NI'm realizing there has to be a better way
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.50,0:00:39.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for us to coexist with our coworkers
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.33,0:00:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without this much drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.42,0:00:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I created a few steps
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.86,0:00:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that have been working for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.24,0:00:48.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm happy to share them\Nwith you guys today.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.61,0:00:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 1: rewind and reflect,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.25,0:00:54.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, "What did I do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.18,0:01:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you guys to all replay\Nyour most recent workplace drama situation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.40,0:01:02.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your head like a movie.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.11,0:01:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ignore all of the emotion\Nand just focus on you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.55,0:01:08.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for now let's just\Nthink about this hypothetical.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.97,0:01:11.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you're on a group project,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.58,0:01:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you each have your own\Nindividual assignments,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.61,0:01:17.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you all divide up the work,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.61,0:01:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then someone becomes unresponsive.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.20,0:01:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not answering calls, they go ghost.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.12,0:01:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you or someone else has to now\Npick up that additional slack.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.76,0:01:34.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in a brief, small,\Nvery tiny lapse in judgment,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.88,0:01:37.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you vent to the nearby coworker.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.89,0:01:40.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then all of a sudden,\Nyour ghost comes back
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.76,0:01:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they surprising know\Neverything you just said.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.69,0:01:47.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.55,0:01:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now what did I do in this situation?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.07,0:01:51.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I vented to someone\Nwho was not my confidant.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.11,0:01:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would I do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.97,0:01:56.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes we create\Nthis unspoken bond with people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.29,0:01:59.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that only exists in our heads.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.70,0:02:02.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't owe me their discretion.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.30,0:02:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just assumed it was there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.72,0:02:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we're not going to go\Ndown a rabbit hole
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.58,0:02:08.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to figure out why they did that.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.78,0:02:10.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter. They did it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.59,0:02:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the goal in this step\Nis self-reflection.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.14,0:02:17.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to focus on what did we do
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.34,0:02:19.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we can avoid it in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.16,0:02:22.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 2: come back to reality,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.79,0:02:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, it needs to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.18,0:02:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,K?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.76,0:02:32.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you guys ever think about problems\Nbefore you get to work?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.03,0:02:33.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, it's just me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.16,0:02:34.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.49,0:02:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I'm guilty of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.50,0:02:39.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think about all of these\Nsituations in my head
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.67,0:02:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I get mad just thinking about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.00,0:02:47.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm telling myself,\Nno you're just being prepared, Stacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.22,0:02:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.49,0:02:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are just making sure\Nthat you can handle
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.88,0:02:52.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever they're about to throw at you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.52,0:02:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you're not.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.38,0:02:57.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you're really doing\Nis setting yourself up
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.100,0:02:59.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and creating this anxiety in your head
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.49,0:03:02.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that doesn't exist.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.91,0:03:06.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then we also have to be careful\Nabout listening to other people's
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.01,0:03:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,made-up scenarios.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.24,0:03:08.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what I mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.38,0:03:10.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's say you're in the break room,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.03,0:03:12.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're talking to some coworker.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.15,0:03:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, all of a sudden,\Nanother coworker comes in.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.29,0:03:18.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, they seem to just be in deep thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.69,0:03:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not overly cheerful but they're not rude.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.73,0:03:24.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come in, they walk out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.73,0:03:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then the coworkers over here\Nbegin to diagnose what they feel is wrong
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.30,0:03:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with that person.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.86,0:03:32.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're saying things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.49,0:03:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, they're just mad\Nthey didn't get the job."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.65,0:03:39.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or they're saying, "Oh, no no no during\Nthis season they're just always upset."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.83,0:03:44.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're sitting here\Nlike, yep, that must be it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.51,0:03:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're listening to this\Nas if this is facts.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.71,0:03:49.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, this coworker
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.78,0:03:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be in deep thought\Nabout literally anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.22,0:03:56.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They could have just opened\Na pack of Starburst,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.63,0:03:59.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got four yellows back to back, and they're\Njust trying to figure out what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.39,0:04:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.04,0:04:05.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you're over here listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.40,0:04:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're listening\Nto their made-up scenario
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.46,0:04:10.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that now can impact
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.14,0:04:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you choose to interact\Nwith that person throughout the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.38,0:04:17.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether we're creating\Nfake stories in our head
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.86,0:04:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or listening to other people's\Nmade-up stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.52,0:04:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it needs to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.89,0:04:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.72,0:04:29.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stop stressing over things\Nthat haven't happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.14,0:04:32.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right. Step 3: vent and release.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.64,0:04:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's good to have a vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.65,0:04:41.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is your coach, your cheerleader,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.11,0:04:42.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.41,0:04:45.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever you need them\Nto be in the moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.34,0:04:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not like that person in step 1\Nthat just happened to be in earshot.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.13,0:04:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have an established relationship\Nwith your vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.33,0:04:56.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, here's another scenario.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.06,0:04:59.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're getting ready to tell\Na customer or a client
