[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.79,0:00:04.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright. I have a close,\Ntight-knit circle of friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.47,0:00:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all in different cities\Nand we're all in different areas,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.03,0:00:11.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from local news to city government
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.85,0:00:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to law, financial services ...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.96,0:00:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And despite those different areas,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.91,0:00:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we seem to share similar stories\Nof workplace drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.23,0:00:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I define workplace drama as
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.50,0:00:27.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an annoyance that adds\Nadditional stress to the job.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.87,0:00:30.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So again, it's when people\Nget on your nerves,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.08,0:00:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not the job itself.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.33,0:00:34.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as we're going through these stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.35,0:00:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm realizing there has to be a better way\Nfor us to coexist with our coworkers
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.15,0:00:41.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without this much drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.25,0:00:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I created a few steps\Nthat have been working for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.57,0:00:47.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm happy to share them\Nwith you guys today.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.50,0:00:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 1: rewind and reflect,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.98,0:00:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, "What did I do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.93,0:01:00.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you guys to all replay\Nyour most recent workplace drama situation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.15,0:01:01.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your head like a movie.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.92,0:01:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ignore all of the emotion\Nand just focus on you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.02,0:01:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for now, let's just\Nthink about this hypothetical:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.30,0:01:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say you're on a group project,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.38,0:01:14.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you each have your own\Nindividual assignments
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.31,0:01:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you all divide up the work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.44,0:01:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then someone\Nbecomes unresponsive --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.32,0:01:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not answering calls, they go ghost.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.82,0:01:28.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you or someone else has to now\Npick up that additional slack.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.43,0:01:34.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in a brief, small,\Nvery tiny lapse in judgment,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.68,0:01:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you vent to the nearby coworker.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.52,0:01:40.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then all of a sudden,\Nyour ghost comes back,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.05,0:01:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they surprisingly know\Neverything you just said.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.98,0:01:44.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.46,0:01:46.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what did I do in this situation?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.44,0:01:50.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I vented to someone\Nwho was not my confidant.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.84,0:01:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would I do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.88,0:01:56.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes we create\Nthis unspoken bond with people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.46,0:01:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that only exists in our heads.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.48,0:02:01.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't owe me their discretion.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.94,0:02:03.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just assumed it was there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.49,0:02:06.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we're not going to go\Ndown a rabbit hole,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.57,0:02:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to figure out why they did that.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.50,0:02:10.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter. They did it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.08,0:02:13.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the goal in this step\Nis self-reflection.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.79,0:02:16.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to focus on what did we do
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.45,0:02:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we can avoid it in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.94,0:02:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 2: come back to reality,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.57,0:02:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, "It needs to stop."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.01,0:02:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.09,0:02:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you guys ever think about problems\Nbefore you get to work?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.44,0:02:32.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh -- it's just me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.66,0:02:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.16,0:02:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I'm guilty of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.27,0:02:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think about all of these\Nsituations in my head,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.56,0:02:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I get mad just thinking about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.06,0:02:46.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm telling myself,\N"No, you're just being prepared, Stacy."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.12,0:02:47.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.16,0:02:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are just making sure\Nthat you can handle
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.29,0:02:51.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever they're about to throw at you."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.19,0:02:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you're not.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.06,0:02:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you're really doing\Nis setting yourself up
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.37,0:02:59.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and creating this anxiety in your head
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.20,0:03:01.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that doesn't exist.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.10,0:03:03.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then we also have to be careful about
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.98,0:03:06.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,listening to other people's\Nmade-up scenarios.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.61,0:03:08.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what I mean.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.03,0:03:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's say you're in the break room,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.74,0:03:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're talking to some coworkers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.75,0:03:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, all of a sudden,\Nanother coworker comes in.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.04,0:03:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, they seem to just be\Nin deep thought --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.38,0:03:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not overly cheerful, but they're not rude.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.46,0:03:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come in, they walk out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.28,0:03:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then the coworkers over here\Nbegin to diagnose
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.73,0:03:30.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they feel is wrong\Nwith that person.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.74,0:03:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're saying things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.18,0:03:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, they're just mad\Nthey didn't get the job."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.31,0:03:37.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or they're saying, "Oh, no, no, no --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.12,0:03:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,during this season,\Nthey're just always upset."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.50,0:03:44.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're sitting here\Nlike, yep, that must be it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.18,0:03:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're listening to this\Nas if this is facts.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.46,0:03:51.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, this coworker\Ncan be in deep thought
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.05,0:03:53.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about literally anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.04,0:03:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They could have just opened\Na pack of Starburst,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.33,0:03:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got four yellows back-to-back,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.80,0:04:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're just trying\Nto figure out what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.28,0:04:02.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.64,0:04:05.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you're over here listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.71,0:04:08.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're listening\Nto their made-up scenario
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.46,0:04:09.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that now can impact
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.85,0:04:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you choose to interact\Nwith that person throughout the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.91,0:04:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether we're creating\Nfake stories in our head
