0:00:00.000,0:00:01.560 Even if you don’t understand 0:00:01.560,0:00:03.460 you can still support us. 0:00:03.460,0:00:06.347 Our identity is legitimate, it exists. 0:00:06.347,0:00:08.804 Non-binary Stories 0:00:08.805,0:00:11.173 I’m Cami, I’m 22, I am non-binary. 0:00:11.173,0:00:13.193 and I’m here to discuss being non-binary. 0:00:13.193,0:00:15.072 Non-binary is an umbrella term 0:00:15.072,0:00:17.186 for all gender identities 0:00:17.186,0:00:20.638 that are neither exclusively [br]masculine or feminine, 0:00:20.638,0:00:22.538 which could be agender, 0:00:22.538,0:00:25.057 where “a” means no gender, neutral, 0:00:25.057,0:00:27.827 or it could be [br]all gender-fluid identities. 0:00:27.827,0:00:32.204 So if you imagine gender as a spectrum [br]between masculine and feminine 0:00:32.204,0:00:36.529 you can have a curseur[br]which moves around all gender fluid people 0:00:36.529,0:00:39.319 demi-gender, pangender, etc. 0:00:39.319,0:00:42.241 I never identified with femininity 0:00:42.241,0:00:44.971 at 18, I already started 0:00:44.971,0:00:47.921 to question my gender identity 0:00:47.921,0:00:49.741 and I met a trans man 0:00:49.741,0:00:51.947 who I dated for a while 0:00:51.947,0:00:54.567 and we were able to label my identity 0:00:54.567,0:00:56.319 which is non-binary. 0:00:56.319,0:00:59.189 And I think that[br]because he was more informed 0:00:59.189,0:01:03.289 he could help me find [br]the words for my identity. 0:01:03.289,0:01:05.206 Gender identity is who you are. 0:01:05.206,0:01:07.199 it’s the gender we feel, 0:01:07.199,0:01:09.217 that we live, we experience. 0:01:09.217,0:01:13.349 And gender expression[br]is what we show to others, 0:01:13.349,0:01:15.977 it’s the way we express this identity. 0:01:15.977,0:01:18.127 So you can have a gender identity, 0:01:18.127,0:01:21.263 for example, masculine, so you’re a man, 0:01:21.263,0:01:23.663 and you can have [br]a feminine gender expression 0:01:23.663,0:01:26.259 with stereotypically feminine markers 0:01:26.259,0:01:28.589 like Bilal Hassani, who is a man 0:01:28.589,0:01:30.909 with a feminine gender expression. 0:01:30.909,0:01:34.999 I told my parents I was non-binary 0:01:34.999,0:01:37.565 and that I wanted to change my name[br]at the same time. 0:01:37.565,0:01:40.749 I was 20, so 2 years ago. 0:01:40.749,0:01:43.577 My mom took it well. 0:01:43.577,0:01:46.659 She was already knowledgeable [br]about gender issues. 0:01:46.659,0:01:48.675 She had a deconstructed [br]view of gender 0:01:48.675,0:01:51.102 and was a safe space. [br]I felt safe. 0:01:51.102,0:01:53.458 My dad was a bit trickier. 0:01:53.458,0:01:55.169 It took me longer to tell him 0:01:55.169,0:01:58.047 and I didn’t do it in person. 0:01:58.047,0:02:00.823 I sent him a message, [br]it was easier for me. 0:02:01.084,0:02:03.114 He reacted well. 0:02:03.114,0:02:06.604 He said he didn’t totally understand[br]but he supported me regardless 0:02:06.604,0:02:09.562 and it didn’t change anything for him.[br]He loved me the same. 0:02:09.562,0:02:11.780 For my grandma, it was a bit less clear 0:02:11.780,0:02:14.462 because the topic was foreign to her. 0:02:14.462,0:02:17.313 She grew up in the countryside, [br]then moved to Paris. 0:02:17.313,0:02:20.103 She lived with my grandfather [br]for 50 years. 0:02:20.103,0:02:22.903 She was only used to [br]cis-hetero-normativity, 0:02:22.903,0:02:24.863 she never questioned her identity 0:02:24.863,0:02:26.343 or the identity of others. 0:02:26.343,0:02:28.870 When I spoke to her, [br]she was a bit taken aback 0:02:28.870,0:02:32.870 But she always ensured 0:02:32.870,0:02:35.146 to try her best for me. 0:02:35.146,0:02:36.205 She tried very hard. 0:02:36.205,0:02:39.028 She almost never messed up[br]using my preferred name. 0:02:39.028,0:02:43.118 I applied to change my name in 2019. 