Even if you don't understand
You can still support and standy by us.
Our Identity is real and it exists
(Non-Binary Stories)
My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old, I am non-binary,
and i'm here to explain non-binary to you.
Non-binary, is an umbrella term
which includes all gender identities
that are neither exclusively masculine
or exclusively feminine.
It can be agender, the "a" meaning a subtraction
of gender or gender neutrality
or it can include all fluid identities.
Like if we imagine gender as a spectrum with two poles,
masculine and feminine.
You can have a moving cursor
that includes all people who are gender fluid,
demi-gender, pangender, etc.
I've never really identified with femininity.
At 18 years old, I already started
to ask questions on my gender identity
and I met a trans man
With whom I'd been with for a while,
and together we were able define my identity
which was non-binary.
and I think it was due to him
having way more information than me
that helped me find the words to explain my identity.
Gender identity is about who you are,
the gender we feel,
that we live in, that we experience,
and gender expression, is what we show to others.
It's how we express our identity.
It's possible to have a gender identity,
that's for example, male,
you are a man,
and then have a gender expression
that is feminine with many markers
society considers feminine.
Like for example, Bilal Hassani, is a man
with a feminine gender expression.
I came out to my parents as non-binary
and that I wanted to change my pronouns
at the same time.
I was 20, it was two years ago.
My mom took it well.
She was already well-versed in gender issues
She was quite casual and very safe,
I felt safe.
With my father, it was little trickier
it took me a little longer to tell him
and i didn't do it in person.
I sent him a text because it was easier
for me to handle.
He reacted fairly well. He said that
even if not fully informed,
he'd be there for me no matter what
and that it changes nothing for him
and he loved me the same.
For my grandma, it wasn't as clear
as it was something very unfamiliar for her.
She grew up in the countryside, later moving to Paris.
She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.
She was in very cis-heteronormative social spaces
where she never had questioned her identity
or the identity of others.
When I told her, she was a bit taken aback,
but she always made sure and insisted that
She would act in the best way she could with me.
She puts in a lot of effort
She is hardly wrong anymore in using my preferred pronouns
I made a request to change my first name in 2019
I filed a request
to the town hall of where I lived.
I took a dossier which i had to fill
with testimonies from those closest to me
to say that they were using the first name Cami
to address me.
I asked my school to write me a letter of support
Then I submitted my application.
I waited for a few months,
it differs by town hall.
And I received approval to change my first name.
The act of misgendering someone
entails addressing this person
with the wrong pronouns,
Such as, gendering a non-binary person
who has explicitly said
use neutral pronouns like "they"
and or gendering them as feminine or masculine.
Me personally, I use feminine pronouns
when in conversation and neutral when written.
But generally I have a tendency to immediately verbalize
that I prefer to be addressed with feminine pronouns.
After, if the person doesn't say their own
and you want to be sure in gendering them correctly
you can ask for their pronouns
or wait for the person to gender themselves in front of you
so you follow their pronouns.
In my older videos,
There was lots of comments
that invalidated our identities,
denied our expressed gender and our gender identity.
Afterwards, I read very few of these comments
simply because I know for the most part,
They are malicious or very, very ignorant
and they will only cause me grief.
I once participated in a report in which it was said
that it was just a phase,
that it has just emerged in the US over the last few years
that it was connected to fashion, unisex fashion, etc.
That is completely false. I also think it's
a super white and eurocentric point of view
because, in many cultures
there are many gender identities
that were totally erased
through colonization, to put it simply.
So often, we hear that this is problematic
and it's uncomfortable make people identify, reidentify themselves, etc.
but I think it's super important
to be able to choose in the first place how we identify with something,
and to be able to unidentify with an identity
that was assigned to us at random.
I also think it's necessary to build a community,
to create a connection, to know you're not alone,
that there is support,
that there are other people who are just like us,
who understand us, who listen.
If I could only say one thing,
I think it would be that even if you don't understand,
you can alway support and stand by us.
You can learn, you can deconstruct your ideologies,
You can relearn, you can help those close to you
even if you don't completely understand
the entire scope of their gender identity.
A second thing, is that all non-binary people
have a unique way of expressing their identity,
There are people who will do medical transitions,
those who will take hormones,
who will have operations,
others who won't
and that the method of how you transition or not
whether socially, medically, etc. does not matter
Our identity remains legitimate It exists
and there is many of us, so many.