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Even if you don't understand it,

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you can still support us 
and take care of us.

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Our identities continue to be legitimate,
and they exist.

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[Testimonies: Being non-binary]

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[Cami, 22, student]
My name is Cami,

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I am 22 years old,
I am non-binary,

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and I'm here to talk to you 
about being non-binary.

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"Non-binary" is an umbrella term

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that encompasses all gender identities

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that are neither exclusively masculine
nor exclusively feminine.

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This can represent "agender", 
"a" meaning subtraction,

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without a gender or being neutral

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or it can represent all
fluid gender identities;

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we can imagine gender as
a spectrum with two sides,

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masculine and feminine,

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and we have a cursor that moves.

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So we have people
who are genderfluid,

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demigender, pangender, etc.

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I never really identified with femininity.

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At 18 years old, I began to ask myself
questions about my gender identity,

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and I met a transgender man
who I was with for some time,

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and we were able to put my identity
into words,

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which was "non-binary".

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I think it's because he had a lot more
knowledge than me

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that he was able to help me find the words
regarding my identity.

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Gender identity is what we are.

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Gender is what we feel, live,
and experiment with,

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and gender expression is what we show
to others.

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It's the way we express this identity.

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For example, you could have a
gender identity,

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such as masculinity,

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identifying as a man,

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and you can have a gender expression
that is feminine

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using markers that are considered
feminine in society.

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For example, Bilal Hassani,

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who is a man
with a feminine gender expression.

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I told my parents that I was non-binary

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and that I would like to change my name
as well.

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I was 20 years old, so it's been 2 years.

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My mom took it very well.

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She was already very aware
of topics surrounding gender.

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She had dismantled these ideas,
and was a safe person.

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I felt secure.

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With my dad,
it was a little more delicate.

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I took a little more time
to talk to him about it

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and I didn't do it in person.

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I sent him a message,
because it was easier for me to manage.

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He reacted pretty well;
he said he didn't understand everything,

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but regardless,
that he would be there to support me,

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and that nothing would change for him,
that he would love me the same.

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With my grandmother,
it was a bit trickier

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because it was something
very foreign to her.

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She grew up on the countryside,
then she went to Paris.

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She lived with my grandfather 
for 50 years.

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She was in cis, heteronormative
environments

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where she never questioned
her own identity

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or the identities of others.

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When I spoke about it with her,
she was a bit stunned,

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but she always looked after
and cared about me

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to behave in the best way possible.

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She has made enormous efforts;

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she rarely makes mistakes with my
name now.

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I put in a request
to change my name

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in 2019.

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I sent the request in

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to the city hall of the town
that I was living in.

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I received a form
that I filled out

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with testimonies of my friends

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that say they use the name Cami

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to refer to me,

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and I asked my school to write a letter
of support.

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Then, I submitted my case document.

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I waited a few months.

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This wait varies with city halls.

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And then I received an approval
for my name change.

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Misgendering someone

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is when you address someone

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using the incorrect pronouns,

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so gendering a non-binary person

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that has already explicitly stated

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that they use neutral pronouns,
like "they",

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and you gender them
as masculine or feminine.

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I personally use feminine pronouns
when speaking,

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and neutral pronouns
when writing.

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Generally,

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I do have the tendency
to say right away

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that I prefer that I be referred to
with feminine pronouns when speaking.

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If a person doesn't do that,

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and you would like to know for sure
how to refer to them,

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you can ask them for their pronouns

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or wait for the person
to refer to themselves

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so you can follow suit.

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In the videos
that I have done previously,

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there were a lot of comments

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that invalidated our identities,

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that denied our gender expressions
and our gender identities.

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Afterwards, I've read fewer
of these comments,

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mainly because
for the most part,

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they're malicious,
or very insensitive,

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and they're just going to
hurt my feelings.

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I've participated in a report
where we heard that

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being non-binary 
was a result of fashion;

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that this just appeared
in the past decade

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in the US,

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that this is closely related to fashion,

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like unisex fashion, etc.

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This is completely false.

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I think that this is a hyper-White, 
hyper-Eurocentric point of view

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because in many cultures,
there are many gender identities

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that were totally erased
by colonization, simply put.

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Frequently, we hear that
this is problematic

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or annoying to create more
and more boxes

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to self-identify with,
to re-identify with, etc,

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but I think
that it's super important

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to even be able to self-identify
with something

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in order to un-identify
with an identity

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that was arbitrarily assigned
to us.

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I think it's necessary
to find a community

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to create a bond,
to know that you're not alone,

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that you have support,

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that there are other people
like us,

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that understand 
and listen to us.

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If I had one takeaway for everyone,

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I think it would be
that even if you don't understand it,

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you can still support us
and take care of us.

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You can learn,
you can deconstruct

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your current way of thinking.

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You can teach yourself,
help your friends,

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even if you don't understand everything
about gender identities.

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A second thing would be
that all non-binary people

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have a different way
of expressing their identity.

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There are people who are going to

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transition medically,
take hormones,

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undergo operations,
and others won't,

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and regardless of the way
we transition or not,

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socially or medically,

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our identities continue to be legitimate,
and they exist,

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and we are a thriving community.

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[COSMOPOLITON]