0:02:43.118,0:02:48.267 I applied to my city hall. 0:02:48.372,0:02:50.791 I was given a file to fill out 0:02:50.791,0:02:52.803 with testimonials from loved ones 0:02:52.803,0:02:56.142 to say they called me Cami 0:02:56.679,0:03:00.599 I asked my school [br]to write me a reference, etc. 0:03:00.599,0:03:01.999 Then I submitted the file 0:03:01.999,0:03:03.850 and I waited a few months, 0:03:03.850,0:03:05.331 it varies by city, 0:03:05.331,0:03:07.681 and I was accepted for a name change. 0:03:07.681,0:03:09.101 To misgender someone 0:03:09.101,0:03:11.097 is to refer to them 0:03:11.097,0:03:13.010 using the wrong pronouns. 0:03:13.010,0:03:15.311 For example, referring to [br]a non-binary person 0:03:15.311,0:03:20.471 who explicitly says they use [br]neutral pronouns, like they/them, 0:03:20.471,0:03:23.791 with she/her or he/him pronouns. 0:03:23.791,0:03:25.671 I personally use the pronouns 0:03:25.671,0:03:29.185 she/her when spoken, [br]and they/them when written. 0:03:29.185,0:03:32.771 But in general I often say right away 0:03:32.771,0:03:34.781 that I prefer that people refer to me 0:03:34.781,0:03:36.561 with she/her pronouns when speaking. 0:03:36.561,0:03:38.853 After, if the person [br]doesn’t give their pronouns 0:03:38.853,0:03:42.733 and you want to be sure [br]you’re not misgendering them 0:03:42.733,0:03:44.794 you can ask them for their pronouns 0:03:44.794,0:03:47.213 or wait for the person [br]to refer to themselves 0:03:47.213,0:03:48.634 and follow their lead. 0:03:48.634,0:03:51.519 On the previous videos I’ve made 0:03:51.519,0:03:55.277 there were a lot of comments [br]that invalidated our identities. 0:03:55.277,0:04:00.492 That denied our gender expressions [br]and identities. 0:04:00.492,0:04:03.834 Now, I don’t read many comments 0:04:03.834,0:04:05.624 only because I know that mostly 0:04:05.624,0:04:08.564 they’re malicious or misinformed 0:04:08.564,0:04:10.098 and they’ll only hurt me. 0:04:10.098,0:04:12.498 Once, I took part in an advertorial 0:04:12.498,0:04:15.596 that suggested that [br]being non-binary was a trend 0:04:15.596,0:04:17.755 that it only appeared a few years ago 0:04:17.755,0:04:22.314 in the US, that it was a fashion trend, 0:04:22.314,0:04:24.341 “the unisex trend” etc. 0:04:24.341,0:04:25.541 It was completely wrong. 0:04:25.541,0:04:32.311 I think it’s also [br]a very white and very euro-centric opinion 0:04:32.600,0:04:35.046 because in most cultures 0:04:35.046,0:04:37.125 you find many gender identities 0:04:37.125,0:04:40.565 that were completely erased [br]during colonization. 0:04:40.565,0:04:44.666 Often, we hear that it’s problematic 0:04:44.666,0:04:47.584 or it’s embarrassing to create more labels 0:04:47.584,0:04:49.905 for self-identification, [br]self-reidentification, etc. 0:04:49.905,0:04:51.813 But I think it’s really important 0:04:51.813,0:04:55.104 to be able to identify as something 0:04:55.104,0:04:59.154 and to not identify as something[br]that we were arbitrarily assigned. 0:04:59.154,0:05:02.223 I think it’s also necessary [br]to find a community 0:05:02.223,0:05:03.345 to create connections, 0:05:03.345,0:05:04.486 to know we aren't alone, 0:05:04.486,0:05:07.866 that there is support[br]that there are other people like us 0:05:07.866,0:05:09.339 who understand us, who hear us. 0:05:09.339,0:05:11.096 If I could only say one thing 0:05:11.096,0:05:13.602 it would be that even if [br]you don’t understand 0:05:13.602,0:05:15.754 you can always support us. 0:05:15.754,0:05:19.404 You can learn, [br]deconstruct the ways you think 0:05:19.404,0:05:23.064 you can inform yourself, [br]you can help your loved ones, 0:05:23.064,0:05:24.568 even if you don’t understand 0:05:24.568,0:05:28.138 the full scope of their gender identity. 0:05:28.138,0:05:31.188 A second thing, all non-binary people 0:05:31.188,0:05:34.704 have different ways [br]to express their identity. 0:05:34.704,0:05:37.654 Some people will transition medically, 0:05:37.654,0:05:40.484 will take hormones, undergo surgeries 0:05:40.484,0:05:42.884 and it doesn’t matter 0:05:42.884,0:05:45.204 the way that you transition or not 0:05:45.204,0:05:46.729 socially, medically, etc. 0:05:46.729,0:05:49.917 Our identity is legitimate, it exists, 0:05:49.917,0:05:52.733 and we are everywhere.