(melodious music) (computer keys tapping)
- I write my movies, and books,
and performances, and everything,
obviously here at this table,
but then also sometimes here.
And I put this cushion on my lap.
I mean, this is over the course of 19 years,
so I've got all these systems for like,
making it feel like everything's new.
I write at this kitchen table,
and then I just feel like...
I feel like a woman at her kitchen table,
you know, there's a kind of like a
timeless writer, woman writer feeling.
You know, I started so young, I started when I was 16,
writing and directing my first play.
- I can't say it, I can't say it in words
and there's no way you can know.
You can't know how I feel unless you can read it.
- And that had an audience reaction to it,
which was quite a high.
Like, I knew that the play wasn't perfect
and like, the audience was,
you know, maybe confused, whatever.
But just that experience I'd never had before, of that high,
and I kind of lived my life for that.
If you agree to live here with me in this theater forever
and form a new society, aye!
- [Audience] Aye!
- In a certain way, like, okay, I will retreat into myself,
work really hard to make something,
sometimes with a lot of misery in my life or in the project,
and then I'll come out and I'll present it.
And because I am also a performer, that's part of my work,
that is this kind of beautiful altered state.
Do it with the reckless part of your heart.
You know, do it like you're drunk,
'cause that is the only way this sort of thing ever happens.
You know, it's not by like, thinking it through
and, oh, but what about the dog?
And, you know... (audience laughing)
No.
No, it's always with anger, and lust,
and hope like an anthem, you know?
We can have an anthem, we can do that.
(computer keys tapping)
And then with the pandemic I remember thinking,
"Oh, if that could not happen,
that you could not have that moment,
then the rest of my life has to be better."
Like, just my daily life.
You know, it's like living for heaven, you know?
Like, it's all right if I'm miserable in this life
'cause one day I'll go to heaven.
Like, I can't live like that.
And I actually made some huge changes to my life
because of that.
(gentle music) (birds chirping)
And then I write often in this bed here, you know,
and this is the bed where I sleep on Wednesday nights.
(gentle music)
I decided I would spend one night a week in this studio,
that on Wednesday nights, I would sleep here,
and I would wake up here,
and I would spend the day here.
(computer keys tapping)
Which doesn't sound like much,
but keep in mind, like I have a child
who at that time was eight,
and a partner who also has a busy life.
And so it seemed like...
And I haven't heard of that, I haven't heard of...
Like, the other moms aren't doing that, you know?
And the other artist moms, frankly, weren't either.
So it was one of those things where it's like,
this is no big deal.
Like, my partner didn't think it was a big deal.
My child was like, "Yes!
We're gonna have pizza on those nights."
Like, you know, they just liked the variation, sort of.
And so I had to be like,
"Well, why does that feel so dangerous?"
And I think it's dangerous because if you're gonna do that,
then what else might you do, you know?
Well, I think what would happen is
the pandemic started and I'd be on these Zoom calls,
and I would just throw on something for the call, you know?
'Cause you could do that so easily.
And then I'd be like, "Well, this was a costume,
but who is this?"
Just start to like see, you know, like what...?
Like, what is this?
(gentle music)
And then once you have this new perspective
on your life and your family,
and how these things interact,
I mean, it just goes on from there.
(gentle music)
Come around. Yes, that's it.
Come around.
Come forward, forward.
I will not hurt you. I will not hurt you.
I may hurt you, not very badly.
No one will be injured today.
Not in this house, not by me.
I work so hard to keep asking every day, like,
no, but, really, like, what really is interesting?
(gentle music)
I remember being in my twenties and like,
shaking myself and being like, "You're asleep at the wheel."
Like, "Remember, you're absolutely free."
Like, "What do you want to do today?"
(gentle music)
And like, "Wake up."
Like, "You're here. You're actually here."
New as the day is young. As a babe.
So I doubt anyone would be able to catch that
as the running theme in my work,
but maybe it'd be nice if someone did.
(melodious music) (computer keys tapping)