Even if you don't understand,
you can always support and be there for us.
Our identity is legitimate and real.
Testimonies: Non-binary Identities
My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old, I'm non-binary
And I'm here to talk to you about non-binary identities.
Non-binary is an umbrella term
that encompasses all gender identities
that are neither exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.
This could mean being agender,
without a gender, which is neutral,
or it could include all fluid identities.
If you imagine gender as a spectrum with masculine and feminine poles,
some people move along the spectrum
like genderfluid, demigender, pangender people, etc.
I never really identified with femininity.
At 18, I began questioning my gender identity.
I met a trans man, and we dated for a while.
Together, we found the words to describe my identity: non-binary.
He was much more informed than I was,
so he helped me find the right words.
Gender identity is who we are.
It's the gender we feel and experience.
Gender expression is what we show to others.
It's how we express our identity.
Someone might have a masculine gender identity
but express themselves in a feminine way
with markers seen as feminine in society.
Like Bilal Hassani for example, a man with feminine gender expression.
I told my parents I was non-binary.
I also said I wanted to change my name.
I was 20, so that was two years ago.
My mom took it very well.
She was already very knowledgeable about gender issues.
She was very supportive and safe.
With my dad, it was a bit harder.
I didn't tell him in person.
I messaged him, it was easier that way.
He reacted pretty well.
He said he didn't fully understand, but would support me regardless.
That his love for me hadn't changed.
For my grandma, it was tricky because this was a foreign concept to her.
She grew up in the countryside and then moved to Paris.
She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.
Her world was very heteronormative.
She never questioned her own identity or that of others.
When I talked to her about it, she was quite taken aback.
But she always made sure to treat me well.
She makes a lot of effort and hardly ever uses my deadname anymore.
I applied for a name change in 2019.
I applied at the town hall of the city where I lived.
I picked up a form and filled it out with testimonials from my friends
who explained that they used the name "Cami" when addressing me.
I also asked my school for a support letter.
After submitting my application, I waited a few months.
It depends on the city hall,
and then my name change was approved.
Misgendering is addressing someone by using the wrong pronouns.
For example, using gendered pronouns for someone who explicitly uses "they",
like calling them "he" or "she".
Personally, I use feminine pronouns when speaking, neutral when writing.
I usually mention my preference right away.
I prefer to be addressed using feminine pronouns when speaking.
If someone doesn't do this automatically and you want to address them correctly,
you can directly ask for their pronouns or wait for them to specify their gender.
In videos I've made before,
there were many comments invalidating our gender identities,
and rejecting our gender expression.
I don't read those comments much
Because I know they are mostly malicious or very clumsy.
They would only end up hurting me.
I once participated in a documentary that said being non-binary was a trend.
That it appeared in the U.S. just ten years ago,
and was really just linked to fashion trends like unisex clothing.
That's completely false.
I think it's a very white, Eurocentric perspective.
Many cultures that had multiple genders were entirely erased during colonization.
Often, people say it's problematic
or bothersome to keep creating categories to identify and re-identify ourselves.
However, I think it's crucial to be able to identify with something first,
to disassociate from an identity that was arbitrarily assigned to us.
It's necessary to find community, to create bonds, to know you're not alone,
know that there's support, that there are others who understand us.
If I had one thing to say,
it'd be that even if you don't understand, you can still support us and stand with us.
You can learn, you can dismantle old ways of thinking.
You can educate yourself and help your loved ones,
even if you don't fully grasp the meaning of their gender identity.
Secondly, all non-binary people express their identity differently.
Some undergo medical transitions, use hormones or get surgery. Others don't.
No matter how you transition, socially, medically, or not at all,
Our identity is legitimate and real.
And there are quite a lot of us.