[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.47,0:00:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was growing up, there was this song\Nwe used to sing on the playground,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.01,0:00:11.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it went like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.77,0:00:18.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Tracy and so and so,\Nsitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.05,0:00:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first comes love, then comes marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.28,0:00:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then comes baby in a baby carriage."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.81,0:00:26.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm like,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.86,0:00:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, that's it! That's how you do life.\NThat's how you do a relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.10,0:00:35.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love, marriage, baby carriage. OK, got it!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.22,0:00:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.80,0:00:41.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I grew up, and this is\Nwhat my life turned out to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.12,0:00:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.05,0:00:48.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Slightly more complicated, right?\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.25,0:00:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love, marriage, divorce,\Ndry spells, love, marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.24,0:01:00.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,co-parenting, another marriage,\Nanother divorce;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.05,0:01:01.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you got the picture.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.95,0:01:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.93,0:01:05.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.67,0:01:13.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you're good at math and/or\Na fast reader, what you've got there
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.45,0:01:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that I've been married three times.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.02,0:01:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yep, three, and divorced.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.12,0:01:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What that is supposed to mean is\Nthat I'm a total failure at relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.54,0:01:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is one way\Nto look at it, but not the only way.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.39,0:01:34.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what I think really happened\Nis that I kept marrying the wrong person.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.56,0:01:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it's not that I didn't--\Nit's not that I chose bad guys.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.94,0:01:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first two husbands were amazing men
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.17,0:01:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are now married\Nto wonderful women who aren't me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.71,0:01:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.29,0:01:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my third husband, well,\Nwe're friends on Facebook now.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.04,0:01:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, all is well that ends well, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.36,0:01:58.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After the collapse of\Nmy third marriage in 2005,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.97,0:02:01.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realized that I've been marrying\Neveryone in sight,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.99,0:02:05.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,except the one person\Nthat I really needed to marry
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.17,0:02:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to have a great relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.76,0:02:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that once I married that person,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.16,0:02:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all of my relationships would be\Nsuccesses, even the failures.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.76,0:02:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The so-called failures, actually.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.22,0:02:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since we're talking today\Nabout women inventing,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.08,0:02:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to talk about\Ninventing relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.61,0:02:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I've found through a lot of trial\Nand obviously, many, many, many errors,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.51,0:02:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be the thing that has\Ntransformed my life and love,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.61,0:02:39.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is this idea\Nof marrying yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.06,0:02:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what does it mean to marry yourself?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.59,0:02:45.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a big idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.56,0:02:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is as big as marriage itself\Nexcept, if I could just summarize it,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.84,0:02:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would be that you enter\Ninto a relationship with yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.37,0:02:57.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you put a ring on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.97,0:02:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.51,0:03:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other words,\Nyou commit to yourself fully.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.64,0:03:05.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then you build\Na relationship with yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.93,0:03:10.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the point where you realize\Nthat you're whole right now,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.22,0:03:16.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there is no man, woman, job,\Ncircumstance that can happen to you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.76,0:03:20.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is going to make you more whole\Nbecause you already are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.64,0:03:23.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this changes your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.73,0:03:27.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By now, I'm sure at least\Nsome of you are wondering
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.74,0:03:30.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why you should be listening\Nto a three-time divorcee
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.29,0:03:31.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk about marriage?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.49,0:03:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.43,0:03:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even to herself. And I understand that.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.28,0:03:39.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what I have to say about that:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.02,0:03:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I've learned and my experience is
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.91,0:03:45.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the places where you have\Nthe biggest challenges in your life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.15,0:03:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,become the places where you\Nhave the most to give
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.28,0:03:50.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you do your inner work.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.11,0:03:51.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kind of want to say that again:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.70,0:03:54.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the places where you have\Nthe biggest challenges
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.11,0:03:57.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the places where you\Nhave the most to give.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.35,0:04:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let me tell you a little bit\Nabout the person I truly needed to marry:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.86,0:04:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.79,0:04:06.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am from Minneapolis. Wooh!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.51,0:04:08.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.71,0:04:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mom was a prostitute and an alcoholic.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.43,0:04:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She put me in foster care\Nwhen I was three months old.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.38,0:04:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dad was a criminal;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.35,0:04:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was a drug dealer and a pimp\Nwith a heart of gold
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.78,0:04:24.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- actually, they both had hearts of gold -
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.27,0:04:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he spent more or less\Nmy whole life in prison.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.77,0:04:30.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He just got out of prison\Nafter his most recent sentence
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.71,0:04:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was 20 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.64,0:04:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Until the age of nine, I was probably\Nin two dozen foster homes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.58,0:04:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The thing you need to know\Nabout this story
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.60,0:04:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- there are a lot of details, obviously -\Nbut the thing you need to know