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.24,0:05:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something that they\Njust don't want to hear.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.87,0:05:04.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, as you're in the middle of this spiel,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.29,0:05:07.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up comes another coworker
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.08,0:05:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they interrupt you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.76,0:05:12.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then says the exact\Nsame thing you were saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.72,0:05:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you can't make a scene\Nin front of a customer.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.05,0:05:20.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you just have to sit back,\Nmmhmm, and just listen as they do this.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.08,0:05:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're burning up inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.22,0:05:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.91,0:05:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We go to our vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.01,0:05:28.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We talk about it. We get mad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.40,0:05:30.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the time for that. Get mad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.33,0:05:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get angry. Curse, scream,\Ndo whatever you need to do
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.89,0:05:37.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get it out. Now here's the hard part.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.19,0:05:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You then have to switch\Nthat tone to positivity.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.53,0:05:46.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I truly believe in positive\Nand negative energy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.69,0:05:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it has a way of controlling\Nour mood throughout the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.75,0:05:55.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got to think of things like,\NOK, where do I go from here?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.82,0:05:57.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can I do differently?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.100,0:06:00.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, if you're the vent buddy,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.14,0:06:05.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's your responsibility\Nto lead your friend back to the positive.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.82,0:06:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the other hard part,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.07,0:06:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to then apply\Nthose learnings to the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.81,0:06:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't carry that resentment around.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.36,0:06:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you do, that one-off situation\Nnow becomes a pattern.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.62,0:06:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pattern behavior is harder to ignore
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.54,0:06:26.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than a one-off situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.10,0:06:28.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.43,0:06:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is let's turn our vent session
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.53,0:06:35.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into a productive conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.26,0:06:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 4: learn a new language,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.65,0:06:42.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, we need to talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.85,0:06:47.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, I personally don't like\Nto pick up the phone at work.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.97,0:06:49.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.56,0:06:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like whatever you need\Nto say to me can be an instant message
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.26,0:06:53.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or an email.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.64,0:06:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is my work language.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.68,0:06:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.14,0:06:59.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only problem with that,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.75,0:07:01.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't hear tone through an email.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.51,0:07:06.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I read emails the same way I speak,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.04,0:07:09.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I'm pretty sure I've\Nmisinterpreted some tones before,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.43,0:07:10.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless I know you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.25,0:07:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's an example.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.52,0:07:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to show you guys an email,\Nand I want you to read it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.43,0:07:17.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I'm going to read it out loud.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.58,0:07:25.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, that was fast enough,\Nyou should have read it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.85,0:07:27.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.71,0:07:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stacy,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.63,0:07:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for reading out about my group.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.87,0:07:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At this time, we will not need\Nany additional support.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.62,0:07:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Going forward, if I feel we need help,\NI'll ask, you won't have to reach out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.69,0:07:39.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Per my last email (attached below),
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.91,0:07:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've outlined what I do, and what you do,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.28,0:07:44.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we can avoid this in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.47,0:07:47.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As always, thank you for your partnership!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.65,0:07:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.70,0:07:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.06,0:07:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's how you read it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.32,0:07:53.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.100,0:07:57.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, there are certain words in there
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.37,0:08:00.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if you here or if you see in an email
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.66,0:08:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is safe to assume\Nthey typed it with their middle fingers.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.44,0:08:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.12,0:08:11.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know it then. I know it now.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.83,0:08:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I messed up some people's emails.\NThey're correcting them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.98,0:08:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With all of that said,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.80,0:08:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to know when it is time\Nto pick up the phone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.22,0:08:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to know when it is time\Nto have a face-to-face.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.75,0:08:29.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these face-to-face\Nconversations are not easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.69,0:08:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are difficult,\Nbut they are necessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.02,0:08:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal is to try to understand\Nthe other person's perspective.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.15,0:08:39.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you'll start the conversation\Nwith things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.93,0:08:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, you got upset when I..."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.16,0:08:43.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you'll say things like
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.76,0:08:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, you already had\Nthe situation handled,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.29,0:08:48.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I..."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.18,0:08:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that way, you can see\Nexactly where they're coming from.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.44,0:08:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, don't try to make people like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.27,0:09:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all have our own upbringings.\NWe all have our experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.02,0:09:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all have our own\Ncommunication styles.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.99,0:09:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As the new generations\Nare entering the workforce,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.96,0:09:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're also adapting to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.19,0:09:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meetings are now emails.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.35,0:09:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emails are now texts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.14,0:09:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Off-sites are now Skype.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.37,0:09:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as we're adjusting to that,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.62,0:09:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to at least try to understand
