WEBVTT

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Even if you don’t understand,
you can still support and stand by us.

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Our identity is still real and valid.

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[Non-binary Stories]

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My name is Cami, I’m 22

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And I’m here to talk about 
my non-binary identity.

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Non-binary is an umbrella term
for any gender identity

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that isn’t exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.

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That could be agender

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“a” indicating 
the absence of gender

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which is neutral

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Or it could be a fluid identity.

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If we imagine gender 
as a spectrum

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with two poles:
masculine and feminine

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A fluid identity might
move around that spectrum.

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This includes people who are gender fluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really identified with femininity.

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At 18, I was already
questioning my gender identity

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and I met a trans man
who I dated for a while.

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Together, we put my identity into words: 
non-binary.

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I think that because he was
much more informed than me

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He was able to help me 
find the words to describe my identity.

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Gender identity is who you are.

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It’s the gender you feel, 
that you live, that you experience.

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And gender expression
is what you present to the world.

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It’s the way you express your identity.

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For example, you could have
a masculine gender identity:

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So you’re a man,

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And your gender expression
could be feminine,

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with lots of markers
that society thinks of as feminine.

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For example,

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When I came out to my parents 
as non-binary,

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I also told them that
I wanted to change my name.

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It was two years ago, 
when I was 20.

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My mom took it very well.

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She was already well versed
in gender identity

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She’d done enough unlearning.

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I felt safe with her.

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Telling my dad was a bit trickier.

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It took me longer to talk to him,
and I didn’t do it in person.

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I sent him a message 
because it was easier for me to manage.

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He reacted quite well.

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He said he didn’t understand everything
but that he supported me no matter what,

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that it didn’t change anything for him,
and that he loved me just the same.

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It was harder for my grandmother
because it was very foreign to her.

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She grew up in the countryside
before moving to Paris.

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She lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

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She lived in a very
cisheteronormative environment

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where she never questioned
her gender identity or anyone else's.

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When I told her,
she was a bit out of her depth.

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But she always made sure
to interact with me

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in the best way she could.

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She tries really hard.

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She almost always
uses my chosen name now.

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I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.

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I applied to the town council
where I was living at the time.

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I sent in a folder that I filled
with statements from friends and family

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confirming that they used the name Cami 
to refer to me.

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I asked my school for a letter of support.

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Then I submitted my application.

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I waited a few months.

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Wait times vary by municipality.

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And my name change was approved.

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Misgendering someone

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is using the wrong pronouns
to refer to someone.

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So for a non-binary person

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who explicitly asked you
to use "they/them" pronouns

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misgendering them would be using 
she/her or he/him pronouns for them.

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Personally, I use "feminine" pronouns 
when speaking

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and neutral pronouns when writing.

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In general, I tend to say right away

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that I would like to be referred to 
with feminine pronouns in conversation.

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If someone doesn’t say it unprompted

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and you want to be sure
to gender them correctly

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you can ask them
what their pronouns are

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or wait and see
how they refer to themselves

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and follow their lead.

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On previous videos I’ve made,

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there were lots of comments 
that invalidated our identities

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and denied our gender expressions
and gender identities.

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I don’t read many of these comments

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because I know that most of them are
hateful or extremely tactless,

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and they’re just going to hurt me.

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I participated in a previous report

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where I heard people say that
non-binary identities were just a trend,

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that it only appeared a few years ago,
10 years ago in the U.S.,

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that it was actually about fashion,
particularly unisex fashion, etc.

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That is completely false.

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I also think it’s an exceptionally
white and Eurocentric perspective.

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We see many cultures
that recognize several gender identities

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that were completely erased
during colonization, essentially.

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Quite often we hear that it’s problematic
or annoying to create labels upon labels

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to define and redefine our identities.

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But I think it’s super important 
to identify with something

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so as to separate ourselves

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from identities 
that were arbitrarily assigned to us.

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I think it’s also necessary
to find community,

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to create connections,
to know we’re not alone,

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that we’re supported,

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that there are other people like us
who understand us, who hear us.

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If I could say just one thing,

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I think it would be that
even if you don’t understand,

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you can still support and stand by us.

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You can learn

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And you can deconstruct
your ways of thinking.

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You can ask your loved ones, 
and you can help them

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even if you don’t completely understand
what their gender identity means.

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In addition, all non binary people
express their identity differently.

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Some will transition medically, 
take hormones, get surgeries

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while others won't.

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Regardless of whether and how
someone transitions,

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socially, medically, etc.,

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Our identity is still real and valid,
and there are a lot of us.