Even if you don't understand
you can always support and assist us.
Our identity remains legitimate
and it exists.
My name is Cami, I'm 22 years old,
I'm non-binary
and I'm here to talk about my identity
'Non-binary' is an umbrella term
that includes all gender identities that
are neither exclusively masculine
nor feminine
That could be agender, with "a" meaning
a subtraction, so without gender
which is neutral. Or it can be all
the fluid identities, as we imagine gender
as a spectrum with two poles, masculine
and feminine. And there is a cursor
which slides. So all people who are
genderfluid, demigender, pangender, etc.
I never really related to femininity.
At 18, I started to ask myself questions
on my gender identity and I met
a trans man, who I was with for awhile
and we put together some words
for my identity, so 'non-binary'.
I think it's because he had more info
than me. He helped me find the words for
my identity. Gender identity is what
we are. It's the gender we feel, our
lives, and what we experiment with.
and gender expression is what we present
to others. It's the way we express
that identity. You could have a gender
identity, for example, that's masculine
so a man, and you can have a gender
expression that is feminine, with markers
considered as feminine in society.
Like for example, Bilal Hassani, he is
a man with a feminine gender expression.
I told my parents that I was non binary
and that I wanted to change my name also.
I was 20, so two years ago
and my mom took it quite well.
She was already up to date with questions
about gender. She deconstructed them
and it was safe, I felt secure.
For my dad, it was a little bit delicate.
I took more time to talk to him
and I didn't do it in person. I actually
sent him a message, as it was easier
for me to manage. And he took it well.
He said he didn't understand it all,
but he would support me regardless
and that it wouldn't change anything
he loved me the same.
For my grandma, it was less clear,
it's something unfamiliar for her.
She grew up in the countryside. Then
she came to Paris. She lived with
my grandpa for 50 years.
She lived in a very cis heteronormative
context, where she never asked questions
on her identity or of others.
So when I talked to her about it, she
was caught off guard, but she always
tried her best to behave in the best way
she can with me. She's make a lot
of effort, she doesn't make anymore
mistakes with saying my name now.
I made an application to change my name
in 2019, I submitted the application to
the city where I was living in. I obtained
a file that I filled with witnesses from
my close friends, to show that they use
the name Cami to refer to me. I asked
my school to write a letter of support.
Then, I submitted my file and waited a
few months. The time span varies according
to cities. And then I got my name change
accepted.
The fact of wrongly gendering someone
is to address that person while using
the wrong pronouns. So using gendered
pronouns for a non-binary person who had
explicitly said to use neutral pronouns
like "them" and to gender them using
feminine or masculine pronouns.
Personally, I use pronouns referred to
as "feminine" when speaking and neutral
in writing. But, in general, I have the
tendency to say right away that I prefer
to use feminine pronouns for speaking.
After, if a person doesn't do that
for themselves, and you want to be sure
you are correctly gendering them,
you can ask them for their pronouns
or wait until the person refers to
themselves to follow their suit.
In the videos that I've done previously
There was a lot of comments
which invalidated our identities
and denied our gender expressions
and identity. I personally don't read many
of those comments since I know they are
mostly malicious or ill-intentioned
and just want to cause pain.
I already participated in a reporting
where we could hear that it's just
a trend which came up a few years ago
in the US, around 10 years ago.
that it had a connection to fashion also,
and unisex fashion, etc.
That is completely false, I think that
it's also a very white perspective
and very Eurocentric.
because in many cultures, we will find
many gender identities that were totally
erased during colonization.
Oftentimes, we hear that it's problematic
or it's annoying to recreate more and more
ways to identify ourselves, but I think
it is very important to be able to,
mainly identify as something so
to unidentify from an identity that
was assigned to us arbitrarily.
I think it's also necessary to find
a community to create connections, to know
you're not alone, where there is support,
and there are others who are like us
who know and listen to us.
If I had one single thing to say, I think
it would be that even if you don't
understand, you can always support
and assist us. You can learn, you can
deconstruct your ways of thinking.
You can educate yourself, you can help
your close friends, even if you don't
understand their whole gender identity.
Another thing, all non-binary people have
different ways of expressing their
identity, there are some who want to do
medical transitions, take hormones,
who will do surgery operations, while
others won't, but no matter the way you
transition or not, socially or medically,
our identities remain legitimate,
they exist, and there are many of us.