0:00:02.240,0:00:22.059
[siren, bells, then music]

0:00:22.280,0:00:24.111
[singing] Oh, we're the man of[br]Texaco.

0:00:24.111,0:00:26.480
We work from Maine to Mexico.[br]There's nothing like

0:00:26.480,0:00:28.960
this Texaco of ours.

0:00:28.960,0:00:31.119
Our show tonight is powerful. We'll wire

0:00:31.119,0:00:33.360
you with an hour full of howls from a

0:00:33.360,0:00:35.440
shower full of stars.

0:00:35.440,0:00:37.840
We're the merry Texaco men. Tonight

0:00:37.840,0:00:40.160
we may be showmen. Tomorrow we'll be

0:00:40.160,0:00:42.480
servicing your cars.

0:00:42.480,0:00:44.879
I wipe the pipe. I pump the gas. I rub the

0:00:44.879,0:00:46.990
hub. I scrub the glass.[br]I touch the clutch.

0:00:46.990,0:00:49.120
I mop the top. I poke the choke. i sell

0:00:49.120,0:00:51.039
the pop. I clear the gear. I block the

0:00:51.039,0:00:53.280
knock. I jack the back.[br]I set the clock. Go

0:00:53.280,0:00:55.440
join the ranks of those who know and

0:00:55.440,0:01:01.120
fill your tanks with Texaco.[br]Sky team. Fill up with Sky Team.

0:01:01.120,0:01:03.520
And you will smile at the pile of new

0:01:03.520,0:01:05.199
miles you will add.

0:01:05.199,0:01:08.000
Fire Chief. Fill up with Fire Chief.

0:01:08.000,0:01:10.159
You'll find that Texaco the finest friend

0:01:10.159,0:01:12.799
your car has ever had.[br][drumroll]

0:01:12.799,0:01:14.880
And now, ladies and gentlemen,

0:01:14.880,0:01:18.159
introducing television's number one star,

0:01:18.159,0:01:21.200
the man America discovered,

0:01:21.200,0:01:40.704
Milton Berle.[br][music and applause]

0:01:40.704,0:01:46.423
[whistle][br]Hiya. Thank you. They stood up.

0:01:46.423,0:01:48.760
Thank you and good evening,[br]good evening, ladies

0:01:48.760,0:01:56.079
and gentlemen. [laughter][br]Lady, don't, please don't laugh.

0:01:56.079,0:01:59.040
Columbus, 1492.

0:01:59.040,0:02:05.759
What's yours? Gimbels 10-75?[br][laughter]

0:02:05.759,0:02:08.329
Lady, please, I'm gonna lay the egg.[br]She's cackling.

0:02:08.329,0:02:10.000
How do you like it?

0:02:10.000,0:02:11.650
How do you like that? Ha ha.

0:02:11.650,0:02:14.480
My mother didn't show up.[br][laughter]

0:02:14.480,0:02:16.635
I don't like those telescopes.[br]Give me these.

0:02:16.635,0:02:20.500
That's the kind I like.[br][laughter] Ahhhhhh!

0:02:20.500,0:02:24.056
I am the - ![br][laughter]

0:02:24.056,0:02:25.996
What the hey?![br][laughter]

0:02:25.996,0:02:28.024
How do you like it?[br]Don't I look good, huh?

0:02:28.024,0:02:29.680
[applause][br]You, uh, don't applaud.

0:02:29.680,0:02:30.890
Don't applaud.

0:02:30.890,0:02:33.490
You've heard of Ezio Penza?[br]I look like

0:02:33.490,0:02:36.160
his brother, Safety Penza.[br][play on words "safety pens"]

0:02:36.160,0:02:40.001
[laughter][br]It's awful chilly around here.

0:02:40.001,0:02:42.080
i feel like the weather, it's been so hot

0:02:42.080,0:02:43.510
these past few nights,[br]I had to get up in

0:02:43.510,0:02:44.830
the middle of night,[br]take off my socks.

