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Even if you don't understand,

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You can still suppport us.

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Our identity remains valid,

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and it exists.

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"Testimonials: Non-binary Identities"

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I'm Cami, I'm 22, I'm non-binary,

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and I'm here to talk to you about non-binary identities.

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Non-binary is an umbrella term

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which includes all gender identites

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that are neither exclusively masculine

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nor exclusively feminine.

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This can include a-gender identities-

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those that involve the absence of gender or a neutral gender-

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or this can include fluid identities,

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as if we imagined gender as a spectrum with two ends:

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Maculine and feminine.

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One may have a position on this spectrum that shifts.

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Including those who are genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really identified with femininity.

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When I was 18,

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I started questioning my gender identity.

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And I met a trans man

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who I spent some time with

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and together, we found the right words to describe my identity-

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which is non-binary.

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I think that since

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he had much more information than I did,

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he was able to help me find the words

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regarding my identity.

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Gender identity is who we are;

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it's the gender we feel,

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that we live, and experiment,

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and gender expression

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is what we present to others,

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It's the way that we express this identity.

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So, one can have a gender identity,

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for example, masculine :

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So, one may be a man,

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and still have a gender expression that is feminine,

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with many markers considered feminine in society.

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For example, Bilal Hassani,

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who is a man

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with a feminine gender expression.

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I told my parents that I was non-binary

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and that I wanted to change my name

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at the same time.

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I was 20 years old,

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so it was two years ago.

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My mother took it very well;

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she was already well versed in the topic of gender.

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She was open-minded and very supportive.

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I felt safe.

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With my father, it was a bit more complicated.

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It took me longer to tell him,

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and I didn’t do it in person.

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I sent him a message actually,

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because it was easier for me to handle.

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He reacted fairly well,

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he said he didn’t understand everything, but that he would be there to support me

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and that it didn’t change anything for him

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and he still loved me the same.

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With my grandmother, it was a little harder,

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because it was something very foreign to her.

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She grew up in the country, then moved to Paris,

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She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.

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She was part of a very cis-heteronormative framework

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where she had never questioned her own identity

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or others' identities.

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So when I told her about it, she was a bit taken aback.

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but she was always careful

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to treat me in the best possible way.

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She has made enormous efforts,

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and almost never makes mistakes anymore

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in using my chosen name.

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I applied for a name change in 2019.

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I submitted a request

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to the town hall of the city where I lived.

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I picked up an application form, which I filled out

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with testimonies from my loved ones

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stating that they used the name Cami to refer to me.

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I asked my school to provide a letter of support, etc.

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Then I submitted my file and waited a few months-

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It varies depending on the town hall

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and my request for a name change was approved.

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Misgendering someone

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means addressing them

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using incorrect pronouns.

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So, misgendering a non-binary person

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who has explicitly stated

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that they use neutral pronouns like “they”

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and instead referring to them with masculine or feminine pronouns.

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Personally, I use feminine pronouns when speaking

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and neutral when writing.

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And generally, I tend to mention this right away:

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I prefer to be addressed with feminine pronouns in speech.

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Then, if the person doesn't do it on their own

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and you want to be sure you're doing it right,

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you can ask them their pronouns directly

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or wait until the person refers to themselves

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so you can follow their lead.

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In the videos I have made previously,

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there were many comments

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that actually invalidate our identities,

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that deny our gender expressions

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and our gender identities.

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I hardly ever read those comments

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because I know that most of them

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are either malicious or very insensitive

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and that they would only upset me.

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I once participated in a documentary

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where people claimed that being non-binary was just a trend,

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that it had only emerged a few years ago

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in the United States, 10 years ago,

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and that it was tied to fashion,

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like the unisex clothing trend, etc.

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Which is completely false.

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And I think that it is also

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a very white-centered and Eurocentric perspective.

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Because in many cultures,

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multiple gender identities exist,

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that were completely erased

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during colonization quite simply.

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Quite often, we hear that it is problematic

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or bothersome

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to create more and more identity categories

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to identify and re-identify oneself, etc.

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But I think that it is extremely important

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to be able to first identify with something

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in order to detach oneself from an identity

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that was arbitrarily assigned to us

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I think that yes, it is necessary

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to also find oneself in a community

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to build connections

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and know that we are not alone,

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that there is support,

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that there are other people like us

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who understand us and who listen to us.

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If I had just one thing to say,

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I think it would be that even if you don’t understand,

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you can still support and accompany others.

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You can learn, you can deconstruct ways of thinking,

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you can educate yourself,

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you can help your loved ones,

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even if you don’t fully grasp the entirety

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of what defining their gender identity means.

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Another thing is that

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all non-binary people

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have different ways of expressing their identity.

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Some people will undergo medical transitions,

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take hormones, have surgeries,

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while others will not.

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And regardless of the way in which

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someone transitions socially, medically, or not at all,

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our identity remains legitimate and it exists.

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And there are many of us.