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.62,0:04:20.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or listening to other people's\Nmade-up stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.35,0:04:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it needs to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.82,0:04:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.62,0:04:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stop stressing over things\Nthat haven't happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.78,0:04:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright. Step 3:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.29,0:04:34.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,vent and release.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.54,0:04:37.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's good to have a vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.77,0:04:40.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is your coach, your cheerleader,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.84,0:04:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.06,0:04:45.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever you need them\Nto be in the moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.07,0:04:48.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not like that person in Step 1\Nthat just happened to be in earshot.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.80,0:04:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have an established relationship\Nwith your vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.99,0:04:54.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, here's another scenario.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.02,0:04:58.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're getting ready to tell\Na customer or a client
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.85,0:05:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something that they\Njust don't want to hear.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.61,0:05:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, as you're in the middle of this spiel,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.09,0:05:06.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up comes another coworker,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.57,0:05:08.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they interrupt you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.76,0:05:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then says the exact\Nsame thing you were saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.80,0:05:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't make a scene\Nin front of a customer.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.00,0:05:19.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you just have to sit back,\N"Mm-hmm," and just listen as they do this.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.96,0:05:21.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you're burning up inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.18,0:05:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.60,0:05:25.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We go to our vent buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.70,0:05:27.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We talk about it. We get mad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.98,0:05:30.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the time for that. Get mad.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.04,0:05:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.22,0:05:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Curse, scream,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.40,0:05:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do whatever you need to do\Nto get it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.97,0:05:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now here's the hard part:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.41,0:05:42.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you then have to switch\Nthat tone to positivity.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.73,0:05:46.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I truly believe in positive\Nand negative energy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.41,0:05:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it has a way of controlling\Nour moods throughout the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.08,0:05:55.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got to think of things like,\N"OK, where do I go from here?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.37,0:05:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can I do differently?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.72,0:05:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, if you're the vent buddy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.49,0:06:03.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's your responsibility\Nto lead your friend back to the positive.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.96,0:06:07.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the other hard part:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.21,0:06:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to then apply\Nthose learnings to the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.50,0:06:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't carry that resentment around.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.41,0:06:19.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you do, that one-off situation\Nnow becomes a pattern.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.25,0:06:25.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pattern behavior is harder to ignore\Nthan a one-off situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.80,0:06:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step is,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Let's turn our vent session\Ninto a productive conversation."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.39,0:06:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 4:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.48,0:06:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,learn a new language,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.56,0:06:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as, "We need to talk."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.54,0:06:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, I personally don't like\Nto pick up the phone at work.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.66,0:06:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.91,0:06:52.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like whatever you need to say to me\Ncan be an instant message
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.19,0:06:53.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or an email.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.36,0:06:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is my work language.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.12,0:06:56.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.31,0:06:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only problem with that,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.30,0:07:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't hear tone through an email.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.42,0:07:05.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read emails the same way I speak,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.75,0:07:09.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I'm pretty sure I've misinterpreted\Nsome tones before,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.39,0:07:10.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless I know you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.97,0:07:12.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's an example.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.17,0:07:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to show you guys an email,\Nand I want you to read it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.18,0:07:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I'm going to read it out loud.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.60,0:07:26.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, that was fast enough,\Nyou should have read it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.24,0:07:27.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.28,0:07:28.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Stacy,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.45,0:07:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for reaching out about my group.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.56,0:07:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At this time, we will not need\Nany additional support.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.29,0:07:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Going forward, if I feel we need help,\NI'll ask, you won't have to reach out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.32,0:07:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Per my last email (attached below),
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.04,0:07:42.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've outlined what I do, and what you do,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.15,0:07:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we can avoid this in the future.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.26,0:07:47.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As always, thank you\Nfor your partnership!!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.42,0:07:49.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys ...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.59,0:07:50.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.69,0:07:51.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's how you read it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.95,0:07:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.40,0:07:56.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, there are certain words in there
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.78,0:08:00.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if you hear\Nor if you see in an email,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.39,0:08:04.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is safe to assume\Nthey typed it with their middle fingers.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.18,0:08:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.61,0:08:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know it then. I know it now.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.40,0:08:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.07,0:08:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I messed up some people's emails.\NThey're correcting them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.57,0:08:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.66,0:08:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With all of that said,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.30,0:08:22.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to know when it is time\Nto pick up the phone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.82,0:08:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to know when it is time\Nto have a face-to-face.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.45,0:08:29.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these face-to-face\Nconversations are not easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.35,0:08:32.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are difficult,\Nbut they are necessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.65,0:08:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal is to try to understand\Nthe other person's perspective.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.95,0:08:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you'll start the conversation\Nwith things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.67,0:08:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, you got upset when I ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.85,0:08:43.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or you'll say things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.46,0:08:46.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, you already had\Nthe situation handled,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.10,0:08:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.73,0:08:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that way, you can see\Nexactly where they're coming from.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.26,0:08:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, don't try to make people like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.07,0:08:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all have our own upbringings.\NWe all have our experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.76,0:09:03.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all have our own\Ncommunication styles.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.99,0:09:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As the new generations\Nare entering the workforce,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.79,0:09:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're also adapting to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.93,0:09:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meetings are now emails.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.87,0:09:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emails are now texts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.90,0:09:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Off-sites are now Skype.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.65,0:09:17.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as we're adjusting to that,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.30,0:09:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to at least try to understand