0:02:44.830,0:02:46.590
You know, it's really,[br][laughter]

0:02:46.590,0:02:48.410
I really feel you. How[br]do you like the socks?

0:02:48.410,0:02:51.239
Smart socks.[br]Brooklyn socks. Brooklyn.

0:02:51.239,0:02:53.680
[laughter][br]There's not a run in either one of them.

0:02:53.680,0:02:55.723
But it is[br][laughter]

0:02:55.723,0:02:57.210
It is really[br][applause]

0:02:57.210,0:03:00.239
[whistle] Please, no![br][applause]

0:03:00.239,0:03:02.480
I - oh, incidentally,[br]before I go any

0:03:02.480,0:03:03.510
further, is there[br]anybody in the

0:03:03.510,0:03:05.384
audience from Brooklyn?[br][I am!] You are? How do

0:03:05.384,0:03:13.120
you feel?[br][gunshot, then audience laughter]

0:03:13.120,0:03:16.159
Thank you, birdshot. I, uh,[br][laughter]

0:03:16.159,0:03:18.080
I wanna', I feel good.[br]I really, ohhhhh.

0:03:18.080,0:03:19.680
you're breaking my[br]heart 'cause you're leaving

0:03:19.680,0:03:21.260
and you're taking[br]the furniture, too.

0:03:21.260,0:03:22.800
Thank you.[br][applause]

0:03:22.800,0:03:24.560
Before going further,[br]I want to sit with

0:03:24.560,0:03:26.080
this lady down here.[br]Please, would you do,

0:03:26.080,0:03:27.920
the tall lady, will[br]you, will you? The man

0:03:27.920,0:03:29.920
behind you can't see the show.[br][laughter]

0:03:29.920,0:03:32.959
Will you remove your head, please?[br][laughter]

0:03:32.959,0:03:34.908
I, uh, oh, before I to[br]any further, I want

0:03:34.908,0:03:37.040
to try something new[br]tonight. Somebody, uh,

0:03:37.040,0:03:39.680
uh. How about having[br]all the married men

0:03:39.680,0:03:41.539
and women in the[br]audience stand up, huh?

0:03:41.539,0:03:43.528
Every married man, come[br]on, stand up, will you?

0:03:43.528,0:03:44.720
Come on, stand up.

0:03:44.720,0:03:47.040
Stand up [stomp] please.[br][laughter]

0:03:47.040,0:03:48.239
[clap clap clap][br]Stand up.

0:03:48.239,0:03:49.680
Okay.

0:03:49.680,0:03:51.920
All right, now back[br]to me. Wait a minute,

0:03:51.920,0:03:53.840
stay there, stay there.[br][laughter]

0:03:53.840,0:03:56.720
You fools, stay there![br][laughter]

0:03:56.720,0:03:58.080
Wait a minute.

0:03:58.080,0:04:00.560
now, wait a minute.[br]I'm trying something.

0:04:00.560,0:04:04.720
Please. Stand, will[br]you stand up please?

