WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.560
Even if you don’t understand

00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:03.460
you can still support us.

00:00:03.460 --> 00:00:06.347
Our identity is legitimate, it exists.

00:00:06.347 --> 00:00:08.804
Non-binary Stories

00:00:08.805 --> 00:00:11.173
I’m Cami, I’m 22, I am non-binary.

00:00:11.173 --> 00:00:13.193
and I’m here to discuss being non-binary.

00:00:13.193 --> 00:00:15.072
Non-binary is an umbrella term

00:00:15.072 --> 00:00:17.186
for all gender identities

00:00:17.186 --> 00:00:20.638
that are neither exclusively 
masculine or feminine,

00:00:20.638 --> 00:00:22.538
which could be agender,

00:00:22.538 --> 00:00:25.057
where “a” means no gender, neutral,

00:00:25.057 --> 00:00:27.827
or it could be 
all gender-fluid identities.

00:00:27.827 --> 00:00:32.204
So if you imagine gender as a spectrum 
between masculine and feminine

00:00:32.204 --> 00:00:36.529
you can have a curseur
which moves around all gender fluid people

00:00:36.529 --> 00:00:39.319
demi-gender, pangender, etc.

00:00:39.319 --> 00:00:42.241
I never identified with femininity

00:00:42.241 --> 00:00:44.971
at 18, I already started

00:00:44.971 --> 00:00:47.921
to question my gender identity

00:00:47.921 --> 00:00:49.741
and I met a trans man

00:00:49.741 --> 00:00:51.947
who I dated for a while

00:00:51.947 --> 00:00:54.567
and we were able to label my identity

00:00:54.567 --> 00:00:56.319
which is non-binary.

00:00:56.319 --> 00:00:59.189
And I think that
because he was more informed

00:00:59.189 --> 00:01:03.289
he could help me find 
the words for my identity.

00:01:03.289 --> 00:01:05.206
Gender identity is who you are.

00:01:05.206 --> 00:01:07.199
it’s the gender we feel,

00:01:07.199 --> 00:01:09.217
that we live, we experience.

00:01:09.217 --> 00:01:13.349
And gender expression
is what we show to others,

00:01:13.349 --> 00:01:15.977
it’s the way we express this identity.

00:01:15.977 --> 00:01:18.127
So you can have a gender identity,

00:01:18.127 --> 00:01:21.263
for example, masculine, so you’re a man,

00:01:21.263 --> 00:01:23.663
and you can have 
a feminine gender expression

00:01:23.663 --> 00:01:26.259
with stereotypically feminine markers

00:01:26.259 --> 00:01:28.589
like Bilal Hassani, who is a man

00:01:28.589 --> 00:01:30.909
with a feminine gender expression.

00:01:30.909 --> 00:01:34.999
I told my parents I was non-binary

00:01:34.999 --> 00:01:37.565
and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

00:01:37.565 --> 00:01:40.749
I was 20, so 2 years ago.

00:01:40.749 --> 00:01:43.577
My mom took it well.

00:01:43.577 --> 00:01:46.659
She was already knowledgeable 
about gender issues.

00:01:46.659 --> 00:01:48.675
She had a deconstructed 
view of gender

00:01:48.675 --> 00:01:51.102
and was a safe space. 
I felt safe.

00:01:51.102 --> 00:01:53.458
My dad was a bit trickier.

00:01:53.458 --> 00:01:55.169
It took me longer to tell him

00:01:55.169 --> 00:01:58.047
and I didn’t do it in person.

00:01:58.047 --> 00:02:00.823
I sent him a message, 
it was easier for me.

00:02:01.084 --> 00:02:03.114
He reacted well.

00:02:03.114 --> 00:02:06.604
He said he didn’t totally understand
but he supported me regardless

00:02:06.604 --> 00:02:09.562
and it didn’t change anything for him.
He loved me the same.

00:02:09.562 --> 00:02:11.780
For my grandma, it was a bit less clear

00:02:11.780 --> 00:02:14.462
because the topic was foreign to her.

00:02:14.462 --> 00:02:17.313
She grew up in the countryside, 
then moved to Paris.

00:02:17.313 --> 00:02:20.103
She lived with my grandfather 
for 50 years.

00:02:20.103 --> 00:02:22.903
She was only used to 
cis-hetero-normativity,

00:02:22.903 --> 00:02:24.863
she never questioned her identity

00:02:24.863 --> 00:02:26.343
or the identity of others.

00:02:26.343 --> 00:02:28.870
When I spoke to her, 
she was a bit taken aback

00:02:28.870 --> 00:02:32.870
But she always ensured

00:02:32.870 --> 00:02:35.146
to try her best for me.

00:02:35.146 --> 00:02:36.205
She tried very hard.

00:02:36.205 --> 00:02:39.028
She almost never messed up
using my preferred name.

00:02:39.028 --> 00:02:43.118
I applied to change my name in 2019.

00:02:43.118 --> 00:02:48.267
I applied to my city hall.

00:02:48.372 --> 00:02:50.791
I was given a file to fill out

00:02:50.791 --> 00:02:52.803
with testimonials from loved ones

00:02:52.803 --> 00:02:56.142
to say they called me Cami

00:02:56.679 --> 00:03:00.599
I asked my school 
to write me a reference, etc.