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.13,0:09:23.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what type of style\Nof communication they use.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.02,0:09:26.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in that step
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.16,0:09:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to really understand\Ntheir work language
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.44,0:09:33.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and accept the fact\Nthat it may be different than yours.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.16,0:09:39.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step 5: recognize and protect,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.99,0:09:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also known as,\N"We need to take a walk."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.99,0:09:47.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's my last scenario\Nfrom one of my teacher friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.76,0:09:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're about to have\Na meeting with a parent,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.24,0:09:55.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and prior to it, you and a coworker,\Nyou kind of discuss it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.84,0:09:59.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the coworker tells you,\N"It's alright, I got your back.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.04,0:10:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to agree\Nwith your recommendations."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.15,0:10:06.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you're kind of side-eyeing them\Nbecause they've burned you before,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.84,0:10:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you've had the "we need to talk,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.22,0:10:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you're like, "We're in sync now,\NI'm going to trust them."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.62,0:10:14.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go through the meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.12,0:10:15.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the parent disagrees with you,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.79,0:10:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like clockwork, the coworker\Nagrees with the parent in front of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.75,0:10:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making you look ridiculous.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.15,0:10:24.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, we can't make a scene\Nin front of people, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.82,0:10:26.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you've got to hold it in.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.23,0:10:28.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, after the meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.78,0:10:32.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that same coworker has all the audacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.17,0:10:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,comes up to you and says,\N"Crazy meeting, right?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.12,0:10:37.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.52,0:10:38.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.72,0:10:41.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're testing you now.\NIt's a test. (Laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.37,0:10:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that's the perfect time\Nto just go off, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.68,0:10:45.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a repeat offender.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.23,0:10:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.26,0:10:48.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You walked away,\Nand they came back with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.60,0:10:55.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we're trying to avoid workplace drama,\Nnot take a cannonball leap into it,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.75,0:10:57.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we have to walk away.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.20,0:11:02.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You lead that conversation\Nby taking the first available exit.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.68,0:11:04.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not doing this for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.81,0:11:06.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're doing this for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.53,0:11:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to protect your energy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.67,0:11:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't try to figure out\Nwhy they would do this,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.92,0:11:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and no more coming-to-Jesus conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.06,0:11:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is what it is, they did what they did,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.52,0:11:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and given the opportunity,\Nthey'd probably do it again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.41,0:11:23.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you now know that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.69,0:11:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You now recognize that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.03,0:11:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that way, you can act accordingly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.60,0:11:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We typically try to set expectations --\Nour expectations --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.68,0:11:36.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.22,0:11:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then get disappointed\Nwhen they don't follow through.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.88,0:11:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to learn\Nto accept people where they are
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.64,0:11:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and adjust ourselves\Nto handle those situations.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.73,0:11:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The goal in this step
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.69,0:11:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to recognize when it is time\Nto professionally walk away from someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.33,0:12:05.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, I realize these steps may come off\Nas saying, "Take the high road."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.54,0:12:08.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And people always say it.\N"Just take the high road."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.85,0:12:12.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they describe it as some\Nelegant path of righteousness
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.35,0:12:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,filled with rainbows and unicorns.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.36,0:12:16.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.54,0:12:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's embarrassing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.17,0:12:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's humiliating.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.56,0:12:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It leaves this knot of resentment\Nin the pit of your stomach.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.64,0:12:30.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as you're traveling down\Nthis amazing high road,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.16,0:12:32.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you see billboards of things\Nyou shoulda said
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.93,0:12:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things you shoulda did.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.83,0:12:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go over there\Nand you look at the easy road,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.13,0:12:39.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're chillin',\Nnot worried about a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.54,0:12:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to admit,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.82,0:12:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more I travel down this road,\Nit does get a little easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.22,0:12:51.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Petty situations, they don't\Nbother me as much.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.64,0:12:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learn little nuggets here and there.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.58,0:12:59.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as I continue down this path,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.11,0:13:03.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there seem to be more\Nopportunities waiting for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.84,0:13:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have like-minded people\Nwho want to connect with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.49,0:13:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,projects that people want me on,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.36,0:13:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leaders reaching out
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.66,0:13:14.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they heard about me\Nthrough someone else.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.58,0:13:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the best part?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.88,0:13:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The need to even look at the easy road
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.83,0:13:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is no longer there.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.55,0:13:28.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, we're not going to change\Nthe way adults act in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.08,0:13:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are not.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.46,0:13:33.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for that reason,\Nthere will always be workplace drama.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.91,0:13:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we stick to these steps
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.18,0:13:40.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and put in the work that comes with it,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.42,0:13:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can learn to avoid it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.17,0:13:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, thank you for being my vent buddies.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.57,0:13:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.86,0:13:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And thank you so much for your time.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.05,0:13:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)