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Even if you don’t get it,

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you can still support and help us.

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Our identity is still valid, it is real.

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My name is Cami, I’m 22,
and I am here to tell you about

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my nonbinary identity.

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It is an umbrella word for

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all gender identities that are not
exclusively male nor exclusively female.

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This includes agender identity

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– “a” for the absence of gender,
which is neutral –,

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as well as all fluid identities,

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as if gender was a spectrum

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with two poles: male and female.

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Fluid identity can move around 
that spectrum.

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This includes people who are
gender fluid, demigender, pangender, etc.

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I've never really related to femininity.

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At 18, I already started
questioning my gender identity.

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I met a trans man

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that I dated for a while.

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Together, we found words
to express my identity:

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nonbinary.

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I think that because he was
much more informed than me,

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he was able to help me
find the words for my identity.

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Gender identity is what you are,

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it’s the gender you feel,

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the one you live, you experience.

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Gender expression is
what others see in you,

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it’s the way you express your identity.

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For instance, you can have
a male gender identity:

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therefore, you are a man.

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But you can also have
a female gender expression,

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with markers society perceive as female.

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For example, Bilal Hassasni is a man
with a female gender expression.

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I told my parents I was non-binary

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and that I wanted to change my name
at the same time.

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I was 20 years old, two years ago.

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My mother took it very well.

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she was already well-informed
about gender identity.

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She was open-minded and very safe.

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I felt safe with her.

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Telling my father was a bit touchier.

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It took me longer to tell him,
and I did not do it in real life.

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I sent him a message because 
it was easier for me to do.

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He reacted well enough:

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he said although
he may not get everything,

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he'd still be there no matter what,
nothing would change for him,

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and that he loved me just the same.

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It was a bit harder for my grandmother

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because it was foreign to her.

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She grew up in the countryside
before coming to Paris.

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She's lived 50 years with my grandfather.

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She was used to
cisheternormative environments

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where she never questioned her identity
or anyone else’s.

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When I told her she was quite stunned,
but she always made sure

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to treat me the best way possible.

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She tries her best,

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she almost always uses
my chosen name.

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I applied for a legal name change
in 2019.

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I applied to the city hall
where I was living at the time.

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I filled out an application form

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with testimonies from
my friends and family

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attesting they used the name Cami
to refer to me.

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I asked my school
to write a support letter, etc.

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Then, I submitted my application.

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I waited a few months.
Waiting period varies by municipality.

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My name change was approved.

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Misgendering someone means

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referring to somebody

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with the wrong pronouns.

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It is when a non-binary person
explicitly says

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they go by neutral pronouns
such as "they/them"

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but you use "she/her"
or "he/him" anyway.

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I personally go by

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"female" pronouns in speaking,
and neutral ones in writing.

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But generally speaking,

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I tend to tell right away

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that my preferred pronouns are
"she/her" in speaking.

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If someone doesn’t directly
tell their pronouns

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and you want to gender them correctly,

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you can ask for their pronouns

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or wait for them to gender themselves
and follow suit.

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On previous videos I made,

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a lot of comments negated our identities,

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denied our
gender expressions and identities.

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I try to not read these comments

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because I know most of them are
ill-intended or very clumsy.

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and they will only hurt me.

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I've participated in a documentary saying

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gender identity was part of a trend,
that it came up around

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10 years ago in the U.S.,

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that it also connects to
the fashion industry, unisex fad, etc.

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This is completely false.
It feels like an ultra-white,

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ultra-Eurocentric viewpoint.

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Many, many cultures acknowledge
different gender identities

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that were completely erased
during colonization.

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Quite often, people say
it is problematic

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or counter-productive
to label yourself in order to

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define and redefine
your identity.

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I do believe it is very important

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to be able to identify with something

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so you can cut loose from an identity

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that was arbitrarily assigned to you.

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I think we must be able
to relate to a community

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in order to bond with others,
to not be left alone,

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to feel supported,

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to meet other people just like us
who get us, who listen to us.

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If had one thing to say,
it would be:

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even if you don’t get it,

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you can still support and help us.

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You can learn, you can deconstruct
your ways of thinking.

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You can research,
help your loved ones,

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even if you don’t realize
the significance of their gender identity.

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Another thing: each non-binary person
express their identity differently.

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Some people might engage in
medical transitions,

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take hormones, get surgeries;
others might not.

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Regardless of whether and how
they transition

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– socially, medically, etc. –,

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our identity is still valid, it is real,

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and there is a ton of us.