Wow,

what an audience.

But if I'm being honest,
I don't care what you think of my talk.

I don't.

I care what the internet
thinks of my talk.

(Laughter)

Because they are the ones
who get it seen and shared.

And I think that's where
most people get it wrong.

They're talking to you, here,

instead of talking to you,
random person scrolling Facebook.

Thanks for the click.

You see, back in 2009,

we all had these weird little things
called attention spans.

(Laughter)

Yeah, they're gone. They're gone.
We killed them. They're dead.

I'm trying to think of the last time
I watched an 18-minute TED talk.

It's been years, literally years.

So if you're giving
a TED talk, keep it quick.

I'm doing mine in under a minute.

I'm at 44 seconds right now;

that means we've got
time for one final joke.

Why are balloons so expensive?

(Audience) "Why?"

Woody Roseland: Inflation.

(Laughter)

(Applause)