WEBVTT

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Wow,

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what an audience.

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But if I'm being honest,
I don't care what you think of my talk.

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I don't.

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I care what the internet
thinks of my talk.

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(Laughter)

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Because they are the ones
who get it seen and shared.

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And I think that's where
most people get it wrong.

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They're talking to you, here,

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instead of talking to you,
random person scrolling Facebook.

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Thanks for the click.

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You see, back in 2009,

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we all had these weird little things
called attention spans.

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(Laughter)

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Yeah, they're gone. They're gone.
We killed them. They're dead.

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I'm trying to think of the last time
I watched an 18-minute TED talk.

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It's been years, literally years.

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So if you're giving
a TED talk, keep it quick.

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I'm doing mine in under a minute.

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I'm at 44 seconds right now;

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that means we've got
time for one final joke.

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Why are balloons so expensive?

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(Audience) "Why?"

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Woody Roseland: Inflation.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)