WEBVTT

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sweet robes, Obi

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Wan-too-many days in the sun

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stop preaching homie

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teach your flock to covet some fun

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I bring joy every year

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man I represent cheer

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you represent sandals

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and a scraggly beard

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I'm from the North Pole

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that's why my rhymes are so cold

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I spit diamonds

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but I'm serving up some fresh coal

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you been a naughty boy

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you brought a plague of frogs

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you best arrest yourself

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you broke your own law

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or was there something in rule six

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I didn't understand?

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my list says killed Egyptian dude

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buried him in sand

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I read your book

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you got a strict religion

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no bacon?

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but mandatory circumcision

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I'm a jolly bowl a jelly

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giving holiday presents

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but all the chosen people ever get

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for Christmas is jealous

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when I was high upon the mountain

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God revealed the truths of the Earth

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but he never mentioned

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a fat ass Papa Smurf

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it takes nine reindeers

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to haul your fat ass

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you took the Christ outta Christmas

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and just added more mass

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you need to stop breaking

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into houses and creeping

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and peeping on naughty kids

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while they sleeping

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and keep your hands off my stocking

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don't you Ho Ho me

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I'll split your ass in half

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like I did the Red Sea

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you ain't a saint you a slaver

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like a pharaoh in the snow

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stop with the unpaid labor

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and let my little people go

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we ain't slaves

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all that sand turned your brains to mush

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I think you need to stop smoking

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all that burning bush

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yeah we're magical workers man

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we hang with reindeers

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yo here's a GPS

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who gets lost for 40 years?

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you're a glorified secretary

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so write this down

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begat deez nutz

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Santa Claus is coming to town

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so much drama in the Israe-L B C

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it's kinda hard talking directly

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to the G O single D

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hand me my chisel

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I got a new commandizzle for ya'll

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thou shalt not let children

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sit on a grown man's lap at the mall

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I'll beat you ten times

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before the bread can rise you dummy

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and walk off into the land

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of my milk and honies

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who won?

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who's next?

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you decide