WEBVTT

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even if you don’t understand, you can

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always support and accompany our

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identity. Remains legitimate and exists.

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My name is Cami, I am 22 years old,

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I am non-binary, and I am here to

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talk to you about non-binarity.

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Non-binarity is an umbrella term that

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includes all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively male nor

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exclusively female. It can

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include a-gender identities—those that

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involve the absence of gender or

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a neutral gender—or it can

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include fluid identities, as if we

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imagined gender as a spectrum with

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two poles: male and female. One can have

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a position on this spectrum that shifts.

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This includes people who are

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genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really identified

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with femininity. When I was 18, I

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started questioning my gender identity.

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And I met a trans man

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with whom I spent some time,

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and together, we found

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the right words to describe

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my identity—non-binary. And

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I think that he was able to help me

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because he had much more

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information than I did.

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He was able to help me find the words

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regarding my identity. Gender

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identity is who we are; it is the

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gender we feel, live, and

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experience. Gender expression

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is what we present to others,

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the way we express

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this identity. So, one can

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have a gender identity, for

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example, as a man,

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and still have a gender expression

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that is feminine, with many

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markers considered feminine

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in society. For example, Bassani, who

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is a man with a feminine

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gender expression.

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I told my parents that I was non-binary

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and that I wanted to change my name

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at the same time

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I was 20 years old, so it was two

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years ago. My mother took it very well;

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she was already quite knowledgeable

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about gender issues. She was open-minded

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and very supportive. I felt

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safe. With my father, it was

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a bit more complicated. It took me

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longer to tell him, and

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I didn’t do it in person—I

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sent him a message instead, because

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it was easier for me to handle. And he

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reacted fairly well. He said he

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didn’t understand everything, but that

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he would be there to support me

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and that it didn’t change anything for him

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and he still loved me the same.

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With my grandmother, it was a bit

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more difficult because it was

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something very foreign to her.

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Later, she moved to Paris and lived

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with my grandfather for 50 years.

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She was part of a very

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cis-heteronormative framework

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where she had never questioned

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her own identity or that of others.

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So when I told her about it,

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she was a bit taken aback.

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But she always made sure to

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behave in the best way possible

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with me. She has made enormous efforts

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and almost never makes mistakes anymore

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in using my chosen name.

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I applied for a name change

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in 2019. I submitted a request

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to the town hall of the city where

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I lived. I picked up an application form,

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which I filled out with testimonies from

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my loved ones stating that they used

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the name Cami to refer to me.

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I asked my school to provide a letter of

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support, etc. Then I submitted my file

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and waited a few months.

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It varies depending on the town hall,

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and my request for a name change

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was approved. Misgendering someone

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means addressing them

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using incorrect pronouns.

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So, misgendering a non-binary person

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who has explicitly stated they use

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neutral pronouns like “they”

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but instead referring to them

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with masculine or feminine pronouns.

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Personally, I use

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feminine pronouns when speaking

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and neutral pronouns when writing.

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And generally, I tend mention this right

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away: I prefer to be addressed with

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feminine pronouns in speech.

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If someone doesn’t do so naturally,

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and you want to be sure

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you are using the correct pronouns,

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you can ask them directly

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or wait until the person

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refers to themselves

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so you can follow their lead.

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In the videos I have made previously,

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there were many comments

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that actually invalidate our identities,

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that deny our gender expressions

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and our gender identities. I hardly ever

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read those comments precisely because I

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know that most of them are either

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malicious or very off-set, and they

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would only upset me.

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I once participated in a documentary

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where people claimed

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that non-binarity was just a trend,

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that it had only emerged a few years ago

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in the United States, 10 years ago,

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and that it was tied to fashion,

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like the unisex clothing trend.

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That is completely false.

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And I think that it is also

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a very white-centered and Eurocentric

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perspective. Because in many cultures,

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multiple gender identities exist,

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but they were completely erased

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during colonization quite simply.

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Quite often, we hear that

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it is problematic or or bothersome

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to create more and more identity

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categories to identify and re-identify

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oneself, etc. But I think that

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it is extremely important to be able

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to first identify with something

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in order to detach oneself from an

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identity that was arbitrarily assigned

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to us. I think that yes, it is necessary

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to also find oneself in a community

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to build connections and know that

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we are not alone, that there is support,

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that there are other people

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like us who understand us

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and who listen to us. If I had just

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one thing to say, I think it would be that

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even if you don’t fully understand, you

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can still support and accompany others.

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You can learn, you can deconstruct

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ways of thinking, you can educate

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yourself, you can help your loved ones,

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even if you don’t fully grasp

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the full depth of what

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defining their gender identity means.

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Another thing is that

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all non-binary people have different ways

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of expressing their identity.

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Some people will

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undergo medical transitions,

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take hormones, have surgeries,

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while others will not. And regardless of

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the way in which someone transitions

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socially, medically, or not at all,

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their identity remains legitimate

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and it exists. And there are many of us.