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Even if you do not understand,

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you can still support and accompany us.

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Our identity remains legitimate

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and it exists.

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Testimonies 
Non-binarity

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Cami 
22 years old, student

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My name is Cami, 
I am 22 years old and non-binary,

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and I am here 
to talk to you about non-binarity.

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Non-binarity is an umbrella term

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that covers all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively masculine

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or feminine.

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It could mean agender, 
so “a,” subtraction,

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genderless, which is neutral,

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or it can mean all fluid identities,

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like if we pictured gender 
as a spectrum with two extremes:

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masculine and feminine.

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We can also imagine a pointer 
that scans the spectrum.

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It includes everyone who is gender fluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc.

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I have never really identified 
with femininity.

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At 18, I was already

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starting to question my gender identity,

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and I met a trans man,

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with whom I was with for a while,

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and together we were able to put 
my identity into words,

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which was non-binary.

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I think that he knew

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how to help me find 
the words for my identity

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because he had 
much more information than I did.

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Gender identity is who we are.

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It is the gender that we feel,

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that we live, 
that we experience.

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And gender expression

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is how we present ourselves 
in front of others.

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It is how we express this identity.

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We can, for example,

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have a masculine gender identity:

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that is a man

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with a feminine gender expression,

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having a lot of traits

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that are considered feminine 
in society.

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Like, for example, 
Bilal Hassani, who is a man

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with a feminine gender expression.

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I announced to my parents 
that I was non-binary

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and that I wanted to change 
my first name

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at the same time.

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I was 20 years old, 
it was two years ago.

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My mother took it very well.

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She was already very well-versed 
in the topic of gender.

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She was pretty deinstitutionalized 
and created a very safe space for me.

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I felt safe.

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With my father, 
it was a bit more delicate.

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It took me a little longer to tell him

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and I did not do it

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in person.

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I sent him a message

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because it was easier for me to handle.

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He reacted well enough.

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He said that 
he did not understand everything,

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but that, in any case, 
he would be there to support me

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and that it did not change anything 
for him,

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that he loved me just the same.

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It was a less straightforward 
for my grandmother

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since it was something 
that she was very far-removed from.

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She grew up in the countryside, 
then moved to Paris.

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She lived with my grandfather 
for 50 years.

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She lived within 
a very cis-heteronormative framework,

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where she never questioned 
her own identity

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or that of others.

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When I talked to her about it, 
she was a bit stunned,

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but she always made sure to 
and made a point of

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conducting herself

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in the best possible way around me.

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She put in a lot of effort,

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she almost never makes mistakes

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when using my chosen name anymore.

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I applied for a change of name

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in 2019.

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I applied to

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the town hall of the city where I lived.

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I took out a form that I filled out

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with testimonies from my loved ones,

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saying they used the name Cami

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to address me.

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I asked my school to write me 
a letter of support.

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Then, I submitted my application.

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I waited for a few months.

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It varies depending on the town hall.

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And I received approval 
for the name change.

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The act of misgendering someone

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refers to addressing them

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using the wrong pronouns,

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so gendering a non-binary person

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who has explicitly stated

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they go by neutral pronouns, 
such as “they”

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as either feminine or masculine.

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I, personally, use

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feminine pronouns when speaking 
and neutral ones in writing.

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But it is true that in general,

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I tend to say it straight away,

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that I prefer to be addressed

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with feminine pronouns when speaking.

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Afterwards, if the person 
does not do so on their own

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and you prefer to be sure 
you are gendering them correctly,

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you can ask them 
for their pronouns directly

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or wait for the person 
to state their gender in your presence

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to follow their lead.

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In videos I have previously made,

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there were a lot of comments

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that invalidate our identities,

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that deny our gender expressions 
and gender identities.

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Following that, 
I read very few of these comments,

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precisely because 
I know that for the most part,

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they are either malicious 
or extremely amateur,

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and that they will just cause me distress.

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I once participated in a report, 
in which they said

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that it was a fad,

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that it had only appeared

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in the United States, 10 years ago,

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and that it had a lot to do with fashion,

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unisex trends, or whatever.

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That is completely false. 
I think that it is also

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a super white and 
hyper-Eurocentric perspective

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because in a lot of cultures,

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there are several gender identities

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that have just been completely erased

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during colonisation.

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Often enough, we hear 
that it is problematic

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or awkward to reinvent 
more and more labels

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to identify oneself, 
then reidentify oneself, etc.,

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but I think that it is extremely important

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to be able to first relate to something

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to then disidentify from an identity

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that was assigned to us arbitrarily.

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I think it is necessary

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to find oneself in a community as well

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to create bonds and 
to know that we are not alone,

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that support is available,

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that there are other people 
who are like us,

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who understand us, who listen to us.

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The bottom line is

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even if you do not understand,

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you can still 
support and accompany others.

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You can learn, 
you can debunk

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ways of thinking.

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You can educate yourself, 
you can help your loved ones

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even if you do not understand

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the full significance 
of their gender identity.

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Another thing is that 
all non-binary people

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have a different way of 
expressing their identity,

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that there are people who will undergo

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medical transitions, 
who will take hormones,

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who will have surgeries 
while others will not,

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and that no matter how

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we transition or not,

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socially, medically, etc.,

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our identity remains legitimate, 
it exists,

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and there are a lot of us.