Even if you don’t understand, you can still support and stand by us.
Our identity is still real and valid.
[Non-binary Stories]
My name is Cami, I’m 22
And I’m here to talk about my non-binary identity.
Non-binary is an umbrella term for any gender identity
that isn’t exclusively masculine or exclusively feminine.
That could be agender
“a” indicating the absence of gender
which is neutral
Or it could be a fluid identity.
If we imagine gender as a spectrum
with two poles: masculine and feminine
A fluid identity might move around that spectrum.
This includes people who are gender fluid,
demigender, pangender, etc.
I never really identified with femininity.
At 18, I was already questioning my gender identity
and I met a trans man who I dated for a while.
Together, we put my identity into words: non-binary.
I think that because he was much more informed than me
He was able to help me find the words to describe my identity
Gender identity is who you are.
It’s the gender you feel, that you live, that you experience.
And gender expression is what you present to the world.
It’s the way you express your identity.
For example, you could have a masculine gender identity:
So you’re a man,
And your gender expression could be feminine,
Meaning it has lots of markers that society thinks of as feminine.
For example,
Which I came out to my parents as non-binary,
I also told them that I wanted to change my name.
It was two years ago, when I was 20.
My mom took it very well.
She was already well versed in gender identity
She’d done enough unlearning.
I felt safe with her.
Telling my dad was a bit trickier.
It took me longer to talk to him, and I didn’t do it in person.
I sent him a message because it was easier for me to manage.
He reacted quite well.
He said he didn’t understand everything but that he supported me no matter what,
that it didn’t change anything for him, and that he loved me just the same.
It was harder for my grandmother because it was very foreign to her.
She grew up in the countryside before moving to Paris.
She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.
She lived in a very cisheteronormative environment
where she never questioned her gender identity or anyone else's.
When I told her, she was a bit out of her depth.
But she always made sure to interact with me
in the best way she could.
She tries really hard.
And she almost always uses my chosen name now.
I applied for a legal name change in 2019.
I applied to the town council where I was living at the time.
I sent in a folder that I filled with statements from friends and family
confirming that they used the name Cami to refer to me.
I asked my school for a letter of support.
Then I submitted my application.
I waited a few months.
Wait times vary by municipality.
And my name change was approved.
Misgendering someone
is using the wrong pronouns to refer to someone.
So for a non-binary person
who explicitly asked you to use "they/them" pronouns
misgendering them would be using feminine or masculine pronouns for them.