[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.79,0:00:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hey, what's up, you guys?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.79,0:00:03.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to the first official episode of Shane & Friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.88,0:00:06.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A show where all my characters have their own little segments.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.28,0:00:08.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I hope you guys enjoy it and I will see you after the video.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.86,0:00:11.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You're watching Shane Dawson & Friends
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.87,0:00:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where the excitement never ends
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.12,0:00:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So open your ears, sit down and relax
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.16,0:00:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or Shanaynay will bust a f--kin' cap in your ass
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.67,0:00:20.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gunshot]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.20,0:00:21.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hey, all you gutter-sluts and bubble-butts.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.99,0:00:24.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am here with your Halloween episode.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.37,0:00:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-These are Shanayanay'z Tipz, motherf-----
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.58,0:00:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Now, a lot of you guys are probably wondering what you are gonna be for Halloween.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.25,0:00:33.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to be Lindsay Lohan,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.20,0:00:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I decided to change it to Lady Gaga.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.83,0:00:39.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To help me today, I have my BFF Kristen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.14,0:00:40.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I don't even know you.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.14,0:00:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hahaha, she's funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.28,0:00:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want twenty bucks or not, bitch?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.02,0:00:45.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Besties!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.89,0:00:49.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Now we all know Lady Gaga is extremely white,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.27,0:00:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of like one of them bubbles-bitches that's allergic to the sun and doesn't leave her house.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.68,0:00:53.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to achieve this look,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.72,0:00:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need a high-quality organic face makeup.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.17,0:01:00.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that can be really expensive, which is why I use vagina powder.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.53,0:01:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this will sting, so make sure to close your eyes,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.11,0:01:07.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's extremely toxic, so cover your mouth,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.94,0:01:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if you swallow it, you're gonna need your little tummy pumped.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.68,0:01:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, here we go.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.43,0:01:15.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here comes Gaga.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.22,0:01:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[coughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.50,0:01:20.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, missed a spot.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.50,0:01:22.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all over my hands, yuck.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.99,0:01:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Gaga likes to wear a dark-black lipstick,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.42,0:01:27.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause she thinks it makes her look creative,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.42,0:01:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when, in all reality, it just looks like she's been munchin' on some really old dog shit.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.44,0:01:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, to achieve this look,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.02,0:01:37.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need a waterproof black lipstick shade that doesn't permanently stain your mouth,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.01,0:01:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I've decided to use an extra-thick Sharpie marker.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.21,0:01:44.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, remember this is extremely toxic and the fuse may make you high,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.89,0:01:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so...you're welcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.03,0:01:48.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And...done.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.47,0:01:52.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Lady Gaga likes to wear lightning bolts on her face,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.74,0:01:56.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of like God was mad at her for making horrible dance music and zapped her ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.09,0:02:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I decided to go for a more intense look and burn it into her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.27,0:02:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[flame whooshes]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.54,0:02:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[scream, test-tone]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.84,0:02:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whoo, done.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.48,0:02:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that that's done,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.40,0:02:12.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remember, your friend might pass out from all the pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.63,0:02:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.14,0:02:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Called it!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.44,0:02:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now remember kids, you snooze you lose.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.30,0:02:19.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's go through these pockets.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.59,0:02:21.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, an iPhone 4.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.29,0:02:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Face time.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.80,0:02:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, is that a big thick money-filled wallet or are you just happy to see me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.21,0:02:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, wallet.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.12,0:02:30.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now the final piece is the wig.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.79,0:02:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lady Gaga likes to wear an all-human natural hairpiece that costs up to $500.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.96,0:02:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that's a little pricey,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.52,0:02:40.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I've decided to go to the thrift store and get a merkin.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.40,0:02:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't know what a merkin is,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.68,0:02:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's an all-natural wig made out of pubic hair.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.44,0:02:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This one is from a 55-year-old named Barb.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.23,0:02:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's been growing it out her whole life.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.88,0:02:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whoo, smells like Gaga.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.28,0:02:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hurry up, we gotta get you to the monster ball.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.45,0:02:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there you go.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.96,0:03:03.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether you're looking for a bad romance
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.07,0:03:04.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or want to "just dance",
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.54,0:03:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're gonna love the way you look.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.25,0:03:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[body thuds]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.05,0:03:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Haha!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.23,0:03:11.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ned's Nerd World, Ned's Nerd World
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.66,0:03:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's time to get techy in Ned's World