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.01,0:04:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that I came out of that childhood\Nwith one goal: to never be left.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.39,0:04:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way I was going to do that\Nis that I was going to get married.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.67,0:04:59.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was the way I was going\Nto accomplish that goal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.83,0:05:02.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I got married the first time\Nto a guy I met when I was 17.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.100,0:05:05.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We got married a couple\Nof years later, when I was 19.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.52,0:05:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was a really good guy\Nfrom a great family, he had an MBA.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.62,0:05:13.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, it was like,\Nyou know, marriage material.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.59,0:05:18.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, I was thrilled.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.05,0:05:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "I have a family.\NI belong somewhere. This is wonderful."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.41,0:05:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then after five years I left him.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.18,0:05:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then ten years later, I got married again\Nto another wonderful guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.79,0:05:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is the father of my\Nnow 16-years-old son.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.39,0:05:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We still have a wonderful relationship.\NHe is a really good guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.94,0:05:39.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But after four years I left him, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.60,0:05:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I am not proud to say that I did that,\Nbut in order to really marry yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.42,0:05:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to get sometimes\Nvery painfully honest with yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.66,0:05:48.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about what it is that you've done.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.36,0:05:51.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm not proud of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.72,0:05:55.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then eight years later,\NI got married again, when I was 40,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.25,0:05:58.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was like, "OK, this feels right!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.38,0:06:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me tell you what felt right\Nto a girl who was in 24 foster homes:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.28,0:06:13.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a guy who started to date\Nafter nine months of marriage;
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.36,0:06:16.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,essentially, he started dating\Na 21-year-old girl.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.10,0:06:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, I mean, it would be funny,\Nif it weren't so tragic.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.50,0:06:25.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to have a sense of...\Nthat is why we're Facebook friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.23,0:06:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, here I am looking\Nat this person that I just described
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.24,0:06:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a terrible track record\Nof relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.82,0:06:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm like, "I'm supposed to marry her?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.28,0:06:38.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the woman\Nyou want me to marry?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.66,0:06:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the answer is yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.24,0:06:44.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because here is the deal:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.20,0:06:47.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the thing about marrying yourself\Nis not just like cohabitating.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.65,0:06:51.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not just going to date\Nfor a while and see how it turns out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.27,0:06:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are going to do this\Ntill death do you part.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.08,0:06:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are going to take vows.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.50,0:07:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here are the vows.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.98,0:07:03.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number 1:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.76,0:07:06.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are going to marry yourself\Nfor richer or for poorer.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.98,0:07:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This means you are going\Nto love yourself right where you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.92,0:07:15.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't say to yourself, "When you get\Nto the corner of Hollywood and Vine,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.66,0:07:17.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I will marry you."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.62,0:07:21.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't say, "When you lose\Nten pounds, then I will love you."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.46,0:07:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you don't say, "If you hadn't\Nmarried that loser, I would love you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.50,0:07:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but since you did,\NI'm sorry, I think it's over."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.73,0:07:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you marry yourself,\Nyou walk yourself down that aisle
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.98,0:07:37.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,exactly where you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.07,0:07:42.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And paradoxically, I found\Nthat loving myself exactly where I am
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.23,0:07:45.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the only way to get where I am going.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.47,0:07:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number 2:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.13,0:07:51.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are going to marry yourself\Nfor better or for worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.20,0:07:57.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What this means is that most of us\Nare willing to love ourselves for better,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.70,0:08:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, sure, I am having\Na great hair day today.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.50,0:08:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.47,0:08:04.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.33,0:08:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not what I am talking about.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.77,0:08:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm talking about for worse,\Nyou know, the big life disappointments.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.70,0:08:13.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you don't own a home,\Nyou didn't get the career you wanted,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.76,0:08:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe you didn't graduate from college,\Nor get the relationship you wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.71,0:08:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it hasn't turned out--\Nmaybe you fight with your mum,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.48,0:08:22.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe you watch too much reality TV,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.48,0:08:26.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever it is, it doesn't matter anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.77,0:08:34.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you marry yourself,\Nyou agree to stay with you no matter what.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.71,0:08:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Third,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.03,0:08:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you marry yourself\Nin sickness and in health.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.19,0:08:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What this means is that you forgive\Nyourself for your mistakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.70,0:08:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A mistake isn't actually a failure\Nunless you don't learn from it
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.24,0:08:51.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and unless you don't grow.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.18,0:08:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a saying, "You ask for patience,\Nand what you get is a line at the bank."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.52,0:09:01.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.18,0:09:04.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What that means is that life\Ndoes not give you what you've asked for,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.87,0:09:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it gives you the people,\Nplaces, and situations
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.96,0:09:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that allow you to develop\Nwhat you ask for.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.44,0:09:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the thing is if you don't get it\Nright the first time,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.78,0:09:16.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life will give it to you again.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.39,0:09:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.62,0:09:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because life is very generous that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.12,0:09:23.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like I didn't get it the first time,\Nin the first marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.53,0:09:28.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't get it the second time,\Nmaybe the third time I'll get it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.58,0:09:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So inside that terrible experience\Nof that third marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.14,0:09:37.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned something\Nabout "in sickness and in health".
