WEBVTT

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Even if you don't get it,

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you can be supportive and be with us.

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Our identity remains legitimate.

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It's valid.

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Testimonies
Non-binary Gender

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I'm Cami, 22 years old,
I'm non-binary.

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I'm here to talk about
being non-binary.

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"Non-binary" is an umbrella term.

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It brings together all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively masculine

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nor exclusively feminine.

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It could be agender,
"a" as in taking away,

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without gender, neutral,

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or it could be all fluid identities,

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like when we imagine gender
as a spectrum with two poles,

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one masculine one feminine,

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and a slider that we can move,

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for everyone who's gender fluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really self-identified 
as feminine.

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When I was 18, I already began

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to explore my own gender identity,

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and I met a trans man,

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I was with him for some time,

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together we tried
to define my identity.

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It turned out to be non-binary.

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I think it's because

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he was more informed than me,

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so he could help me find the words

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to describe my identity.

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Gender identity is part of who we are.

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It's the gender that we feel,

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that we live and experience.

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Gender expression
is what we show other people.

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It's the way we express this identity.

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Someone can have a gender identity

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that's, for example, masculine,

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so they are a man,

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and have a gender expression
that's feminine

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with more traits
considered feminine in society.

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Like Jonathan Van Ness, 
who is a man

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with a feminine gender expression.

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I came out to my parents as non-binary

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and said I wanted
to change my name

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all at once.

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I was 20 years old, it was 2 years ago.

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My mom took it well.

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She was already familiar with queerness.

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She's pretty progressive,
a "safe person".

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I felt safe with her.

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With my dad, it's a bit more tricky.

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I spent more time talking with him

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and I didn't do it in person.

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I sent him a message,
it's easier for me to manage.

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He took it pretty well,

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said he didn't get everything,

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but he's there to support me anyway,

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it won't change anything for him,

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he loves me all the same.

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For my grandma, 
it's a bit less obvious

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because it's something
quite far from her world.

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She's from a rural area,
then moved to Paris.

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She lived with my granddad for 50 years.

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Her surrounding were very
cis-heteronormative,

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she never questioned her identity
or that of others.

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When I discussed it with her,
she was a bit taken aback,

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but she always took care
to conduct herself

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in the best way possible around me.

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She makes an effort.

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She doesn't make mistakes
with pronouns now.

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I applied to change my first name

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in 2019.

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I made an application
with my municipal government.

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I got a form, filled it out,

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with my friends and family
as witnesses

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who said they addressed me as "Cami".

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I asked my school 
for a letter of support.

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Then, I submitted my form.

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I waited a few months,

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this varies by municipality,

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and my name change was approved.

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Misgendering as person

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means addressing a person
using incorrect pronouns,

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like gendering a non-binary person

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who explicitly asked you
to use neutral pronouns,

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like "they/them",

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and still addressing them
by feminine or masculine pronouns.

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Personally, I use what we call

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feminine pronouns when speaking,
an neutral pronouns in writing.

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Actually, in general,

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I would tell you, right off the bat,

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that I prefer to be addressed

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by feminine pronouns in speaking.

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If someone doesn't tell you,

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and you want to make sure
to gender them correctly,

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you can ask them their pronouns

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or wait for them to gender themselves,

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so you can respect their pronouns.

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Beneath the videos that I previously made,

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there were many comments

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refusing to recognize our identities,

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denying our gender expression
and gender identities.

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Anyways, I rarely read these comments,

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because I know most of them
are ill-intentioned

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or just so, so wrong

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that they will just hurt me.

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I was in a tv report,
and in the same program

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people were calling it fashion,

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saying it appeared only a few years ago,

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in the US, 10 years ago,

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that it has to do with fashion,

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the unisex trend, etc.

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That's completely wrong.

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I also find it a very white perspective,
very Eurocentric,

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because in so many cultures,

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there are multiple gender identities,

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but they were simply wiped out
by colonisation.

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We often hear people say it's problematic
or annoying

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to constantly create new vocabulary

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to self-identify and reidentify,

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but for me it's super important

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to first of all 
be able to self-identify,

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in order to disidentify

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with the arbitrary identity 
assigned to us.

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I think it's also important

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to find your community,
bond with people

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to know you're not alone,
support is available,

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and there are more people like us

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who understand
and listen to us.

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If I could only say one thing,

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I think it would be that
even if you don't get it,

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you can be supportive and be with us.

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You can learn,
you can deconstruct thought patterns,

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you can unlearn things,
support your friends and family,

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even if you don't understand
everything about their gender identity.

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One more thing:

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every non-binary person

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has a different way
to express their identity.

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Whether they choose medical transitions,
take hormones,

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whether they have surgery,
or not,

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no matter which way

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or whether or not we transition,

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socially, medically, etc.,

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our identity remains legitimate,
it's valid,

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and there's a good number of us out there.