even if you don’t understand, you can
always support and accompany our
identity. Remains legitimate and exists.
My name is Cami, I am 22 years old,
I am non-binary, and I am here to
talk to you about non-binarity.
Non-binarity is an umbrella term that
includes all gender identities
that are neither exclusively male nor
exclusively female. It can
include a-gender identities—those that
involve the absence of gender or
a neutral gender—or it can
include fluid identities, as if we
imagined gender as a spectrum with
two poles: male and female. One can have
a position on this spectrum that shifts.
This includes people who are
genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.
I never really identified
with femininity. When I was 18, I
started questioning my gender identity.
And I met a trans man
with whom I spent some time,
and together, we found
the right words to describe
my identity—non-binary. And
I think that he was able to help me
because he had much more
information than I did.
He was able to help me find the words
regarding my identity. Gender
identity is who we are; it is the
gender we feel, live, and
experience. Gender expression
is what we present to others,
the way we express
this identity. So, one can
have a gender identity, for
example, as a man,
and still have a gender expression
that is feminine, with many
markers considered feminine
in society. For example, Bassani, who
is a man with a feminine
gender expression.
I told my parents that I was non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time
I was 20 years old, so it was two
years ago. My mother took it very well;
she was already quite knowledgeable
about gender issues. She was open-minded
and very supportive. I felt
safe. With my father, it was
a bit more complicated. It took me
longer to tell him, and
I didn’t do it in person—I
sent him a message instead, because
it was easier for me to handle. And he
reacted fairly well. He said he
didn’t understand everything, but that
he would be there to support me
and that it didn’t change anything for him
and he still loved me the same.
With my grandmother, it was a bit
more difficult because it was
something very foreign to her.
Later, she moved to Paris and lived
with my grandfather for 50 years.
She was part of a very
cis-heteronormative framework
where she had never questioned
her own identity or that of others.
So when I told her about it,
she was a bit taken aback.
But she always made sure to
behave in the best way possible
with me. She has made enormous efforts
and almost never makes mistakes anymore
in using my chosen name.
I applied for a name change
in 2019. I submitted a request
to the town hall of the city where
I lived. I picked up an application form,
which I filled out with testimonies from
my loved ones stating that they used
the name Cami to refer to me.
I asked my school to provide a letter of
support, etc. Then I submitted my file
and waited a few months.
It varies depending on the town hall,
and my request for a name change
was approved. Misgendering someone
means addressing them
using incorrect pronouns.
So, misgendering a non-binary person
who has explicitly stated they use
neutral pronouns like “they”
but instead referring to them
with masculine or feminine pronouns.
Personally, I use
feminine pronouns when speaking
and neutral pronouns when writing.
And generally, I tend mention this right
away: I prefer to be addressed with
feminine pronouns in speech.
If someone doesn’t do so naturally,
and you want to be sure
you are using the correct pronouns,
you can ask them directly
or wait until the person
refers to themselves
so you can follow their lead.
In the videos I have made previously,
there were many comments
that actually invalidate our identities,
that deny our gender expressions
and our gender identities. I hardly ever
read those comments precisely because I
know that most of them are either
malicious or very off-set, and they
would only upset me.
I once participated in a documentary
where people claimed
that non-binarity was just a trend,
that it had only emerged a few years ago
in the United States, 10 years ago,
and that it was tied to fashion,
like the unisex clothing trend.
That is completely false.
And I think that it is also
a very white-centered and Eurocentric
perspective. Because in many cultures,
multiple gender identities exist,
but they were completely erased
during colonization quite simply.
Quite often, we hear that
it is problematic or or bothersome
to create more and more identity
categories to identify and re-identify
oneself, etc. But I think that
it is extremely important to be able
to first identify with something
in order to detach oneself from an
identity that was arbitrarily assigned
to us. I think that yes, it is necessary
to also find oneself in a community
to build connections and know that
we are not alone, that there is support,
that there are other people
like us who understand us
and who listen to us. If I had just
one thing to say, I think it would be that
even if you don’t fully understand, you
can still support and accompany others.
You can learn, you can deconstruct
ways of thinking, you can educate
yourself, you can help your loved ones,
even if you don’t fully grasp
the full depth of what
defining their gender identity means.
Another thing is that
all non-binary people have different ways
of expressing their identity.
Some people will
undergo medical transitions,
take hormones, have surgeries,
while others will not. And regardless of
the way in which someone transitions
socially, medically, or not at all,
their identity remains legitimate
and it exists. And there are many of us.