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...i've been doing, going through my adress and crossing out the dead people

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you do that? that's a lot of fun isn't it?

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gives you a good feeling, kind of gives you a feeling of power

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of superiority, to have outlived another old friend

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but you can't do it too soon; you know, you can't do it too soon

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you can't come running home from the funeral and get the book out, you know...

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you can't do that, a little time has to pass

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you have to let a little time go by, I have a rule of thumb

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6 weeks.

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If you're a friend of mine and you're in my book and you die,

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I leave you alone for 6 weeks

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6 extra weeks in the book on the house, it's on me

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Now speaking of dead people, there are things we say

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when someone dies, most of us say, lot of us do, things we say that no one ever questions.

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They just king of go unexamined.

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Give you a couple examples.

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After someone dies, the following conversation is bound to take place, probably more than one.

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Two guys meet on the street.

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"Hey did you hear? Phil Davis died."

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"Phil David? I just saw him yesterday !"

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"Yeah."

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"Didn't help."

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"He died anyway. Apparently the simple act of you seeing him did not slow his cancer down."

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"In fact it may have made it more agressive."

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"You know you could be responsible for Phil's death."

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"How do you live with yourself?"

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Here's another thing they say after a death, this is usually said to the surviving spouse.

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"Listen, if there's anything I can do, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."

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What you gonna do, a ressurection?

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This ain't the fucking New Testament, you know.

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You know what you tell a guy like that, who wants to help?

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"Oh fine, you can come over this weekend and paint the garage."

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"Bring your plunger, the upstairs toilet overflowed and there's shit all over the floor up there."

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"You drive a truck? Good, that'll come in handy, the North 40 needs a lot of attention."

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"Bring your chainsaw and your pickaxe, we're gonna put your ass to work."

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He wants to help, fuck him, call his bluff.

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Call his bluff, don't hesitate to ask, the nerve of these pricks !

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Here's another thing we say to the surviving spouse:

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"I'm keeping him in my thoughts."

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Where?

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Where exactly, in your thoughts, does he fit?

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In between "My ass hurts in this chair" and "Let's fuck the waitress"?

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What are your priorities?

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We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death, you know.

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People say things like: "You know, I lost my father."

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"Bah, he'll turn up."

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You gotta stay optimistic with people like that.

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Give them a reason to hope.

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Have you checked the dumpster out back?

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He used to like to take a nap in there.

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Keep it upbeat.

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Now,

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There's something else that is said after a death

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but this one involves belief, which is where i begin to have...

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...big problems !