-Hey, what's up, you guys?
Welcome to the first official episode of Shane & Friends.
A show where all my characters have their own little segments.
So I hope you guys enjoy it and I will see you after the video.
-You're watching Shane Dawson & Friends
Where the excitement never ends
So open your ears, sit down and relax
Or Shanaynay will bust a f--kin' cap in your ass
[gunshot]
-Hey, all you gutter-sluts and bubble-butts.
I am here with your Halloween episode.
-These are Shanayanay'z Tipz, motherf-----
-Now, a lot of you guys are probably wondering what you are gonna be for Halloween.
I was going to be Lindsay Lohan,
but I decided to change it to Lady Gaga.
To help me today, I have my BFF Kristen.
-I don't even know you.
-Hahaha, she's funny.
Do you want twenty bucks or not, bitch?
-Besties!
-Now we all know Lady Gaga is extremely white,
kind of like one of them bubbles-bitches that's allergic to the sun and doesn't leave her house.
So to achieve this look,
you need a high-quality organic face makeup.
Now that can be really expensive, which is why I use vagina powder.
Now, this will sting, so make sure to close your eyes,
and it's extremely toxic, so cover your mouth,
because if you swallow it, you're gonna need your little tummy pumped.
All right, here we go.
Here comes Gaga.
-[coughs]
-Oh, missed a spot.
It's all over my hands, yuck.
Now, Gaga likes to wear a dark-black lipstick,
'cause she thinks it makes her look creative,
when, in all reality, it just looks like she's been munchin' on some really old dog shit.
Now, to achieve this look,
you need a waterproof black lipstick shade that doesn't permanently stain your mouth,
so I've decided to use an extra-thick Sharpie marker.
Now, remember this is extremely toxic and the fuse may make you high,
so...you're welcome.
And...done.
Now, Lady Gaga likes to wear lightning bolts on her face,
kind of like God was mad at her for making horrible dance music and zapped her ass.
So I decided to go for a more intense look and burn it into her face.
[flame whooshes]
[scream, test-tone]
Whoo, done.
Now that that's done,
remember, your friend might pass out from all the pain.
Hello?
Called it!
Now remember kids, you snooze you lose.
Let's go through these pockets.
Ooh, an iPhone 4.
Face time.
Ooh, is that a big thick money-filled wallet or are you just happy to see me?
Oh, wallet.
Now the final piece is the wig.
Lady Gaga likes to wear an all-human natural hairpiece that costs up to $500.
Now that's a little pricey,
so I've decided to go to the thrift store and get a merkin.
If you don't know what a merkin is,
it's an all-natural wig made out of pubic hair.
This one is from a 55-year-old named Barb.
She's been growing it out her whole life.
Whoo, smells like Gaga.
Hurry up, we gotta get you to the monster ball.
So there you go.
Whether you're looking for a bad romance
or want to "just dance",
you're gonna love the way you look.
[body thuds]
Haha!
-Ned's Nerd World, Ned's Nerd World
It's time to get techy in Ned's World
-Hello, citizens.
Welcome to Ned's Nerd World,
a show where I'll be talking about everything nerdy.
Today I'm gonna be reviewing Magic Panda.
-Hello, Ned!
-Hello, Panda.
-How are you doing today?
-Great, and how are you?
-Eh...
-This little baby's psychic.
You ask it a question and it knows the answer.
Let's try a few testers, shall we?
Is my name Ned?
-Yes.
-Is my hair brown?
-Yes.
-Am I well-endowed?
-No.
-It works.
All right, now let's get to some juicy stuff, shall we?
Hey Panda, am I gonna get married?
-Yes.
-To a supermodel?
-[cackles] No.
-Well, am I gonna be rich?
-No.
-Middle-class.
-No.
-Poor?
-Nope.
-Well, what the hell is left?
-Homeless.
-I'm gonna be living in my car?
-No.
-Then where am I gonna be living?
-On a bike.
-A bike?
I don't even know how to ride a bike.
-You'll learn.
-Am I at least gonna be in good health?
-No, you're morbidly obese and HIV-positive.
-Does anything good happen to me, Panda?
-[cackling]
[Panda groans and screams]
-[pants]
Whoo.
I give that motherfucker a 0 out of 5 stars.
-This is S-Deezy's G-Spot
You better take his advice or your ass will get shot
-Yo, yo, yo.
Welcome to the G-Spot with me, S-Deezy.
