WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.590 Even if you don’t understand, you can still be there for us. 00:00:03.590 --> 00:00:05.335 Our identity is valid. 00:00:05.335 --> 00:00:06.682 It's real and it matters. 00:00:09.200 --> 00:00:11.276 I'm Cami, I'm 22, non-binary. 00:00:11.276 --> 00:00:13.289 I'm here to talk to you about non-binarity. 00:00:13.289 --> 00:00:17.313 Non-binarity is an umbrella term for gender identities 00:00:17.313 --> 00:00:20.622 beyond male/female. 00:00:20.622 --> 00:00:22.453 That could mean being agender, 00:00:22.453 --> 00:00:25.124 having no gender, being neutral. 00:00:25.124 --> 00:00:27.439 Or identities that shift. 00:00:27.439 --> 00:00:32.348 Imagine gender as a spectrum with male and female poles. 00:00:32.348 --> 00:00:34.250 Some people move along the spectrum. 00:00:34.250 --> 00:00:39.172 Like genderfluid, demigender, pangender people, and so on. 00:00:39.372 --> 00:00:42.285 I never really felt connected to femininity. 00:00:42.285 --> 00:00:47.742 At 18, I began questioning my gender identity. 00:00:47.742 --> 00:00:51.688 I met a trans man I was with for a while, 00:00:51.688 --> 00:00:56.418 and together we found the words to name my identity: non-binary. 00:00:56.418 --> 00:00:59.290 He had more knowledge than I did, 00:00:59.290 --> 00:01:02.871 so he helped me find the words. 00:01:02.871 --> 00:01:05.269 Gender identity is who we are. 00:01:05.269 --> 00:01:09.090 It’s how we feel and experience. 00:01:09.090 --> 00:01:13.372 Gender expression is what we show to others. 00:01:13.372 --> 00:01:16.099 It's how we express our gender identity. 00:01:16.099 --> 00:01:19.514 Someone might identify as male, 00:01:19.514 --> 00:01:23.901 but express their gender in a feminine way 00:01:23.901 --> 00:01:26.131 with markers seen as feminine in society. 00:01:26.131 --> 00:01:30.550 Like Bilal Hassani, a man with a feminine gender expression. 00:01:31.090 --> 00:01:34.916 I told my parents I was non-binary. 00:01:34.916 --> 00:01:37.391 I also said I wanted to change my name. 00:01:37.981 --> 00:01:40.808 I was 20, so that was two years ago. 00:01:41.526 --> 00:01:43.424 My mom took it really well, 00:01:43.424 --> 00:01:46.799 as she was already aware of gender issues. 00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:49.233 She was open-minded and supportive. 00:01:49.233 --> 00:01:50.373 I felt really safe. 00:01:51.243 --> 00:01:53.162 With my dad, it was a bit harder. 00:01:53.162 --> 00:01:55.211 I took longer to talk to him about it. 00:01:55.211 --> 00:01:57.978 I didn’t tell him in person. 00:01:57.978 --> 00:02:00.439 I messaged him, it was easier that way. 00:02:02.039 --> 00:02:03.339 He took it pretty well. 00:02:03.339 --> 00:02:06.804 He didn’t get it all, but he’d still be there to support me. 00:02:06.804 --> 00:02:09.553 It changed nothing for him, he still loved me. 00:02:09.553 --> 00:02:11.178 It was tougher with my grandma 00:02:12.218 --> 00:02:14.401 because this was all new to her. 00:02:14.401 --> 00:02:17.263 She grew up rural and moved to Paris. 00:02:17.263 --> 00:02:19.959 She lived with my grandfather for 50 years. 00:02:19.959 --> 00:02:22.723 Her world was cis-heteronormative, 00:02:22.723 --> 00:02:26.191 never questioning gender identities. 00:02:26.191 --> 00:02:28.774 When I told her, she was a bit shocked. 00:02:28.774 --> 00:02:35.129 But she always tried to treat me the best she could. 00:02:35.129 --> 00:02:36.349 She’s made a huge effort. 00:02:36.349 --> 00:02:39.104 She almost never gets my chosen name wrong now. 00:02:39.104 --> 00:02:43.571 I requested a name change in 2019. 00:02:43.571 --> 00:02:47.936 I applied at the town hall where I was living. 00:02:48.376 --> 00:02:50.621 I picked up a form and filled it out 00:02:50.621 --> 00:02:56.138 with testimonials from loved ones who used “Camille” for me. 00:02:56.138 --> 00:03:00.749 I also got a supporting letter from my school. 00:03:00.749 --> 00:03:03.997 Then I submitted everything and waited a few months. 00:03:03.997 --> 00:03:05.580 It depends on the city, honestly. 00:03:05.580 --> 00:03:07.995 But mine was eventually approved. 00:03:07.995 --> 00:03:13.024 Misgendering someone means using the wrong pronouns to address them. 00:03:13.024 --> 00:03:20.457 If a non-binary person asks for neutral pronouns like “they” 00:03:20.457 --> 00:03:24.020 and you call them he or she, that’s still misgendering. 00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:29.092 Personally, I use feminine pronouns when speaking, neutral when writing. 00:03:29.092 --> 00:03:32.804 I usually mention my pronouns upfront. 00:03:32.804 --> 00:03:36.426 I prefer people use she/her for me when speaking. 00:03:36.426 --> 00:03:38.742 If they don’t do it first, 00:03:38.742 --> 00:03:42.766 and you want to get it right, 00:03:42.766 --> 00:03:48.738 you can directly ask someone or wait to hear the pronouns they use. 00:03:48.738 --> 00:03:51.598 On videos I’ve posted before, 00:03:51.598 --> 00:03:55.425 there were lots of comments denying our identities, 00:03:55.425 --> 00:04:00.632 rejecting our gender expressions and identities. 00:04:00.632 --> 00:04:03.772 I don’t read them much, 00:04:03.772 --> 00:04:08.743 because most are just mean-spirited or just really awkward. 00:04:08.743 --> 00:04:10.160 They only end up hurting me. 00:04:10.160 --> 00:04:15.544 I was in a documentary where they said it was just a trend. 00:04:15.544 --> 00:04:19.646 That it started in the U.S. about ten years ago, 00:04:19.646 --> 00:04:24.575 and was really just tied to unisex fashion. 00:04:24.575 --> 00:04:25.615 That's totally false. 00:04:25.615 --> 00:04:32.897 I think that’s a very white, Eurocentric point of view.