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Even if you don’t understand,

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you can still support and care for us.

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Our identity is still valid and it exists.

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[TESTIMONIES: Non-binary Identities]

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I’m Cami, I’m 22, I’m non-binary

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I’m here to talk about being non-binary.

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Non-binary is an umbrella term

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that covers all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively masculine

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nor exclusively feminine.

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It can include agender, being neutral

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or without gender,

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or it can include all fluid identities,

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imagining gender on a spectrum

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with two poles: masculine and feminine.

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You may have a gender that shifts.

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All people who are gender-fluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc. are included.

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I never really identified with femininity.

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By 18,

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I started questioning my gender identity,

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and I met a trans man

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who I dated for a while.

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Together we found words for my identity,

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which was non-binary.

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I think it’s because of him having a lot

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more insight than me that he could help me

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find the words surrounding my identity.

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Gender identity is who we are; it’s gender

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that we feel, live and experiment.

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And gender expression,

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it’s what we show to others.

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It’s the way we express that identity.

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You can have a masculine gender identity,

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for example: so you’re a man,

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and you have a feminine gender expression

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with traits deemed feminine by society.

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Like Bilal Hassani, for example, is a man

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with a feminine gender expression.

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I told my parents that I’m non-binary and

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I wanted to change my name all at once.

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I was 20, so it’s been 2 years now.

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My mom took it quite well. She was

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already well versed in gender diversity.

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She analysed her views and was very safe.

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I felt secure.

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I was a little more delicate with my dad.

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I took a bit longer to talk to him

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and I didn’t do it in person.

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I messaged him,

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since it was easier for me to manage.

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He took it well. He said he

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couldn’t understand at all, but that he'd

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still be there to support me regardless

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and that it changed nothing for him.

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He didn’t love me any differently.

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For my grandma, it was a little trickier

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since it wasn’t something she'd heard of.

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She grew up in the country-side,

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moving to Paris and living

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with my grandpa for 50 years.

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She was in cis-heteronomative patterns,

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never questioning her identity

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or anyone else’s.

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When I told her, she was taken aback,

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but she was always careful to treat me in

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the best way she could.

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She makes a big effort, she almost never

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makes a mistake using my chosen name.

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I requested my name change in 2019.

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I made a request at city hall in my town.

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I made a file, filling it with testimony

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from those close to me to note that

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they called me by Cami.

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I got a letter of support from my school,

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and I submitted it. It took a few months,

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(the wait depends on the city hall),

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and I got an acceptance to change my name.

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The act of misgendering someone is when

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you address them using the wrong pronouns.

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So it's gendering a non-binary person who

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explicitly asked for you to use

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neutral pronouns, like “they”, by using

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feminine or masculine pronouns.

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Personally, I use feminine pronouns

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verbally and neutral pronouns in writing.

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But I tend to say that I prefer feminine

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pronouns when speaking right away.

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If they don’t tell you their’s in response

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and you want to ensure you gender them

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correctly, you can ask them their pronouns

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or wait for them to refer to their

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own gender to follow their gendering.

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The videos I made in the past have plenty

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of comments invalidating our identities,

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denying our gender expressions and

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identities. After that, I stopped reading

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most comments since I know that, for the

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most part, they’re malicious or really

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misinformed, and just want to hurt me.

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I once took part in a report where

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you'd hear that "it's a fad",

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"it just popped up in the last 10 years

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in the USA", "it's about fashion",

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"Unisex fashion", etc.

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That is completely untrue.

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I think that's a super white and

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eurocentric point of view since we see

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numerous gender identities in plenty of

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other cultures that were totally erased

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during colonisation, period.

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We often hear that it’s problematic,

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it’s uncomfortable having to reshape boxes

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and add more boxes, to identify yourself,

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reidentify yourself, etc., but I think

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the ability to identify with something

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in the first place and to disidentify with

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an identity that we were assigned

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arbitrarily is super important.

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I think it’s also necessary

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to find yourself in a community to

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make connections, to know

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you’re not alone, there is support,

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there are others like us,

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who understand us, who listen to us.

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If I could say one thing, I think it would

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be that even if you don’t understand,

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you can still support and care for us.

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You can learn, deconstruct your thought

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patterns, re-educate yourself, help those

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close to you, even if you don’t understand

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the full scope of their gender identity.

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A second thing is that each non-binary

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person has a different way of expressing

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their identity. There are those who will

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medically transition, who will use hormone

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replacement therapy, who will undergo

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gender-affirming surgery, and those

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who won’t. Regardless of the way you

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decide to transition or not,

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socially, medically, etc.,

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our identity, it’s still valid, it exists,

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and we’re here to stay.