Man, this show is all about teaching you how to be a betta man, a betta lova,
and an all-around betta mothafugga like myself.
So in this episode, I'm gonna teach you how to pick up a bitch in a bar.
Man, this one's easy.
You just walk up to that bitch and you like,
"Yo, bitch!
I like yo' titties, suck my dick, you want a drizzank?"
-Hey Deezy, we actually got a girl for you to demonstrate on.
-What?
Yo, man.
When I told you to find a bitch, I didn't really think you was gonna find one,
but yeah man, bring her in though.
Yeah, that's cool.
The more the merrier, right?
-Hey, S-Deezy.
I am such a huge fan.
-You is?
I mean, yo man, of course you is.
Every bitch wants a piece of the Dee!
Ha...ha.
So, uh, you just walk up to this bitch and you're like,
"Yo, bitch.
You want me to buy you a drizzank?"
-I would love that.
-[gasps] Oh, Pikachu!
-Oh, my God.
Did you just cum?
-[chuckles nervously]
What?
No man, no I--
Man, you was all like--hoo--
and I was like--blar--
and, uh, uh...
[gunshots]
-Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my God
Oh, my, it's Ask Paris
-Hey, what's up you guys?
Me and Tinkerbell are gonna give you advice,
so ask me whatever questions you want.
-Dear Paris Hilton,
where do these herpes come from?
-Well, let's be honest,
you didn't get them from a girl,
so I'm guessing a toilet seat.
-Dear Paris,
I always here you say the phrase "That's hot"
but what exactly is the--"that" referring to?
-Not you.
-Dear Paris Hilton,
I need the money for some fancy editing software for my Mac.
How can I get that money simple and quick?
-I will personally send you a check for 2 million dollars
if you shave your head and send me the hair so I can give it to Tinkerbell as a fuck buddy.
-It's Ask Paris
-Say bye, Tinkerbell.
Bye, everybody.
You should probably lose some weight because you look chubby in those pants.
I didn't say it, Tinkerbell did. [laughs]
-If your life is a major bum
Get some Wisdom from Shane's Mom
-Suicide attempts are successful 60% of the time for teenagers.
It would be 100% if you guys weren't a bunch of fucking idiots.
It's down the river, not across the street, you retards.
Happy killings.
-Aunt Hilda's Home and Garden Show
-Oh, well hello, boys and girls.
How are you doing today?
Hopefully not depressed and not down as contemplating suicide.
You don't want to be the next Hilary Duff.
What? She's not dead yet?
Even after Material Girls?
Wow, she is a fighter.
Good for you, H. Duff.
Who are we talking about again?
Oh yeah, cooking.
So today, we're gonna make cookies.
Now a lot of people like to cut their cookies into things
like hearts or stars or horseshoes
or other gay shit like that.
I like to use something that really makes my mouth water:
a penis.
Now boys, don't feel left out.
You can make vagina cookies.
Just be sure not to make the lips too thin or else you'll burn the whole thing
and you don't want a Tyra cookie.
After only six hours in the oven at 875 degrees,
our penis is ready.
Take a look at that dick.
Damn.
If I was a cookie woman,
I'd shove it in my cookie vagina and fuck the shit out of it.
Now it's time to ice your penis.
Now, I like to use a color like purple or pink,
'cause if you make it too realistic, it's disturbing.
And here it is.
Looks like Barney's dick, right?
[gasps] We should sing a song.
I love you
You love me
Let's get together and eat cookies
That look like penises
Balls, cunts, and butts
Let's all eat some after lunch
See you later, kids!
Eww, God! It tastes like shit!
-Now it's time for Shane's Question of the Day
-All right, you guys, here's my question of the day.
If you had to describe yourself in one word,
what would it be?
Mine would be abnormal.
Do even I have to explain? Really?
So leave your answers, a comment or video response,
and I'll be picking one random person to get a
Shane Dawson Hot Topic shirt, yay.
So I hope you guys enjoyed the show.
It was so much fun to make.
I'll try to make one every other week.
And thank you to the Fine Bros. who helped me write and direct it,
Charlie Puth, who created all the music
and Cybertoons, who created all that crazy-ass animations.
All right, I love all you crazy motherfuckers
and I will see you next week.
[gunshot]
-Got a little advice from Shane & Friends
Hit the thumbs up button
Or Shanaynay will f--king kill you
-Ooh, missed a spot. [Captioned by SpongeSebastian]