0:04:04.720,0:04:08.319
[laughter][br]Now, all the, all the married,

0:04:08.319,0:04:09.680
married men

0:04:09.680,0:04:12.000
everybody all the single girls stand up

0:04:12.000,0:04:14.720
and the married women sit down

0:04:14.720,0:04:16.400
now all the married men sit down and the

0:04:16.400,0:04:18.639
single men stand up

0:04:18.639,0:04:20.000
now we have all the single man and

0:04:20.000,0:04:21.280
single ladies

0:04:21.280,0:04:24.079
what are you waiting for

0:04:25.919,0:04:29.840
welcome to bride and groom

0:04:31.840,0:04:34.000
we you really we really have a very well

0:04:34.000,0:04:36.320
i feel good now

0:04:36.320,0:04:37.759
we have this man down here you're

0:04:37.759,0:04:39.360
embarrassing me you can't come in here

0:04:39.360,0:04:41.360
undressed i really mean that this man

0:04:41.360,0:04:43.840
down here

0:05:09.840,0:05:11.280
i was only kidding if i've said anything

0:05:11.280,0:05:14.880
to insult you i offer you my humble

0:05:15.759,0:05:17.840
i like it all right we kid everybody

0:05:17.840,0:05:19.120
that comes in here who's your favorite

0:05:19.120,0:05:23.240
comedian bob hope

0:05:31.840,0:05:34.000
where everybody go oh we we're going to

0:05:34.000,0:05:35.919
present a very wonderful show tonight

0:05:35.919,0:05:37.840
and the show is so long we want you to

0:05:37.840,0:05:39.520
sit back and relax and you folks that

0:05:39.520,0:05:40.639
are watching a show in chicago and

0:05:40.639,0:05:42.560
cincinnati in detroit have we got a show

0:05:42.560,0:05:44.720
tonight that we got a show have we got a

0:05:44.720,0:05:46.560
show

0:05:46.560,0:05:48.320
i would like to introduce as our first

0:05:48.320,0:05:50.160
surprise one of the most sensational

0:05:50.160,0:05:53.120
troops ever to appear on a television

0:05:53.120,0:05:55.039
show it's very difficult on such a small

0:05:55.039,0:05:56.560
stage to do this act but oh they're

0:05:56.560,0:05:58.000
wonderful ladies and gentlemen may i

0:05:58.000,0:06:01.479
represent you

0:06:25.840,0:06:28.080
oh we're the men of mexico we work from

0:06:28.080,0:06:29.840
maine to mexico there's nothing like

0:06:29.840,0:06:32.319
this texaco of ours

0:06:32.319,0:06:34.479
our show tonight is powerful we'll wow

0:06:34.479,0:06:36.639
you with an hour full of house from a

0:06:36.639,0:06:38.639
shower full of stars

0:06:38.639,0:06:41.120
where the merry texan coming tonight we

0:06:41.120,0:06:43.199
may be show men tomorrow we'll be

0:06:43.199,0:06:45.520
servicing your cars

0:06:45.520,0:06:47.840
i wipe the pipe i pump the gas i rub the

0:06:47.840,0:06:49.840
hub i scrub the glass i touch the clutch

0:06:49.840,0:06:51.840
i'm off the top i poke the choke i sell

0:06:51.840,0:06:53.759
the pop i clear the gear i block the

0:06:53.759,0:06:56.000
knock i jack the back i set the clock so

0:06:56.000,0:06:58.080
join the ranks of those who know and

0:06:58.080,0:07:00.800
fill your tanks with textile

0:07:00.800,0:07:04.000
sky team fill up with sky team and you

0:07:04.000,0:07:06.400
will smile at the pile of new miles you

0:07:06.400,0:07:07.440
will have

0:07:07.440,0:07:10.160
fire chief fill up with fire teeth

0:07:10.160,0:07:12.000
you'll find that texaco's the finest

0:07:12.000,0:07:14.800
friend your car has ever had

0:07:14.800,0:07:16.880
and now ladies and gentlemen

0:07:16.880,0:07:18.479
introducing america's number one

0:07:18.479,0:07:20.080
television star

0:07:20.080,0:07:22.319
your tuesday night

0:07:22.319,0:07:27.449
melton

0:07:47.360,0:07:48.740
thank you

0:07:51.599,0:07:53.199
don't laugh lady this is my neck what

0:07:53.199,0:07:55.680
