0:00:00.000,0:00:03.530
Even if you don’t understand,[br]you can still support and stand by us.

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Our identity remains valid, [br]and it exists.

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[Non-binary Testimonials]

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My name is Cami,[br]I’m 22,

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And I’m here to talk about [br]my non-binary identity.

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Non-binarity is an umbrella term that[br]includes all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively masculine [br]nor exclusively feminine.

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It can mean being agender,

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“a” as in absence,[br]without gender,

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which is neutral,

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or it can refer to all fluid identities,

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as if we imagined gender [br]as a spectrum

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with two poles:[br]masculine and feminine.

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A cursor can move between the two.

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These are people who are gender fluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really identified with femininity.

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At 18, I was already[br]questioning my gender,

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and I met a trans man I was with [br]for some time,

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and we were able to put words on [br]my identity, which is non binary.

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I think that since he had a lot [br]more information than me,

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he helped me find the words [br]to describe my identity.

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Gender identity is who we are.

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It’s the gender we feel, [br]live, and experience.

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Gender expression is [br]what we show to others.

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It’s the way we express this identity.

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For example, you could have[br]a masculine gender identity:

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a man,

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with a feminine gender expression,

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with a lot of traits society [br]considers feminine.

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For example, Bilal Hassani is a man[br]with a feminine gender expression.

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When I told my parents that[br]I am non-binary,

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I also told them that[br]I wanted to change my name.

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I was 20,[br]so it was 2 years ago.

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My mom took it very well.

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She was already well-informed[br]about gender identity.

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She was very open minded and

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made me feel safe.

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Telling my dad was a bit trickier.

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I took longer talking to him,[br]and I didn’t do it in person.

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I sent him a message, [br]since it felt easier to handle.

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He reacted quite well.

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He said he didn’t understand everything,[br]but that he’d be there to support me,

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it wouldn’t change anything,[br]and he loved me the same.

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It was a bit harder for my grandmother,[br]with it being a very foreign concept.

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She grew up in the countryside[br]and later moved to Paris.

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She lived with my grandfather[br]for 50 years.

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She lived within very[br]cis-heteronormative frameworks,

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where she never questioned her [br]gender identity, or anyone else's.

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When I told her,[br]she was quite shocked.

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But she has always tried to act

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as well as possible with me.

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She makes a lot [br]of effort,

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and rarely gets my name[br]wrong anymore.

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I filed for a legal name change[br]request in 2019,

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at a city hall close to where I lived.

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I sent in a file I filled with[br]statements from people close to me

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confirming that they used the name Cami [br]to refer to me.

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I asked my school for a letter of support.

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Then, I submitted my application

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and waited for a few months.

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Wait times depends on the [br]city hall.

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And, I got approval for the name change.

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Misgendering someone

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means referring to them using [br]the wrong pronouns.

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So, misgendering a non-binary person

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who explicitly requested you to[br]use neutral, "they/them", pronouns,

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would be to gender them,[br]to the masculine or feminine.

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Personally, I use so-called [br]feminine pronouns when speaking

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and neutral pronouns when writing.

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I usually say right away that

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I prefer to be referred to [br]with feminine pronouns when speaking.

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If someone doesn’t say it unprompted,

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and you’d rather make sure you’re[br]using the right pronouns,

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you can ask them directly

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or wait for them to gender [br]themselves in front of you,

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and follow their lead.

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In previous videos I’ve made,

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there were lots of comments [br]that invalidated our identities,

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that denied our gender expressions[br]and identities.

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However, I don’t read many of [br]those comments

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because I know they’re often[br]hateful or very tactless,

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and they’ll only hurt me.

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I have participated in a previous report

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where people were portraying it[br]as a trend,

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that it only appeared in the US,[br]barely 10 years ago,

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that it was just a passing unisex [br]trend, ect.

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That is completely false.

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I think that it's also a very white [br]and eurocentric perspective,

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because we can find several gender[br]identities in many cultures,

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that were completely erased[br]during colonization.

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We often hear that creating more [br]and more labels to identify

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and re-identify ourselves [br]is problematic.

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But I think it's crucial to first have[br]something to identify with,

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in order to separate ourselves

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from an arbitrarily imposed identity.

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I think it’s necessary to find [br]ourselves within a community,

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to build connections,[br]to know we’re not alone,

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that there’s support

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and that others like us exist,[br]who understand and hear us.

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If I had just one thing to say, it

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would be that even if you [br]don’t really understand,

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you can still offer support and [br]stand by us.

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You can learn,

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and unlearn thought patterns,

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educate yourself,[br]help your loved ones,

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even if you don’t fully understand [br]what their gender identity means.

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Secondly, every non-binary person[br]expresses their identity differently.

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Some go through medical transitions, [br]take hormones, have surgeries,

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while others won't.

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And regardless of how someone[br]chooses to transition,

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whether socially, medically,[br]or not at all,

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our identity remains valid.[br]It exists. And there are many of us.