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.74,0:03:15.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hello, citizens.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.41,0:03:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to Ned's Nerd World,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.51,0:03:20.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a show where I'll be talking about everything nerdy.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.06,0:03:22.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today I'm gonna be reviewing Magic Panda.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.57,0:03:24.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hello, Ned!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.01,0:03:25.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hello, Panda.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.64,0:03:27.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How are you doing today?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.27,0:03:29.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Great, and how are you?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.07,0:03:30.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Eh...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.07,0:03:31.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-This little baby's psychic.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.77,0:03:34.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ask it a question and it knows the answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.23,0:03:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's try a few testers, shall we?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.83,0:03:37.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is my name Ned?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.99,0:03:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.99,0:03:39.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Is my hair brown?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.99,0:03:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.99,0:03:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Am I well-endowed?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.08,0:03:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.08,0:03:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It works.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.08,0:03:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, now let's get to some juicy stuff, shall we?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.56,0:03:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey Panda, am I gonna get married?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.66,0:03:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.78,0:03:50.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-To a supermodel?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.03,0:03:52.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[cackles] No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.93,0:03:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well, am I gonna be rich?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.25,0:03:55.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.26,0:03:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Middle-class.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.26,0:03:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.26,0:03:58.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Poor?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.26,0:03:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Nope.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.26,0:04:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well, what the hell is left?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.26,0:04:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Homeless.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.26,0:04:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I'm gonna be living in my car?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.26,0:04:03.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.34,0:04:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Then where am I gonna be living?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.44,0:04:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-On a bike.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.44,0:04:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-A bike?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.60,0:04:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even know how to ride a bike.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.60,0:04:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You'll learn.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.60,0:04:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Am I at least gonna be in good health?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.23,0:04:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, you're morbidly obese and HIV-positive.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.64,0:04:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Does anything good happen to me, Panda?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.40,0:04:24.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[cackling]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.88,0:04:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Panda groans and screams]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.58,0:04:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[pants]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.51,0:04:44.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whoo.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.21,0:04:47.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I give that motherfucker a 0 out of 5 stars.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.91,0:04:52.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-This is S-Deezy's G-Spot
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.11,0:04:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You better take his advice or your ass will get shot
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.52,0:04:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yo, yo, yo.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.40,0:04:59.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to the G-Spot with me, S-Deezy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.91,0:05:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man, this show is all about teaching you how to be a betta man, a betta lova,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.31,0:05:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an all-around betta mothafugga like myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.90,0:05:09.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in this episode, I'm gonna teach you how to pick up a bitch in a bar.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.43,0:05:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man, this one's easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.96,0:05:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just walk up to that bitch and you like,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.13,0:05:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, bitch!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.33,0:05:15.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I like yo' titties, suck my dick, you want a drizzank?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.65,0:05:19.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hey Deezy, we actually got a girl for you to demonstrate on.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.04,0:05:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.04,0:05:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yo, man.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.92,0:05:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I told you to find a bitch, I didn't really think you was gonna find one,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.82,0:05:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but yeah man, bring her in though.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.47,0:05:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, that's cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.47,0:05:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The more the merrier, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.54,0:05:32.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hey, S-Deezy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.72,0:05:35.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am such a huge fan.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.63,0:05:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You is?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.63,0:05:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, yo man, of course you is.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.71,0:05:42.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every bitch wants a piece of the Dee!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.51,0:05:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ha...ha.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.51,0:05:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, uh, you just walk up to this bitch and you're like,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.63,0:05:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yo, bitch.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.80,0:05:50.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want me to buy you a drizzank?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.11,0:05:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I would love that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.13,0:05:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[gasps] Oh, Pikachu!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.36,0:05:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, my God.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.17,0:05:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you just cum?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.39,0:05:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-[chuckles nervously]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.66,0:06:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.21,0:06:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No man, no I--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.24,0:06:04.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man, you was all like--hoo--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.04,0:06:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was like--blar--
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.62,0:06:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, uh, uh...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.88,0:06:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gunshots]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.95,0:06:13.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my God
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.77,0:06:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, my, it's Ask Paris
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.02,0:06:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hey, what's up you guys?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.37,0:06:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me and Tinkerbell are gonna give you advice,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.20,0:06:24.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so ask me whatever questions you want.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.13,0:06:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Dear Paris Hilton,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.61,0:06:28.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where do these herpes come from?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.51,0:06:31.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well, let's be honest,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.16,0:06:33.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you didn't get them from a girl,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.21,0:06:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I'm guessing a toilet seat.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.69,0:06:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Dear Paris,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.11,0:06:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I always here you say the phrase "That's hot"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.50,0:06:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what exactly is the--"that" referring to?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.52,0:06:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Not you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.75,0:06:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Dear Paris Hilton,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.06,0:06:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need the money for some fancy editing software for my Mac.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.94,0:06:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can I get that money simple and quick?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.31,0:06:59.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-I will personally send you a check for 2 million dollars
