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hmm

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oh we're the man of texaco we work from

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maine to mexico there's nothing like

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this texaco of art

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our show tonight is powerful we'll wire

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you with an hour full of howls from a

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shower full of stars

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we're the mary takes to come in tonight

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we may be showmen tomorrow we'll be

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servicing your cars

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i wipe the pipe i pump the gas i rub the

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hub i scrub the glass i catch the clutch

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i mop the top i poke the choke i sell

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the pop i clear the gear i block the

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knock i jack the back i set the clock go

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join the ranks of those who know and

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fill your tanks with textiles

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and you will smile at the pile of new

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miles you will add

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fire teeth fill up with fire teeth

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you'll find that texas the finest friend

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your car has ever had

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and now ladies and gentlemen

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introducing television's number one star

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the man america discovered

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mountain

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thank you they stood up thank you and

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good evening good evening ladies

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gentlemen don't please don't laugh

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columbus 1492.

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what's yours gimbles 1075.

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lady please i'm gonna lay the egg she's

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cackling how do you like it

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how do you like that

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my mother didn't show up

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i don't like those telescopes give me

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these that's the kind i like

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you've heard of izio pinza i look like

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his brother safety pincers

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it's awful chilly around here

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i feel like the weather it's been so hot

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these past few nights i had to get up in

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the middle of night take all my socks

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you know it's really

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i really feel how do you like the socks

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smart socks uh brooklyn socks brooklyn

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there's not a run in either one of them

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but it is

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it is really

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pleased

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i oh incidentally before i go any

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further is there anybody in your

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audience from brooklyn you are how do

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you feel

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thank you birdshot i am

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i want i feel good i really are you're

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breaking my heart cause you're leaving

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and you're taking the furniture too

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thank you

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before going further i want to sit with

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this lady down here please would you do

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the tall lady will you will you the man

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behind you can't see the show

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will you remove your head please

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i uh before i go any further i want to

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try something new tonight somebody uh uh

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how about having all the uh married men

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and women in the audience stand up every

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married man come on stand up will you

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come on stand up

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stand up please

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stand up

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okay

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all right now back to me wait a minute

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stay there stay there

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you fools stay there

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wait a minute

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now wait a minute i'm trying something

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please stan will you stand up please

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now all the uh all the married uh

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married men

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everybody all the single girls stand up

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and the married women sit down

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now all the married men sit down and the

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single men stand up

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now we have all the single man and

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single ladies

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what are you waiting for

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welcome to bride and groom

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we you really we really have a very well

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i feel good now

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we have this man down here you're

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embarrassing me you can't come in here

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undressed i really mean that this man

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down here

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i was only kidding if i've said anything

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to insult you i offer you my humble

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i like it all right we kid everybody

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that comes in here who's your favorite

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comedian bob hope

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where everybody go oh we we're going to

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present a very wonderful show tonight

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and the show is so long we want you to

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sit back and relax and you folks that

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are watching a show in chicago and

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cincinnati in detroit have we got a show

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tonight that we got a show have we got a

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show

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i would like to introduce as our first

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surprise one of the most sensational

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troops ever to appear on a television

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show it's very difficult on such a small

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stage to do this act but oh they're

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wonderful ladies and gentlemen may i

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represent you

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oh we're the men of mexico we work from

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maine to mexico there's nothing like

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this texaco of ours

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our show tonight is powerful we'll wow

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you with an hour full of house from a

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shower full of stars

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where the merry texan coming tonight we

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may be show men tomorrow we'll be

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servicing your cars

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i wipe the pipe i pump the gas i rub the

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hub i scrub the glass i touch the clutch

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i'm off the top i poke the choke i sell

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the pop i clear the gear i block the

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knock i jack the back i set the clock so

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join the ranks of those who know and

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fill your tanks with textile

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sky team fill up with sky team and you

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will smile at the pile of new miles you

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will have

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fire chief fill up with fire teeth

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you'll find that texaco's the finest

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friend your car has ever had

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and now ladies and gentlemen

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introducing america's number one

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television star

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your tuesday night

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melton

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thank you

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don't laugh lady this is my neck what

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are you your husbands

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fine how do i look tell us i want don't

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applaud all right

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hold it

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i a little tired out he's been working

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like a man all day i do uh

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you've been working like a man i can see

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you're gonna be lousy good night

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i want to tell you i really i really

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feel don't i look funny i look like an

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advanced agent for margaret truman's

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concerts

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incidentally a report just come over

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here that margaret truman just gave

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carmen lombardo 24 hours to get out of

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town

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24 and i'm giving you two minutes

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thank you very much thank you mother

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stay in the end

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my mother she's here how do you feel all

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right take a boo

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she's

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loaded with money with money

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i wanted to tell you don't mother told

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me there'd be nights like this i better

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take this off no kidding would you do me

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a favor and take this

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thank you

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thank you

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it's me milton

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didn't you know it was me

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i want to tell you

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you heard of henry v i look like burl

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after the eighth

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i lost that up i told that in the cereal

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tan way backwards but this um

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but this i feel happy tonight after all

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what is happiness you can't buy money

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with it but it is peculiar you can't buy

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money with it there's a bus leaving it

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is peculiar

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what's a musician coming in now it's a

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little late hey what are you coming in

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next time

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that's all right i'll buy you another

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one i'll buy another you go over the

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world that says tell them i sent you and

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they'll give you in my regards ladies

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and gentlemen

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i'm only kidding you got a strong union

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i'd like you to meet the conductor of

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our orchestra tonight if he's a

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conductor i want to transfer he's really

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wonderful

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alan roth let's give him a big

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we have we have a very long show we're

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going to get started tonight and all you

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boys and girls do you like me don't i

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look don't i look like my knighthood

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wasn't flower tonight we're going don't

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applaud at everything i say take down

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the applause cards ladies ladies and

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germs ladies and gentlemen

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i would like to introduce our first of

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all we have such a long show we want to

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get the whole show in tonight ladies and

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gentlemen like induce our first surprise