are you your husbands

0:07:55.680,0:07:58.560
fine how do i look tell us i want don't

0:07:58.560,0:08:00.960
applaud all right

0:08:00.960,0:08:02.960
hold it

0:08:02.960,0:08:04.800
i a little tired out he's been working

0:08:04.800,0:08:06.879
like a man all day i do uh

0:08:06.879,0:08:08.400
you've been working like a man i can see

0:08:08.400,0:08:11.039
you're gonna be lousy good night

0:08:11.039,0:08:12.639
i want to tell you i really i really

0:08:12.639,0:08:14.479
feel don't i look funny i look like an

0:08:14.479,0:08:16.160
advanced agent for margaret truman's

0:08:16.160,0:08:18.639
concerts

0:08:19.680,0:08:21.039
incidentally a report just come over

0:08:21.039,0:08:22.800
here that margaret truman just gave

0:08:22.800,0:08:24.639
carmen lombardo 24 hours to get out of

0:08:24.639,0:08:26.319
town

0:08:26.319,0:08:29.520
24 and i'm giving you two minutes

0:08:29.520,0:08:31.360
thank you very much thank you mother

0:08:31.360,0:08:33.360
stay in the end

0:08:33.360,0:08:35.039
my mother she's here how do you feel all

0:08:35.039,0:08:37.599
right take a boo

0:08:37.599,0:08:38.839
she's

0:08:38.839,0:08:42.080
loaded with money with money

0:08:42.080,0:08:44.000
i wanted to tell you don't mother told

0:08:44.000,0:08:45.519
me there'd be nights like this i better

0:08:45.519,0:08:47.120
take this off no kidding would you do me

0:08:47.120,0:08:48.560
a favor and take this

0:08:48.560,0:08:50.880
thank you

0:08:51.120,0:08:52.240
thank you

0:08:52.240,0:08:54.560
it's me milton

0:08:54.560,0:09:01.200
didn't you know it was me

0:09:01.200,0:09:02.560
i want to tell you

0:09:02.560,0:09:04.399
you heard of henry v i look like burl

0:09:04.399,0:09:06.480
after the eighth

0:09:06.480,0:09:08.160
i lost that up i told that in the cereal

0:09:08.160,0:09:10.640
tan way backwards but this um

0:09:10.640,0:09:12.480
but this i feel happy tonight after all

0:09:12.480,0:09:13.839
what is happiness you can't buy money

0:09:13.839,0:09:16.080
with it but it is peculiar you can't buy

0:09:16.080,0:09:18.399
money with it there's a bus leaving it

0:09:18.399,0:09:19.920
is peculiar

0:09:19.920,0:09:21.600
what's a musician coming in now it's a

0:09:21.600,0:09:27.640
little late hey what are you coming in

0:09:31.360,0:09:34.600
next time

0:09:42.000,0:09:43.440
that's all right i'll buy you another

0:09:43.440,0:09:45.200
one i'll buy another you go over the

0:09:45.200,0:09:46.480
world that says tell them i sent you and

0:09:46.480,0:09:47.839
they'll give you in my regards ladies

0:09:47.839,0:09:49.200
and gentlemen

0:09:49.200,0:09:51.120
i'm only kidding you got a strong union

0:09:51.120,0:09:52.399
i'd like you to meet the conductor of

0:09:52.399,0:09:54.000
our orchestra tonight if he's a

0:09:54.000,0:09:55.680
conductor i want to transfer he's really

0:09:55.680,0:09:56.800
wonderful

0:09:56.800,0:10:00.680
alan roth let's give him a big

0:10:06.079,0:10:08.160
we have we have a very long show we're

0:10:08.160,0:10:09.600
going to get started tonight and all you

0:10:09.600,0:10:10.959
boys and girls do you like me don't i

0:10:10.959,0:10:12.079
look don't i look like my knighthood

0:10:12.079,0:10:14.079
wasn't flower tonight we're going don't

0:10:14.079,0:10:15.760
applaud at everything i say take down

0:10:15.760,0:10:18.800
the applause cards ladies ladies and

0:10:18.800,0:10:20.959
germs ladies and gentlemen

0:10:20.959,0:10:22.320
i would like to introduce our first of

0:10:22.320,0:10:23.440
all we have such a long show we want to

0:10:23.440,0:10:24.560
get the whole show in tonight ladies and

0:10:24.560,0:10:28.240
gentlemen like induce our first surprise