9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ...i've been doing, going through my adress and crossing out the dead people 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you do that? that's a lot of fun isn't it? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 gives you a good feeling, kind of gives you a feeling of power 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 of superiority, to have outlived another old friend 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but you can't do it too soon; you know, you can't do it too soon 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you can't come running home from the funeral and get the book out, you know... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you can't do that, a little time has to pass 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have to let a little time go by, I have a rule of thumb 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 6 weeks. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If you're a friend of mine and you're in my book and you die, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I leave you alone for 6 weeks 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 6 extra weeks in the book on the house, it's on me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now speaking of dead people, there are things we say 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when someone dies, most of us say, lot of us do, things we say that no one ever questions. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They just king of go unexamined. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Give you a couple examples. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 After someone dies, the following conversation is bound to take place, probably more than one. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Two guys meet on the street. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Hey did you hear? Phil Davis died." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Phil David? I just saw him yesterday !" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Yeah." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Didn't help." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "He died anyway. Apparently the simple act of you seeing him did not slow his cancer down." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "In fact it may have made it more agressive." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "You know you could be responsible for Phil's death." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "How do you live with yourself?" 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Here's another thing they say after a death, this is usually said to the surviving spouse. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Listen, if there's anything I can do, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What you gonna do, a ressurection? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This ain't the fucking New Testament, you know. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know what you tell a guy like that, who wants to help? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Oh fine, you can come over this weekend and paint the garage." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Bring your plunger, the upstairs toilet overflowed and there's shit all over the floor up there." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "You drive a truck? Good, that'll come in handy, the North 40 needs a lot of attention." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Bring your chainsaw and your pickaxe, we're gonna put your ass to work." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He wants to help, fuck him, call his bluff. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Call his bluff, don't hesitate to ask, the nerve of these pricks ! 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Here's another thing we say to the surviving spouse: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "I'm keeping him in my thoughts." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Where? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Where exactly, in your thoughts, does he fit? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In between "My ass hurts in this chair" and "Let's fuck the waitress"? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What are your priorities? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death, you know. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 People say things like: "You know, I lost my father." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Bah, he'll turn up." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You gotta stay optimistic with people like that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Give them a reason to hope. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Have you checked the dumpster out back? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He used to like to take a nap in there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Keep it upbeat. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There's something else that is said after a death 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but this one involves belief, which is where i begin to have... 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ...big problems !