even if you don’t understand, you can

always support and accompany our

identity. Remains legitimate and exists.

My name is Cami, I am 22 years old,

I am non-binary, and I am here to

talk to you about non-binarity.

Non-binarity is an umbrella term that

includes all gender identities

that are neither exclusively male nor

exclusively female. It can

include a-gender identities—those that

involve the absence of gender or

a neutral gender—or it can

include fluid identities, as if we

imagined gender as a spectrum with

two poles: male and female. One can have

a position on this spectrum that shifts.

This includes people who are

genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

I never really identified

with femininity. When I was 18, I

started questioning my gender identity.

And I met a trans man

with whom I spent some time,

and together, we found

the right words to describe

my identity—non-binary. And

I think that he was able to help me

because he had much more

information than I did.

He was able to help me find the words

regarding my identity. Gender

identity is who we are; it is the

gender we feel, live, and

experience. Gender expression

is what we present to others,

the way we express

this identity. So, one can

have a gender identity, for

example, as a man,

and still have a gender expression

that is feminine, with many

markers considered feminine

in society. For example, Bassani, who

is a man with a feminine

gender expression.

I told my parents that I was non-binary

and that I wanted to change my name

at the same time

I was 20 years old, so it was two

years ago. My mother took it very well;

she was already quite knowledgeable

about gender issues. She was open-minded

and very supportive. I felt

safe. With my father, it was

a bit more complicated. It took me

longer to tell him, and

I didn’t do it in person—I

sent him a message instead, because

it was easier for me to handle. And he

reacted fairly well. He said he

didn’t understand everything, but that

he would be there to support me

and that it didn’t change anything for him

and he still loved me the same.

With my grandmother, it was a bit

more difficult because it was

something very foreign to her.

Later, she moved to Paris and lived

with my grandfather for 50 years.

She was part of a very

cis-heteronormative framework

where she had never questioned

her own identity or that of others.

So when I told her about it,

she was a bit taken aback.

But she always made sure to

behave in the best way possible

with me. She has made enormous efforts

and almost never makes mistakes anymore

in using my chosen name.

I applied for a name change

in 2019. I submitted a request

to the town hall of the city where

I lived. I picked up an application form,

which I filled out with testimonies from

my loved ones stating that they used

the name Cami to refer to me.

I asked my school to provide a letter of

support, etc. Then I submitted my file

and waited a few months.

It varies depending on the town hall,

and my request for a name change

was approved. Misgendering someone

means addressing them

using incorrect pronouns.

So, misgendering a non-binary person

who has explicitly stated they use

neutral pronouns like “they”

but instead referring to them

with masculine or feminine pronouns.

Personally, I use

feminine pronouns when speaking

and neutral pronouns when writing.

And generally, I tend mention this right

away: I prefer to be addressed with

feminine pronouns in speech.

If someone doesn’t do so naturally,

and you want to be sure

you are using the correct pronouns,

you can ask them directly

or wait until the person

refers to themselves

so you can follow their lead.

In the videos I have made previously,

there were many comments

that actually invalidate our identities,

that deny our gender expressions

and our gender identities. I hardly ever

read those comments precisely because I

know that most of them are either

malicious or very off-set, and they

would only upset me.

I once participated in a documentary

where people claimed

that non-binarity was just a trend,

that it had only emerged a few years ago

in the United States, 10 years ago,

and that it was tied to fashion,

like the unisex clothing trend.

That is completely false.

And I think that it is also

a very white-centered and Eurocentric

perspective. Because in many cultures,

multiple gender identities exist,

but they were completely erased

during colonization quite simply.

Quite often, we hear that

it is problematic or or bothersome

to create more and more identity

categories to identify and re-identify

oneself, etc. But I think that

it is extremely important to be able

to first identify with something

in order to detach oneself from an

identity that was arbitrarily assigned

to us. I think that yes, it is necessary

to also find oneself in a community

to build connections and know that

we are not alone, that there is support,

that there are other people

like us who understand us

and who listen to us. If I had just

one thing to say, I think it would be that

even if you don’t fully understand, you

can still support and accompany others.

You can learn, you can deconstruct

ways of thinking, you can educate

yourself, you can help your loved ones,

even if you don’t fully grasp

the full depth of what

defining their gender identity means.

Another thing is that

all non-binary people have different ways

of expressing their identity.

Some people will

undergo medical transitions,

take hormones, have surgeries,

while others will not. And regardless of

the way in which someone transitions

socially, medically, or not at all,

their identity remains legitimate

and it exists. And there are many of us.