Even if you don't understand,
You can still suppport us.
Our identity remains valid,
and it exists.
"Testimonials: Non-binary Identities"
I'm Cami, I'm 22, I'm non-binary,
and I'm here to talk to you about non-binary identities.
Non-binary is an umbrella term
which includes all gender identites
that are neither exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.
This can include a-gender identities-
those that involve the absence of gender or a neutral gender-
or this can include fluid identities,
as if we imagined gender as a spectrum with two ends:
Maculine and feminine.
One may have a position on this spectrum that shifts.
Including those who are genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.
I never really identified with femininity.
When I was 18,
I started questioning my gender identity.
And I met a trans man
who I spent some time with
and together, we found the right words to describe my identity-
which is non-binary.
I think that since
he had much more information than I did,
he was able to help me find the words
regarding my identity.
Gender identity is who we are;
it's the gender we feel,
that we live, and experiment,
and gender expression
is what we present to others,
It's the way that we express this identity.
So, one can have a gender identity,
for example, masculine :
So, one may be a man,
and still have a gender expression that is feminine,
with many markers considered feminine in society.
For example, Bilal Hassani,
who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.
I told my parents that I was non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.
I was 20 years old,
so it was two years ago.
My mother took it very well;
she was already well versed in the topic of gender.
She was open-minded and very supportive.
I felt safe.
With my father, it was a bit more complicated.
It took me longer to tell him,
and I didn’t do it in person.
I sent him a message actually,
because it was easier for me to handle.
He reacted fairly well,
he said he didn’t understand everything, but that he would be there to support me
and that it didn’t change anything for him
and he still loved me the same.
With my grandmother, it was a little harder,
because it was something very foreign to her.
She grew up in the country, then moved to Paris,
She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.
She was part of a very cis-heteronormative framework
where she had never questioned her own identity
or others' identities.
So when I told her about it, she was a bit taken aback.
but she was always careful
to treat me in the best possible way.
She has made enormous efforts,
and almost never makes mistakes anymore
in using my chosen name.
I applied for a name change in 2019.
I submitted a request
to the town hall of the city where I lived.
I picked up an application form, which I filled out
with testimonies from my loved ones
stating that they used the name Cami to refer to me.
I asked my school to provide a letter of support, etc.
Then I submitted my file and waited a few months-
It varies depending on the town hall
and my request for a name change was approved.
Misgendering someone
means addressing them
using incorrect pronouns.
So, misgendering a non-binary person
who has explicitly stated
that they use neutral pronouns like “they”
and instead referring to them with masculine or feminine pronouns.
Personally, I use feminine pronouns when speaking
and neutral when writing.
And generally, I tend to mention this right away:
I prefer to be addressed with feminine pronouns in speech.
Then, if the person doesn't do it on their own
and you want to be sure you're doing it right,
you can ask them their pronouns directly
or wait until the person refers to themselves
so you can follow their lead.
In the videos I have made previously,
there were many comments
that actually invalidate our identities,
that deny our gender expressions
and our gender identities.
I hardly ever read those comments
because I know that most of them
are either malicious or very insensitive
and that they would only upset me.
I once participated in a documentary
where people claimed that being non-binary was just a trend,
that it had only emerged a few years ago
in the United States, 10 years ago,
and that it was tied to fashion,
like the unisex clothing trend, etc.
Which is completely false.
And I think that it is also
a very white-centered and Eurocentric perspective.
Because in many cultures,
multiple gender identities exist,
that were completely erased
during colonization quite simply.
Quite often, we hear that it is problematic
or bothersome
to create more and more identity categories
to identify and re-identify oneself, etc.
But I think that it is extremely important
to be able to first identify with something
in order to detach oneself from an identity
that was arbitrarily assigned to us
I think that yes, it is necessary
to also find oneself in a community
to build connections
and know that we are not alone,
that there is support,
that there are other people like us
who understand us and who listen to us.
If I had just one thing to say,
I think it would be that even if you don’t understand,
you can still support and accompany others.
You can learn, you can deconstruct ways of thinking,
you can educate yourself,
you can help your loved ones,
even if you don’t fully grasp the entirety
of what defining their gender identity means.
Another thing is that
all non-binary people
have different ways of expressing their identity.
Some people will undergo medical transitions,
take hormones, have surgeries,
while others will not.
And regardless of the way in which
someone transitions socially, medically, or not at all,
our identity remains legitimate and it exists.
And there are many of us.