Even if you don't understand,
you can still support us.
Our identity is valid and it exists.
Testimonies: Non-Binary Identity
My name is Cami, I'm 22, and I'm non-binary,
I'm here to talk about non-binary identity.
Non-binary is an umbrella term
which encompasses all gender identities
that aren't exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.
This can mean someone's agender,
'a' meaning without gender,
which is neutral,
Or it can encapsulate all fluid identities,
like if we imagined gender like a spectrum with two ends,
masculine and feminine,
with a slider that can move along the spectrum
representing all people who're gender fluid,
demigender, pangender, etc.
I've never identified with femininity.
At 18 years old, I was already
asking myself questions about my gender identity,
and then I met a trans man
that I was dating for a bit,
and we were able to come up with words to describe my identity,
which is non-binary.
I believe it's because of him
having so much more knowledge than me
that he was able to help me find words
to describe my identity.
Gender identity is who we are,
how we feel,
how we live, how we experiment.
Gender expression is how we present ourselves to others,
the way in which we express our identity.
So we can have a gender identity,
for example, masculine,
so, we are a man
with a gender expression
that is feminine, with many gender markers
considered to be feminine by society
Like, for example, Bilal Hassani, who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.
I told my parents that I'm non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name at the same time
It happened 2 years ago, when I was 20.
My mom took it well,
she was already familiar with gender diversity
she had already deconstructed a bit and was a safe person
I felt really secure
The conversation with my dad was a bit more delicate though
I spent a bit more time talking to him about it
And I didn't do it
in person
I sent him a message,
because it felt easier for me to handle
and he reacted pretty well
he said he didn't understand everything
but that he was always there to support me,
that nothing changed for him,
and that he loved me the same.
For my grandma, things were trickier
Because this is a distant concept for her
She grew up on the countryside. Then she moved to Paris.
She lived there with my grandpa for 50 years
She had many cis-heteronormative ways of thinking
like she never questioned her identity
or the identity of others.
So when I spoke to her about it, she was quite dumbfounded
but she has always looked out for
and made sure to behave respectfully towards me.
She has put in a lot of effort
and she barely makes mistakes anymore when using my chosen name
I petitioned to change my first name
In 2019
I submitted an application
To the city council of the town I was living in
I pulled together a folder
that was filled with testimonies from those closest to me
stating that they used my preferred name Cami
when addressing me.
I asked my school to make me a letter of support, etc.
Then I dropped off the folder
and I waited several months
It actually varies depending on the council
and I finally received the acceptance of my name change
Misgendering a person
means to address the person
while using the wrong pronouns, so gendering the non-binary person
that explicitly stated
that they use gender neutral pronouns, like 'they'
and then to gender them with a feminine or masculine pronoun.
When being referred to, I personally use
She/her or feminine pronouns orally, and neutral ones in writing
But in general,
I usually say right away
that I prefer to be addressed
with feminine pronouns orally.
If a person doesn't do that themselves
and you want to be sure about how to gender them correctly
you can always ask them their pronouns
Or wait for them to refer to themself in front of you
and then follow suit.
Under my past videos
There are many comments
that invalidate our identities
that reject our gender expressions and identities
I barely read these comments
because I know they are largely malicious or insensitive
and all they want to do is hurt me.
I participated in an interview which stated that
non-binary identity is a trend
that this identity appeared recently
in the US, like 10 years ago
that it's related to fashion
like unisex fashion, etc.
Which is false.
I think it's also
a really white and Eurocentric point of view
because in many cultures
you can find many different gender identities
that were completely erased during colonization
Oftentimes, we hear that it's problematic
or dumb to keep reconstructing categories to identify ourselves
or reidentify ourselves, etc.
But I think its very important
to firstly, be able to identify with a label
or to disassociate with an identity
that was arbitrarily assigned to us.
I think it's also vital
to find ourselves a community
to create connections, to know we aren't alone
that there is support
that there are other people who are like us,
that understand us, who will listen to us
If I had one final thing to say
It'd be that even if you don't understand
you can always support and care for us
you can learn,
deconstruct your thought patterns,
and support those you care about
even if you don't fully understand
the vastness of someone's gender identity.
Secondly, all non-binary people
have different ways of expressing their identity
there are people who will
medically transition, who will take hormones
and those who will have operations, while others won't
it's unimportant the manner in which we transition or don't
socially, medically, etc.
Our identity, it's still valid it still exists
and there are many of us.