Even if you don’t understand,
you can still support us and stand with us.
Our identity is valid and it exists.
[Testimonies: Non-binary identity.]
My name is Cami I’m 22 years old, non-binary,
and I’m here to speak about non-binary identity.
Non-binary is an umbrella term
that encompasses all gender identities
that are neither totally masculine, nor totally feminine.
It can include agender identity, meaning “without gender”
which is neutral or it can be all fluid identities.
Imagine if we placed gender on a two-sided spectrum
the masculine and the feminine: you can move across that spectrum.
These include individuals identifying as gender fluid, demi-gender,
pangender, etc.
I’ve never identified with a feminine identity.
At 18, I already started questioning my gender identity
and I was in a relationship with a trans man
and we were able to put my identity into words,
which ended up being non-binary.
I think it’s because he had more information than me
that he was able to help me figure out my identity.
Gender identity is what we are.
It’s the gender we feel, we live, and we experience.
Gender expression is is how we show our identity to others.
It’s the way we express our identity.
For example, someone can have a masculine identity:
they are a man, and they can have a gender expression
that is feminine, with many traits that society considers feminine.
For example, Bilal Hassani, is a man with a feminine gender expression.
I told my parents that I was non-binary and that I wanted to change my name.
I was 20 years old, this was two years ago.
My mom took it well.
She was very well-informed on matters of gender.
She was pretty open and very safe. I felt safe telling her.
With my dad, things were more delicate.
I took longer to come out to him and I didn’t do it in person.
I sent him a text, because it as easier for me to manage.
He reacted pretty well.
He told me that he didn’t understand everything,
but that he was there to support me, and that it changed nothing for him,
he loved me anyways.
For my grandma, it was a little tricky, because it was a foreign concept to her.
She grew up in the countryside and then moved to Paris.
She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.
She lived in a very cis-heteronormative society,
where she never questioned her identity, or that of others.
When I told her, she was a bit lost,
but she always did her best at being understanding with me.
She makes a lot of effort and rarely deadnames me.
I applied to change my name in 2019.
I applied to my city hall.
I completed an application with statements from my loved ones
who explained that they used the name “Cami” when speaking to me.
I also asked my school for a letter of support.
After that, I submitted my application. I waited a few months,
it depends on the city hall, and then my name change was approved.
The concept of misgendering someone is addressing a person
and not using their preferred pronouns. For example:
Gendering a non-binary individual
who had explicitly told you that they preferred gender-neutral pronouns,
such as “they/them,” and using masculine or feminine pronouns, instead.
I use feminine pronouns when speaking and neutral ones when writing.
It’s true that, generally, I have a tendency to tell everyone
that I prefer them to use feminine pronouns when they address me.
If a person doesn’t do this and you want to be sure to use to correct pronouns,
you can always ask which ones they use or wait for them to tell you,
in order to respect their identity.
There have been many comments on videos I’ve appeared in
that invalidate our identities and negate our gender expression and identity.
I read very few of these comments, because I know that most of them
are written by people who are malicious or very inconsiderate
and they just do it to hurt me.
I’ve participated in a story in which people said that my identity was a fad,
appearing in the United States in the last 10 years,
and that it really had to do with fashion, such as unisex clothing.
That’s totally false. I also thing that it’s a very white
and Eurocentric point of view, because in many cultures,
there are numerous gender identities that have been totally erased
during colonization.
Often, we hear that it's problematic and difficult to create
more and more categories to identify or reidentify ourselves with,
but I think it’s very important to have a way to identify ourselves with something
to move away from the identity that was assigned to us at birth.
I also think it’s necessary because it enables people to find their community,
to create links, to know that we are not alone, that there is support,
that there are others like us, that will understand and listen to us.
If I had one thing to say it would be that,
even if you don’t understand us you can still support and stand with us.
You can learn, you can undo normative thinking.
You can inform yourself and help your loved ones,
even if you don’t understand
everything to do with their gender identity.
Secondly is that non-binary people express their identity in different ways.
There are some who may medically transition, take hormones,
or undergo operations, but others won’t.
Regardless of the way someone transitions,
or not, socially, medically etc.,
our identity is legitimate. It exists and we are many.