Even if you don't fully understand, you can still support and affirm our identity
It’s valid, and it exists.
Non-binary Stories
My name is Camille, I’m 22 years old, I’m non-binary,
and I’m here to talk about non-binary identity.
Non-binary is an umbrella term that includes all gender identities.
that aren't strictly male or female
This could mean being agender, “a” like subtracting the gender
that is neutral, or it could mean all fluid identities.
If we imagine gender as a spectrum with two poles, masculine and feminine,
a person can slide across it. Hence, it includes identities like
gender-fluid, demi-gender, and pan-gender, etc.
I never really felt connected to femininity.
When I was 18, I started questioning my gender identity.
I was in a relationship with a trans man
who helped me find the words to describe my identity
— non-binary.
I believe because he had access to more information than I did at the time,
he was able to help me find the words to describe my identity.
Gender identity is what we are,
it's the gender we feel, experience, and live.
Gender expression, on the other hand, is how we present that identity to others,
it’s the way we will express this identity.
For instance, someone might identify
as male but have a feminine gender expression,
with many markers that society sees as feminine.
For example, Bilal Hassani is a man
with a feminine gender expression.
I came out to my parents as non-binary
and told them I wanted to change my first name at the same time
I was 20, so that was about 2 years ago.
My mom was very supportive
She was already familiar with gender identity topics
and made me feel safe.
My dad’s reaction was a bit more reserved.
I took my time before telling him,
and decided to do it indirectly via text.
It was easier that way.
He responded positively,
saying he didn’t fully understand,
but he loved me just the same and would support me,
nothing would change for him.
It was harder for my grandmother to grasp.
because it was a topic very foreign to her.
She grew up in a rural environment and later moved to Paris.
She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.
She lived in a very traditional, heteronormative context,
where she never questioned her own identity or those of others.
So when I came out to her, she was a bit taken aback.
But she always made sure to treat me in the best way possible.
She made a real effort,
and now she barely uses my wrong pronoums or name.
In 2019, I applied to change my first name
through my local city hall.
I started some paperwork with testimonies
from people in my life to show they used the name Cami to address me.
I also added a letter of support from my school, etc.
Then, I submitted this paperwork. I waited a few months,
though the process can vary depending on the city,
and my application was approved.
Misgendering someone means referring to them
using pronouns that don’t align with their identity.
For instance, if a non-binary person
explicitely says they use gender-neutral pronouns like “they/them,
but someone insists on calling them “he” or “she,” that’s misgendering.
Personally, I use feminine pronouns
when speaking and neutral pronouns in writing.
In general I usually speak up right away saying:
I prefer if you adress me with feminine pronouns when speaking.
Though if someone doesn’t speak up right away
and you want to be sure you are using the correct pronoun,
you can ask them their pronouns or wait for them to address themselves
and you can follow their lead.
In previous videos I’ve made, there were a lot of negative comments online
invalidating non-binary identities, denying our experiences
and expressions of gender. I try not to dwell on those comments
because most of them come from a place of ignorance or malice
and reading them would only bring me down.
I also once participated in a documentary,
where people claimed that non-binary identities were just a trend
that emerged in the U.S. a decade ago
related to fashion, the unisex movement, etc.
That’s simply not true.
I think that’a a very white and Eurocentric view.
In reality, many cultures around the world
have recognized multiple gender identities,
but these identities were erased through colonization.
Some people argue that creating more gender categories is unnecessary
and complicates things.
But I believe it’s extremely important and empowering to be able to first
identify onself with something to then be able to break free from
the gender we were arbitrarily assigned at birth.
I also think it’s a way that labels can help us find community, connect
with others who share similar experiences, and know we’re not alone,
that there are other people like us, that understand, and hear us.
If I had one message to share, it would be this: even if you don’t understand .
someone’s gender identity, you can still support and stand by them
You can learn, question your own biases,
educate yourself
and help those close to you. Even if you cannot fully understand
all the complexity of their gender identity.
Finally, it’s important to remember
that every non-binary person expresses their identity differently.
Some may pursue medical transitions,
like hormone therapy or surgeries,
while others may not.
Regardless of whether someone transitions,
medically, socially, or not at all, their identity remains valid and exists
And there are so many of us out there, we are many, many.