-And finally, you guys, today

is the last day of January.
-Yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-So I thought it'd be nice

to give a little recap
of the entire month.

Thank you very much.

[ Cheers and applause ]

January has gone by

A lot of people did it dry

Tomorrow,
no more being healthy

We'll all drink like

-A shirtless Jason Kelce.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

- Trump says
he's mentally fit

Cognitive test is legit

But wait a second,
here's the thing

All his answers were...

-Ding ding,
ding ding ding ding.

- Ron DeSantis came up short

Pun intended, little sport

Bad numbers in every poll

People care more about

-The Chicago rat hole.

- Boeing had
a few close calls

Doors fell off and fireball

But the biggest threat
I heard today

Is the...

-Footlong chocolate-chip cookie
at Subway.

- Record rallies
for the stocks

Mob wives style on TikTok

Stanley Cups
may lead to fights

Better bulk up like

-Jeremy Allen White.

- All the awards
went to "The Bear"

Fun to watch,
but do not work there

"Oppenheimer" left me shaken

At least I'm not...

-A man in Alabama
facing charges after diving

into a Bass Pro Shops
aquarium completely naked.

- January, say goodbye

Now it's February's time

We all got a common goal

Get Taylor to the Super Bowl