Even if you don’t understand, you can still be there for us.
Our identity is valid.
It's real and it matters.
I'm Cami, I'm 22, non-binary.
I'm here to talk to you about non-binarity.
Non-binarity is an umbrella term for gender identities
beyond male/female.
That could mean being agender,
having no gender, being neutral.
Or identities that shift.
Imagine gender as a spectrum with male and female poles.
Some people move along the spectrum.
Like genderfluid, demigender, pangender people, and so on.
I never really felt connected to femininity.
At 18, I began questioning my gender identity.
I met a trans man I was with for a while,
and together we found the words to name my identity: non-binary.
He had more knowledge than I did,
so he helped me find the words.
Gender identity is who we are.
It’s how we feel and experience.
Gender expression is what we show to others.
It's how we express our gender identity.
Someone might identify as male,
but express their gender in a feminine way
with markers seen as feminine in society.
Like Bilal Hassani, a man with a feminine gender expression.
I told my parents I was non-binary.
I also said I wanted to change my name.
I was 20, so that was two years ago.
My mom took it really well,
as she was already aware of gender issues.
She was open-minded and supportive.
I felt really safe.
With my dad, it was a bit harder.
I took longer to talk to him about it.
I didn’t tell him in person.
I messaged him, it was easier that way.
He took it pretty well.
He didn’t get it all, but he’d still be there to support me.
It changed nothing for him, he still loved me.
It was tougher with my grandma
because this was all new to her.
She grew up rural and moved to Paris.
She lived with my grandfather for 50 years.
Her world was cis-heteronormative,
never questioning gender identities.
When I told her, she was a bit shocked.
But she always tried to treat me the best she could.
She’s made a huge effort.
She almost never gets my chosen name wrong now.
I requested a name change in 2019.
I applied at the town hall where I was living.
I picked up a form and filled it out
with testimonials from loved ones who used “Camille” for me.
I also got a supporting letter from my school.
Then I submitted everything and waited a few months.
It depends on the city, honestly.
But mine was eventually approved.
Misgendering someone means using the wrong pronouns to address them.
If a non-binary person asks for neutral pronouns like “they”
and you call them he or she, that’s still misgendering.
Personally, I use feminine pronouns when speaking, neutral when writing.
I usually mention my pronouns upfront.
I prefer people use she/her for me when speaking.
If they don’t do it first,
and you want to get it right,
you can directly ask someone or wait to hear the pronouns they use.
On videos I’ve posted before,
there were lots of comments denying our identities,
rejecting our gender expressions and identities.
I don’t read them much,
because most are just mean-spirited or just really awkward.
They only end up hurting me.
I was in a documentary where they said it was just a trend.
That it started in the U.S. about ten years ago,
and was really just tied to unisex fashion.
That's totally false.
I think that’s a very white, Eurocentric point of view.
Many cultures had multiple genders.
They were completely erased during colonization.
People often say it’s problematic
or annoying to create new labels to name or rename your identity.
But it's really important to first identify with something
to break away from the identity assigned to us at birth.
Belonging to a community helps you connect, realize you're not alone,
and find support from others who understand you.
If I had one thing to say,
it'd be that even if you don't understand,
you can still support and stand by us.
You can learn, unlearn patterns, and rethink things.
You can question your views, and help your loved ones.
Even if you don’t grasp the full meaning of their gender identity.
Lastly, all non-binary people express their identity differently.
Some go through medical transitions, take hormones and/or have surgery,
Whether you transition or not, socially or medically.