Even if you don't understand

You can still support and affirm us

our identity is legitimate and it exists.

First Person Stories:
Being Nonbinary

My name is Cami. I'm 22
and nonbinary

and I 'm gonna tell you 
about being nonbinary.

The term "nonbinary" 
is an umbrella term

for all gender identities

that are neither masculine or feminine.

This includes being A-gender:

being genderless, or neutral

Or it can be all fluid genders.

Like if you imagine gender as a spectrum
with two sides:

masculine and feminine

and there is cursor that moves

for all gender fluid people like

demigender,

poly gender people, etc.

I never really associated with femininity

at 18

I was already starting to question
my gender identity

and I had already been seeing 
a trans guy for some time

And together we were able to 
put words to my identity:

nonbinary.

And I think this is because
he had lots more information than me

so he knew how to help me find the words

to describe my identity.

Gender identity is what you are

Its the gender you feel,

you live, you experiment with

and gender expression 
is what you will...

present to others.

It's the way you will 
express this identity

your gender identity could be

masculine, for example,
so you are a man

and your gender expression 
will be feminine

with lots of societally feminine features.

like Basanni,: a guy 
with a feminine gender expression.

I told my parents that I was
nonbinary

and that I wanted to change names
at the same time

I was

20 
so it was 2 years ago

And my mom took it very well.

She was already familiar

with this deconstructed view of gender

so she was very safe 
and I felt safe.

With my dad,
it was a little more sensitive

It took me a little longer
to tell him

And I didn't do it in real life.

I sent him a message 
because it was easier to control

and

he reacted pretty well

He said 
while he didn't understand it all

He was still there for me
and this didn't change a thing

he loved me the same

With my grandma 
it was less straightforward

because this is very unfamiliar to her:

she grew up in the countryside,
then she moved to Paris

she lived with my grandfather
for 50 years.

She lived under 
the cis-heteronormative schema

where she had never questioned
her or other's identities

so when I told her
she was a bit taken back.

But she still tried to 
treat me right

and she put lots of effort in

she almost never uses my past name 
anymore.

I applied for a name change in 2019

I applied

to my local city hall

I submitted a document 
with close friends as witness

stating that they addressed me 
by the name "Camille"

I asked my school to write me
a letter of support and so on.

After submitting my request 
I waited a few months,

the wait time varies
between city halls

and my name change was accepted.

To misgender someone 
means to use the wrong pronoun on someone

so a nonbinary person

who would like to use neutral pronouns 
like they/them

and instead gender them as masculine
or feminine

Personally I use feminine pronouns 
when speaking

and neutral in written form

In general I like to say it straight away:

I prefer to be addressed 
with feminine pronouns when speaking

But if the person doesn't do it
on their own

and you want to ensure 
you're addressing them correctly

you can ask for their pronouns

or wait until they gender themselves
and follow their gendering

In previous videos I've done
there were lots of comments

invalidating our identities

denying our gender expressions
and gender identities

I don't read these comments much 
since I know most of them are malicious

or very odd and will just hurt my feelings

I once saw a report
where it basically said

being non-binary was just a trend

that it only appeared a few years ago
in the states 10 years ago

and it had something to do
with unisex fashion and so on.

This is not only completely false

but also very white and Eurocentric
point of view

since in many cultures we find 
several gender identities

that were completely erased
during colonization.

Again and again its said that
its problematic

to create more boxes to identify with 
and re-identify and so on

but I think its actually crucial

to be able to identify with something
in order to disidentify ourselves

from an identity
that has been arbitrarily assigned to us.

I think its so important
to find a community

to create bonds
so that you are not alone,

so that you have support
from people like us

who understand us, 
who listen to us.

If I could only tell you one thing
it'd be that:

even if you don't understand

you can still support and affirm us

you can learn
you can deconstruct the schemas

you can stay informed
you can help those close to you

even if you don't fully understand
what their gender identity means.

Another thing is that

all nonbinary people

have a different way
to express their identity.

Some people will undergo 
medical transitions

some people will take hormones 
some people will get surgery, others won't

but that doesn't matter.

No matter how they transition or not, 
socially, medically or whatever

our identity remains legitimate 
and it exists

and there are lots and lots of us