9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Actually I'm gonna be quick like Nestle[br]and beat it like Michael Jackson. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's why your neighbor[br]said I reminded him of Nicolas Cage, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'cause I'm gone in 60 seconds.[br]So watch this right here, Dad, look. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Who does this the[br]most on the window: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the kids, the dogs, or the ugly black guys[br]that eat fried chicken? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now you see these water spots? Look! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) Yeah. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Salesman) They get whiter than[br]my elbows without lotion. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer chuckles) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Watch this [indistinct] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause Stevie Wonder[br]says "seein' is believin'," 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and I got a disease called enthusiasm,[br]so I'm gonna cut straight to the mustard. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Watch this, though[br]Don't laugh too hard, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'cause the neighbors gonna see this[br]black kid scrubbin' your window, okay? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer laughing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But look, wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi.[br]Remember the Karate Kid? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now watch this-- the air dry, look,[br]it puts a coating on your window. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 No water spots, no fingerprints,[br]no streaks. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's why we can't sell it to criminals.[br]Don't tell O.J. or Tiger Woods, okay? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer laughing) High five there![br]They been lovin' this stuff! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now there, y'all, you and Mom, y'all,[br]would agree -- oh my god! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see this right here![br]Who did that?! Who did that?! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) I did. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) Okay, watch this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, my mom said if it's darker than me[br]and it don't pay the bills, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it shouldn't be there, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer laughing)[br]Salesman: God bless you, hahaha. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now look, this right here--[br]we just upgraded like Beyonce. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is our new surfactant. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Hold this and watch this,[br]'cause this should be the main reason 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 why you get the HBO special.[br]You know what HBO means? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) No. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) You get to help a brother out.[br](both laughing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yeah, I've been on the roll[br]like toilet paper. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Half of your neighbors in the community--[br]they said they just gonna get it 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'cause I'm funny,[br]'cause this stuff sells itself. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Look, you just go back and forth[br]like a argument. (customer laughing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now I ain't Jesus, but look how[br]I split that like Moses did the Red Sea. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Paint me green and call me a pickle. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And look at this right here, look.[br]Goes good with chicken. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Don't drink it, though,[br]or it will give you the Hershey squirts. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But look, that one bottle will last you[br]longer than my last relationship. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Y'all got water, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer)(laughing) Yeah. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High five, you qualified to use it![br]Over here, mama. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, this is my last demo[br]and I'm out your hair 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 quicker than your favorite shampoo. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Y'all familiar with these[br]right here-- Sharpies? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer)(laughing) Yeah. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, watch this-- even though I'm black,[br]it ain't black magic. It just work. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause look, say you got this in the[br]clothes or the carpets or the laundry. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Would you agree that's hard to get out? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) Probably. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) Would you throw it out,[br]Shout it out, get O.J. to stab it out, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Mike Tyson to bite it out-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 -(customer 2) Throw it out.[br]-(salesman) --Kobe Bryant to-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 -(salesman)(indistinct)[br]-(customer 2) Oh, okay, you weren't done. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) It was a[br]multiple choice funny joke. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause you know you can't[br]throw bleach on colors, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) Sure. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) Look at this.[br]This is safe on colors. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's why we can't[br]sell it to Sammy Sosa. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer laughing)[br]But look, you just spray the spray, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, this right here takes out ink,[br]blood, coffee stains, grass stains, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Kool-Aid, lipstick, gum, blue candle wax. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Would you say that's whiter[br]than the Colgate smile? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer laughing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh my goodness, you see that? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) Can I use it on my teeth? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) It ain't Jesus in a bottle. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I use it on mine, they turn brown.[br]No, I'm just kidding. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But no, you just use it on--[br]for your house. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What's the hardest thing to clean? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Would it be carpet, the tile,[br]barbecue grills, the shower doors, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that oil and rust in the driveway[br]that's blacker than my mother 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but not as beautiful,[br]or that calcium right there? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 -(customer 2) Can I put this on YouTube?[br]-(salesman) Yes, ma'am. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 -(customer 2) What are you selling?[br]-(salesman) Personality. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (customer) Show them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (salesman) But this sells itself, though. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's called Advantage to Wonder Cleaner,[br]best thing since cake and ice cream. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, unlike Madonna,[br]it's never been touched, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so when you put two caps in a bottle--[br](customer laughing) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, I just come-- most of your neighbors, they just get it 'cause they like me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Y'all familiar with Tony Robbins?[br]Customer: Yeah. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: See, I'm takin' his course 'cause this how Jamie Foxx started off, door-to-door. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And he said two years of door-to-door sellin' is the equivalent of four years of college communication, how you interact with different people, that's why half of the neighbors don't buy it 'cause it work; they just buy it 'cause they like my tenacity, 'cause they said it ain't an easy task goin' door to door. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer 2: How much is it? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: I'm pretty sure Windex and bleach ain't never knocked on ya'll door and made you laugh while Mom went and got the camcorder just to tape it, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High five, that's all I'm sayin'! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But whatchall do for a livin'? Y'all must be in sales too! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Kind of. We-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: I know, 'cause your house bigger than my whole neighborhood! Zig Ziglar say, "Every great salesperson buy from a good one," right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 God bless you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But that's what I said -- just try the one. You only gotta buy the case today like mail line. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My mom said if you can't get the whole chicken, at least get the wing, right? Oatmeal be eatin' oatmeal. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But like I said, you only put two caps, twenty ounces of water. So that one bottle make you 68 sprayers. But you should just save my autograph because by the time you run out, you probably see me on Last Comic Standing, and then you go to eBay and get your money back. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 [customer laughing] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, 'cause even Jesus said if you give a person a fish, you could feed him for a day, but if you teach him how to fish, you could feed him for a lifetime, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Sure. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 God bless you, but if y'all had it, what would you try it on first, that right here, or the hard water spot, or just-- just something fun? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Huh, what? I don't know. How much is it? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, the one bottle is just $36 a bottle, and you get a spray bottle -- it makes you 68 bottles. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I just get 50% of that, because if I don't sell nothin' I don't get nothin'. That's why your neighbor, he said, "I'm just gonna get it 'cause you're funny," 'cause the one thing that your neighbors didn't say-- look, right here. You know, all of these cleaners -- this is another joke, though, so tape this one. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But do you know all of these cleaners right here y'all use? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Uh-huh. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They said this stuff is like a pregnant lady on welfare -- it don't work! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You get it? 'Cause you know there's Clorox, Simple Green, 409, Comet, Spic 'n Span, Pinesol, y'all probably use a lot of those, right? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Mm-hmm. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now if you had a choice of grabbin' a solid dollar or a hundred pennies, what's easier? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Dollar. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High five there! See, you sharper than a Gillette, that's what I'm talking about! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 [laughing] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, this should be really the check test for y'all, though. Now, Mom, you see our door handle? That brass? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Oh my god. Pull the door. Watch this. This should be the main reason why y'all get the get-rid-of-me special. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Alright. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer 2: Can you sell it for $30? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: I'll get fired right now, but what you can do, Mom, you can write this off for fundraising, though. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's what most your neighbors been doing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer 2: What? What? What? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: You get the right--[br]Customer 2: Was that a yes? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: [chuckles] I like you, Mom. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You must be a teacher. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer 2: No. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: 'Cause you got a lot of class.[br][customer laughing] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But you see right here, though? For real? No, you get to write it off, though. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's why a lot f your neighbors don't do it from they pocket; they do it from they heart. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But I'll tell you what I can do. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If y'all get the one bottle, I'm going to throw in a free Mary Kay Christian Dior Calvin Klein Louis Vuitton spray bottle to go with it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But this should be the check test, though. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You see this brass right here? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now I'm gonna be all-- when's the last time y'all seen this look shiny like a baby heinie? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When y'all first bought the house? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 God bless you. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Watch this right here. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: It's so old. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: I know. Now it's about to be brand new. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's gonna go from 79 to 2010. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Look at that! Oh my goodness! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There, that's worth a bottle right there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Can you wipe that off the door down there? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: Now don't panic; it's organic. Remember, I told you, it won't fade color. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Remember, that's why we couldn't-- that's why we could sell it to Michael Jackson. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, our product meet OSHA, USDA, EPA, and PETA. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know this is safe around dogs, unlike Michael Vick? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And it's safe around kids, unlike Pee-wee Herman. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High five! Oh yeah! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Would you say this show alone worth me getting a commission off that one bottle? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Hell yeah! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: Well yeah, that's why you should do it from your heart. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You think I could do standup comedy? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Customer: Oh yeah! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Salesman: That's the only reason why I'm doing this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is a stepping stone for me! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because I get a commission to pay for my acting school. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That's why a lot of your neighbors-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Are you from around here? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm from my mama. Don't tell my daddy he a faggot, but I -- we stay out here now, yeah. We stay on-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Customer #2) What's your name? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Kenny Brooks. Watch, you gonna see me on TV. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Make sure you tape that -- Kenny Brooks! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Customer) Well, 'cause, uh, 'cause I think, if you're around, 'cause we play music and bands, and we have a-- it'd be perfect to have you come up and, you know, between bands, and say some shit. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High five there! Why y'all so nice, man? Y'all cooler than the other side of the pillow! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Dang, if I had y'all hairs, I'd cut mine off! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Cause your neighbors been workin' me like I'm black and payin' me like I'm Mexican; that's what I'm trying to get off. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had one neighbor tryin' to make me clean the toilet. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was like, "Dang."[br][both laughing] 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But that's what I said, just try one, 'cause I know that ain't gonna take the cheese out y'all macaroni, and Mom, it ain't like you can't use it, though, 'cause you use it on everything. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Only thing you can't use it on is dirty man, dirty soul, and nosy neighbors-- that's why we ain't call it Jesus in a bottle. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And there, you know them bugs that commit suicide on the front of your car? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Yeah? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They told me the bugs out here are as bad as the morning breath. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Watch this right here -- 'cause see, it's unisex. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But, but-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's made for-- 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I have to leave, though. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Ok, we'll just try one. You can do cash, check, or chicken wings, 'cause you're gettin' this right now. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You don't even have to wait on it. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We faster than UPS or FedEx. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Most your neighbor just been doin' cash or makin' it out to the company. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Could you get it right now? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I'm gonna get y'all a spray bottle just 'cause you ain't makin' me clean the toilet. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Customer 2) Okay. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 God bless you!