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.26,0:07:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you shave your head and send me the hair so I can give it to Tinkerbell as a fuck buddy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.07,0:07:04.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-It's Ask Paris
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.68,0:07:07.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Say bye, Tinkerbell.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.62,0:07:09.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bye, everybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.62,0:07:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should probably lose some weight because you look chubby in those pants.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.89,0:07:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't say it, Tinkerbell did. [laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.54,0:07:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-If your life is a major bum
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.49,0:07:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get some Wisdom from Shane's Mom
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.54,0:07:28.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Suicide attempts are successful 60% of the time for teenagers.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.19,0:07:32.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It would be 100% if you guys weren't a bunch of fucking idiots.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.23,0:07:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's down the river, not across the street, you retards.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.09,0:07:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happy killings.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.66,0:07:40.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Aunt Hilda's Home and Garden Show
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.34,0:07:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, well hello, boys and girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.40,0:07:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How are you doing today?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.12,0:07:48.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hopefully not depressed and not down as contemplating suicide.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.100,0:07:50.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't want to be the next Hilary Duff.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.99,0:07:54.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? She's not dead yet?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.11,0:07:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even after Material Girls?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.48,0:07:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wow, she is a fighter.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.39,0:07:59.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good for you, H. Duff.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.66,0:08:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who are we talking about again?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.96,0:08:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah, cooking.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.07,0:08:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So today, we're gonna make cookies.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.27,0:08:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now a lot of people like to cut their cookies into things
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.88,0:08:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like hearts or stars or horseshoes
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.64,0:08:09.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or other gay shit like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.64,0:08:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I like to use something that really makes my mouth water:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.66,0:08:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a penis.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.72,0:08:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now boys, don't feel left out.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.91,0:08:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can make vagina cookies.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.76,0:08:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just be sure not to make the lips too thin or else you'll burn the whole thing
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.82,0:08:23.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you don't want a Tyra cookie.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.53,0:08:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After only six hours in the oven at 875 degrees,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.42,0:08:29.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our penis is ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.91,0:08:31.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take a look at that dick.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.91,0:08:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Damn.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.49,0:08:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I was a cookie woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.69,0:08:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd shove it in my cookie vagina and fuck the shit out of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.46,0:08:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it's time to ice your penis.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.41,0:08:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I like to use a color like purple or pink,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.91,0:08:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause if you make it too realistic, it's disturbing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.19,0:08:46.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.92,0:08:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looks like Barney's dick, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.46,0:08:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gasps] We should sing a song.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.86,0:08:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love you
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.67,0:08:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You love me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.28,0:08:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's get together and eat cookies
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.72,0:09:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That look like penises
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.40,0:09:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Balls, cunts, and butts
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.58,0:09:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's all eat some after lunch
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.78,0:09:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See you later, kids!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.71,0:09:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eww, God! It tastes like shit!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.100,0:09:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Now it's time for Shane's Question of the Day
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.08,0:09:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-All right, you guys, here's my question of the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.48,0:09:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you had to describe yourself in one word,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.86,0:09:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what would it be?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.86,0:09:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mine would be abnormal.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.03,0:09:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do even I have to explain? Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.22,0:09:29.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So leave your answers, a comment or video response,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.01,0:09:31.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll be picking one random person to get a
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.72,0:09:33.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shane Dawson Hot Topic shirt, yay.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.95,0:09:34.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I hope you guys enjoyed the show.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.95,0:09:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was so much fun to make.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.46,0:09:37.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll try to make one every other week.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.99,0:09:40.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And thank you to the Fine Bros. who helped me write and direct it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.03,0:09:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Charlie Puth, who created all the music
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.38,0:09:44.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Cybertoons, who created all that crazy-ass animations.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.05,0:09:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, I love all you crazy motherfuckers
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.63,0:09:47.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I will see you next week.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.79,0:09:48.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[gunshot]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.79,0:09:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Got a little advice from Shane & Friends
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.37,0:09:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hit the thumbs up button
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.71,0:09:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or Shanaynay will f--king kill you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.99,0:10:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Ooh, missed a spot. [Captioned by SpongeSebastian]