[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually I'm gonna be quick like Nestle\Nand beat it like Michael Jackson.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why your neighbor\Nsaid I reminded him of Nicolas Cage,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I'm gone in 60 seconds.\NSo watch this right here, Dad, look.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who does this the\Nmost on the window:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the kids, the dogs, or the ugly black guys\Nthat eat fried chicken?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now you see these water spots? Look!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Salesman) They get whiter than\Nmy elbows without lotion.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer chuckles)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this [indistinct]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause Stevie Wonder\Nsays "seein' is believin',"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I got a disease called enthusiasm,\Nso I'm gonna cut straight to the mustard.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this, though\NDon't laugh too hard,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause the neighbors gonna see this\Nblack kid scrubbin' your window, okay?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But look, wax on, wax off, like Mr. Miyagi.\NRemember the Karate Kid?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now watch this-- the air dry, look,\Nit puts a coating on your window.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No water spots, no fingerprints,\Nno streaks.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why we can't sell it to criminals.\NDon't tell O.J. or Tiger Woods, okay?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing) High five there!\NThey been lovin' this stuff!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now there, y'all, you and Mom, y'all,\Nwould agree -- oh my god!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see this right here!\NWho did that?! Who did that?!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) I did.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Okay, watch this.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, my mom said if it's darker than me\Nand it don't pay the bills,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it shouldn't be there, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)\NSalesman: God bless you, hahaha.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now look, this right here--\Nwe just upgraded like Beyonce.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is our new surfactant.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hold this and watch this,\N'cause this should be the main reason
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why you get the HBO special.\NYou know what HBO means?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) No.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) You get to help a brother out.\N(both laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I've been on the roll\Nlike toilet paper.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Half of your neighbors in the community--\Nthey said they just gonna get it
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I'm funny,\N'cause this stuff sells itself.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, you just go back and forth\Nlike a argument. (customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I ain't Jesus, but look how\NI split that like Moses did the Red Sea.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Paint me green and call me a pickle.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look at this right here, look.\NGoes good with chicken.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't drink it, though,\Nor it will give you the Hershey squirts.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But look, that one bottle will last you\Nlonger than my last relationship.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all got water, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer)(laughing) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five, you qualified to use it!\NOver here, mama.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this is my last demo\Nand I'm out your hair
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quicker than your favorite shampoo.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all familiar with these\Nright here-- Sharpies?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer)(laughing) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, watch this-- even though I'm black,\Nit ain't black magic. It just work.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause look, say you got this in the\Nclothes or the carpets or the laundry.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you agree that's hard to get out?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Probably.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Would you throw it out,\NShout it out, get O.J. to stab it out,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mike Tyson to bite it out--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) Throw it out.\N-(salesman) --Kobe Bryant to--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(salesman)(indistinct)\N-(customer 2) Oh, okay, you weren't done.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) It was a\Nmultiple choice funny joke.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause you know you can't\Nthrow bleach on colors, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Sure.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) Look at this.\NThis is safe on colors.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why we can't\Nsell it to Sammy Sosa.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)\NBut look, you just spray the spray, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this right here takes out ink,\Nblood, coffee stains, grass stains,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kool-Aid, lipstick, gum, blue candle wax.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you say that's whiter\Nthan the Colgate smile?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my goodness, you see that?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Can I use it on my teeth?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) It ain't Jesus in a bottle.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use it on mine, they turn brown.\NNo, I'm just kidding.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no, you just use it on--\Nfor your house.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the hardest thing to clean?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would it be carpet, the tile,\Nbarbecue grills, the shower doors,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that oil and rust in the driveway\Nthat's blacker than my mother
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not as beautiful,\Nor that calcium right there?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) Can I put this on YouTube?\N-(salesman) Yes, ma'am.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-(customer 2) What are you selling?\N-(salesman) Personality.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Show them.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) But this sells itself, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called Advantage to Wonder Cleaner,\Nbest thing since cake and ice cream.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, unlike Madonna,\Nit's never been touched,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so when you put two caps in a bottle--\N(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I just come--\Nmost of your neighbors,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they just get it\N'cause they like me.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Y'all familiar with Tony Robbins?\N(customers) Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(salesman) See,\NI'm takin' his course
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause this how Jamie Foxx\Nstarted off, door-to-door.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said two years\Nof door-to-door sellin'
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the equivalent of four years\Nof college communication,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how you interact with different people,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's why half of the neighbors\Ndon't buy it 'cause it work;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they just buy it 'cause\Nthey like my tenacity,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause they said it ain't an easy task\Ngoin' door to door.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) How much is it?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm pretty sure Windex and bleach\Nain't never knocked on ya'll door
