Even if you don’t get it.
You can always support us and by an ally.
Our identity is legitimate.
It exist.
I'm Cami, I'm 22 years old I'm non-binary
and I'm here to talk to you about non-binary identities.
"Non-binary" is an umbrella term
that groups all gender identities
that are neither exclusively masculine
nor feminine.
So, you could have agender
"a" being without gender neutral per say
or it can be all fluid genders.
If we were to imagine gender as a spectrum
with two ends
- masculine and feminine -
we could see a cursor, moving
including all, gender fluid, demi-gender, pangender, etc.
I never really identified as feminine.
At 18,
I was already questioning
my gender identity
and I met this trans man
with who I was with for some time
and we were able to find the term
for my identity, which was non-binary.
And I think that
because he was more informed
than me that he knew
how to find the terms
on my identity.
Gender identity, it's who we are.
It's the gender we feel inside.
It's what we live, what we experience.
And gender expression
it's what we show people.
it's the way we express our identity.
So we can have a gender identity
for example: masculine
and we have a man
that would express his gender
as feminine, with many features
that are "feminine".
Take for example: Bilal Hassani
that identifies as a man
and expresses himself in a feminine way.
I told my parents
that I was non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.
I was 20, so 2 years ago.
And um
My mom took it well.
She was already exposed to gender questioning
accustomed to the idea enough to be a safe space.
I felt safe.
My dad was more sensitive.
It took me a bit more time to talk to him about it
and I didn't do it
in person.
I sent him a message
because it was easier for me to do
and he took it well enough.
He didn't understand everything
but in any case, he would be there for me
and that it didn't change anything
that he loved me either way.
For my grandmother, that is a different story
because it was an "out-of-reach" topic for her.
She grew up in the countryside
then moved to Paris.
She stayed with my grandfather for 50 years.
She lived in a very cis heteronormative world
where she never questioned her own identity
or the identity of others.
So, when I told her, she was flabbergasted
but she maintained her composure
the best way she could with me.
She makes a lot of effort.
She barely makes mistakes
when using pronouns.
I applied to change my name
in 2019.
I applied at the town hall
where I lived.
I filled out an application with statements
from my loved ones
to prove of them using the name Cami
when addressing me.
I asked my school to complete a reference letter
etc.
Then I sent in my application.
I waited a couple of months
- it depends on each town hall -
and the application got accepted.
To misgender someone
is to address them
by using the wrong pronouns.
So gendering a non-binary person
that would have explicitly indicated their preference
to use neutral pronouns such as they/them
and gendering them by using she/him pronouns.
Me, personally
I use feminine pronouns while speaking
and neutral in writing.
But, really, in general
I have the tendency to say right away
that I prefer to be addressed
as she/her while speaking.
After, if the person doesn't say it
and you prefer being sure to gender them correctly
you can ask for their pronouns
or wait till they say it themselves
in order to gender them correctly.
In past videos that I did
there were a lot of comments
that invalidated our identities.
That didn't value our gender expression
and our gender identities.
And then um
for me, I barely read those comments.
Obviously, because, for the most part
they're malicious
or even truly negative and hateful
and they'll just make me sad.
I participated in a reporting
in which they said
that it was a fashion statement.
That it only appeared some years ago
in the States, about 10 years ago.
That it was a true fashion statement
also unisex fashion, etc.
That's completely false.
I also think that
um
that it's a big big Caucasian
and a super European, Eurocentric point of view.
Because there are, in many cultures,
different gender identities
that have been erased
during colonialism obviously.
Often enough,
you can hear people say that its problematic
or that it's annoying
creating boxes within boxes
to identify, reidentify, etc.
But I think that it's super important
to be able, in the first place,
to identify yourself to something
and to un-identify from an identity
that was arbitrarily assigned to you.
I think that it's necessary
to find your community
to build connections
to know your not alone
that there's support
that there are other people like you that exist
that understand you, that will listen.
If I only had one thing to say
I think I'd say
that even if you don't get it
you can always support and be an ally.
You can learn and desensitize yourself
of ideologies and ways of thinking.
You can educated yourself
help your loved ones
even if you don't understand it
everything regarding their gender identity.
The second thing would be that
every non-binary person
has a different mean of expressing their identity.
That there are people
that will medically transition
that will take hormones
that will do operations, or not.
And regardless of the way in which we'll transition, or not
socially, medically, etc.
our identity is legitimate.
It exist.
And we are many that exist.