00:03:00.599 --> 00:03:01.999
Then I submitted the file

00:03:01.999 --> 00:03:03.850
and I waited a few months,

00:03:03.850 --> 00:03:05.331
it varies by city,

00:03:05.331 --> 00:03:07.681
and I was accepted for a name change.

00:03:07.681 --> 00:03:09.101
To misgender someone

00:03:09.101 --> 00:03:11.097
is to refer to them

00:03:11.097 --> 00:03:13.010
using the wrong pronouns.

00:03:13.010 --> 00:03:15.311
For example, referring to 
a non-binary person

00:03:15.311 --> 00:03:20.471
who explicitly says they use 
neutral pronouns, like they/them,

00:03:20.471 --> 00:03:23.791
with she/her or he/him pronouns.

00:03:23.791 --> 00:03:25.671
I personally use the pronouns

00:03:25.671 --> 00:03:29.185
she/her when spoken, 
and they/them when written.

00:03:29.185 --> 00:03:32.771
But in general I often say right away

00:03:32.771 --> 00:03:34.781
that I prefer that people refer to me

00:03:34.781 --> 00:03:36.561
with she/her pronouns when speaking.

00:03:36.561 --> 00:03:38.853
After, if the person 
doesn’t give their pronouns

00:03:38.853 --> 00:03:42.733
and you want to be sure 
you’re not misgendering them

00:03:42.733 --> 00:03:44.794
you can ask them for their pronouns

00:03:44.794 --> 00:03:47.213
or wait for the person 
to refer to themselves

00:03:47.213 --> 00:03:48.634
and follow their lead.

00:03:48.634 --> 00:03:51.519
On the previous videos I’ve made

00:03:51.519 --> 00:03:55.277
there were a lot of comments 
that invalidated our identities.

00:03:55.277 --> 00:04:00.492
That denied our gender expressions 
and identities.

00:04:00.492 --> 00:04:03.834
Now, I don’t read many comments

00:04:03.834 --> 00:04:05.624
only because I know that mostly

00:04:05.624 --> 00:04:08.564
they’re malicious or misinformed

00:04:08.564 --> 00:04:10.098
and they’ll only hurt me.

00:04:10.098 --> 00:04:12.498
Once, I took part in an advertorial

00:04:12.498 --> 00:04:15.596
that suggested that 
being non-binary was a trend

00:04:15.596 --> 00:04:17.755
that it only appeared a few years ago

00:04:17.755 --> 00:04:22.314
in the US, that it was a fashion trend,

00:04:22.314 --> 00:04:24.341
“the unisex trend” etc.

00:04:24.341 --> 00:04:25.541
It was completely wrong.

00:04:25.541 --> 00:04:32.311
I think it’s also 
a very white and very euro-centric opinion

00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:35.046
because in most cultures

00:04:35.046 --> 00:04:37.125
you find many gender identities

00:04:37.125 --> 00:04:40.565
that were completely erased 
during colonization.

00:04:40.565 --> 00:04:44.666
Often, we hear that it’s problematic

00:04:44.666 --> 00:04:47.584
or it’s embarrassing to create more labels

00:04:47.584 --> 00:04:49.905
for self-identification, 
self-reidentification, etc.

00:04:49.905 --> 00:04:51.813
But I think it’s really important

00:04:51.813 --> 00:04:55.104
to be able to identify as something

00:04:55.104 --> 00:04:59.154
and to not identify as something
that we were arbitrarily assigned.

00:04:59.154 --> 00:05:02.223
I think it’s also necessary 
to find a community

00:05:02.223 --> 00:05:03.345
to create connections,

00:05:03.345 --> 00:05:04.486
to know we aren't alone,

00:05:04.486 --> 00:05:07.866
that there is support
that there are other people like us

00:05:07.866 --> 00:05:09.339
who understand us, who hear us.

00:05:09.339 --> 00:05:11.096
If I could only say one thing

00:05:11.096 --> 00:05:13.602
it would be that even if 
you don’t understand

00:05:13.602 --> 00:05:15.754
you can always support us.

00:05:15.754 --> 00:05:19.404
You can learn, 
deconstruct the ways you think

00:05:19.404 --> 00:05:23.064
you can inform yourself, 
you can help your loved ones,

00:05:23.064 --> 00:05:24.568
even if you don’t understand

00:05:24.568 --> 00:05:28.138
the full scope of their gender identity.

00:05:28.138 --> 00:05:31.188
A second thing, all non-binary people

00:05:31.188 --> 00:05:34.704
have different ways 
to express their identity.

00:05:34.704 --> 00:05:37.654
Some people will transition medically,

00:05:37.654 --> 00:05:40.484
will take hormones, undergo surgeries

00:05:40.484 --> 00:05:42.884
and it doesn’t matter

00:05:42.884 --> 00:05:45.204
the way that you transition or not

00:05:45.204 --> 00:05:46.729
socially, medically, etc.

00:05:46.729 --> 00:05:49.917
Our identity is legitimate, it exists,

00:05:49.917 --> 00:05:52.733
and we are everywhere.