Even if you don’t get it,
you can still support and help us.
Our identity is still valid, it is real.
My name is Cami, I’m 22, and I am here to tell you about
my nonbinary identity.
It is an umbrella word for
all gender identities that are not exclusively male nor exclusively female.
This includes agender identity
– “a” for the absence of gender, which is neutral –,
as well as all fluid identities,
as if gender was a spectrum
with two poles: male and female.
Fluid identity can move around that spectrum.
This includes people who are gender fluid, demigender, pangender, etc.
I've never really related to femininity.
At 18, I already started questioning my gender identity.
I met a trans man
that I dated for a while.
Together, we found words to express my identity:
nonbinary.
I think that because he was much more informed than me,
he was able to help me find the words for my identity.
Gender identity is what you are,
it’s the gender you feel,
the one you live, you experience.
Gender expression is what others see in you,
it’s the way you express your identity.
For instance, you can have a male gender identity:
therefore, you are a man.
But you can also have a female gender expression,
with markers society perceive as female.
For example, Bilal Hassasni is a man with a female gender expression.
I told my parents I was non-binary
and that I wanted to change my name at the same time.
I was 20 years old, two years ago.
My mother took it very well.
she was already well-informed about gender identity.
She was open-minded and very safe.
I felt safe with her.
Telling my father was a bit touchier.
It took me longer to tell him, and I did not do it in real life.
I sent him a message because it was easier for me to do.
He reacted well enough:
he said although he may not get everything,
he'd still be there no matter what, nothing would change for him,
and that he loved me just the same.
It was a bit harder for my grandmother
because it was foreign to her.
She grew up in the countryside before coming to Paris.
She's lived 50 years with my grandfather.
She was used to cisheternormative environments
where she never questioned her identity or anyone else’s.
When I told her she was quite stunned, but she always made sure
to treat me the best way possible.
She tries her best,
she almost always uses my chosen name.
I applied for a legal name change in 2019.
I applied to the city hall where I was living at the time.
I filled out an application form
with testimonies from my friends and family
attesting they used the name Cami to refer to me.
I asked my school to write a support letter, etc.
Then, I submitted my application.
I waited a few months. Waiting period varies by municipality.
My name change was approved.
Misgendering someone means
referring to somebody
with the wrong pronouns.
It is when a non-binary person explicitly says
they go by neutral pronouns such as "they/them"
but you use "she/her" or "he/him" anyway.
I personally go by
"female" pronouns in speaking, and neutral ones in writing.
But generally speaking,
I tend to tell right away
that my preferred pronouns are "she/her" in speaking.
If someone doesn’t directly tell their pronouns
and you want to gender them correctly,
you can ask for their pronouns
or wait for them to gender themselves and follow suit.
On previous videos I made,
a lot of comments negated our identities,
denied our gender expressions and identities.
I try to not read these comments
because I know most of them are ill-intended or very clumsy.
and they will only hurt me.
I've participated in a documentary saying
gender identity was part of a trend, that it came up around
10 years ago in the U.S.,
that it also connects to the fashion industry, unisex fad, etc.
This is completely false. It feels like an ultra-white,
ultra-Eurocentric viewpoint.
Many, many cultures acknowledge different gender identities
that were completely erased during colonization.
Quite often, people say it is problematic
or counter-productive to label yourself in order to
define and redefine your identity.
I do believe it is very important
to be able to identify with something
so you can cut loose from an identity
that was arbitrarily assigned to you.
I think we must be able to relate to a community
in order to bond with others, to not be left alone,
to feel supported,
to meet other people just like us who get us, who listen to us.
If had one thing to say, it would be:
even if you don’t get it,
you can still support and help us.
You can learn, you can deconstruct your ways of thinking.
You can research, help your loved ones,
even if you don’t realize the significance of their gender identity.
Another thing: each non-binary person express their identity differently.
Some people might engage in medical transitions,
take hormones, get surgeries; others might not.
Regardless of whether and how they transition
– socially, medically, etc. –,
our identity is still valid, it is real,
and there is a ton of us.