0:00:00.000,0:00:03.530 Even if you don’t understand,[br]you can still support and stand by us. 0:00:03.530,0:00:06.708 Our identity is still real and valid. 0:00:06.784,0:00:08.934 [Non-binary Stories] 0:00:09.060,0:00:10.670 My name is Cami, I’m 22 0:00:10.670,0:00:13.090 And I’m here to talk about [br]my non-binary identity. 0:00:13.090,0:00:17.230 Non-binary is an umbrella term[br]for any gender identity 0:00:17.230,0:00:20.730 that isn’t exclusively masculine[br]or exclusively feminine. 0:00:20.730,0:00:22.260 That could be agender 0:00:22.270,0:00:24.320 “a” indicating [br]the absence of gender 0:00:24.320,0:00:25.410 which is neutral 0:00:25.410,0:00:27.880 Or it could be a fluid identity. 0:00:27.880,0:00:30.540 If we imagine gender [br]as a spectrum 0:00:30.540,0:00:32.502 with two poles:[br]masculine and feminine 0:00:32.502,0:00:34.822 A fluid identity might[br]move around that spectrum. 0:00:34.822,0:00:36.832 This includes people who are gender fluid, 0:00:36.832,0:00:39.121 demigender, pangender, etc. 0:00:39.562,0:00:42.602 I never really identified with femininity. 0:00:42.602,0:00:47.619 At 18, I was already[br]questioning my gender identity 0:00:47.619,0:00:51.619 and I met a trans man[br]who I dated for a while. 0:00:51.803,0:00:56.063 Together, we put my identity into words: [br]non-binary. 0:00:56.144,0:00:59.447 I think that because he was[br]much more informed than me 0:00:59.447,0:01:03.447 He was able to help me [br]find the words to describe my identity. 0:01:03.481,0:01:05.453 Gender identity is who you are. 0:01:05.453,0:01:09.283 It’s the gender you feel, [br]that you live, that you experience. 0:01:09.283,0:01:13.283 And gender expression[br]is what you present to the world. 0:01:13.283,0:01:16.280 It’s the way you express your identity. 0:01:16.280,0:01:19.930 For example, you could have[br]a masculine gender identity: 0:01:19.930,0:01:21.509 So you’re a man, 0:01:21.509,0:01:23.765 And your gender expression[br]could be feminine, 0:01:23.765,0:01:26.242 with lots of markers[br]that society thinks of as feminine. 0:01:26.242,0:01:30.502 For example, Bilal Hassani is a man[br]with a feminine gender expression. 0:01:31.288,0:01:35.058 When I came out to my parents [br]as non-binary, 0:01:35.058,0:01:38.028 I also told them that[br]I wanted to change my name. 0:01:38.028,0:01:40.738 It was two years ago, [br]when I was 20. 0:01:41.437,0:01:43.726 My mom took it very well. 0:01:43.726,0:01:47.078 She was already well versed[br]in gender identity 0:01:47.078,0:01:49.008 She’d done enough unlearning. 0:01:49.008,0:01:50.974 I felt safe with her. 0:01:51.108,0:01:53.598 Telling my dad was a bit trickier. 0:01:53.598,0:01:58.078 It took me longer to talk to him,[br]and I didn’t do it in person. 0:01:58.078,0:02:01.153 I sent him a message [br]because it was easier for me to manage. 0:02:01.392,0:02:03.602 He reacted quite well. 0:02:03.602,0:02:07.372 He said he didn’t understand everything[br]but that he supported me no matter what, 0:02:07.372,0:02:09.672 that it didn’t change anything for him,[br]and that he loved me just the same. 0:02:09.672,0:02:14.562 It was harder for my grandmother[br]because it was very foreign to her. 0:02:14.562,0:02:17.362 She grew up in the countryside[br]before moving to Paris. 0:02:17.362,0:02:20.172 She lived with my grandfather[br]for 50 years. 0:02:20.172,0:02:22.732 She lived in a very[br]cisheteronormative environment 0:02:22.732,0:02:26.050 where she never questioned[br]her gender identity or anyone else's. 0:02:26.050,0:02:29.300 When I told her,[br]she was a bit out of her depth. 0:02:29.300,0:02:33.300 But she always made sure[br]to interact with me 0:02:33.300,0:02:35.306 in the best way she could. 0:02:35.306,0:02:36.418 She tries really hard. 0:02:36.418,0:02:39.207 She almost always[br]uses my chosen name now. 0:02:39.207,0:02:43.277 I applied for a legal name change[br]in 2019. 0:02:43.324,0:02:48.028 I applied to the town council[br]where I was living at the time. 0:02:48.028,0:02:52.748 I sent in a folder that I filled[br]with statements from friends and family 0:02:52.748,0:02:56.317 confirming that they used the name Cami [br]to refer to me. 0:02:56.317,0:03:00.477 I asked my school for a letter of support. 