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.34,0:09:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I learned is how to sit\Nby my own bedside,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.99,0:09:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how to hold my own hand,\Nand how to nurse myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.52,0:09:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how to comfort myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.98,0:09:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I learned is that I am\Na person that I can count on.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.16,0:09:56.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Last but not least, you marry yourself--
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.90,0:10:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you marry yourself,\Nit's to have and to hold yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.24,0:10:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does it mean to have and to hold?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.27,0:10:09.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I think it means\Nthat you love yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.27,0:10:12.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you want\Nsomeone else to love you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.24,0:10:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had always been going\Nthrough life with this sense of lack.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.65,0:10:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like I was kind of half a person,\Nand that I was missing something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.79,0:10:25.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went into my relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.15,0:10:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hoping to solve this feeling\Nthat I had my entire life:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.86,0:10:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was not whole\Nunless someone loved me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.91,0:10:33.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The truth was
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.45,0:10:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I wasn't ever going to feel whole\Nuntil I learned to love myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.21,0:10:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this business of marrying yourself\Ntransforms every area of your life:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.93,0:10:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your business, family relationships,\Nkids, social relationships, friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.18,0:10:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you marry yourself,\Nthis huge thing happens:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.97,0:10:52.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you become able to love\Nin this whole new way.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.62,0:10:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You become able to love other people\Nright where they are, for who they are,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.05,0:10:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the same way you're already\Nloving yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.00,0:11:04.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, this is\Nwhat the world needs more of.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.51,0:11:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when I married myself, and I realized\Nthat I already had everything I needed,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.33,0:11:09.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started seeing it as my job
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.94,0:11:13.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to basically just light up\Nmy little corner of the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.84,0:11:15.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's my new job.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.75,0:11:18.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I don't need anything,\NI already have it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.13,0:11:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when I take meetings,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.28,0:11:22.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's all about how can I help\Nthis person achieve her goal?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.58,0:11:24.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I'm in my social communities,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.22,0:11:27.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is like what can I bring\Nto this that only I can bring?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.42,0:11:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I go on dates,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.42,0:11:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is like how can I just discover\Nanother person maybe for just one hour
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.37,0:11:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which, of course, brings me a full circle.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.100,0:11:40.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because people always asked me\Nabout my love life; they want to know.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.93,0:11:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.31,0:11:46.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, the answer is,\NI am still working on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.69,0:11:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aren't we all?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.13,0:11:51.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is where I am right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.25,0:11:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About three months ago,\NI went on a first date.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.12,0:12:00.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About 30 minutes into the date,\NI found myself paying attention
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.83,0:12:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not to whether he liked me,\Nbut how I felt in his presence.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.93,0:12:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I noticed that I was light, happy, joking.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.28,0:12:15.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I reflected on the date afterwards,\NI was like, "Wow, I got really excited!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.44,0:12:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, this is how committed\NI am to myself."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.32,0:12:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am not even on this date\Ntrying to get someone to like me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.54,0:12:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am more interested in how I feel\Nabout me than how he feels about me,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.21,0:12:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not because I am selfish,\Nbut because the only relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.10,0:12:34.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am ever going to have\Nwith another person
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.11,0:12:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the one that I am\Nalready having with myself -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.65,0:12:38.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just going to have it with them now.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.58,0:12:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it turned out he liked me,\Nand we are still together.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.58,0:12:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's cool and amazing,\Nbut I've been married three times,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.43,0:12:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so slow down!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.49,0:12:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.77,0:12:58.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The thing is that I am not trying\Nto get security from him through marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.47,0:13:01.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, God forbid, a baby carriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.49,0:13:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am only here to\Njust be in a relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.02,0:13:10.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am not dying to hear the words,\N"Will you marry me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.62,0:13:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because even though\Nthose words are very powerful
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.08,0:13:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- and very powerful to a person like me -
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.73,0:13:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't need them to hear it from him
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.96,0:13:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I have already\Nheard them from myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.58,0:13:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way I see it is like I took myself\Nto the top of a mountain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.46,0:13:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maybe to the bottom of the ocean,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.42,0:13:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I got down on one knee,\Nand I said, "I'll never leave you."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.46,0:13:43.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now I am married to the one person\NI really wanted to be with all along,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.37,0:13:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.34,0:13:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.45,0:13:46.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.34,0:13:47.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)