WEBVTT

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Even if you don't understand

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You can still
support and standy by us.

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Our Identity is real
and it exists

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(Non-Binary Stories)

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My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old,
I am non-binary,

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and i'm here to explain
non-binary to you.

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Non-binary, 
is an umbrella term

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which includes
all gender identities

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that are neither
exclusively masculine

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or exclusively feminine.

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It can be agender, 
the "a" meaning a subtraction

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of gender 
or gender neutrality

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or it can include
all fluid identities.

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Like if we imagine gender
as a spectrum with two poles,

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masculine and feminine.

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You can have a moving cursor

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that includes all people
who are gender fluid,

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demi-gender, pangender, etc.

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I've never really identified
with femininity.

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At 18 years old, I already started

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to ask questions
on my gender identity

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and I met a trans man

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With whom I'd been with for a while,

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and together we were able define
my identity

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which was non-binary.

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and I think it was due to him

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having way more 
information than me

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that helped me find the words 
to explain my identity.

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Gender identity is about who you are,

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the gender we feel,

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that we live in, 
that we experience,

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and gender expression,
is what we show to others.

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It's how we express our identity.

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It's possible to have a gender identity,

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that's for example, male,

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you are a man,

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and then have a gender expression

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that is feminine
with many markers

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society considers feminine.

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Like for example,
Bilal Hassani, is a man

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with a feminine gender expression.

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I came out to my parents
as non-binary

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and that I wanted
to change my pronouns

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at the same time.

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I was 20, it was two years ago.

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My mom took it well.

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She was already well-versed 
in gender issues

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She was quite casual and very safe,

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I felt safe.

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With my father, 
it was little trickier

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it took me a little longer 
to tell him

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and i didn't do it in person.

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I sent him a text
because it was easier

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for me to handle.

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He reacted fairly well.
He said that

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even if not fully
informed,

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he'd be there for me
no matter what

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and that it changes nothing 
for him

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and he loved me the same.

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For my grandma, it wasn't as clear

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as it was something 
very unfamiliar for her.

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She grew up in the countryside,
later moving to Paris.

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She lived with my grandpa for 50 years.

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She was in very 
cis-heteronormative social spaces

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where she never had questioned 
her identity

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or the identity of others.

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When I told her,
she was a bit taken aback,

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but she always made sure and insisted that

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She would act in the best way
she could with me.

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She puts in a lot of effort

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She is hardly wrong anymore
in using my preferred pronouns

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I made a request to change
my first name in 2019

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I filed a request

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to the town hall of where I lived.

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I took a dossier
which i had to fill

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with testimonies 
from those closest to me

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to say that they were using
the first name Cami

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to address me.

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I asked my school
to write me a letter of support

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Then I submitted my application.

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I waited for a few months,

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it differs by town hall.

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And I received approval 
to change my first name.

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The act of misgendering someone

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entails addressing this person

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with the wrong pronouns,

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Such as, gendering
a non-binary person

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who has explicitly said

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use neutral pronouns
like "they"

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and or gendering them
as feminine or masculine.

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Me personally,
I use feminine pronouns

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when in conversation
and neutral when written.

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But generally I have a
tendency to immediately verbalize

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that I prefer to be addressed
with feminine pronouns.

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After, if the person
doesn't say their own

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and you want to be sure
in gendering them correctly

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you can ask for their pronouns

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or wait for the person 
to gender themselves in front of you

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so you follow their pronouns.

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In my older videos,

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There was lots of comments

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that invalidated our identities,

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denied our expressed gender
and our gender identity.

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Afterwards, I read very few
of these comments

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simply because I know
for the most part,

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They are malicious
or very, very ignorant

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and they will only cause me grief.

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I once participated in a report
in which it was said

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that it was just a phase,

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that it has just emerged 
in the US over the last few years

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that it was connected to fashion,
unisex fashion, etc.

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That is completely false.
I also think it's

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a super white
and eurocentric point of view

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because, in many cultures

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there are many gender identities

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that were totally erased

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through colonization, 
to put it simply.

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So often, we hear
that this is problematic

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and it's uncomfortable make people
identify, reidentify themselves, etc.

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but I think it's super important

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to be able to choose in the first place
how we identify with something,

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and to be able to
unidentify with an identity

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that was assigned to us 
at random.

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I also think it's necessary
to build a community,

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to create a connection, 
to know you're not alone,

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that there is support,

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that there are other people
who are just like us,

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who understand us, 
who listen.

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If I could only say one thing,

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I think it would be
that even if you don't understand,

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you can alway support and stand by us.

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You can learn,
you can deconstruct your ideologies,

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You can relearn,
you can help those close to you

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even if you don't completely understand

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the entire scope
of their gender identity.

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A second thing, 
is that all non-binary people

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have a unique way
of expressing their identity,

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There are people
who will do medical transitions,

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those who will take hormones,

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who will have operations,

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others who won't

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and that the method of how you
transition or not

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whether socially, medically, etc. 
does not matter

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Our identity remains legitimate
It exists

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and there is many of us,
so many.