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.60,0:09:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what type of style\Nof communication they use.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.48,0:09:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in that step
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.48,0:09:29.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to really understand\Ntheir work language
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.67,0:09:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and accept the fact\Nthat it may be different than yours.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.12,0:09:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 5: recognize and protect,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.80,0:09:41.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.08,0:09:43.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to take a walk.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.85,0:09:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's my last scenario\Nfrom one of my teacher friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.10,0:09:52.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're about to have\Na meeting with a parent,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.46,0:09:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and prior to it you and a coworker,\Nyou kind of discuss it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.17,0:09:59.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the coworker tells you,\N"It's all right, I got your back.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.82,0:10:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to agree\Nwith your recommendations."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.38,0:10:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you're kind of side-eying them\Nbecause they've burned you before,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.20,0:10:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you've had the "we need to talk,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.69,0:10:12.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you're like, we're in sync now,\NI'm going to trust them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.97,0:10:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go through the meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.46,0:10:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the parent disagrees with you,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.03,0:10:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like clockwork the coworker\Nagrees with the parent in front of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.96,0:10:22.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making you look ridiculous.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.51,0:10:25.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you just, again, we can't\Nmake a scene in front of people, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.10,0:10:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you've got to hold it in.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.51,0:10:29.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, after the meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.03,0:10:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that same coworker has all the audacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.53,0:10:35.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,comes up to you and says,\N"Crazy meeting, right?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.29,0:10:38.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.22,0:10:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.72,0:10:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're testing you now. It's a test.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.72,0:10:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's the perfect time\Nto just go off, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.00,0:10:46.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a repeat offender.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.04,0:10:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You walked away and they\Ncame back with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.21,0:10:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we're trying to avoid workplace drama,\Nnot take a cannonball leap into it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.36,0:10:58.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we have to walk away.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.60,0:11:02.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You lead that conversation\Nby taking the first available exit.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.93,0:11:04.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not doing this for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.73,0:11:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're doing this for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.90,0:11:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to protect your energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.56,0:11:12.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't try to figure out\Nwhy they would do this,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.07,0:11:15.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and no more coming-to-Jesus conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.33,0:11:17.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is what it is, they did what they did,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.96,0:11:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and given the opportunity\Nthey'd probably do it again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.17,0:11:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you now know that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.60,0:11:26.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You now recognize that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.43,0:11:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that way, you can act accordingly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.84,0:11:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We typically try to set expectations,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.58,0:11:34.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our expectations,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.90,0:11:36.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.52,0:11:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then get disappointed\Nwhen they don't follow through.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.98,0:11:45.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to learn to accept people
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.97,0:11:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where they are
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.60,0:11:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and adjust ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.80,0:11:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to handle those situations.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.98,0:11:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.64,0:11:58.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to recognize when it is time\Nto professionally walk away from someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.86,0:12:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, I realize these steps\Nmay come off as saying take the high road,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.85,0:12:08.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and people always say it.\N"Just take the high road."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.72,0:12:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they describe it as some\Nelegant path of righteousness
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.68,0:12:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,filled with rainbows and unicorns.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.46,0:12:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.72,0:12:20.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's embarrasing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.14,0:12:21.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's humiliating.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.64,0:12:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It leaves this knot of resentment\Nin the pit of your stomach.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.87,0:12:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as you're traveling down\Nthis amazing high road,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.68,0:12:33.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you see billboards of things\Nyou should have said,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.30,0:12:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things you shoulda did.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.12,0:12:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go over there\Nand you look at the easy route,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.05,0:12:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're chilling,\Nnot worried about a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.48,0:12:42.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to admit,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.93,0:12:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more I travel down this road,\Nit does get a little easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.66,0:12:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Petty situations, they don't\Nbother me as much.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.42,0:12:56.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learn little nuggets here and there,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.27,0:12:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as I continue down this path,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.20,0:13:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there seems to be more\Nopportunities waiting for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.17,0:13:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have likeminded people\Nwho want to connect with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.36,0:13:11.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,projects that people want me on,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.84,0:13:13.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leaders reaching out\Nbecause they heard about me
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.96,0:13:16.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through someone else.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.48,0:13:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the best part,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.64,0:13:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the need to even look at the easy road
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.18,0:13:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is no longer there.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.72,0:13:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, we're not going to change\Nthe way adults act in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.48,0:13:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are not, and for that reason,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.38,0:13:34.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there will always be workplace drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.51,0:13:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we stick to these steps,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.53,0:13:40.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and put in the work that comes with it,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.65,0:13:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can learn to avoid it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.90,0:13:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, thank you for being my vent buddies,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.98,0:13:50.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thank you so much for your time.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.35,0:13:52.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)