0:03:00.477,0:03:02.097 Then I submitted my application. 0:03:02.097,0:03:03.967 I waited a few months. 0:03:03.967,0:03:05.777 Wait times vary by municipality. 0:03:05.777,0:03:08.037 And my name change was approved. 0:03:08.037,0:03:09.137 Misgendering someone 0:03:09.137,0:03:12.982 is using the wrong pronouns[br]to refer to someone. 0:03:12.982,0:03:15.682 So for a non-binary person 0:03:15.682,0:03:20.389 who explicitly asked you[br]to use "they/them" pronouns 0:03:20.389,0:03:23.892 misgendering them would be using [br]she/her or he/him pronouns for them. 0:03:23.892,0:03:27.452 Personally, I use "feminine" pronouns [br]when speaking 0:03:27.452,0:03:29.129 and neutral pronouns when writing. 0:03:29.515,0:03:32.975 In general, I tend to say right away 0:03:32.975,0:03:36.660 that I would like to be referred to [br]with feminine pronouns in conversation. 0:03:36.660,0:03:38.890 If someone doesn’t say it unprompted 0:03:38.894,0:03:42.719 and you want to be sure[br]to gender them correctly 0:03:42.719,0:03:44.518 you can ask them[br]what their pronouns are 0:03:44.518,0:03:47.088 or wait and see[br]how they refer to themselves 0:03:47.088,0:03:48.551 and follow their lead. 0:03:48.552,0:03:51.572 On previous videos I’ve made, 0:03:51.572,0:03:55.328 there were lots of comments [br]that invalidated our identities 0:03:55.328,0:04:00.298 and denied our gender expressions[br]and gender identities. 0:04:00.298,0:04:03.845 I don’t read many of these comments 0:04:03.845,0:04:08.694 because I know that most of them are[br]hateful or extremely tactless, 0:04:08.694,0:04:10.318 and they’re just going to hurt me. 0:04:10.318,0:04:13.148 I participated in a previous report 0:04:13.148,0:04:15.697 where I heard people say that[br]our identities are just a trend, 0:04:15.697,0:04:19.697 that they only appeared a few years ago,[br]10 years ago in the U.S., 0:04:19.697,0:04:24.353 that it was actually about fashion,[br]particularly unisex fashion, etc. 0:04:24.353,0:04:25.671 That is completely false. 0:04:25.671,0:04:32.925 I think it’s also an exceptionally[br]white and Eurocentric perspective. 0:04:32.925,0:04:37.322 We see many cultures[br]that recognize several gender identities 0:04:37.322,0:04:41.162 that were completely erased[br]during colonization, essentially. 0:04:41.162,0:04:47.822 Quite often we hear that it’s problematic[br]or annoying to create labels upon labels 0:04:47.822,0:04:49.911 to define and redefine our identities. 0:04:49.911,0:04:55.081 But I think it’s super important [br]to identify with something 0:04:55.081,0:04:56.738 so as to separate ourselves 0:04:56.738,0:04:59.264 from identities [br]that were arbitrarily assigned to us. 0:04:59.264,0:05:02.524 I think it’s also necessary[br]to find community, 0:05:02.524,0:05:04.446 to create connections,[br]to know we’re not alone, 0:05:04.446,0:05:05.385 that we’re supported, 0:05:05.385,0:05:09.295 that there are other people like us[br]who understand us, who hear us. 0:05:09.295,0:05:11.355 If I could say just one thing, 0:05:11.355,0:05:13.638 I think it would be that[br]even if you don’t understand, 0:05:13.638,0:05:15.845 you can still support and stand by us. 0:05:15.845,0:05:17.395 You can learn 0:05:17.395,0:05:19.381 And you can deconstruct[br]your ways of thinking. 0:05:19.381,0:05:23.111 You can ask your loved ones, [br]and you can help them 0:05:23.111,0:05:28.291 even if you don’t completely understand[br]what their gender identity means. 0:05:28.291,0:05:34.617 In addition, all non binary people[br]express their identity differently. 0:05:34.677,0:05:39.707 Some will transition medically, [br]take hormones, get surgeries 0:05:39.707,0:05:40.847 while others won't. 0:05:40.847,0:05:45.237 And regardless of whether and how[br]someone transitions, 0:05:45.237,0:05:46.981 socially, medically, etc., 0:05:46.981,0:05:52.721 Our identity is still real and valid,[br]and there are a lot of us.