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and made you laugh while Mom went and\Ngot the camcorder just to tape it, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five, that's all I'm sayin'!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But whatchall do for a livin'?\NY'all must be in sales too!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kind of. We--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know, 'cause your house bigger\Nthan my whole neighborhood!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zig Ziglar say, "Every great salesperson\Nbuy from a good one," right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you.\NBut that's why I said, just try the one.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even gotta buy\Nthe case today like Madeline.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mom said if you can't\Nget the whole chicken,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least get the wing, right?\NOatmeal be eatin' oatmeal.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But like I said, you only put two caps,\Ntwenty ounces of water,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that one bottle\Nmake you 68 sprayers.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you should just save my autograph\Nbecause by the time you run out,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you probably see me\Non Last Comic Standing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you go to eBay\Nand get your money back.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer laughing)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, 'cause even Jesus said\Nif you give a person a fish,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you could feed him for a day,\Nbut if you teach him how to fish,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you could feed him\Nfor a lifetime, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you, but if y'all had it,\Nwhat would you try it on first,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that right here, or the hard water spot,\Nor just-- just something fun?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Huh, what? I don't know.\NHow much is it?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the one bottle\Nis just $36 a bottle,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you get a spray bottle--\Nit makes you 68 bottles.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just get 50% of that, because if\NI don't sell nothin', I don't get nothin'.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why your neighbor, he said,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm just gonna get it\N'cause you're funny,"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause the one thing that your\Nneighbors didn't say-- look, right here.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, all of these cleaners--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is another joke, though,\Nso tape this one.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But do you know all of these\Ncleaners right here y'all use?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh-huh.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They said this stuff is like a\Npregnant lady on welfare-- it don't work!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get it? 'Cause you know there's\NClorox, Simple Green, 409,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Comet, Spic 'n Span, Pine Sol--\Ny'all probably use a lot of those, right?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mm-hmm.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now if you had a choice of grabbin' a solid dollar or a hundred pennies, what's easier?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dollar.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five there!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, you sharper than a Gillette,\Nthat's what I'm talking about!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughing]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this should be really\Nthe check test for y'all, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Mom, you see our door handle?\NThat brass?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my god. Pull the door. Watch this.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This should be the main reason why\Ny'all get the get-rid-of-me special.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer) Alright.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(customer 2) Can you sell it for $30?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll get fired right now, but what you can do, Mom, you can write this off for fundraising, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what most your neighbors been doing.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer 2: What? What? What?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: You get the right--\NCustomer 2: Was that a yes?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: [chuckles] I like you, Mom.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You must be a teacher.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer 2: No.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: 'Cause you got a lot of class.\N[customer laughing]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you see right here, though? For real? No, you get to write it off, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why a lot f your neighbors don't do it from they pocket; they do it from they heart.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'll tell you what I can do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If y'all get the one bottle, I'm going to throw in a free Mary Kay Christian Dior Calvin Klein Louis Vuitton spray bottle to go with it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this should be the check test, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see this brass right here?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I'm gonna be all-- when's the last time y'all seen this look shiny like a baby heinie?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When y'all first bought the house?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this right here.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer: It's so old.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: I know. Now it's about to be brand new.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's gonna go from 79 to 2010.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at that! Oh my goodness!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There, that's worth a bottle right there.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer: Can you wipe that off the door down there?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: Now don't panic; it's organic. Remember, I told you, it won't fade color.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember, that's why we couldn't-- that's why we could sell it to Michael Jackson.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, our product meet OSHA, USDA, EPA, and PETA.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know this is safe around dogs, unlike Michael Vick?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's safe around kids, unlike Pee-wee Herman.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five! Oh yeah!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you say this show alone worth me getting a commission off that one bottle?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer: Hell yeah!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: Well yeah, that's why you should do it from your heart.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think I could do standup comedy?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Customer: Oh yeah!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salesman: That's the only reason why I'm doing this.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a stepping stone for me!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I get a commission to pay for my acting school.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why a lot of your neighbors--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you from around here?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm from my mama. Don't tell my daddy he a faggot, but I -- we stay out here now, yeah. We stay on--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Customer #2) What's your name?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kenny Brooks. Watch, you gonna see me on TV.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Make sure you tape that -- Kenny Brooks!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Customer) Well, 'cause, uh, 'cause I think, if you're around, 'cause we play music and bands, and we have a-- it'd be perfect to have you come up and, you know, between bands, and say some shit.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High five there! Why y'all so nice, man? Y'all cooler than the other side of the pillow!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dang, if I had y'all hairs, I'd cut mine off!
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause your neighbors been workin' me like I'm black and payin' me like I'm Mexican; that's what I'm trying to get off.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had one neighbor tryin' to make me clean the toilet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "Dang."\N[both laughing]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that's what I said, just try one, 'cause I know that ain't gonna take the cheese out y'all macaroni, and Mom, it ain't like you can't use it, though, 'cause you use it on everything.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only thing you can't use it on is dirty man, dirty soul, and nosy neighbors-- that's why we ain't call it Jesus in a bottle.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there, you know them bugs that commit suicide on the front of your car?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They told me the bugs out here are as bad as the morning breath.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Watch this right here -- 'cause see, it's unisex.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, but--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's made for--
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to leave, though.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ok, we'll just try one. You can do cash, check, or chicken wings, 'cause you're gettin' this right now.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even have to wait on it.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We faster than UPS or FedEx.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most your neighbor just been doin' cash or makin' it out to the company.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Could you get it right now?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm gonna get y'all a spray bottle just 'cause you ain't makin' me clean the toilet.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Customer 2) Okay.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God bless you!